Forget about It

( 53 )

Overview

Jordan Landau is having a bad life. At twenty-five, she is attractive, smart, funny and talented. But all that doesn't keep her mother from calling her fat, her boss from stealing her ideas, and her boyfriend from cheating on her. Day in and day out, she sits back and watches as everyone walks all over her.


Then one day while riding her bike home from a particularly awful day, Jordan collides with a car door...

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Forget about It

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Overview

Jordan Landau is having a bad life. At twenty-five, she is attractive, smart, funny and talented. But all that doesn't keep her mother from calling her fat, her boss from stealing her ideas, and her boyfriend from cheating on her. Day in and day out, she sits back and watches as everyone walks all over her.


Then one day while riding her bike home from a particularly awful day, Jordan collides with a car door and is knocked clear off her bicycle. Coming to in the hospital, Jordan realizes she has a perfect excuse for a "do-over"; she vows to fake amnesia and reinvent herself.



And it works. Finally, Jordan is able to get the credit she deserves at work, and she stands up to her family and her jerk boyfriend. She's living the life she always dreamed of—until the unthinkable happens. Suddenly Jordan must start over for real, and figure out what really makes her happy—and how to live a truly memorable life.


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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

Jordan Landau has a crap job, a shrewish boss and a dud boyfriend, but when she gets hit by a car and takes a nasty knock to her noggin, things start to look up in Crane's bubbly second novel (after Stupid and Contagious). Jordan, she of the nutty family and unsatisfying junior copywriting job, fakes amnesia and parlays her "condition" into a better position at the ad agency where she works, a better boyfriend (longtime beau Dirk, who is one-note awful, also tries to take full carnal advantage of Jordan's amnesia, but fails) and an all-around better lifestyle. The setup generates a few chuckles, but no real surprises. Readers in the mood for a light and goofy romantic comedy will find a thin one between these covers. (Aug.)

Copyright 2007 Reed Business Information
Kirkus Reviews
Young woman vexed over the direction that her so-called life has taken fakes amnesia after a bike accident, in hopes of making a fresh start. For Jordan Landau, 25 is not shaping up to be a great age. Broke and working as a glorified gopher at a Manhattan ad agency, she has a boss who steals her ideas and a boorish boyfriend, Dirk, who appears to be cheating on her. A pushover with a habit of watching her own life from the sidelines, Jordan is also saddled with a critical harpy of a mother and an antagonistic younger sister who takes every opportunity to belittle her. So when she accidentally collides with a car and crashes her bike, she decides to fake amnesia and reinvent herself. Jordan takes on a new-and-improved personality, and for a time it serves her well. At work, she is able to present ideas with confidence, and by "forgetting" how hung up on Dirk she once was, she gets to gleefully torment the cad, who consequently shows a lot more interest in her. And then there is Travis, the guy whose car she ran into. A quirky dreamer who is saving up to buy his own restaurant, Travis is a natural love match for Jordan, in spite of her mother's plan (under the guise of "helping" her daughter) to sue him for all he's worth. But just as Jordan begins to feel guilty about her ruse, karma steps in. The subsequent far-fetched twist makes way for several goofy developments that Jordan would never have anticipated. Crane's second effort (Stupid and Contagious, 2006) is often funny, but it could have benefited from having as much character development as it has punch lines. Comic bon-bon with a heroine who finds herself after (nearly) losing her mind.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780446697552
  • Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
  • Publication date: 8/27/2007
  • Pages: 368
  • Sales rank: 794,509
  • Product dimensions: 5.20 (w) x 7.90 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author

Caprice Crane

CAPRICE CRANE lives in New York City
and Los Angeles, California.

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Read an Excerpt

Forget About It
By Caprice Crane 5 Spot Copyright © 2007 Caprice Crane
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-446-69755-2


Chapter One my first marriage

I got married when I was seven years old. I remember it like it was yesterday. I married my next-door neighbor Todd Beckett. Typically male (though atypically unaware of the delights of conjugal benefits, as that wasn't in our second grade curriculum), Todd was against the whole affair-totally commitmentphobic-but he went along with it since we had nothing better to do that day. My best friend, Catherine Parker, presided over the ceremony.

