Stupid People for Who I Am the Spokesperson For

I was hardly aware of the dizzying heights at which my tiny body was being looped and dipped roughly through the Sumatran treetops, just in the season of the monsoons. I was wrapped in red fur, totally protected by huge ape muscles, while moments earlier I had been poised at the tiny village podium preparing to give my “Why I should be the Baby Palm Oil King” speech when an orangutan with a savage demeanor rocketed out of nowhere and snatched me into the blowing and dark jungle. I was alrea...