The Gifted Parenting Journey: A Guide to Self-Discovery and Support for Families of Gifted Children

by Gail Post, Ph.D.

Overview

In "The Gifted Parenting Journey: A Guide to Self-discovery and Support for Families of Gifted Children," clinical psychologist and parent Gail Post, Ph.D. addresses the needs and emotional life of parents of gifted children. Gifted children can be overwhelming; parents must navigate a maze of heightened intensity, asynchronous development, and astonishing intellectual abilities. These challenges and the emotions they evoke are not always easy to discuss with friends or professionals unfamiliar with giftedness. As a result, parents of gifted children often struggle in relative silence, reluctant to voice their concerns.

Most books on raising gifted children focus on the child, paying little attention to the parent's unique experience. This book, instead, will guide parents along their gifted parenting journey, exploring what they might worry about and feel. How they can weather and even thrive despite roadblocks to their child's education, criticism from others based on stereotypes, and their own self-doubts. Understanding their thoughts and feelings - and distinguishing these emotions from what their child needs - is key to making informed parenting decisions.

Throughout this book, parents are invited to discover more about their deeper emotions and motivations, what influences their attitudes and expectations, and how certain reactions are elicited in response to the gifted experience. Readers will be prompted to explore questions that should increase self-awareness, and are offered both practical tools for managing their emotions and guidelines for improving their parenting skills.

Dr. Post provides the latest research, clinical vignettes, and insight based on decades of experience as a psychologist. Findings from a recent online survey of 428 parents of gifted children, initiated for the purpose of this book, explore what other parents want readers to know. While this book is specifically geared toward parents of the gifted, it also offers guidance for anyone interested in understanding gifted children and their families: grandparents, extended family, caregivers, teachers, and other professionals. The guidance, support, and increased self-awareness acquired through this book should enhance parents' well-being and confidence along their gifted parenting journey.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781953360151
Publisher:	Gifted Unlimited
Publication date:	10/10/2022
Pages:	200
Sales rank:	869,911
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.50(d)

About the Author

Dr. Gail Post has written hundreds of blog posts and articles about giftedness for newsletter and online publications, along with book chapters in Gifted Underachiever and Perspectives on Giftedness. She is passionate about advocating for the needs of gifted children, dispelling the pervasive misconceptions and stereotypes about giftedness, and supporting families in their parenting efforts. Her current book, The Gifted Parenting Journey: A Guide to Self-Discovery and Support, combines her experience as a psychologist, parent, and advocate for change, and offers supportive tools to help parents of gifted children.

Table of Contents

Dedication iii

Introduction 1

Surprise! Your child is gifted! 1

What is so challenging about parenting a gifted child? 2

How does this affect your child? 3

And then, as a parent… 4

How this book can guide you 5

Chapter 1 What is Giftedness? 9

What is giftedness? 11

What about gifted children who are not identified as gifted? 18

What is gifted education? 21

What's next? 25

Chapter 2 The Social and Emotional Aspects of Giftedness 27

Living with Intensity 27

Asynchronous Development 29

How intensity and emotional reactivity affect psychological well-being 31

Developing a sense of self-in a world not geared toward the gifted 35

Are the gifted predisposed to emotional difficulties? 36

What's next? 40

Chapter 3 The Essential Importance of Self-Awareness 41

Understanding your reactions and feelings-and why this is so important 41

How do these emotions affect you? 44

The daunting responsibility of raising a gifted child 45

Advocacy wherever you go 47

Taking on a new identity 50

Could I be gifted, too? 52

What we know … and don't know from the research about parents of gifted children 56