It was the middle of July, but it was perfect wedding weather: breezy, seventy-five degrees, and a clear blue sky. I felt lucky that I could wear my best outfit-cutoff Jordache jeans shorts and a rainbow-striped bathingsuit top. Cat wore her favorite color-patched Dolphin shorts and a handme- down Van Halen T-shirt that wasn't handed down as much as appropriated from her older brother, and Todd wore a Hang Ten shirt and cords. The ideal weather was lost on him; Todd always wore corduroy pants and Vans no matter what the outside temperature was.

The ceremony was set up in my parents' backyard right under the swing set, where we stood before Cat, who eyed us gravely and began: "And do you, Jordan? Jordy Belly' Landau, take Todd Beckett to be your awfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?" I forgave Cat for invoking the jelly bean? inspired nickname my stepfather had given me-I knew she was mad that she had to play justice of the peace rather than bride.

"I do," we each said.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride. And you have to hold it for three Mississippi seconds."

And then we kissed. Well, our lips touched, and we didn't move a muscle as Catherine counted out one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. And that was that. Me, barefoot with flowers in my hair. A simple ceremony. No family arguments. No stressing over having invited too many people. No registry nightmares. No problems. But there was cake. We'd always seen couples in movies smearing cake all over each other's face, and we thought that was an integral part of getting married.

"Time for the cake!" Cat shouted, and we geared up to get messy. I had taken two chocolate Sara Lee cakes from the freezer and set them out to thaw about an hour before our ceremony. I'd placed one right on top of the other in an attempt to create the tiered effect of wedding cakes I'd seen in movies. I surreptitiously swiped at my confection's doubledecker side and popped a sugar-coated finger in my mouth. They were thawed and ready. So I took a handful of cake and smeared it all over Todd. Then he took a fistful and smeared it back on me, careful not to get any in my hair. At first. Until he noticed how much I appreciated his keeping my carefully feathered bangs icing free. Good-bye, feathers, hello, frosting. Cat dared to laugh, so we both smeared a few handfuls over her. Partly for revenge, but mostly so she wouldn't feel left out.

I remember that we'd recently seen The Karate Kid Part II, and there was some kind of ceremonial bonding ritual in the movie where a Jap an ese couple drank tea from each other's cups, so we thought that maybe we should have a bonding ritual too. It was too hot for tea, so Todd and I each chewed a piece of grape Hubba Bubba bubble gum, blew a bubble, and then moved in close to each other so that our bubbles would touch and stick together-thus bonding the two of us for life. And as a wedding present Todd gave me a whole unopened pack of Watermelon Wave Bubblicious.

It was a hell of a day. What I remember most is how simple it all was. It probably took two minutes from my hatching the day's activity to "I do." That was before I had the chance to be scared I may have gotten pregnant from our three-second kiss. The more I thought about it, the more nervous I got, so I grabbed Todd and tugged at his arm.

"Do you think I could have just gotten pregnant from that kiss?" I whispered.

"I don't know. Do you?" he asked.

"If I knew, I wouldn't be asking." And we stood there and looked at each other for a moment, Todd's eyes blinking, eyebrows raised.

Then he shrugged. "Well, we did just get married, so if you are pregnant, I guess it's okay. I think it would be worse if we weren't already married."

"I think so too," I said.

Problem solved. The celebration resumed, and we consummated our marriage with a game of tag.

My marriage to Todd was perhaps my way of trying to create a union more perfect, or at least less disastrous, than my own parents' marriage. I remember the day my first dad sat me down and put a hand on each of my shoulders. He looked me square in the eye and said, "Jordan, I want you to know that I love you very much, and I want you to always remember that." I remember feeling a sense of dread, although I didn't know what the feeling was exactly-I just knew it didn't feel good, so I distracted myself by studying the hairs that were growing just a teensy bit too far out of his nose. "Do you know that, Jordan? Do you know that I love you as much as I'm capable of?" he asked. I blinked and watched the one gray hair that was peeking out of his left nostril like a little mouse amid the other black ones, checking to see if the coast was clear. " Jordan?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"You understand that?"

"Uh-huh ...?" I said, with less certainty then he'd probably have liked.

