UFOs, JFK, and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have to Be Crazy to Believe
The distinguished statesman of stand-up comedy tackles some of the biggest conspiracies and cover-ups this side of Roswell.

“A must-read . . . You gotta love the Belz. . . . His sharp sense of humor doesn’t allow him to miss an opportunity for laughs.”—Playboy
 
I’m not asking you to believe every single conspiracy theory you find in this book. . . . I didn’t write this book to give you all the answers. I wrote this book to inspire you to do what the powers that be wish you wouldn’t: question authority . . . and to keep an eye out for Elvis
 
Just what is it that they don’t want you to know about the assassination of John F. Kennedy, Area 51, and what the American astronauts really found on the moon? The unexplained crash at Roswell and the mysterious “face” on Mars? The link between the Nazis and the U.S. space program? Evidence of extraterrestrial experimentation?

Finally, one lone “nut” exposes the conspiracy to keep conspiracies a dirty little secret, standing up to the shadowy forces that would have us believe that Oswald acted alone, those lights in the sky are weather balloons, and fluoridated water is good for you (yeah, right). “Some of the smartest people I know . . . find it easier—and certainly more comforting—to believe that America is the only country on earth with no conspiracies at all.” Just remember: do not ask on whom The Belz has told—he’s told on them.
1100618430
UFOs, JFK, and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have to Be Crazy to Believe
The distinguished statesman of stand-up comedy tackles some of the biggest conspiracies and cover-ups this side of Roswell.

“A must-read . . . You gotta love the Belz. . . . His sharp sense of humor doesn’t allow him to miss an opportunity for laughs.”—Playboy
 
I’m not asking you to believe every single conspiracy theory you find in this book. . . . I didn’t write this book to give you all the answers. I wrote this book to inspire you to do what the powers that be wish you wouldn’t: question authority . . . and to keep an eye out for Elvis
 
Just what is it that they don’t want you to know about the assassination of John F. Kennedy, Area 51, and what the American astronauts really found on the moon? The unexplained crash at Roswell and the mysterious “face” on Mars? The link between the Nazis and the U.S. space program? Evidence of extraterrestrial experimentation?

Finally, one lone “nut” exposes the conspiracy to keep conspiracies a dirty little secret, standing up to the shadowy forces that would have us believe that Oswald acted alone, those lights in the sky are weather balloons, and fluoridated water is good for you (yeah, right). “Some of the smartest people I know . . . find it easier—and certainly more comforting—to believe that America is the only country on earth with no conspiracies at all.” Just remember: do not ask on whom The Belz has told—he’s told on them.
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UFOs, JFK, and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have to Be Crazy to Believe

UFOs, JFK, and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have to Be Crazy to Believe

by Richard Belzer
UFOs, JFK, and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have to Be Crazy to Believe

UFOs, JFK, and Elvis: Conspiracies You Don't Have to Be Crazy to Believe

by Richard Belzer

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Overview

The distinguished statesman of stand-up comedy tackles some of the biggest conspiracies and cover-ups this side of Roswell.

“A must-read . . . You gotta love the Belz. . . . His sharp sense of humor doesn’t allow him to miss an opportunity for laughs.”—Playboy
 
I’m not asking you to believe every single conspiracy theory you find in this book. . . . I didn’t write this book to give you all the answers. I wrote this book to inspire you to do what the powers that be wish you wouldn’t: question authority . . . and to keep an eye out for Elvis
 
Just what is it that they don’t want you to know about the assassination of John F. Kennedy, Area 51, and what the American astronauts really found on the moon? The unexplained crash at Roswell and the mysterious “face” on Mars? The link between the Nazis and the U.S. space program? Evidence of extraterrestrial experimentation?

Finally, one lone “nut” exposes the conspiracy to keep conspiracies a dirty little secret, standing up to the shadowy forces that would have us believe that Oswald acted alone, those lights in the sky are weather balloons, and fluoridated water is good for you (yeah, right). “Some of the smartest people I know . . . find it easier—and certainly more comforting—to believe that America is the only country on earth with no conspiracies at all.” Just remember: do not ask on whom The Belz has told—he’s told on them.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780307492289
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Publication date: 09/09/2009
Sold by: Random House
Format: eBook
Pages: 240
Sales rank: 322,307
File size: 2 MB

About the Author

About The Author
Richard Belzer is perhaps best known today for his starring role as Detective Munch in the TV police drama Homicide. Before joining Homicide, The Belz was a popular stand-up comedian, who came up with Jay Leno on the club circuit. He is a frequent guest on The Howard Stern Show and has appeared on Tonight and Politically Incorrect and in other major national media.

Read an Excerpt

PREFACE
 
Good Evening Mr. and Mrs. America and All the Gaskets at Sea
 
So what if Castro, the Mafia, or some disgruntled arm of the United States Government might have plugged the president back in 1963? As I’ve plugged the hardcover edition of this fine book over the past year, it has elicited more comment, reaction, and excitement than did strangely dressed men carrying shotguns down the streets of Dallas, Texas, in broad daylight the day JFK took his ill-fated ride. But then again, what doesn’t?
 
