We’ve all had guilty thoughts we would never dream about saying out loud. After all, our mothers always taught us that if we didn’t have anything nice to say, we shouldn’t say anything at all, right?
Abbie Moore, a self-professed creator of her own naughty thoughts, shares a fun compilation of contemplations that gives us all hope that we are not the only ones who sometimes think, “Yeah, we all know you’re the boss; you don’t have to keep reminding us!” or “When are you going to leave so I can go to bed?” or “Any chance of you paying your share of anything?” Through her examples, Moore teaches others to embrace guilty thoughts in a light-hearted way, no matter whether we are the subjects or the ones pointing the finger.
Thoughts You Should Not Feel Bad About shares an entertaining and humorous collection of guilty sentiments that may be more therapeutic than we ever imagined.
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Read an Excerpt
Thoughts You Should Not Feel Bad About
By Abbie Moore
Balboa PressCopyright © 2017 Abbie Moore
All rights reserved.
What reason can I give for not going to work today?
Enough about you! What about me?
How does "@$&# off" sound?
I wish this conversation would end so that I can go and dance.
I just want to keep driving and not go home.
You keep talking, and I'll keep pretending I give a $#!@.
What can I do to get out of going out tonight?
I hate having to make small talk.
Oh! It's you!
What would happen if I just kept driving into the car in front of me?
Why do you have to take everything I say so personally?
I hate you so much right now.
I wish I didn't have kids.
Do you ever shut up?
I just want to punch you in the face.
I can't stand that look on your face.
Just leave me alone for one minute.
Nice look, @#$& wit.
Thanks for taking the time to be late again.
Thanks for returning my call - not.
I look better than you.
A bit of parenting or discipline wouldn't go astray.
I can't believe I've only been here for one hour.
I really don't want to talk tonight; I just want to dance and get drunk.
I must be adopted.
I just want to leave and never come back.
Why is everything so hard with you?
Are you going to shut up and let someone else speak?
Yeah, we know you're the boss; you don't have to keep reminding us.
I like your kids, but I'm really over hearing about them.
I'm sick of hearing you whinge and do nothing about it.
You can shove this job up your a$$.
If you ask me one more question, I'm gonna lose it.
Are you really that dumb?
No, go ahead.
Keep taking credit for my work, you @$$hole.
Why can you find someone to marry and I can't?
I wish you'd stop talking about it and just do it.
If I had your job, I;d do it so much better than you.
I hope my kids like me more than I like my parents.
You could do so much better than him or her — like me!
Yeah, yeah, you've already told me this, you idiot.
If I were divorced, I'd have every second weekend off from the kids.
Can you just hurry up and get to the point?
You don't deserve him/her the way you behave.
Would they really miss me if I just left and never came back?
Will you shut that kid up!
If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for it.
Why would you think that outfit looks good?
A bit of service around here would be nice.
I just want this year to be over.
Just because we're related doesn't mean I like you.
OK, I'm done here; will you hurry up and finish already?
I'm so glad Christmas only happens once a year.
Oh! Your breath stinks.
I hope I don't do to my kids what my parents did to me.
Gee, you've put on weight.
Gee, you're looking old.
When are you going to leave so I can go to bed?
I wonder what life would have been like if I had chosen you instead of him or her.
Are you ever wrong?
Or do you just think everyone else is stupid?
There is no way Mum and Dad are living with me when they're old.
I wish my son/daughter weren't so much like my ex.
How about sorting out your own issues instead of sticking your nose into other people's lives?
How about you take your hands off my partner before I break them?
That is one ugly kid.
Yeah, have another drink — I love it when you're like this, you idiot!
Ever heard of using deodorant?
My life would be so much better if you weren't in it.
Reality TV isn't real, you idiot!
I'd love to let him/her know you cheat on him/ her.
I need to drink to get through this family dinner.
When are you going to get a real job and move out?
So you don't drink — so we can't be friends.
Ever thought of wearing one-piece bathers?
That's taking metro sexuality too far.
Any chance of you paying your share of anything?
You may have saved money by DIY, but is it supposed to look DIY?
Just because you're unhappy doesn't mean you can treat everyone else like dirt.
Do you not have any self-respect?
I think you love your phone more than me.
So you have a big house.
You also have a big loan and another big Saturday night at home.
Seriously, you stay on the couch while I do everything around here — I love it!
I really don't think you know how to be happy.
Maybe they'd be better off without me.
What was I thinking when I agreed to a life sentence with you?
Excerpted from Thoughts You Should Not Feel Bad About by Abbie Moore. Copyright © 2017 Abbie Moore. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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