Santa Has a Six-Pack

"A 'World's Fittest Santa' contest? Please tell me you're joking."

My store manager is in fact not joking.

All I want for Christmas this year is to finally quit my job and figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. Instead, here I am, lap-testing sexy, shirtless men in fake white beards while hundreds of horny mall shoppers watch.

A dream come true for some women, I'm sure.

For me? This is my personal nightmare.

As a former professional dancer, my days of excessive exercise and counting ...