Where Do You Go From Here? 59

What's next? 61

Chapter 4 Finding Connection, Community, and Support 63

Playing by different rules 64

Raising a gifted child-in a vacuum 65

Navigating others' reactions 66

Why parents need support 69

How parenting support affects your child 73

Group support for parents of gifted children 74

How do you find support? 77

What's next? 84

Chapter 5 The Sky Is the Limit-Pride, Joy, and High Expectations 85

Why is it important to acknowledge your child's success? 89

The conundrum of high expectations 92

Managing expectations 96

Are you too involved? 99

What you should know about expectations 102

What's next? 106

Chapter 6 Comparing Your Child to Others 107

Embarrassment 108

Envy 113

What can you do when feelings of envy arise? 119

In summary… 122

What's next? 122

Chapter 7 Troubling Emotions 123

Anxiety 124

Regret and Guilt 135

How to cope with the "what-ifs" and "If only" questions that fuel guilt and regret 140

A word or two about disappointment 141

What's next 144

Chapter 8 Guidelines for Raising Your Gifted Child: 145

The Importance of Love and Limits 145

Love, empathy, and trust 146

Discipline and limit-setting 155

What's next…for you? 164

Afterword 167

Appendix: Results from the Gifted Parenting Survey 171

Survey rationale and methodology 171

Results 172

Limitations 173

How to interpret these findings 174

End Notes 207

About the Author 229

Editorial Reviews

"The Gifted Parenting Journey addresses myriad experiences of parents of gifted learners—alongside careful consideration of supportive measures for families. Dr. Gail Post discusses many complexities, drawing upon decades of professional practice as a clinical psychologist. She also incorporates data obtained from 428 respondents who participated in an online gifted parenting survey during a six-week span in 2022. The author examines the authentic lives of parents as they seek ways to strengthen their awareness about giftedness; fortify family dynamics; overcome challenges; grapple with questions, emotions, and expectations; acquire supports; and discover strategies to help them enjoy their unique parenting journey. Readers will find vignettes, information about giftedness, and plenty of recommendations that will serve them well over the years." — Joanne Foster, Ed.D., Award-winning co-author of Being Smart about Gifted Learning (3rd Edition), and six other books.

"I have been a follower of Gail Post’s blog for many years. I always appreciate her concise, insightful, sensitive writing. She brings all of that and more to her new book The Gifted Parenting Journey. This book is both comprehensive and carefully crafted. Gail’s expertise as a psychologist and her experience as a parent makes her particularly qualified. She covers topics I have not seen in other books on gifted children and provides specific questions for parents to explore along with strategies to implement. Gail documents her recommendations thoroughly and also writes in a warm, approachable style. As a psychotherapist myself, I appreciate her suggestions that parents examine their own needs and patterns and I particularly loved this: “Self-awareness is neither a luxury nor an indulgence." — Paula Prober, M.S., Author of Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth.

"The Gifted Parenting Journey courageously breaks the self-imposed silence about gifted challenges common in the gifted community, by offering a roadmap for parents to embark upon more confident and healthy parenting. This book, though written as a guide for parents of gifted and multiexceptional children, is really a book about discovery, identity, healing, repair, growth, advocacy and ultimately connection, applicable to anyone in the gifted community. Gail Post has brought forward a genuine gift, the impact of which will likely ripple for decades to come.
Dr. Post is a master writer. She succinctly introduces to lay readers complex psychological concepts and substantiates them with frequent citations. Her authoritative voice offers sound guidance gleaned from her solid clinical training and experience as a seasoned licensed psychologist. But it is her humble, empathic and compassionate voice, gleaned from her own gifted parenting experiences, that earns our trust.
Prepare yourself to feel validated, seen, and heard. Her poignant questions for self-reflection are masterfully phrased to touch even the most guarded among us. The actions steps are realistic and achievable. Once navigated, readers will find their parenting style shift to one that is more attuned, flexible, resilient and intentional, stemming from a sense of greater self-understanding." —Heidi Lack, Ph.D., A.T.R.-BC - Clinical Psychologist, Art Therapist, and expert in giftedness, twice-exceptionalities, and misophonia.

