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By Gladys L. Jackson
AuthorHouseCopyright © 2011 Gladys L. Jackson
All right reserved.
Chapter OneWoman Alone Gladys L. Jackson
"Acquiring a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right and just and fair;" Proverbs 1:3
It is important to build a relationship with God before we can successfully build a relationship with a marriage partner. I believe that this is our starting point. If we do not have a right relationship with God according to the Holy Bible then we might as well not have a relationship with a mate or anyone. I believe that nothing will work. I believe that it is almost impossible.
Our God is an awesome God. He reigns from heaven above. He will give us blessings from above. We will be saved, we will be healed, and we will be guided through life, and our whole household.
God's word is a lamp unto our feet. Our relationship in marriage will go well for us if we allow the Spirit of God to guide us.
So bless the children, bless the future generations by making the right decisions today.
What are we teaching our children about marriage? What examples are we setting for our children to follow? What memories are we creating for our children and for our grandchildren?
Some people cannot move on in another relationship because they are still upset at the last person who hurt them and they cannot forget it.
They continue on in that thought and cannot forgive or forget the injured emotions or insults.
God said that all things are possible to them that believe. The bible says to forget those things that are behind and enjoy new chances at life that God gives us daily.
We as women can help build a godly nation – a true nation under God's direction by building our home, our churches and our communities.
We as godly women can help to keep our youth out of jails and our young girls unpregnant by getting our knowledge and education from God's holy words in the bible.
I believe about 50% of us have failed marriages.
Marriage is a covenant ordained by God. We have a lifetime to live a lifestyle of committing ourselves to each other. We need more godly marriages.
Say, "I am going to listen to God's directions."
"I am going to look for God's provisions."
"I am going to hold on to God's promises."
If we depend on ourselves alone, that thinking produces selfishness. Selfishness produces pride and pride produces disobedience.
Love produces faith. Faith produces a life of abundance, health and peace.
The love of God covers a multitude of sins: Hurts, Hate, Deceits, Dishonesty, Heals the Heart of Conflicts, Anger, Alcohol, Drugs.
The pluses in God's Love gives us: Peace, Understanding, Love, Trust, Harvest, Courage, Deal Wisely, Have good Success, Happiness, Faith, Your Steps Ordered.
Couples have a commitment to love and trust one another.
Couple should not let the sun go down on their anger. They should listen and talk to one another with their hearts.
Forgiveness is a big key to a healthy marriage.
James 3:13-17 "Who is wise and understand among you? Let him/her show it by his/her good life, by deeds done in humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you will find discord and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere".
Woman Alone we are to build our own family by applying confidence, having self-confidence, rarely arguing and by applying the words of God in our marriage.
Romance is necessary in a marriage. This means meeting our mates needs, satisfying his or her needs, being intimate, being of the same mind, gentleness is needed to keep the wife and husband happy. Both male and female needs romance in their relationship.
In my marriage my romance went out the window when I tried to include my husband in my dream of owning a home in the south. I felt that there was something more in life than just continuing to live in New York City where I had lived since getting out of high school over 50 years ago.
We are reaching our 50th Anniversary and I wanted to come out of the big city and live in a quiet and serene neighborhood. My husband wanted to stay where he is. I had a dream with a purpose. I knew God was taking me back home where I was born and raised.
My mother and father had paved the way for us to come to Alabama by coming back after many years of working in NYC. They came back and purchased a home where they have been living now for seventeen years.
I am now paying a way for the rest of my family to come and live. I wanted to see my dream home come into being. So I explained to my husband what I wanted us to do. To buy our dream home where the family could come home for the holidays and we spend a lot of time together just as we had done in our New York City apartment for the last 37 years.
He listened intently but did not try to stop me from my acquiring my dream home.
I found the big dream home to my liking. I wanted him to be excited about it to. But I guess he was not!
I called my husband regarding the new house. I was all excited about it. I was able to lease it with an option to buy. I purchased a beautiful bedroom set, and I wanted him to buy a new bedroom set for the guest bedroom. He said, the money he has is for himself. He didn't want to buy a guest bedroom set for the new house.