Since the publication of this book, I’ve been hailed as a whistle-blower and pilloried as a paranoid. But however people react to me as a truth-seeker and assassination theorist, the evidence that President John Fitzgerald Kennedy was the victim of a conspiracy just keeps on floating to the surface.
 
A case in point: on June 1, 1989, the former administrator of the General Services Administration, Lawson Knott, revealed that—in February 1966—the polished bronze casket used to transport John Kennedy’s body from Dallas to Washington was loaded with three eighty-pound bags of sand, drilled full of holes, and sunk nine thousand feet beneath the surface of the Atlantic Ocean. As Knott tells it, Robert Kennedy—then a U.S. Senator from New York—requested the action to offset any possibility that the casket might become an object of public curiosity. In so doing, he destroyed government property, deep-sixed an invaluable piece of evidence, and ensured that the casket would always be an object of public curiosity—particularly since this costly and controversial burial-at-sea could not have taken place without the approval of U.S. attorney general Nicholas Katzenbach. As usual, the U.S. government seemed only too happy to do anything it could to sweep messy assassination evidence away from the public view and into the shipping lanes.
 
And that isn’t all. In June 1999, Russian president Boris Yeltsin hand-delivered to Bill Clinton a package of eighty documents compiled by the KGB throughout the Cold War years and recently declassified. These documents clearly refute several of the government’s favorite assassination-related explanations and open the door to years of continuing speculation. Among the highlights contained within these high-level papers is indisputable proof that Lee Harvey Oswald was welcomed in Moscow like a long-lost comrade in 1959 when Americans weren’t exactly on the Kremlin’s A-list.
 
This visit took place when Oswald was just an unknown, nineteen-year-old, former Marine with a six-day visa. Despite the fact that it would be more than four years before Oswald reached the height of his importance as a government patsy, memos announcing his arrival circulated through the office of the deputy premier, the Soviet foreign minister, and the head of the KGB. They also reveal that these officials had approved plans to provide Oswald with a job, an apartment, a five thousand dollar furniture allowance, and seven hundred rubles a month in spending money. To put it in perspective, that’s a deal Rula Lenska has never been offered.
 
American intelligence sources are still unwilling to speculate on what might have elicited such a warm reception for such a nondescript nobody. But former Secret Service director in charge of protective operations Lem Jones remarked, “People of that rank have a lot to worry about besides some kid tourist. They might have felt threatened in some way… What kind of threat did he pose? Or was it something else?” Was it? Gee, I don’t know. Why don’t you go ask Jack Ruby? Oh yeah. I forgot.
 
And lest the subject of JFK’s brain and the botched autopsy reports has slipped your mind, you could always check the final report of the Assassination Records Review Board released in September 1998. There you will learn that, although there isn’t much evidence to support a single-bullet theory, there is scads of information that suggest a cover-up, including:
 
-       the testimony of Saundra Spencer. Spencer, who worked at the Naval Photographic Center, testified that she had developed postmortem photographs of President Kennedy. She also testified that the photos she developed were not those photos contained in the National Archives since 1966. This suggests the existence of two sets of photos.
-       confirming evidence of an entry wound in the president’s right temple and of a gaping, grapefruit-size hole in the back of his head. How many times do we have to hear these reports before we believe them?
-       many personal accounts pointing to the existence of bogus autopsy photographs. Gloria Knudsen, wife of White House photographer Robert Knudsen, reported that her husband had told her and their children that four autopsy photos were missing, another had been “badly altered,” and that four of five of the photographs did not represent what he had witnessed in the autopsy room. Several other witnesses told of seeing photographs in which up to three probes had been inserted into the president’s wounds. Curiously, since three wounds of entrance would indicate a conspiracy, these photos have gone missing.
-       the account of X-ray technician Jerrol Custer, who testified to the AARB that he took films of numerous fragments imbedded in the president’s neck. He also reported that he saw a large bullet fragment fall from the back when the body was lifted. Oh, and did I mention that Custer was in the process of marking his films so that he could later identify them when he was ordered to stop by a senior military officer? Well, he mentioned it. But don’t take my word for it. Go to the Internet and read it for yourself.
 
And speaking of the Internet, the Web is also the most up-to-date source for uncensored information on current UFO sightings, alien encounters, crashes, abductions, and, of course, the latest research on all of those incredibly well-documented incidents that the government will tell you never happened, like Roswell. Are these sites legit? Judge for yourself. Visit alienzoo.com, where you’ll find bulletins on the latest sightings, a great archive, coverage of recent UFO-science events, and even a message board where you can share information with other openminded people. Or go to earthfiles.com and check out the space-related headline news, dispatches on the latest animal attacks, crop circles, and mysterious floating spheres. While you’re there, be sure to browse through the fascinating collection of “Real Life X-Files.” With evidence like that, no wonder even a conservative Republican like Barry Goldwater became a believer!
 
Every time information on the JFK assassination or a new piece of UFO-related evidence is revealed, the governmentos are quick to add that they are only making these details public to put to rest the profound doubts stirred up by wacko conspiracy theorists like me. Judge for yourself: have they put your doubts to rest?
 
That’s what I thought.
 
Read on.

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