"Dr. Gail Post’s book is a must read for any family who realizes “the role of parenting a gifted child has landed on their doorstep.” The information included in this well-written and organized book is grounded in theory, research, Gail’s clinical experiences as a licensed psychologist, and parent who raised two gifted boys.
Parents of the gifted need as much support as their children. They find themselves on a journey that often includes feelings of isolation because few teachers, friends, and/or extended family understand their position. Gail provides an in-depth guide to parents on how to weather, and even thrive, despite the numerous roadblocks the parents experience.
As someone who has worked with and provided advice to many gifted families, I appreciate the importance The Gifted Parent Journey places on self-awareness and the need to find connection, community and support from others who are raising gifted children. It is my wish that every school present a family of a gifted child a copy of The Gifted Parenting Journey. With this invaluable book in hand, parents would understand the challenges, as well as great pleasures, of raising a gifted child." —Deborah Gennarelli, M.Ed. - Gifted Education Specialist/Consultant and author of Twice-Exceptional Boys: A Roadmap to Getting it Right

"Your child is gifted. Now what? Gail Post gives parents of gifted children the answer in her new book, The Gifted Parenting Journey. Dr. Post explains in detail the many facets of parenting gifted children, emphasizing the needs of parents. She knows that being a parent can be difficult and being a parent of a gifted child can be even more overwhelming at times. Dr. Post’s comprehensive guide shows parents how to encourage and foster their children from the very start, allowing parents to make informed decisions. She explains various ways to determine giftedness and provides options for school and extracurricular activities. Dr. Post also deals with the pitfalls of giftedness such as perfectionism and stress, and helps parents set realistic and healthy goals.
While Dr. Post’s book is packed with useful and professional advice for parents of the gifted, it also offers guidance to anyone interested in giftedness. Teachers, coaches, caregivers, and extended family can all learn how to help gifted children grow, thrive, and develop their talents. The focus is always on action and is problem-solution based, which is reassuring to parents seeking answers and support throughout their gifted parenting journey." —Joanne Emery – ELA Coordinator and Learning Specialist at the Kent Place School and Co-Vice President for Publications with the New Jersey Association for Gifted Children

"Although The Gifted Parenting Journey starts with the requisite background information about what it’s like to have a gifted child, that’s not what makes this book stand out. What sets this book apart is Gail Post’s directly addressing – in Chapters Three through Eight – how parent self-awareness enhances the effectiveness of parenting the gifted children for whom they advocate. Her more than thirty years as a clinical psychologist working primary with gifted children, adults, and families makes her parenting advice not only excellent and helpful; it also connects the importance of the parents accepting their own high intelligence, past experiences, and the views they bring to the awesome responsibility of guiding a gifted child through schooling and childhood issues. Her quotes from the parents who responded to her parenting survey are spot-on and well-placed within each chapter’s narrative. I see this book as an essential companion book to a parent’s gifted child arsenal." - Deborah L. Ruf., Ph.D., author of 5 Levels of Gifted, and the forthcoming The 5 Levels of Gifted Children Grown Up: What They Tell Us

"I was hooked from the beginning, as I journeyed into reading "The Gifted Parenting Journey." As a family therapist working with gifted and twice-exceptional children, I deepened my learning about the challenges, as well as the solutions to so many situations that face this tender group of people. I was especially grateful for the guided questions at the heart of Gail’s writing. I resonated profoundly with Gail’s thesis, that healing for the gifted or twice exceptional child starts with healing the parents.
My delight does not end with Gail’s focus on the parents. She also contributed to my body of knowledge regarding the complex process of gifted identification and the emerging brain science. Gifted children benefit from a strengths and relationship-based approach, where safety and compassion are the treatment.
As great as the professional benefit I received from reading Gail’s book, I acquired a deeper understanding of my personal journey, as a parent of three twice-exceptional young adult daughters. I reached insights that were new and transformational for me. This was an unexpected gift for which I am profoundly grateful. I will revisit my now annotated copy of "The Gifted Parenting Journey," for deeper study and reflection. Thank you, Gail, for taking me along on this journey of self-discovery." — S. Abigail McCarrel, LCSW, DCSW, family therapist

"This comprehensive guide for families of gifted children is a much-needed contribution to our understanding of the nature of giftedness and the challenges it presents. Dr. Post writes with clarity and depth about both the external and internal issues facing parents who are raising exceptional children.