I told him that I thought that he wanted a big beautiful home with a lot of space in it so that the family could come and have a spacious, decent place to stay. He said that he didn't want that. I tried to reason with him. I cried that night for a long time. How did I miss his true feelings of owning a big beautiful home?
I am now crushed. I am desperately trying to hold on to my marriage. Can two people walk together unless they are in agreement with each other?
It seems that our relationship is not going anywhere anymore. We have been married for 49 years and it just doesn't seem to make sense to try anymore. But I will strive for the golden anniversary of 50 Years of Marriage this year.
Now, I am feeling alone! I don't want to look back. I want to look forward. I tell myself that I am going on with my life!
Insanity is expecting change when we are always doing the same thing. I am ready for a new level in my life. I am ready to move on to a new level in my life.
I am not satisfied with my marriage situation. I am ready and have been ready for a change for a long time. It is time for me to name it and claim it.
This is a time for change. This is the time for transition in my life. Nothing remains the same. One minute you are single. The next minute you are married. We are constantly moving from one season in our lives to the next.
You can get stuck where you are. Life can pass you by. There is nothing wrong with changing. We need to grow and mature in the things of God. We need to renew our minds day by day.
Now I am feeling like a Woman Alone.
Passing on the Love
Enduring my Situation
I have been chosen by God to endure this situation – the situation of being married to an unsaved man. In all the pain, the hurt, the aloneness on vacations, the aloneness when going to church alone, visiting family members homes all alone, I felt that God chose me to endure it, in order to write this book and to keep my family intact.
Without God's support and His Holy Word in the Bible, my days, nights and years would have been so long and unbearable.
Whenever, I felt down or in a depressed state, I would read my bible, I would pray, I would say the Lord's Prayer or I would say the 23rd Psalm.
The 23rd Psalm: "The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want or be in need. He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me besides still waters (Peaceful situations) He restores my soul. He leads me in the path of righteousness for His name's sake. (Right thinking and right living) Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of mine enemies. Thou anoints my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
My Dreams or Secret Wishes
I would dream of a beautiful home in a nice area set in a big leafy garden. A home that I would buy for cash!
I would dream about going on holidays to a dream location or destination like the Atlantics Hotel in the Bahamas, staying in a magnificent hotel with its private beaches of white sand.
I would dream of going on a shopping spree to some luxury shops where I can buy whatever beautiful clothes that suits my fancy and I would dream of being able to spend without counting the money to please myself and also to spoil all the people that I love and who may be in need and may not be blessed enough to see their own lives transformed into the wealthy life that I am dreaming to experience.
I would pray to God to hear my prayers and bring me good fortune.
I would remember that Jesus said, "With God all things are possible."
I took to heart all of the promises, principles and provisions by God in the Bible.
I would pray and ask God to soften the heart of my spouse.
I would express appreciation to my spouse.
I found that my continued relationship with Jesus Christ helped me in those times of loneliness and private hurts.
I had a lot of private hurts throughout my marriage and I realized that everybody has times and moments of private hurts. As time went on I felt and saw the private hurts and moments in myself, my husband, my daughters, my son, my mother, my sisters and brothers, my grandchildren, friends, enemies, etc. It seemed that it touched everyone. I became very sensitive to their needs.
In cleansing myself of the private hurts I would watch what I would speak to my husband. I would watch my relationship with others, admit to God my hurts, I would surrender in prayer and wait for the Holy Spirit to reveal healing and answers to me.
Praising the Lord would lift me out of myself and my aloneness times. Read Psalm 103.
I was careful not to say negative words.
Talked positive all the time.
Believed that favor is on my life.
Believed that today is the day of my deliverance!
I have no point to prove for it has already been done.
Woman, you are not alone.
Be strong in the Lord!
Stop murmuring and complaining to yourself and to others.
Let the weak say "I am strong".
The Lord said, "that he will be with you always, even until the end of the world".
Say, Lord I worship you.
Lord, I give you praise!
Lord, I worship you because of who you are!
Identify the pitfalls and God will give you the help you need.
