The 5 Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

The 5 Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

by Gary Chapman

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781594150814
Publisher: Cengage Gale
Publication date: 09/08/2005
Series: Walker Large Print Series
Edition description: Large Print Edition
Pages: 274
Product dimensions: 6.46(w) x 7.76(h) x 0.72(d)

About the Author


GARY CHAPMAN, PhD, is the author of the #1 New York Times bestselling The 5 Love Languages. With over 30 years of counseling experience, he has the uncanny ability to hold a mirror up to human behavior, showing readers not just where they go wrong, but also how to grow and move forward. Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University. For more information visit his website at www.5lovelanguages.com.

Read an Excerpt

The 5 Love Languages

The Secret to Love that Lasts


By Gary Chapman

Northfield Publishing

Copyright © 2010 Gary D. Chapman
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-57567-885-6



CHAPTER 1

What Happens to Love After the Wedding?


At 30,000 feet, somewhere between Buffalo and Dallas, he put his magazine in his seat pocket, turned in my direction, and asked, "What kind of work do you do?"

"I do marriage counseling and lead marriage enrichment seminars," I said matter-of-factly.

"I've been wanting to ask someone this for a long time," he said. "What happens to the love after you get married?"

Relinquishing my hopes of getting a nap, I asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well," he said, "I've been married three times, and each time, it was wonderful before we got married, but somehow after the wedding it all fell apart. All the love I thought I had for her and the love she seemed to have for me evaporated. I am a fairly intelligent person. I operate a successful business, but I don't understand it."

"How long were you married?" I asked.

"The first one lasted about ten years. The second time, we were married three years, and the last one, almost six years."

"Did your love evaporate immediately after the wedding, or was it a gradual loss?" I inquired.

"Well, the second one went wrong from the very beginning. I don't know what happened. I really thought we loved each other, but the honeymoon was a disaster, and we never recovered. We only dated six months. It was a whirlwind romance. It was really exciting! But after the marriage, it was a battle from the beginning.

"In my first marriage, we had three or four good years before the baby came. After the baby was born, I felt like she gave her attention to the baby and I no longer mattered. It was as if her one goal in life was to have a baby, and after the baby, she no longer needed me."

"Did you tell her that?" I asked.

"Yes, I told her. She said I was crazy. She said I did not understand the stress of being a twenty-four-hour nurse. She said I should be more understanding and help her more. I really tried, but it didn't seem to make any difference. After that, we just grew further apart. After a while, there was no love left, just deadness. Both of us agreed that the marriage was over.

"My last marriage? I really thought that one would be different. I had been divorced for three years. We dated each other for two years. I really thought we knew what we were doing, and I thought that perhaps for the first time I really knew what it meant to love someone. I genuinely felt that she loved me.

"After the wedding, I don't think I changed. I continued to express love to her as I had before marriage. I told her how beautiful she was. I told her how much I loved her. I told her how proud I was to be her husband. But a few months after marriage, she started complaining, about petty things at first—like my not taking the garbage out or not hanging up my clothes. Later she went to attacking my character, telling me she didn't feel she could trust me, accusing me of not being faithful to her. She became a totally negative person. Before marriage, she was never negative. She was one of the most positive people I have ever met—that's one of the things that attracted me to her. She never complained about anything. Everything I did was wonderful, but once we were married, it seemed I could do nothing right. I honestly don't know what happened. Eventually, I lost my love for her and began to resent her. She obviously had no love for me. We agreed there was no benefit to our living together any longer, so we split.

"That was a year ago. So my question is, What happens to love after the wedding? Is my experience common? Is that why we have so many divorces in our country? I can't believe that it happened to me three times. And those who don't divorce, do they learn to live with the emptiness, or does love really stay alive in some marriages? If so, how?"

The questions my friend seated in 5A was asking are the questions that thousands of married and divorced persons are asking today. Some are asking friends, some are asking counselors and clergy, and some are asking themselves. Sometimes the answers are couched in psychological research jargon that is almost incomprehensible. Sometimes they are couched in humor and folklore. Most of the jokes and pithy sayings contain some truth, but they are like offering an aspirin to a person with cancer.

The desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. Books abound on the subject. Television and radio talk shows deal with it. The Internet is full of advice. So are our parents and friends. Keeping love alive in our marriages is serious business.

