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Revolting Rhymes
     

Revolting Rhymes

3.8 5
by Roald Dahl
 

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Did you think Cinderella married the prince and lived happily ever after, or that the three little pigs outsmarted the wolf? Think again! Master storyteller Roald Dahl adds his own darkly comic twists to six favorite tales, complete with rambunctious rhymes and hilarious surprise endings.

Overview

Did you think Cinderella married the prince and lived happily ever after, or that the three little pigs outsmarted the wolf? Think again! Master storyteller Roald Dahl adds his own darkly comic twists to six favorite tales, complete with rambunctious rhymes and hilarious surprise endings.

Editorial Reviews

Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books
A sophisticated spoof.
Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
The stories of Cinderella, Goldilocks, the Three Little Pigs and Little Red Riding Hood have been retold in verses featuring mayhem, greed, betrayals and murder, from two gifted collaborators. (8-up)
Publishers Weekly
The stories of Cinderella, Goldilocks, The Three Little Pigs and Little Red Riding Hood unspool in "verses featuring mayhem, greed, betrayals and murder, from two gifted collaborators," wrote PW. Ages 8-up. (Mar.) Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780142414828
Publisher:
Penguin Young Readers Group
Publication date:
09/03/2009
Edition description:
Reprint
Pages:
32
Sales rank:
192,541
Product dimensions:
7.98(w) x 9.94(h) x 0.20(d)
Lexile:
NP (what's this?)
Age Range:
6 - 10 Years

Read an Excerpt

Cinderella

I guess you think you know this story.
You don't. The real one's much more gory.
The phony one, the one you know,
Was cooked up years and years ago,
And made to sound all soft and sappy
just to keep the children happy. Mind you, they got the first bit right,
The bit where, in the dead of night,
The Ugly Sisters, jewels and all,
Departed for the Palace Ball,
While darling little Cinderella
Was locked up in the slimy cellar,
Where rats who wanted things to eat
Began to nibble at her feet.
She bellowed, "Help!" and "Let me out!"
The Magic Fairy heard her shout.
Appearing in a blaze of light,
She said, "My dear, are you all right?" '
All right?" cried Cindy. "Can't you see
I feel as rotten as can be!"

She beat her fist against the wall,
And shouted, "Get me to the Ball!
There is a Disco at the Palace!
The rest have gone and I am jalous!
I want a dress! I want a coach!
And earrings and a diamond brooch!
And silver slippers, two of those!
And lovely nylon pantyhose!
Thereafter it will be a cinch
To hook the handsome Royal Prince!"
The Fairy said, "Hang on a tick."
She gave her Wand a mighty flick
And quickly, in no time at all,
Cindy was at the Palace Ball!
It made the Ugly Sisters wince

To see her dancing with the Prince.
She held him very tight and pressed
Herself against his manly chest. The Prince himself was turned to pulp,
All he could do was gasp and gulp.
Then midnight struck. She shouted, "Heck!”
I've got to run to save my neck!"
ThePrince cried, "No! Alas! Alack!"
He grabbed her dress to hold her back.
As Cindy shouted, "Let me go!"
The dress was ripped from head to toe.
She ran out in her underwear,
But lost one slipper on the stair.
The Prince was on it like a dart,
He pressed it to his pounding hear
t. "The girl this slipper fits," he cried,
"Tomorrow morn shall be my bride! I'll visit every house in town
Until I've tracked the maiden down!"
Then rather carelessly, I fear,
He placed it on a crate of beer.

At once, one of the Ugly Sisters
(The one whose face was blotched with blisters)
Sneaked up and grabbed the dainty shoe,
And quickly flushed it down the loo.
Then in its place she calmly put
The slipper from her own left foot.
Ah-ha, you see, the plot grows thicker,
And Cindys luck starts looking sicker.
Next day, the Prince went charging down
To knock on all the doors in town.
In every house, the tension grew.
Who was the owner of the shoe?
The shoe was huge and frightfully wide.
(A normal foot got lost inside.)
Also it smelled a wee bit icky.
(The owner's feet were hot and sticky.)
Thousands of eager people came
To try it on, but all in vain.
Now came the Ugly Sisters' go.
One tried it on. The Prince screamed, "No!"
But she screamed, "Yes! It fits! Whoopee!
So now you've got to marry me!"
The Prince went white from ear to ear.