"I may not see you for a while," he continued, "but that doesn't mean I won't be out there somewhere ..." His words then drifted off with a theatrical pause. His nose hairs whistled slightly in the silence. I was mesmerized. Then he snapped back, ready to make his final point. "I just want to make sure you know that you are loved by your father, so that you don't grow up to be a man-hating lesbian."

I was barely five. A million thoughts raced through my head-a million questions that I wanted to ask him-but I felt paralyzed. Why are you telling me this? Where are you going? When will you be back? What is a lesbian? And most important, are you ever going to cut your nose hairs?

Nothing came out of my mouth. Well, none of the elevendy-million questions that whirled through my brain like a meteor shower, blasting through my mind until they'd exhausted their energy and faded away. The only thing I uttered was "Okay."

And he nodded, said, "Good girl," and then he was gone.

When my mom came in from the backyard a few minutes later, she didn't believe me when I told her that I didn't think Daddy was coming home. She got angry at me for saying such a terrible thing and asked me if I "thought I was a psychic." I told her no. I told her that I wasn't a psychic and I wasn't a lesbian-because even though I didn't know what either thing was, it just seemed like the right thing to say and I could tell my mom needed some reassurance.

"WHAT?" she yelled. And then I explained-told her everything he'd said, as nearly as I could recall it-and I must have captured the sense of it pretty well because afterward she went into the bathroom and cried for three and a half hours.

When she finally came downstairs, her face was dry and her head held high. She'd obviously spent some time in her fancy clothing closet; she wore a black dress I'd never seen with a double strand of pearls around her neck. The effect was classy with just a hint of sexy-and frankly this moment destroyed the little black dress for me forever. She took me into my room, put my fancy velvet party dress on me, and combed and fastened my hair with two ribbon barrettes. She then sat me down and told me that we were starting over. And that was exactly what we did.

Three years later I had a brand-new life, complete with a new house, a new dad, and a new baby sister. You'd think I'd be scarred from all this, and maybe I am, but at the time I really didn't suffer. Walter Landau quickly came into our lives, married my mom, and told me to call him Dad. My mom called him my "new and improved dad," but I didn't really see what had been so bad about the old one. He gave me Mrs. Butterworth, a brown mixed-breed mutt of a dog who had a white stripe on her head that looked like nougat. Mrs. B. was my best friend in the world. She sat under my feet at the dinner table, followed me everywhere- even if I was just going to the bathroom, where she'd wait outside the door-and slept with me every night. I had a happy family, my best friend, Cat, and my new husband, Todd.

Cat, Todd, and I were the three musketeers. We did everything together. Cat and I were polar opposites, lookswise. I had long brown hair, and she was blond. I was fair with freckles all across my nose, and she was perpetually tan. We were both about the same height, but she was always thinner than I was. We became blood sisters by pricking our fingers and holding them together. We were too young to know about AIDS and how that sort of contact might not be the best idea, but that was a simpler time when the first grade was considered early to be having unprotected sex and shooting heroin, so everything turned out okay.

My wedding had taken place a month before my birthday, and I remember that for that particular birthday I desperately wanted a metallicblue Schwinn bicycle with a banana seat and a white wicker basket with neon flowers on it. I wanted that bike more than anything in the world, and when my dad told me to go outside to get the newspaper that fateful morning, I caught my first glimpse of my dream bike-the coveted Schwinn. I shrieked a joyous victory scream so loud it set off a river of tears from my baby half sister, kicking off a bitter rivalry that would last for two decades.

My memories of childhood are mostly pleasant up to that time, and I half suspect it's because they're not memories at all but stories built up around photographs and home movies I've seen. Because the truth is that after my father walked out on my mom and me, she cultivated a deepseated fear of abandonment and destitution. She responded by becoming an abject materialist in every aspect of her life, and my new family would essentially become an uneasy alliance between a man who made a lot of money and two women who liked to spend it-those women being Mom and my sister, Samantha, who would grow into a carbon copy of my mother. And then there was me. I was in the mix with them, but more like a leftover ingredient from the failed family than a perfectly blended addition to the new one. Maybe that was all just in my head. Like the time Samantha told me that my father must have had some seriously powerful ugly going on for me not to have gotten any of Mom's good genes. Maybe that was just sisterly ribbing. If the issuing of cracked ribs is normal between sisters.

