Sexscopes: How to Seduce, Stimulate, and Satisfy Any Sign

Sexscopes: How to Seduce, Stimulate, and Satisfy Any Sign

by Stuart Hazleton

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Overview

Looking for the heavenly body of your dreams?

Have you ever longed to get a chatty Gemini to stop talking and start kissing? Do you wish you could lure that shy Cancer out of his shell and into your bedroom? What's the best way to coax a fun-loving Sagittarius into getting serious between the sheets? Wonder no more -- Sexscopes reveals the secrets to seducing the object of your desire based simply on his or her astrological sign, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

Sexscopes exposes each sign's sexual proclivities and pet peeves, providing tips and tricks for attracting a particular sun sign. For instance, did you know that Virgos are turned on by class, while Taureans get excited by cash? That Capricorns like to dominate, while Pisceans love to be possessed? That Scorpios get off on giving orgasms, while Arians prefer to get them? The sexual landscape of every sign is explicitly explored in tantalizing detail, including:

-Pick-up lines that actually work
-Erogenous zones, and how to work them
-Compatibility ratings between each sign, in and out of bed
-Favorite sexual positions, sex toys, flavors -- and more!

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780743203005
Publisher: Atria Books
Publication date: 05/08/2001
Edition description: Original
Pages: 224
Sales rank: 820,010
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.44(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Stuart Hazleton is the Bedside Astrologer for Cosmopolitan and has contributed astral advice to the Lifetime network and Cosmopolitan: All About Men. He lives in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Why I Wrote This Book and How to Use It

When my fascination with astrology began, it blew my mind how on target the info it provided was. It was like I'd suddenly been handed a psychological road map explaining the motivation that drove my enemies, friends, and family. Within months, I realized why a certain Sagittarius in my life saw fooling around behind his spouse's back as A-OK and why an Aquarian bud was great at giving advice but when it came to putting her words into action, well, that was a totally different story.

Fast forward a few years and I got my first job writing astrolgy advice at Bolt, a website for older teenagers (www.bolt.com). My editor there was one of the coolest people I've ever met. Instead of trying to downplay my somewhat over-the-top writing style, she told me to run with it.

"If you want to write about a wet dream, do it," she said, and the sense of freedom she gave me opened my eyes further to what this too-cool tool could do for others. I could share what I knew in my voice, without trying to edit out all the controversial bits I'm notorious for. My philosophy, which is pretty damn liberal, came through full force. Bolt was happy and I was happy.

I wanted to do more though. I wanted to give sexual strategies that weren't really appropriate for the "Omigawd, did you watch Buffy last night?" age group. That's where Cosmopolitan stepped in. The staff there wasn't embarrassed by my trash-talk: They actually liked it. My own wet dream of saying whatever the hell I wanted to was coming true. As Cosmo's astrologer, I could talk about bumping uglies, blow jobs, or whatever else popped into my bawdy brain. I still couldn't actually say blow job though, since I still had to mask my sexual stuff with Golden Girls-style innuendo. I didn't lose sleep over it though: Being Cosmopolitan's astrologer gave me access to opportunities I'd been hoping for. Along with Cosmopolitan, Cosmopolitan: All About Men, and CosmoGirl!, I've also written about astrology for the Lifetime network.

One thing was still missing though. When I talk, whether it's to my spouse, best friend, or Joe Blow at the corner 7-Eleven, I can't help but communicate like a truck driver. Who knows: Maybe I share some DNA in common with Jamie Lee Curtis, but I figure why say "Yeah," when "Fuck, yeah!!!" feels so much easier slipping off my tongue. It's not that I'm thinking about sex 24/7, it's just that I've always been an earthy kind of guy. Meanwhile, when doing research for a Cosmo pull-out book, I realized that most books about sexual astrology are almost as exciting as reading the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper. The info between the pages might be great but if it's written in a dull and dry manner, who the hell is going to read it? After weeks of complaining to my editor about the lack of pulse-pounding smutty astrology, she finally said, "Well, Stuart, why don't you get off your ass and write one yourself?" I took her advice, got off my ass, and wrote the book you're holding in your hot little hands.

