Relationship Road Map: Step-by-Step Directions to Finding Your Spouse

by Stephen Chandler

Overview

ECPA BESTSELLER • Practical, biblical guidance for every step of your relationship journey—from single to dating to engaged to married from the bestselling author of Stop Waiting for Permission.

“A helpful resource for anyone looking . . . to align their relationship with God’s heart.”—Tim Timberlake

When it comes to romantic relationships, have you ever felt like you are navigating without a GPS, broken down with no help in sight, or running on empty—miles from the nearest gas station? Has the modern dating scene left you heartsick or hopeless? If so, you’re not alone, and it’s not too late to get on the highway toward your desired destination.

In Relationship Road Map, pastor and bestselling author Stephen Chandler mines Scripture for practical applications to bring hope, healing, and redirection to your journey. Whether you’re single and searching, delving into dating, engaged, or jaded from too many bad dates, the hard-won wisdom and biblical insights within these pages will set you on a course toward a healthier, more fulfilling relational future.

As he unfolds the road map, Chandler lays out the keys to navigating your way to the altar and beyond, including the importance of

• beginning your dating journey with marriage in mind
• getting a spiritual tune-up by inviting God to prepare you for the journey
• avoiding dating hazards, dead ends, and obstacles along the route
• following the road rules—dating with integrity and intentionality
• seeking wisdom from seasoned travelers—inviting accountability into your dating journey
• kicking relational hitchhikers to the curb—knowing when the person you are dating isn’t the right one

With guidance tailored to the unique perspectives of both women and men, Relationship Road Map speaks to the intricate wiring in all of us, the need to consult the ultimate Instruction Manual at key junctions, and the fuel it will take to arrive safely at the destination where your heart longs to go.

An exciting journey awaits—are you ready to hit the road?

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780593194287
Publisher:	PRH Christian Publishing
Publication date:	01/21/2025
Pages:	240
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.40(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Stephen Chandler is the senior pastor of Union Church based in Maryland, one of America’s fastest-growing congregations, and the author of the bestselling book Stop Waiting for Permission. A sought-after international speaker whose teaching on dating and relationships has touched thousands of lives, he is unapologetic about helping people maximize their God-given passion and purpose. Stephen’s true legacy is his family—his wife, Zai, and their three beautiful children: Zoe, Roman, and Jade.

Read an Excerpt

1

Begin with Your Destination in Mind

Know Where You Want to End Up

About four years ago, I got some great news that had the potential to impact my life in an extremely good way. When I found out, I knew I needed to stay dignified about it. Stay humble. I wasn’t about to go on Instagram and holler, “I’m on top of the world!”

You know what I did in my house when I got that news? I turned on “So Fresh, So Clean” by Outkast, jumped up onto the kitchen countertop, and started shaking what my mama gave me. Guess what my wife, Zai, did? She jumped onto that countertop with me, and we screamed and danced and cut up and had the time of our lives. I want that for you! I want you to have someone to twerk on the kitchen countertop with for the rest of your life. This process of finding the right person to spend your life with is one of the greatest and most important endeavors you can embark on next to knowing Christ. Why? Because . . .

Life. Is. Amazing.

Life. Is. Hard.

Life is full of so many wonderful ups, but it’s also filled with some really difficult downs. When you have someone on your best days to share the joy, it makes a great day one thousand times better. But sometimes you’ll be curled up on the couch together in front of the fire, crying your eyes out after a difficult day. Having an amazing person who is committed to you for life on those days is one of the greatest joys a person could have. Remember that the first thing God declared not good was for “man to be alone.” This tells us that marriage is good. And while not everyone is called to get married, marriage is one of God’s most profound gifts to us. Dating, with the goal of finding God’s person for you, can be tricky, but I’m here to tell you that the journey you’re on is worth it. There are few greater joys on planet earth—outside of your relationship with God—than finding your person and building an amazing marriage.

When you’ve got a lover you can cut up with, it makes all the difference. The way Zai and I cut up is absolutely ridiculous sometimes. The Bible says that laughter is like medicine, and in a healthy marriage, you have someone to laugh with. You’ll have your inside jokes, your secret handshakes. You were made to enjoy life with that person as long as you both live. The first relationship God established, after a relationship with Himself, was between a husband and a wife. And God created that union to be good.

This doesn’t mean that there won’t be difficult days. But it does mean that the number of those days will be cut in half. Had a hard day at work? In conflict with a friend? Get a scary diagnosis? There is someone at home who will hold you, encourage you, and feed you apple pie after one of those bad days. That person is in your corner. They’ll listen to you. And this person is also going to double your good days! Dancing on our kitchen countertop with Zai? My joy was doubled. When you’ve got a committed lover in your corner, your bad days are cut in half and the good ones are more than doubled.