If our memories were true records of everything we've seen and felt, a lot of us would probably be overwhelmed or even horrified by what was going on. But I arrived at my eighth birthday in good spirits. Though I already had my first set of wheels, my first day of school, and first marriage ... my first car, first job, and first sexual indiscretion were still years away.

Life was good. I loved being me.

(Continues...)



Excerpted from Forget About It by Caprice Crane Copyright © 2007 by Caprice Crane. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 53 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(25)

4 Star

(14)

3 Star

(10)

2 Star

(2)

1 Star

(2)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 53 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 26, 2008

    A Must Read

    This book is by far one of the most hysterical books I have ever read. At moments where the story line became serious, something funny would happen where I would literally laugh out loud. I don't read much, but I loved reading this book, and anyone who loves books with realistic and witty characters should definitely read Forget About It.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 18, 2007

    Don't forget: This is a MUST READ!

    When I first started reading ¿forget about it¿ by Caprice Crane I didn¿t think I would really be able to relate to the main character, Jordan. I mean, what does a small town southern girl know about living in New York City? Nada! But, gladly, I was sadly mistaken! In Jordan, Ms. Crane has created a character that I think just about any woman can identify with, whether you be a southern hick or slick New Yorker. And it¿s not just Jordan. ¿Forget About It¿ is chock full of hilarious, real, and strangely believable characters, from the lyric singing homeless woman to the super-selfish-bitch sister, the queen-of-criticism-mother, and the super-sexy-totally-creepy-mega-jerk-boyfriend. Team the great characters with the outrageously inspired storyline and Ms. Cranes unique wittiness and superb storytelling skill and you have an instant hit! I read the book in one sitting I just couldn¿t put it down. Not only that, I got so into the book I found myself talking back to it, yelling, ¿You go girl!¿ and ¿Oh, my God!¿ many times throughout the book while rolling with laughter! If I could only recommend one book this year, it would definitely be ¿Forget About It¿!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted May 22, 2010

    Happy to have stumbled upon this one :)

    I actually bought this one from the bargain section..having a gift card ha!I have actually paid more money for other books that I could do without but this one I paid less and I could read over and over again. Caprice Crane got this one absolutely right. The characters were very real..like any one of them could have easily been your best friend. I had to tell my husband some parts of it because he was looking at me like I was crazy because I laughed out loud so often! There were also some pretty insightful lines and opinions that you wouldn't expect from something that's meant to be a light and funny read. I loved it very much. The ending was great too...being the hopeless romantic that I am <3

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 2, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    hilarious!

    Wow... this book was awesome! I was a little iffy about it at first when I read the back because it had sounded very similar to some books i read (with the whole amnesia thing), but it was GREAT! I can't tell you how many times i laughed out loud while reading it. If you're looking for a book to get your mind off of things and make you laugh, THIS IS IT!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 6, 2009

    Unforgettable

    Before reading "Forget about it", I had read a book that had a depressing tone and needed a good laugh. I read this book in 2 sittings. It's a very easy read. Everyone can relate to maybe changing some aspect of their lives. Can't wait to see what else Caprice Crane has in store for the future.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 19, 2012

    Love this book!

    Love this book!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 26, 2012

    Hilarious

    Fabulously funny

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  • Posted March 4, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    You can read the summary to see what the storyline is. I mostly

    You can read the summary to see what the storyline is.

    I mostly liked the tone, the pace, the New York setting, although I thought the set-up dragged too long. Jordan's got a crappy life because she doesn't stand up for herself, we get it.

    I liked Jordan's wit and creativity, and I loved Travis and his lighthouse. What I didn't "get," despite the neglected/emotionally abused childhood, is why a woman with so much going for her would be quite so passive. The bad guys were a little too bad; they needed some redeeming qualities that would have helped explain her ambivalence at blowing them off. And the idea that somebody would be able to fake amnesia well enough to fool not only laypeople but doctors... pretty unbelievable. That she would then get REAL amnesia, AND that she would recover her memory JUST as she was walking down the aisle, about to marry the wrong guy... too many impossible things before breakfast, for me. I *would* read another book by this author, however.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 9, 2012

    Must read

    Very enjoyable and quite funny! Had me hooked :]

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 23, 2009

    EXCELLENT BOOK

    I absolutely loved this book. It is one that you can't put down!

