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When a zombie is taken prisoner by the Army, it need not be uselessly destroyed. In fact, just as our Army trains dogs for combat roles, it has a program to train the captured Undead for combat roles. No zombie that our Army can capture will go unutilized. This is our Army’s “No Zombie Left Behind” policy.

The manual in your hands is the Department of Defense’s principal source of information on care, conditioning, training, and operations of our Army’s Working Zombies – such as Blech!, the ...