What makes this book especially great is its emphasis on the parenting experience… Here you find attention and insight into the emotional experiences of parents, including the questions parents may have about their own possible giftedness and experience of exceptionality, the sense of responsibility, and need for advocacy for their children... Then the focus shifts to how best to parent these children in a world that is largely insensitive to their needs. Dr. Post elaborates specific parenting struggles such as high expectations, comparisons with others, and troubling emotions, and offers child-rearing guidelines tailored to this population." - Nancy Logue, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist

"Oh how I wish I had this book when I was just beginning my own gifted parenting journey. From the very first paragraph of the introduction, it is clear that Dr. Post is a kindred soul and truly “gets” the complex rollercoaster ride of parenting gifted children. “The Gifted Parenting Journey” provides an abundance of resources and recent research findings while also gently guiding parents on the most important path of all: self-awareness. I am so excited to have this book to recommend to parents of the gifted children whom I counsel. It will truly make all the difference."
-Tina Harlow, LCSW, Child and Family Therapist Specializing in Giftedness

"Take the best, most trusted parenting book and adapt it to parenting gifted children, and you will have The Gifted Parenting Journey. Dr. Gail Post, a clinical psychologist and parent of gifted children, first defines and describes what giftedness is and isn’t and then details the hurdles parents of gifted children may encounter.
From advocacy, underachievement, asynchrony, and twice-exceptionality to addressing the stress, anxiety, frustration, and emotionality of raising gifted children, Dr. Post relays research-based information about these issues and provides unparalleled advice on how to address these.
There are many books on the market for parenting gifted children; however, The Gifted Parenting Journey focuses on the parent’s well-being before addressing how to parent their gifted child. This book is fact-based, backed by research, and comprehensively tackles the sometimes-difficult journey of parenting gifted children. Easily, this is the only book you will need to make you the best parent and advocate for your gifted child." — Celi Trepanier, author of Educating your Gifted Child.

If you have a gifted child, you must read this book. It is a lifeline for parents who are experiencing the highs and lows of parenting a child that is "different." Dr. Post draws from her extensive clinical experience as well as her history of raising her own gifted children. Her writing is relatable, clear and offers hands-on strategies for raising a gifted child. An essential guide that is sure to become the go-to handbook for all parents of gifted children.
-Lauren Napolitano, PsyD, Licensed Psychologist

A great read for families in search of a better understanding of their gifted child! Dr. Post provides a terrific overview of what being gifted means and the dichotomy within those gifts. The compiled Gifted Parents Survey data provides a broad spectrum of perspectives related to the gifted parenting experience, which offers families both guidance and grace for an often isolated and misunderstood group. From a teacher’s perspective, the book would have benefited from the inclusion of teachers’ and gifted students’ voices, but I am hoping to read these in Dr. Post's future books! Overall, I highly recommend The Gifted Parenting Journey! Every parent of a gifted child will find a piece of themselves, their gifted child, and their gifted parenting journey within these pages.
-Beth K. - Teacher

Dr. Post's book on Parenting Gifted Children is a must-have for any person who is struggling to manage the unique needs of gifted individuals. Through sharing her knowledge, resources, advice, and experience, Dr. Post has created a roadmap that any parent can use to improve their lives. With the strategies in this book, Dr. Post is offering parents everywhere a realistic chance at living a life with more comfort, better conflict resolution, and less stress. - Matthew Zakreski, Psy.D.

From the Publisher