Some words of warning: I believe in calling the shots as I see them and though many find this offensive, I've discovered that a lot of people talk the same way I do. In our country, it's cool to see someone's head chopped off in a Friday the 13th flick but forbidden to watch people bumping uglies. Why is this? I'm not sure but it's pretty damned ignorant: While almost everyone thinks about or engages in sex, unless you're a serial killer it's probably not all that important that you see someone's head severed from their bod. Don't get me wrong: I love horror flicks almost as much as I like sex. I just think that to allow seventeen-year-olds in to see American Psycho while the Ellen show is rated MA is amazingly lame. I mean, Showgirls sucked but the idea that jiggling tits or an erect dick is going to somehow corrupt America is so behind the times it's not even funny.

Astro 101

I wrote this book for everyday people, not the astrological elite. If you know what adjunct, sextile, and cusp mean put this book down because it's way too elemental for you. But if you're wanting a quick, sexual analysis of any sign -- whether you're aiming for an awesome one-night stand or a lifelong commitment -- this is the book for you. With that in mind, there are still a few things that deserve explanations before you jump in.

First, what the hell is a Sun sign? It's easy to figure out once you understand how astrology works. Based on where the Sun was at the time you were born, you're one of twelve different zodiac signs. Each has its own basic psychology and sexuality and each is decidedly different from one sign to the next. Once you've figured out the birth date of the object of your affections, track down the corresponding chapter. Once you're there, I give you all the information you need to impress and understand them. I even elaborate on things further: Each Sun sign is broken down into three groups, called decanates. This can help to refine your sexual strategy even further. Instead of trying to be super specific -- which isn't what astrology is all about -- I work in generalities. To accompany the sexual secrets, I also add psychological information about each sign and decanate. It's hard to be 100 percent certain that your Pisces will be going down on you on the first date but after reading the lowdown I've dished out, at least you should have a damn good idea. I also give pointers on how to get what you want from your in-the-sack conquest, but don't worry: You won't have to read between the lines to know exactly what I'm saying.

A few other things worth mentioning are that each sign is from one of four groups. I don't make a big deal out of this, just casually mention it in passing during each chapter, but if you want a quick lesson, here it is.

There are four elements and each holds three signs from the zodiac. Fire signs (Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius) are go-getters who love to take action. Earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn) are sensible and practical. Air signs (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) tend to have their head in the clouds and love to talk. Water signs, meanwhile, (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) are passionate with a strong sense of intuition.

Okay, lesson over -- and that wasn't so difficult, was it? Now, get to work: Look up your lover -- or lover to be -- in the pages between this tome: Although my writing style might be soft, we want to make sure something gets hard.

The Nitty-Gritty

Okay, if you're aiming to get your rocks off tonight, I'd skip this part, but if you want to fully understand everything I'm going to explain in future chapters, skimming over this blueprint will help illustrate what every section details.

1. Sex Stats: These lists are detailed compilations of everything that could possibly warm the form of your intended sign from their favorite drink to their ultimate sexual position.

2. Do You Know What You're in For?: This is where I deliver the dirt on every sign. Like Aries guys always seem to miss the toilet when they're pissing and if you're going to dump a Scorpio female, you'd better make damn sure you don't break the ties that bind in a public place. Get it? 'Nuff said.

3. Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice: These are pickup lines that actually work. Forget lame intros like, "I wish you were a plastic horse outside Kmart so I could drop a quarter in you and ride you all night long," and use these sexual strategies instead.

4. Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers: The plot of your intended amour thickens in this area as I break down each sign into three different sections. Depending on when the Capricorn in question was born, you might be faced with a chica who's 100 percent businesswoman or a girl who's got a wild streak a mile long.

5. Sexual Synergy: So how's the sex going to be between you and your intended? I tell it like it is in this section and explain if your coitus will be more fun than a trip to Disney World, just okay, or more boring than a Who's the Boss? marathon.