We are to look to God and He will give us the couragement to go on in our marriage.
When God is involved, everything works.
God made male and female and blessed them. Be fruitful. Be more than you are. Understand the purpose of being here.
Life is not easy. Don't settle for less than you want. We need God's strength in our lives if we are going to make it.
Woman take charge of the house. Save the house. If you don't have a
Christian husband that's ok. We all desire and want a Christian husband. Continue to pray for your husband.
Proverbs 14:1 says, "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."
What God Wants in a Woman? Deuteronomy 10:12
"What does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good."
1. A woman who loves the Lord with all her heart, soul and strength. Deuteronomy 6:5 2. A woman who love the word of God. Psalm 119:16 Oh, how I love your law! I mediate on it all day long. Psalm 119:97 3. A woman that fears the Lord. Proverbs 31:30 4. A woman to be a great mother and wife. Proverbs 31:28 "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her!" 5. A great wife! Make your husband proud. Proverbs 31:23 6. A wife of noble character is her husband's crown!
Unfortunately, some husbands do not know how to treat a wife right. The Lord God said, "It is not good for a man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him."
"For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." Genesis 2:24
Wives and husbands are to stop complaining. Complaining always leads to blame. We are to stop blaming each other for the conditions in our lives. We are to wake up. We are to be alert.
Single Woman Alone
A single woman alone, mother of several children, can't find her man. Where did he go? I never hear her cry even though I know she is troubled in her heart. She is always in the kitchen preparing meals for her family. She goes to church alone without her man at her side with her children. She is always smiling and happy in church. She is both mother and father to her children.
Where is her man?
Why can't he be found?
I say to the single woman alone to be not afraid. Only believe and trust God. Seek the Lord in prayer and seek His plans and purpose for your life. Seek His presence.
"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:10
Do for yourself what others won't or can't do for you and your children.
A. Love yourself first. B. Don't depend upon others for your happiness. That's where we make a mistake. We are to make ourselves happy. C. Don't neglect yourself and others. Pay attention to life situations.
You Can't Help Everybody!
The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. An unsaved person will steal your time, your love and your vision. They will leave the family scene and start going in the wrong direction. They will hurt you mentally, physically and emotionally.
Your dreams will be crushed everytime.
You look for him and he has gone in the other direction.
He is gone. He is not there.
I loved him. He left me. He is not there for me!
He is a taker and not a giver.
"The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice." Proverbs 12:15
I am bringing order into my life. I need to see blessings flow.
To my husband: When you see a happy wife, you will have a happy life. The blessing is coming through us to our generations.
First, we seek the kingdom of God and all His righteousness and all good things will be added to us. If you want your marriage better, get into the word of God.
When the test comes, what are you going to do?
Can you do the right thing?
Make up your mind that you are going to another level this year. God is going to take us to new levels. God is going to use us to bless the kingdom.
I thank God for change.
Many times in my marriage I felt neglected by my spouse. He would go off from the house. He would tell me that he is going out. That hurt my heart because sometimes I would wonder what is he up to. Where is he going?
In spite of it all, I didn't move out of the house. I didn't run away. I would go after God own heart for my life. I would learn more about God. I grew in the grace and knowledge of our God.
"Grace and peace be yours in abundance." 1 Peter 1:2
There is a powerful moment when you say your name. You are who you are with your name. Stand proud. Take credit for who you are. All you are is your name.
I'm Gladys Jackson! Say your name. ____________________
Jesus is talking, "He who listens to you listens to me; he who rejects you rejects me; but he who rejects me rejects him who sent me."
Finding A Life
Get beyond the point of living your life. What is your call in life? Is this a goal that will be worthwhile long after you are dead and gone? Is it a selfish goal? What is it that makes you feel that you have life?
All of my life career I had jobs as a Secretary. I had some wonderful jobs, working with professional people. After retiring I started to get serious about writing a book. I'm always writing but at this point of my life I had plenty of time to really put my writing into book form.
Excerpted from Woman Alone by Gladys L. Jackson Copyright © 2011 by Gladys L. Jackson. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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