Shopping for a Turkey

I don't understand Americans.

Or, as we say in Scotland, I dinna understand ye eedjits.

And I definitely dinna understand the crazy mother-in-law of my cousin Declan. Who in their right mind names a wee dog Chuffy?

I'm stuck in New York after ma agent makes a bloody mess of an otherwise good endorsement contract for a sports towel company, and this crazy American holiday-Thanksgiving-is in two days.

The invitation to spend it in Mendon, Massachusetts, with the Jacoby family is about as appealin...