When Home Hurts: A Guide for Responding Wisely to Domestic Abuse in Your Church

by Jeremy Pierre, Greg Wilson

Overview

A pastoral guide to dealing wisely with domestic abuse in the local church. 

This book is intended to equip pastors, church leaders and church members to respond with the heart of God to situations of domestic abuse that occur in their local church. Prioritising the safety of the victim at all times, Jeremy Pierre and Greg Wilson seek to help you be the kind of church leader, church member, friend, parent, sibling, or neighbour who responds wisely. We want the church to be a new normal for those grown accustomed to abuse. A home that doesn’t hurt those inside, but instead welcomes them into the tender care of the Lord.

Split into three sections, When Home Hurts begins with an overview to provide a framework for understanding abuse and the people caught up in it, before moving on to advice on how to help in the short and long terms.

This very practical, pastoral book acknowledges the reality and the horror of domestic abuse, but also the reality and power of God to heal. It will be a helpful guide to anyone who suspects abuse within their church family but is unsure how to help without making things worse.

The five appendices at the end of the book offer helpful answers to difficult questions as well as additional resources.

 

Section 1 – How to Understand Abuse

• Understanding Your Role as Agent of God’s Love
• Understanding Abuse Dynamics
• Discerning Abuse Dynamics

Section 2 – How to Help in the Short Term

• Caring for the Victim
• Confronting the Abuser
• Considering Collateral Damage

Section 3 – How to Help in the Long Term

• Helping the Move from Victim to Overcomer
• Helping the Move from Abuser to Servant
• Leading Your Church to Respond with Wisdom and Compassion

Additional Resources:

• Appendix A – FAQs in the Initial Stages
• Appendix B – FAQs on Separation, Divorce, and Reunification After Abuse
• Appendix C – The Authority of Scripture and Abuse Research
• Appendix D – Resources
• Appendix E – Care Advocate Role Description

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781527107229
Publisher:	Christian Focus Publications
Publication date:	09/10/2021
Pages:	288
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.50(h) x (d)

About the Author

Jeremy Pierre, Ph.D., is Lawrence & Charlotte Hoover Professor of Biblical Counseling & Department Chair at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is the author of ‘The Dynamic Heart in Daily Life’ (2016), co–author of ‘The Pastor and Counseling’ (2015) and staff pastor at Clifton Baptist Church in Louisville, Kentucky. Greg Wilson is a Licensed Professional Counselor and leads Soul Care Associates, a counseling and consulting practice in Texas. His practice areas include counseling victims and perpetrators of domestic abuse and consulting with leaders of churches and other organizations on adopting best practices for care.

Table of Contents

Quick Reference Guide 11

Acknowledgments 13

Preface 15

Section 1 How to Understand Abuse 19

1 Understanding Your Role as an Agent of God's Love 21

2 Understanding Abuse Dynamics 33

3 Discerning Abuse Dynamics 63

Section 2 How to Respond After the Initial Disclosure 77

4 Caring for the Victim 81

5 Confronting the Abuser 105

6 Considering Collateral Damage 129

Section 3 How to Care in the Long Term 145

7 From Victim to Overcomer 147

8 From Abuser to Servant 173

9 Leading Your Church to Respond With Wisdom and Compassion 211

Appendix A FAQs on Domestic Abuse Care 229

Appendix B FAQs on Separation, Divorce and Reunification After Abuse 237

Appendix C National and State Domestic Violence Resources 249

Appendix D A Sample Church Domestic Abuse Policy 267

Appendix E A Sample Role Description For a Domestic Abuse Care Advocate 271

Appendix F When Wives Abuse Husbands 275

Editorial Reviews

Comprehensive in its scope and compassionate in its approach, I have no doubt that we will be returning to this resource time and time again to offer competent, biblical, gracious counsel to the abused. 

Jonathan D. Holmes

An excellent treatment of one of the most challenging topics facing the church today. Pierre and Wilson have tackled abuse in a way that is both practical and theologically robust.

Stephen Viars

There is a great need for more Christian resources on abuse which understand that safety is the primary concern when a victim has the courage to confide their experience of abuse. That is why I am grateful for When Home Hurts.

Brad Hambrick

When Home Hurts is packed with clarifying biblical insights and concrete action steps for church leaders who encounter Domestic Abuse. Tremendous wisdom and experience have gone into the shepherding plans and assessment tools found in this book. This makes it an essential and invaluable guide that every church should have at the ready. 

Darby Strickland

When Home Hurts is the theologically rich, field tested approach to domestic abuse intervention that the Church needs today.