With all the help available from media experts, why is it that so few couples seem to have found the secret to keeping love alive after the wedding? Why is it that a couple can attend a communication workshop, hear wonderful ideas on how to enhance communication, return home, and find themselves totally unable to implement the communication patterns demonstrated? How is it that we see an expert on Oprah share tips on "101 Ways to Express Love to Your Spouse," select two or three ways that seem especially good to us, try them, and our spouse doesn't even acknowledge our effort? We give up on the other 98 ways and go back to life as usual.


The Truth We're Missing

The answer to those questions is the purpose of this book. It is not that the books and articles already published are not helpful. The problem is that we have overlooked one fundamental truth: People speak different love languages.

My academic training is in the area of anthropology. Therefore, I have studied in the area of linguistics, which identifies a number of major language groups: Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, English, Portuguese, Greek, German, French, and so on. Most of us grow up learning the language of our parents and siblings, which becomes our primary or native tongue. Later we may learn additional languages—but usually with much more effort. These become our secondary languages. We speak and understand best our native language. We feel most comfortable speaking that language. The more we use a secondary language, the more comfortable we become conversing in it. If we speak only our primary language and encounter someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is different from ours, our communication will be limited. We must rely on pointing, grunting, drawing pictures, or acting out our ideas. We can communicate, but it is awkward. Language differences are part and parcel of human culture. If we are to communicate effectively across cultural lines, we must learn the language of those with whom we wish to communicate.

In the area of love, it is similar. Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other. My friend on the plane was speaking the language of "Affirming Words" to his third wife when he said, "I told her how beautiful she was. I told her I loved her. I told her how proud I was to be her husband." He was speaking love, and he was sincere, but she did not understand his language. Perhaps she was looking for love in his behavior and didn't see it. Being sincere is not enough. We must be willing to learn our spouse's primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.

My conclusion after thirty years of marriage counseling is that there are five emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. In the field of linguistics a language may have numerous dialects or variations. Similarly, within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects. That accounts for the magazine articles titled "10 Ways to Let Your Spouse Know You Love Her," "20 Ways to Keep Your Man at Home," or "365 Expressions of Marital Love." There are not 10, 20, or 365 basic love languages. In my opinion, there are only five. However, there may be numerous dialects. The number of ways to express love within a love language is limited only by one's imagination. The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse.

Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary emotional love language. We tend to speak our primary love language, and we become confused when our spouse does not understand what we are communicating. We are expressing our love, but the message does not come through because we are speaking what, to them, is a foreign language. Therein lies the fundamental problem, and it is the purpose of this book to offer a solution. That is why I dare to write another book on love. Once we discover the five basic love languages and understand our own primary love language, as well as the primary love language of our spouse, we will then have the needed information to apply the ideas in the books and articles.

Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse's primary love language, I believe that you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage. Love need not evaporate after the wedding, but in order to keep it alive most of us will have to put forth the effort to learn a secondary love language. We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language.


Your Turn

Complete the following: "There would be fewer divorces if only people ______________."

CHAPTER 2

Keeping the Love Tank Full


Love is the most important word in the English language—and the most confusing. Both secular and religious thinkers agree that love plays a central role in life. Thousands of books, songs, magazines, and movies are peppered with the word. Numerous philosophical and theological systems have made a prominent place for love.

Psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. For love, we will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert sands, and endure untold hardships. Without love, mountains become unclimbable, seas uncrossable, deserts unbearable, and hardships our lot in life.

If we can agree that the word love permeates human society, both historically and in the present, we must also agree that it is a most confusing word. We use it in a thousand ways. We say, "I love hot dogs," and in the next breath, "I love my mother." We speak of loving activities: swimming, skiing, hunting. We love objects: food, cars, houses. We love animals: dogs, cats, even pet snails. We love nature: trees, grass, flowers, and weather. We love people: mother, father, son, daughter, wives, husbands, friends. We even fall in love with love.

If all that is not confusing enough, we also use the word love to explain behavior. "I did it because I love her." That explanation is given for all kinds of actions. A politician is involved in an adulterous relationship, and he calls it love. The preacher, on the other hand, calls it sin. The wife of an alcoholic picks up the pieces after her husband's latest episode. She calls it love, but the psychologist calls it codependency. The parent indulges all the child's wishes, calling it love. The family therapist would call it irresponsible parenting. What is loving behavior?

