7 Comics & Graphic Novels Too Awkward to Read on the Train

A Contract With God, by Will Eisner
Reading most of Eisner’s work on the train would get you rightfully fawning looks, as your impeccable taste in comics impresses all those around you. But his classic collection of short stories comes with a few off-color scenes, in particular the one in which a New York City superintendent pays to look at a prepubescent girl’s crotch after ogling too many dirty pictures on his walls. Between that and the final story’s climactic sexual assault, those stares of wonder might turn to raised eyebrows in a hurry.

The Shaolin Cowboy: Shemp Buffet, by Geof Darrow
Zombie fans are known to revel in their favorite genre’s gleeful ultraviolence, but there comes a point when even the most hardcore Romero fans balk at showing off their hobby in public. Darrow’s hyper-detailed style allows him to fill all 136 pages with the most excruciatingly realized man-vs-corpse-army slaughterfest you’ve ever seen. A double-chainsaw staff and two righteous fists; when you’ve got those, who needs plot?

Transmetropolitan, Vol. 6: Gouge Away, by Warren Ellis, Darick Robertson, and Rodney Ramos
Transmet has its fair share of blood geysers, but Ellis and Robertson‘s work isn’t just violent: this beloved Vertigo series also features titillation as an integral part of its futuristic society, and no scene is more graphically (and hilariously) sexual than the porn parody in volume six. Outlaw journalist Spider Jerusalem’s likeness is sold to a porn studio, which recreates him as “Spider Juicerram, Outlaw Sex Reporter.” In only a few pages, Ellis and Robertson lampoons every catchphrase in their protagonist’s arsenal, with plenty of help from guest artist Bryan Hitch and his absurdly sexualized women. It’s only a few pages long, but you owe it to yourself to read it—in the comfort of your own home, that is.

Sex Criminals, Vol. 1, by Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky
It’s not that Zdarsky’s art is overly titillating, or that Fraction packs this book with too many sex scenes. (Really, when you base your plot on a pair of petty crooks who can stop time with the power of their orgasms, you really can’t have too many sex scenes.) But Zdarsky cranks the colors (heh) up to 11 with his vibrant tones, which make sure everyone in a twenty-foot radius can tell that the main character of your book was just gifted with earth-shattering cunnilingus.

Lost Girls, by Alan Moore and Melinda Gebbie
Moore loves himself some sex scenes, but most of his mainstream comics work skirts around the edges of and outright eroticism; when Nite Owl and Silk Spectre get it on in Watchmen, it’s for metaphorical clout, not titillation. Clearly, that restraint produced some pent-up desires, and his id runs wild in this subversive series. With his wife Gebbie, Moore explores female sexuality in lovingly pornographic scenes, but it’s not the sex itself that’s truly awkward—it’s that all the coitus and masturbation is being performed by characters from children’s literature, from Alice in Wonderland to The Wizard of Oz.

Big Damn Sin City, by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley
This one has it all: sex, violence, and plenty of three-inch-tall cussin’. This collection binds together seven of Miller’s finest stories, and though they’re undeniably groundbreaking, they also established Miller as a guy who really likes to draw lewd stories about sex workers. When they’re not lifting their skirts for the protagonist, Miller’s women can be found blowing people apart with their hefty assault rifles; between that and the every-third-page dismemberment, you might want to find something else to share with your seatmate. (At 1,360 pages, it’s also too awkward for the train in an entirely more practical way, but if you want to try to read a 12-pound book in transit, that’s between you, your forearms, and any fellow passengers you may injure when you topple over the every stop.)

Chester 5000-XYV, by Jessica Fink
The story of a man, a woman, and the steampunk sexbot that he made to love her! Fink doesn’t need dialogue to tell a steamy story; her cartoons do all the talking. Rendered in delicate monochrome watercolors, this erotic romance is so explicit, you’ll probably be asked to leave the subway altogether (or begged to stay on past your station so other riders can, er, finish).
What are some of your favorite comics to enjoy away from prying eyes?