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  • Posted March 10, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    Loved it!

    This is a must read!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 3, 2009

    Funny

    This is a very cute book. I laughed out loud alot. I even read lines to my coworker when she looked at me like I was crazy for laughing out loud. It is a quick read and kind of predictible, but it is worth the read.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 30, 2009

    Fun, Fun, Fun

    This was a fun, quick read. I really enjoyed this book a lot. I laughed out loud.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted December 7, 2008

    Starting From Scratch

    Jordan Landau cannot stand her own life. Her mother drives her insane, her step sister is basically an evil minion to her mother, her step dad is a push over. Not to mention she's 25 and working for a company in which her manager takes credit for all of her hard creative work. And also a boyfriend who is a dirtbag, yet she does not seem to feel the need to end things with him. In short, her life sucks and everyone walks all over her. Well, what about when she gets hit by a car and ends up in the hospital, in which she gets this "genius" idea to "start all over" Therefore, she decides to fake amnesia and start all over from scratch. So she does. And things start turning around for her. Dumps the lame boyfriend, tells her boss to get her own ideas, and gets her manager's boss to hear HER ideas, and also ends up falling for the guy who hit her!<BR/>But what happens when a bat is swung and Jordan actually DOES get amnesia?<BR/><BR/><BR/>351 pages of giggling aloud, page-turning, and wishing you could somehow do the same sometimes. I liked this book because it a shot for someone to start all over and try to reinvent the way they really wanted to be. You really root for her and the man who is trying to be with her. I, at one point, wanted to be in her shoes. Only in simpler form. Not having to fake amnesia. That would be really complicated. <BR/><BR/>Only thing about this novel I found irking, is that who would EVER really take the time to fake amnesia to start over? Granted this is a ficitious book. And it's really well written. But still. Just seems a little out there.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 31, 2008

    Great Book!

    This was a good book. I couldn't put it down, it was a had a great story line. The way the characters fell in love so it was different from those typical girl meets boy, girl falls in love with boy type books.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 20, 2008

    Just plain AWESOME!

    This book is just a great read. The author is corky and funny. The irony alone makes this book into a definite read.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 17, 2007

    seriously one of my favs!

    loved this book! couldn't stop cracking up out loud. her other book is amazing too.

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  • Posted December 9, 2008

    more from this reviewer

    A winner

    At work advertising expert Jordan Landau¿s boss bypasses her to promote a less talented squeaky wheel yet has no qualms about taking full credit for Jordan¿s brilliant ideas because she knows her star employee is a wuss. Her personal life stinks too as her boyfriend is a cheater and her mother and younger sister disdain her as a wimp.-------------- Being despondent over not fighting back over all that seems to have gone wrong, Jordan wants to start anew. She gets her chance when she is in a bicycle accident she pretends to suffer from amnesia. Jordan begins to open her mouth at work, with her family and with kicking the cheater to the curb. She receives a promotion and begins dating the driver of the car that hit her and her bike.----------- The metamorphosis of Jordan from doormat to assertive is cleverly yet realistically designed so that reader believes in the heroine¿s changes. The support cast enhances the alteration as they must change in their side of the relationship to keep up with the suddenly self-assured Jordan. Fans will enjoy her ripping skin from her boss, her mom, her sis, and booting her boyfriend out of her life. Though the romance with the driver is unnecessary, readers will appreciate this fine character study as Caprice Crane¿s novels are proving intelligent and contagious.--------- Harriet Klausner

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 2, 2007

    Funny, Poignant, Touching, Hilarious

    Caprice Crane is smart. She makes you laugh while she's teaching you subtle life lessons that you don't even know you're learning until you finish. This book was just as funny as her first one but somehow more deep. I read that she wrote it as a tribute to her best friend who died of cancer--a friend who couldn't stand up for herself. Nobody has cancer in this book but the character is afraid of confrontation and gets treated like crap all the time...until she takes charge of her life and reinvents herself. Maybe she was trying to make her passed friend proud. Give her friend a voice and a shot at finally living the life she deserved. I loved it. I recommend it so so so highly.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 21, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 53 Customer Reviews

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