The purpose of this book is not to eliminate all confusion surrounding the word love, but to focus on that kind of love that is essential to our emotional health. Child psychologists affirm that every child has certain basic emotional needs that must be met if he is to be emotionally stable. Among those emotional needs, none is more basic than the need for love and affection, the need to sense that he or she belongs and is wanted. With an adequate supply of affection, the child will likely develop into a responsible adult. Without that love, he or she will be emotionally and socially challenged.

I liked the metaphor the first time I heard it: "Inside every child is an 'emotional tank' waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty 'love tank.'" I was listening to Dr. Ross Campbell, a psychiatrist who specialized in the treatment of children and adolescents.

As I listened, I thought of the hundreds of parents who had paraded the misdeeds of their children through my office. I had never visualized an empty love tank inside those children, but I had certainly seen the results of it. Their misbehavior was a misguided search for the love they did not feel. They were seeking love in all the wrong places and in all the wrong ways.

I remember Ashley, who at thirteen years of age was being treated for a sexually transmitted disease. Her parents were crushed. They were angry with Ashley. They were upset with the school, which they blamed for teaching her about sex. "Why would she do this?" they asked.

In my conversation with Ashley, she told me of her parents' divorce when she was six years old. "I thought my father left because he didn't love me," she said. "When my mother remarried when I was ten, I felt she now had someone to love her, but I still had no one to love me. I wanted so much to be loved. I met this boy at school. He was older than me, but he liked me. I couldn't believe it. He was kind to me, and in a while I really felt he loved me. I didn't want to have sex, but I wanted to be loved."

Ashley's "love tank" had been empty for many years. Her mother and stepfather had provided for her physical needs but had not realized the deep emotional struggle raging inside her. They certainly loved Ashley, and they thought that she felt their love. Not until it was almost too late did they discover that they were not speaking Ashley's primary love language.

The emotional need for love, however, is not simply a childhood phenomenon. That need follows us into adulthood and into marriage. The "in love" experience temporarily meets that need, but it is inevitably a quick fix and, as we shall learn later, has a limited and predictable life span. After we come down from the high of the "in love" obsession, the emotional need for love resurfaces because it is fundamental to our nature. It is at the center of our emotional desires. We needed love before we "fell in love," and we will need it as long as we live.

The need to feel loved by one's spouse is at the heart of marital desires. A man said to me recently, "What good is the house, the cars, the place at the beach, or any of the rest of it if your wife doesn't love you?" Do you understand what he was really saying? "More than anything, I want to be loved by my wife." Material things are no replacement for human, emotional love. A wife says, "He ignores me all day long and then wants to jump in bed with me. I hate it." She is not a wife who hates sex; she is a wife desperately pleading for emotional love.


Our Cry for Love

Something in our nature cries out to be loved by another. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments. At the heart of humankind's existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love. That is why the ancient biblical writings spoke of the husband and wife becoming "one flesh." That did not mean that individuals would lose their identity; it meant that they would enter into each other's lives in a deep and intimate way.

But if love is important, it is also elusive. I have listened to many married couples share their secret pain. Some came to me because the inner ache had become unbearable. Others came because they realized that their behavior patterns or the misbehavior of their spouse was destroying the marriage. Some came simply to inform me that they no longer wanted to be married. Their dreams of "living happily ever after" had been dashed against the hard walls of reality. Again and again I have heard the words "Our love is gone, our relationship is dead. We used to feel close, but not now. We no longer enjoy being with each other. We don't meet each other's needs." Their stories bear testimony that adults as well as children have "love tanks."

Could it be that deep inside hurting couples exists an invisible "emotional love tank" with its gauge on empty? Could the misbehavior, withdrawal, harsh words, and critical spirit occur because of that empty tank? If we could find a way to fill it, could the marriage be reborn? With a full tank would couples be able to create an emotional climate where it is possible to discuss differences and resolve conflicts? Could that tank be the key that makes marriage work?


(Continues...)