Chris Moles

Pastors will love the theological nuance and practical ways the authors lay out how to have tough conversations with victims, abusers and congregants. Counselors will appreciate the prioritizing of safety planning and trauma work with victims as well as the fresh insights of how to handle the passive resistance of the abuser.

Leslie Vernick

An accessible and practical handbook for the church and her people. When Home Hurts is written with care, attention to even the most minute detail, and a dedication to seeing the whole body built up and flourishing. A needed work for these times

Lore Ferguson Wilbert

Written by wise and experienced church leaders, for church leaders, this book takes an extremely practical approach rooted in very clear and thoughtful theological categories. I am thrilled that this book finally exists!

Alasdair Groves(Executive Director of CCEF)

An accessible and practical handbook for the church and her people. When Home Hurts is written with care, attention to even the most minute detail, and a dedication to seeing the whole body built up and flourishing. A needed work for these times

Lore Ferguson Wilbert(Author of ‘Handle With Care: How Jesus Redeems the Power of Touch i

When Home Hurts is packed with clarifying biblical insights and concrete action steps for church leaders who encounter Domestic Abuse. Tremendous wisdom and experience have gone into the shepherding plans and assessment tools found in this book. This makes it an essential and invaluable guide that every church should have at the ready. 

Darby Strickland (Author of ‘Is it Abuse? A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and H

Few experiences of suffering appear more overwhelming and complex than domestic abuse. This book will equip you with relevant truths of the gospel so that you can respond with strength, peace, and simplicity.

John Henderson (Associate Professor of Biblical Counseling

This helpful resource will alleviate the concern and stress that will come in these difficult situations by helping define what your roles are and what they are not, giving you a plan and procedures to follow, and identifying key sources of support. I cannot recommend it higher.

Curtis W. Solomon (Executive Director

An excellent treatment of one of the most challenging topics facing the church today. Pierre and Wilson have tackled abuse in a way that is both practical and theologically robust.

Stephen Viars(Senior Pastor

Pastors will love the theological nuance and practical ways the authors lay out how to have tough conversations with victims, abusers and congregants. Counselors will appreciate the prioritizing of safety planning and trauma work with victims as well as the fresh insights of how to handle the passive resistance of the abuser.

Leslie Vernick (International speaker

Comprehensive in its scope and compassionate in its approach, I have no doubt that we will be returning to this resource time and time again to offer competent, biblical, gracious counsel to the abused. 

Jonathan D. Holmes (Executive Director

When Home Hurts is the theologically rich, field tested approach to domestic abuse intervention that the Church needs today.

Chris Moles( Author of ‘The Heart of Domestic Abuse: Gospel Solutions for Men Who Use Vio

There is a great need for more Christian resources on abuse which understand that safety is the primary concern when a victim has the courage to confide their experience of abuse. That is why I am grateful for When Home Hurts.

Brad Hambrick(Pastor of Counseling

When Home Hurts is packed with clarifying biblical insights and concrete action steps for church leaders who encounter Domestic Abuse. Tremendous wisdom and experience have gone into the shepherding plans and assessment tools found in this book. This makes it an essential and invaluable guide that every church should have at the ready. 

Darby Strickland (Author of ‘Is it Abuse? A Biblical Guide to Identifying Domestic Abuse and H

When Home Hurts is the theologically rich, field tested approach to domestic abuse intervention that the Church needs today.

Chris Moles( Author of ‘The Heart of Domestic Abuse: Gospel Solutions for Men Who Use Vio

An accessible and practical handbook for the church and her people. When Home Hurts is written with care, attention to even the most minute detail, and a dedication to seeing the whole body built up and flourishing. A needed work for these times

Lore Ferguson Wilbert(Author of ‘Handle With Care: How Jesus Redeems the Power of Touch i

Few experiences of suffering appear more overwhelming and complex than domestic abuse. This book will equip you with relevant truths of the gospel so that you can respond with strength, peace, and simplicity.

John Henderson

This helpful resource will alleviate the concern and stress that will come in these difficult situations by helping define what your roles are and what they are not, giving you a plan and procedures to follow, and identifying key sources of support. I cannot recommend it higher.

Curtis W. Solomon

Written by wise and experienced church leaders, for church leaders, this book takes an extremely practical approach rooted in very clear and thoughtful theological categories. I am thrilled that this book finally exists!

Alasdair Groves

There is a great need for more Christian resources on abuse which understand that safety is the primary concern when a victim has the courage to confide their experience of abuse.

That is why I am grateful for When Home Hurts.

From the Publisher