You’ve also got someone to build with. God hasn’t given every gift to every person. In fact, I think that God purposefully doesn’t give you all the tools you need to fulfill your destiny. He has placed some of the tools you lack in your spouse! For example, I’m proud to be an introvert; I think we have the deepest relationships with others. The number of people who introverts know can be limited because of our discomfort in engaging new people. In ministry, what I started to find was that Zai would bring people into our world with her beautiful extroversion. That expanded our sphere of influence in our community. It expanded our support system. You hear it? I benefited from a gift I didn’t possess. My partner is gifted in ways I am not. She has experience I don’t. And that has been a blessing in all that God has called us to build.

I mentioned that life is hard, right? It’s full of setbacks, disappointments, delays. And sometimes you can get discouraged and overwhelmed. In marriage, you have someone who can cheer you on and pick you up and remind you of the days that you won. When you’re married, you have someone gifted by God to inspire and encourage you to accomplish the plan God has for you. When my strength is faltering, Zai is there for me and vice versa.

Have you ever seen a video of two people driving a stake or post into the ground? They might be setting up a tent or driving the spike on a train track. You’ll see that one person will hit the top with a sledgehammer and then the other person takes a turn. Then the first person again. And while one person is hitting it, the other person is winding up. And next thing you know, they’ve got this rhythm of hitting it over and over and over and over. That stake gets driven into the ground so quickly because there are two hammers heading in the same direction. I love what the Bible says in The Message translation of Ecclesiastes 4:9–­10: “It’s better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps.”

Finally, in marriage, you have an ally who can watch your back. Because the Enemy doesn’t want to see you accomplish the plans God has for you. And when the Enemy attacks our house? I have a wife who is watching my back, and I am watching hers. We cover each other in prayer. Not only does she pray for me, but she is also vigilant, watching for people who may be sent by the Enemy to take advantage of me, drain my energy, or distract me from or undermine God’s call on my life. Zai senses it, and she warns me. You better believe I am doing the same for her, though not in an overprotective or jealous-­husband type of way; I’m prayerfully looking for the people divinely sent by God to advance my wife toward her calling and watching out for those who are not.

While there is no foolproof plan for finding the perfect spouse, I believe that if you will date with intentionality and purpose, God’s got somebody who is going to blow your mind and give above and beyond all that you can ever ask, think, or imagine. So as you begin this journey of dating—or you decide to reset the way you’ve been dating after reading this book!—I want you to travel with the destination in mind. God made marriage to be good.

If you follow the road map, you will get there.

And when you get there, you need to arrive in good shape. That means I want you to check your engine now, as you begin the journey, so that your eventual partner is meeting someone who is—at least relatively—whole and healthy and thriving. Keep reading to discover how!

Editorial Reviews

Relationship Road Map is more than just words printed on a page—it’s a glimpse into the way I know Stephen Chandler leads his life: with faith, tenacity, and practicality. This book is a helpful resource for anyone looking to find the right one or looking to align their relationship with God’s heart.”—Tim Timberlake, senior pastor of Celebration Church

“Perhaps one of Stephen Chandler’s greatest gifts is taking complex ideas and making them into simple yet comprehensive steps you can walk out in your everyday life. Relationship Road Map is a masterful example of that skill. This book has taken an immense task and turned into a road map that anyone can follow. I’m excited to see the impact this book will have on its readers.”—Dr. Dharius Daniels, lead pastor of Change Church and host of The Dharius Daniels Podcast

“Relatable, honest, and hilarious! If you’ve ever had the opportunity to sit down with Stephen, you know that he is a wealth of wisdom. This book is full of gems that will help you navigate any relationship. Single, dating, engaged, married—this book will give you the tools to succeed as you find your road map to relationships.”—Travis and Jackie Greene, lead pastors of Forward City Church, South Carolina

“Somehow, with Relationship Road Map, Pastor Stephen Chandler has managed to masterfully interweave an inspiriting message, an entertaining memoir, and a manual—all into one read. This book is equally inspiring and encouraging and will be an answered prayer to many looking for hope and advice.”—Tasha Cobbs Leonard, Grammy Award–winning singer and songwriter, Billboard's Gospel Artist of the Decade, and author of Do It Anyway

“Stephen Chandler shares applicable wisdom and insight throughout his new book. Your heart and home will be encouraged and equipped. The Chandlers are a trusted voice to this generation. Discover strength for your season with this valuable resource!”—Rich Wilkerson, Jr., pastor of Vous Church

From the Publisher