Excerpted from The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Copyright © 2010 Gary D. Chapman. Excerpted by permission of Northfield Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents


About the Author     4
About the Study     5
Learning to Speak Love     6
The Five Love Languages Profile     18
Love Language One-Words of Affirmation     22
Love Language Two-Quality Time     34
Love Language Three-Receiving Gifts     44
Love Language Four-Acts of Service     54
Love Language Five-Physical Touch     62
Growing in Love     72
Leader Guide     82
Christian Growth Study Plan     96

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The 5 Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate 4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 217 reviews.
Pegasuss More than 1 year ago
7 Months ago (May 2009) and after almost 17 years of marriage, my wife and I were ready to call it quits. The love for each other was gone and for all intents and purposes, we were little more than glorified roommates, and not even good ones at that. Although we were not officially divorced by the courts, emotionally, spiritually and physically we WERE divorced ~ bankrupted in our relationship. During the summer as we struggled with how, or even IF we wanted to continue being married, a dear family member gave me this book and asked me to read it. I told my wife what I was learning and it piqued her interest. She began to see some real changes in how I treated her (Her love languages are Acts of Service and Gifts). As I read through this book, and discovered my love language(s) (and hers as well), it became apparent to me that this author had stumbled across something that I believe could and does STOP divorce in its tracks if people would read this book and apply its principles to heart for themselves and for their partners. If my wife and I can take a dead marriage and turn it into the best we have ever had using these principles anyone can. Will it stop infidelity or abusive behavior of a spouse? The answer to those particular situations have to be dealt with at a personal and spiritual level and although this book does not specifically deal with those issues, it does offer tremendous guidance in learning to love your spouse the way he/she feels love. God can and WILL save your marriage and this book can help you understand what a true loving partnership is about and why we need each other interdependently in this life and in our marriage. My wife has since commented after finishing this book that it should be required reading for anyone contemplating getting married. It truly is THAT powerful. I know many today are hurting and struggling in their marriages and having gone through that fire, my heart truly breaks for others in similar situations. It is tough thing to separate your life from someone you once loved. I can only say for myself having learned and put Gary's suggestions into practice, that I have seen a difference in how my wife and I now love each other. There is hope. READ this book and give it to your partner! Test the principles that Gary Chapman provides and see if you don't see a change in how your partner responds (lovingly) to you and begin to have the best marriage of your life. Best hopes for the readers in discovering your partners Love Language and a new found love for each other.
jas527 More than 1 year ago
If you can read, you can understand the love in your marriage. This book is a simple and easy to read. It gave me the basic tools that I needed to understand my wife, ex-wife, and our children. Learn your love language and stop talking at one another. You can stop talking altogether. Start communicating in the language that your spouse has always spoken, and learn to articulate yours. My life would be different if I had read this book either. I can not change the past, but I am better prepared for the wonderful future ahead.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The Five Love Languages (TFLL) by Gary Chapman is probably the most useful book on relationships ever written. While the title expounds by saying "how to express heartfelt commitment to your mate", its usefulness in application doesn't stop there. The lessons learned in TFLL can, and should, be applied in all relationships--not just romantic ones. Learning how friends, extended family, and those whom one works with closely expect to receive and express love (or exchange love with appreication, gratitude, admiration, motivation, etc.)will enhance those relationships tremendously. I have also found the lessons learned from TFLL to be valuable for empowering, inspiring and motivating others to fulfill their potential in working relationships. If you have ever worked with one of those "difficult people", then the lessons in TFLL will help in identifying how you can apply a different tactic to capture their attention and empower them. Learning that the reasons why people do certain things are often out of expectations that differ from our own will certainly go along way in helping to adjust our own actions/reactions to others' actions/reactions, and in the end, just might help enhance the working relationship with those colleagues. Learning that different people have different priorities in expressing and receiving love (again: or admiration, appreciation, etc.), that we should't project our own love language priorities on others, and that we should express love/appreciation/gratitude in a manner that will be most meaningful to each other, will inspire more meaningful exchanges and enhance our relationships. In short, if their are people in your life that you wish to insure you have the best relationship possible with, then you should read this book and apply all of the suggestions for learning the priority of their individual love languages--right after you figure out your own order. It's actually fun to figure out your own love language and then try to guess what the order of love languages will be for your mate, friends, family, and co-workers.