6. Exploring Their Erogenous Zone: Here's the skinny on the fastest way to get your lover's libido revving on all eight cylinders. Pisces like their feet tickled while Scorpio would rather you explore a more intimate region. Wanna know what it is? Turn the pages to find out.

7. Come Again? If you're like me, that Jacqueline Susanne novel Once Is Not Enough is written all over your face the minute you've gotten off. I've found begging for more usually doesn't work so these are my tips for getting your other half to gun for a round two without having to explicitly ask.

8. But Will It Last? If you're just looking to scope out a fast and furious fuck, forget this section -- but if you want to know your odds at a long-term love affair or the big M, keep reading.

9. Celebs: Celebrities I've picked who exemplify the traits of their sign.

Copyright © 2001 by Stuart Hazelton

Table of Contents


Contents

Chapter 1. Why I Wrote This Book and How to Use It

Astro 101

The Nitty-Gritty

Chapter 2. Aries (March 20 -- April 19)

Sex Stats

Do You Know What You're in For?

Aries Man

Aries Woman

Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice with Aries

Aries Man

Aries Woman

Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers

Mars: God of War (March 2 -- March 31) 27

The Sun: Change and Innovation (April 1 -April 10)

Jupiter: Fun and Games (April 11 -- April 19)

Sexual Synergy

Exploring Their Erogenous Zone

Come Again?

Aries Man

Aries Woman

But Will It Last?

Aries Celebs: Tough Guys and Badass Girls

Chapter 3. Taurus (April 20 -- May 19)

Sex Stats

Do You Know What You're in For?

Taurus Man

Taurus Woman

Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice with Taurus

Taurus Man

Taurus Woman

Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers

Venus: Double the Love (April 20 -- April 30)

Mercury: Brains with Beauty (May 1 -- May 10)

Saturn: Drive and Devotion (May 11 -- May 19)

Sexual Synergy

Exploring Their Erogeneous Zone

Come Again?

Taurus Man

Taurus Woman

But Will It Last?

Taurus Celebs: Stubborn, Sweet, and Sexy

Chapter 4. Gemini (May 20 -- June 20)

Sex Stats

Do You Know What You're in For?

Gemini Man

Gemini Woman

Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice with Gemini

Gemini Man

Gemini Woman

Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers

Mercury: Face to Face with Brainiac (May 20 -- May 31)

Venus: Seriously Social and Searingly Sexual

(June 1 -- June 10)

Uranus: The Unruly Intellectual (June 11 -- June 20)

Sexual Synergy

Exploring Their Erogenous Zone

Come Again?

Gemini Man

Gemini Woman

But Will It Last?

Gemini Celebs: Multiple Personalities

Chapter 5. Cancer (June 21 -- July 21st)

Sex Stats

Do You Know What You're in For?

Cancer Man

Cancer Woman

Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice with Cancer

Cancer Man

Cancer Woman

Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers

The Moon: Moody Blues (June 21 -- June 30)

Pluto: Deepest End of the Ocean (July 1 -- July 11)

Neptune: The Romantic Dreamer (July 12 -- July 21)

Sexual Synergy

Exploring Their Erogenous Zone

Come Again?

Cancer Man

Cancer Woman

But Will It Last?

Cancer Celebs: Taking the Indirect Approach

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Chapter 6. Leo (July 22 -- August 22)

Sex Stats

Do You Know What You're in For?

Leo Man

Leo Woman

Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice with Leo

Leo Man

Leo Woman

Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers

The Sun: Too Much of a Good Thing? (July 22 -- August 1)

Jupiter: Big, Buff, and Ballsy (August 2 -- August 12)

Mars: One Pissed-Off, Purposeful Cat (August 13 -- August 23)

Sexual Synergy

Exploring Their Erogenous Zone

Come Again?

Leo Man

Leo Woman

But Will It Last?

Leo Celebs: In the Spotlight

Chapter 7. Virgo (August 23 -- September 21)

Sex Stats

Do You Know What You're in For?