He muttered, "Let's get out of here."
"Oh no you don't! You've made a vow!
There's no way you can back out now!
"Off with her head!" the Prince roared back.
They chopped it off with one big whack.
This pleased the Prince. He smiled and said,
"She's prettier without her head."
Then up came Sister Number Two,
Who yelled, "Now I will try the shoe!"
"Try this instead!" the Prince yelled back.
He swung his trusty sword and smack
Her head went crashing to the ground.
It bounced a bit and rolled around.
In the kitchen, peeling spuds, Cinderella heard the thuds
Of bouncing heads upon the floor,
And poked her own head round the door.
"What's all the racket?" Cindy cried.
"Mind your own bizz," the Prince replied.
Poor Cindys heart was torn to shreds.
My Prince! she thought. He chops off heads!
How could I marry anyone
Who does that sort of thing for fun?

The Prince cried, "Who's this dirty slut?
Off with her nut! Off with her nut!"
just then, all in a blaze of light,
The Magic Fairy hove in sight,
Her Magic Wand went swoosh and swish!
"Cindy!" she cried. "Come make a wish!
Wish anything and have no doubt
That I will make it come about!"
Cindy answered, "Oh kind Fairy,
This time I shall be more wary.
No more Princes, no more money
I have had my taste of honey
I'm wishing for a decent man.
They're hard to find. D'you think you can?"
Within a minute, Cinderella
Was married to a lovely feller,
A simple jam-maker by trade,
Who sold good homemade marmalade.
Their house was filled with smiles and laughter
And they were happy ever after.


From the Hardcover Library Binding edition.

Copyright 2002 by Roald Dahl; illustrated by Quentin Blake

Meet the Author

Roald Dahl (1916-1990) was born in Wales of Norwegian parents. He spent his childhood in England and, at age eighteen, went to work for the Shell Oil Company in Africa. When World War II broke out, he joined the Royal Air Force and became a fighter pilot. At the age of twenty-six he moved to Washington, D.C., and it was there he began to write. His first short story, which recounted his adventures in the war, was bought by The Saturday Evening Post, and so began a long and illustrious career.

After establishing himself as a writer for adults, Roald Dahl began writing children’s stories in 1960 while living in England with his family. His first stories were written as entertainment for his own children, to whom many of his books are dedicated.

Roald Dahl is now considered one of the most beloved storytellers of our time. Although he passed away in 1990, his popularity continues to increase as his fantastic novels, including James and the Giant Peach, Matilda, The BFG, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, delight an ever-growing legion of fans.

Learn more about Roald Dahl on the official Roald Dahl Web site: www.roalddahl.com

Brief Biography

Date of Birth:
September 13, 1916
Date of Death:
November 23, 1990
Place of Birth:
Llandaff, Wales, England
Place of Death:
Oxford, England

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Revolting Rhymes 3.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 5 reviews.
Paulsmommy More than 1 year ago
The book is full of familiar stories, but told in absolutely unfamiliar and altogether silly ways. For example, Cinderella doesn't marry the prince, who has a nasty affinity for cutting off heads of people who aren't pretty enough. And in Jack in the beanstalk, Jack learns that the giant can't smell him if only he bathes really, really well. As is typical of Roald Dahl, even parts that could be nasty, scary or gorey get delivered in a way that makes you laugh. Finding books for my six-year-old is a challenge because his reading level is so high, but there are topics I'm not ready for him to see in the general way. Roald Dahl delivers chapter book after chapter book that really are a perfect fit, and this one is the type of book my son can read over and over. And he is reading it over and over because it is so funny. I do think this would be good in classrooms simply because it would appeal to even the most reluctant reader. There are some good lessons in there too, but mainly it's just run.
MontzieW 3 months ago
Revolting Rhymes (Paperback) by Roald Dahl is a book I read to my kids and then to my grandkids. This book has given everyone giggles in our house from the very young to the very old. It is the kind of book that never grows old itself. It is a keeper. I still have it from many years ago. I can not count how many times this poor book has been read! It was worth every penny.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Aradanryl More than 1 year ago
Bought it because I both enjoy Dahl's writing and adore alternate versions of familiar fairy tales, including gruesome. Until now, I had a lot of confidence in the Puffin/Penguin YoungReaders brand but times change. I definitely am uncomfortable with phrases like "Who is this dirty sl...?" Off with her nut!" in a book clearly marketed for children, ages 6-8.