TrulyTula More than 1 year ago
This selection is very atypical of the books I would pick; however after reading in the NYT that an US Army officer would customarily give a copy to his soldiers before returning home to help them prepare for their domestic re-engagements to help mitigate the misunderstandings that often happen within a marriage, I had to check it out. The observations, examples and logic are all very simple but made this reader realize where I fell in the scale of behaviors and why I would encounter the problems I did. The bottom line was that my partner mostly demonstrated his affection in the way that I was not likely to recognize. Based on my own conclusions about how to best get my attention I also learned while he did not complain, I never reciprocated my support of our relationship in ways which would most resonate for him. By the time I had this epiphany the damage had already been done; however I now look at my friendships/relationships with keener & more open eyes to assess how to best reach my loved ones. The results are more satisfying and I avoid the frustrating loops of less than successful repeat behaviors. I now give this book to newly engaged couples, or as a part of their wedding gift and the feedback I get is always about the book. Everyone who cares about their significant other should make it a point to get their own copy because the message is delivered very plainly and effectively and one can determine how best to adjust their own conduct to (often with minor changes) better remain on their partner's radar in the best way. I highly recommend.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I picked this book off the shelf never hearing about it before...the title caught my eye and I was completely surprized how much i liked this book!!! This isn't just a relationship book but an inside look on how to better understand people. After reading this you will be amazed at how much you truely learn about your co-workers and family. You will begin to understand why they do what they do and maybe you will get a better understanding of yourself! I starting reading this and couldn't put it down...I brought it to work and 5 people borrowed it and it came back with rave reviews from all of them...I hope this book helps you as much as it has me!
SciFi-Nut More than 1 year ago
This book was recommended to us (spouse and me) because of negative changes occurring in our relationship. I thought that life was beautiful, when in fact I was not successfully showing my wife I loved her - and I really do! This book lets you see how some people perceive love - which can be different than how you see or feel love. Knowing now how my wife 'feels love' I now show her in a way she understands - and she in turn shows me in the ways I need to be shown. Having troubles in your relationship may be minimized if you have the knowledge contained in this book. Good reading!
ripcurlchik More than 1 year ago
This book is AMAZING. For anyone in a relationship, or just interested in how to make ANY relationship work, it is a LIFE SAVER. Dr. Gary Chapman uses very MODERN examples, and just really makes it easy to relate the book to your life.
Guest More than 1 year ago
All I can say is that my husband and I were struggling for months trying to understand each other. One day I saw the author of the book on TV. I was automatically intrigued by his easy concepts. I bought the book for my husband before we got married. I bought one for myself as well. We had been having a very difficult time communicating. I suggested that we read the book together simultaneously and highlight the parts we felt applied to us. That way we can see each other's views more clearly. All in all it saved us and we got married 6 months later and fell in love all over again. I highly recommend this book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I had several people refer to this book & it was great! Although it refers to spouses throughout it's applicable to yourself & anyone in your life. I recommend it!
Guest More than 1 year ago
the greatest book i have ever read, finally learned how to show my wife i really love her. i never knew in 21 years of married life what her love language was. i do now, and it surprisingly fun to be married.
MarySingleton More than 1 year ago
This book Should be read by all couples considering Marriage and read together. Some of us have some askew expectations when it comes to relationships. This book really opened my eyes to Love, Mutual Respect, and Communication. I learned Unforgettable Life Lessons.
Regaining-Love More than 1 year ago
While I was at first put off to find this book in the religious section of the store as opposed to the relationship section, I am so glad that I purchased the book. It is profound! It has only the slightest bit of christian content, being written by someone who does many church marriage improvement workshops and discussing some of those within the book. The five languages of love helped me to understand why my expressions of love to my wife were falling on deaf ears, as they were not her languages of love. It also explained why I had hurt her so badly by not telling her of my love in the ways that she needed to hear that I loved her. It was not that each of us didn't love the other, it was that we were expressing our love for each other every week and most days in ways that the other partner could not understand. This book is a must for anyone with a marriage problem, as a gift for someone entering into marriage or a gift for a child or friend who is entering into serious relationships. Buy it, read it, have your spouse read it, take the test at the end and then talk about it with your spouse. It will change your life and your marriage!