Virgo Man

Virgo Woman

Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice with Virgo

Virgo Man

Virgo Woman

Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers

Mercury: Two Brains Are Better Than One (August 23 -- September 1)

Saturn: Purpose and Passion (September 2 -- September 12)

Venus: Virgo, the Vamp (September 13 -- September 21)

Sexual Synergy

Exploring Their Erogenous Zone

Come Again?

Virgo Man

Virgo Woman

But Will It Last?

Virgo Celebs: High-Strung Achievers

Chapter 8. Libra (September 22 -- October 22)

Sex Stats

Do You Know What You're in For?

Libra Man

Libra Woman

Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice with Libra

Libra Man

Libra Woman

Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers

Venus: The Love That Looks (September 22 -- October 2)

Uranus: Independent Optimist (October 3 -- October 13)

Mercury: Sexy and Savvy (October 14 -- October 22)

Sexual Synergy

Exploring Their Erogenous Zone

Come Again?

Libra Man

Libra Woman

But Will It Last?

Libra Celebs: Balancing Acts

Chapter 9. Scorpio (October 23 -- November 21)

Sex Stats

Do You Know What You're in For?

Scorpio Man

Scorpio Woman

Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice with Scorpio

Scorpio Man

Scorpio Woman

Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers

Pluto: Hail to the Chief, Baby (October 23 -- November 1)

Neptune: The Intense Romantic (November-November 11)

The Moon: Rock and Roll (November 12 -- November 21)

Sexual Synergy

Exploring Their Erogenous Zone

Come Again?

Scorpio Man

Scorpio Woman

But Will It Last?

Scorpio Celebs: Smolder and Sizzle

Chapter 10. Sagittarius (November 22 -- December 20)

Sex Stats

Do You Know What You're in For?

Sagittarius Man

Sagittarius Woman

Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice with Sagittarius

Sagittarius Man

Sagittarius Woman

Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers

Jupiter: Party Hearty (November 22 -- December 1)

Mars: The Sagi Who'll Stick by Your Side (December 2-December 11)

The Sun: Charisma Counts (December 12 -- December 20)

Sexual Synergy

Exploring Their Erogenous Zone

Come Again?

Sagittarius Man

Sagittarius Woman

But Will It Last?

Sagittarius Celebs: When Life Is a Game

Chapter 11. Capricorn (December 21 -- January 19)

Sex Stats

Do You Know What You're in For?

Capricorn Man

Capricorn Woman

Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice with Capricorn

Capricorn Man

Capricorn Woman

Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers

Saturn: The Ultimate Hard Worker (December 21 -- December 31)

Venus: Beauty Bonds with Business (January 1 -- January 10)

Mercury: Streamlined Strategy (January 11 -- January 19)

Sexual Synergy

Exploring Their Erogenous Zone

Come Again?

Capricorn Man

Capricorn Woman

But Will It Last?

Capricorn Celebs: Gotta Have It All

Chapter 12. Aquarius (January 20 -- February 17)

Sex Stats

Do You Know What You're in For?

Aquarius Man

Aquarius Woman

Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice with Aquarius

Aquarius Man

Aquarius Woman

Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers

Uranus: Ready for Almost Anything? (January 20 -- January 29)

Mercury: Mind Over Matter (January 30 -- February 8)

Venus: Finally, the People Pleaser (February 9 -- February 17)

Sexual Synergy

Exploring Their Erogenous Zone

Come Again?

Aquarius Man

Aquarius Woman

But Will It Last?

Aquarius Celebs: Ahead of Their Time

Chapter 13. Pisces (February 18 -- March 19)

Sex Stats

Do You Know What You're in For?

Pisces Man

Pisces Woman

Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice with Pisces

Pisces Man

Pisces Woman

Refining Your Sexual Strategy -- The Subrulers

Neptune: The Party That Never Ends (February 18 -- February 29)

The Moon: The Psychic Fishy's Network (March 1 -- March 10)

Pluto: Deep-Sea Fishing (March 11 -- March 20)

Sexual Synergy

Exploring Their Erogenous Zone

Come Again?

Pisces Man

Pisces Woman 216

But Will It Last?

Pisces Celebs: In the Swim

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