Georgi78 More than 1 year ago
I have been married for 28 glorious years...most of them, anyway! I wish this book had been available all those years ago. It should be mandatory for all couples that are thinking about marriage to read this book...it is that essential. It is a 'How To' guide for everyone and anyone in a relationship to maximize the ultimate in love, communication, happiness, and the very basic needs inherent in all of us. For that matter, it will open your eyes to the needs of your children. Fabulous book, I recommend it to absolutely everyone!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Chapman gives examples and useful tools to the five languages of love. Includes a questionaire to help the reader determine his/her needs in regard to feeling loved and appreciated. This book is helpful for couples to understand what it takes to maintain a healthy, loving relationship. Recommend reading this before marriage.
Guest More than 1 year ago
After spending the last few years feeling like we were stuck in an unloving relationship, my wife read the book, and then suggested it to me. After reading the book, and discussing it with her, we found out that we'd been using the wrong language on each other for years. Not that we didn't love each other, just that we weren't on the right page with each other. We now know what fills each other's tanks, and we're much happier.... all in the space of a few days. We wasted a lot of time not knowing how to reach each other in the correct way. Now, we know, are working at it, and will continue to do so. It's easy once you get the right help. Read the book, it's a marriage saver!!!!!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
Around christmas things started to go downhill between my husband and I. We didn't argue but we began to feel like we had nothing in common and that we really just didn't know each other anymore. The friendship was there, but the love was gone. A Co-worker then offered this book to me. My daughter and I had moved out of the house for two months and during that time, I read. When I was finished, I was so amazed with what I learned that I asked my husband to read the book as well. He did and I am now in the process of moving back home to be with my husband. We are more in love now than I believe we were the day we married. This book and the lessons it has taught us has truely been the tool that we needed to save our marriage. This book has also helped us to learn our daughters primary love language and our relationship with her has benefited a great deal as well.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book has made my very good marriage of 20 years even better, stronger, and is a book that both my husband and I will re-read every once in a while. I suggest you both read it, and try to figure out each other's primary language. It's fun, gets you communicating, and just helps build a healthier relationship.
colehoo on LibraryThing 10 months ago
You've got to read this book. It will open your eyes in terms of understanding your spouse. It is a quick, easy read with simple ideas that will make a profound difference in your relationship.
aarondesk on LibraryThing 10 months ago
A good treatise on living with your spouse and being happy. The book is straight-forward and just the right complexity level.
foof2you on LibraryThing 10 months ago
I learned more about my wife by reading this book than any other book out in print. Read this to help your marriage, save your marriage. This book will change you marriage for the best.
Taegan on LibraryThing 10 months ago
EVERYbody needs to read this book! It made a PHENOMENAL difference in my marriage once I learned the "love language" of my husband. It also improved my relationships with my children and even with friends and extended family members.It is a very easy and enjoyable read.
kikilon on LibraryThing 10 months ago
It's pop psychology at its best, light, deep and interesting at the same time. it's designed to make you slap your forehead. i love the concept of love languages. I'm going to incorporate it into my writing from now on. it made a lot of sense to me. And I love lists. ^_^
temsmail on LibraryThing 10 months ago
This books seems to be a streach in its basic premise.
melopher on LibraryThing 10 months ago
I like the idea behind this book, and like how it is written in a way that simplifies the subject matter. The book is easy to read and understand. I like the differentiation made between feeling in love, and actual love. It is simple, and won't cover every circumstance and situation, but is a good starting point in understanding how we each process things in different ways.
kristenn on LibraryThing 10 months ago
Like most relationship books, how helpful this is depends on how many you've already read. All common sense gets redundant after a while. The premise is true enough, except for the fact that there are more than five basic needs out there. My boyfriend found a 'love language' in the book to fit him perfectly, but although my own need is just as straightforward, you can't contort any of the given five to fit it. And there's no way I'm unique there. The religion angle was significantly more low key than I was expecting. Again, that perspective depends on what you've already read. The case study examples really got repetitive, but I'm not sure what would have been a better way to do it. Some of his advice definitely only works for certain personality types and -- probably more important -- certain subcultures, but he's pretty up front about that too.