The Weirdest Ways of Getting Around in SF/F

The Zetas in The God Wave, by Patrick Hemstreet
Hemstreet’s awesome forthcoming novel slots into a Crichton-esque sweet spot, describing a fictional technology so well, it seems entirely plausible: when a team of scientists figure out a way to wire up a controller that can be manipulated by the mind alone, their test subjects unlock a new brain wave never before observed, called the Zeta Wave—or the God Wave. As their ability to manipulate their environment grows, the God Wave allows them to travel into mobile droids—and, eventually, beyond, implying they’ll one day be able to go anywhere (in a sense) just by thinking about it. To say it all spirals out of control is an understatement.

Bistromathics & The Infinite Improbability Drive in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and Life, The Universe, and Everything, by Douglas Adams
Leave it to Douglas Adamsto come up with two ideas so simultaneously hilarious and thought-provoking. On the one hand, we have a starship engine that runs on the advanced math of reconciling shared restaurant bills—which, as anyone who has ever attempted to split a check more than two ways knows, is the most brain-damagingly difficult calculation in the universe. On the other, we have a drive that generates a field of improbability so strong, the ship is simultaneously located at every point in every universe, exiting (hopefully) at the one you actually want to visit. Side effects include the spontaneous generation of happy, short-lived whales whose only friends are potted plants, but as they say in scientific circles, to make an omelet, you have to break some eggs.

The Bloater Drive in Bill, The Galactic Hero, by Harry Harrison
With a similar disregard for reality and strong embrace of the ridiculous, Harrison’s Bloater Drive is also entertainingly impossible. The drive expands the distance between the atoms of the ship (or something) until it is so large in respect to the universe itself that distance becomes trivial. Then it shrinks back to normal size, arriving at its preferred destination. It’s a wonderful idea, even if it raises more questions than it answers.

Digital Human Freight in Altered Carbon, by Richard Morgan
Morgan’s Altered Carbon is many things: a fantastic sci-fi adventure, an intriguing mystery, and a book filled with ideas. In the world of Takeshi Kovacs, travel isn’t so much a physical thing as it is a mental exercise, as digitized personalities are needlecast into waiting bodies, making physical movement unnecessary—and death nearly a thing of the past, as all you need to keep going is a fresh body to slot into. Gritty, violent, and fascinating as this world is, we’d risk permanent death if it meant we’d be able to needlecast into our jobs every day. That commute can hardly be called “living” anyway.

Bubbles in The Wizard of Oz, by L. Frank Baum
To be fair, in the Oz novels Glinda the Good doesn’t actually travel via shining bubble—but it sure looked good in the movie. In fact, Glinda’s arrival in a bubble is arguably the most kick-butt moment of the 1939 film, and anyone who says they wouldn’t like to travel around the world via bubble technology is clearly lying to you, and cannot be trusted.

The Mounts in The Mount, by Carol Emshwiller
Emshwiller’s 2002 novel describes an Earth where humanity had been subjugated by the herbivorous Hoots, alien beings who are essentially highly-advanced prey who had adapted abilities that allow them to dominate predators. Humans are used as riding mounts by the Hoots, who have difficulty getting around on their weak legs, and they treat us very much the way we treat horses today—though we retain the very human ability to think, resent our masters, and foment a revolution. A disturbing and fascinating sci-fi vision, The Mount is a book every SF/F fan should read.

The Floating Island of Garbage in The Man With the Compound Eyes, by Wu Ming-Yi
Ming-Yi’s subtle novel of magic and loss is complex, twisting together several stories in which the surrealism of the world is applied with a light touch, shading every interaction with the uncanny and the unexpected. Atile’i, a second son on an island where second sons are set adrift on the ocean, is swept via tsunami onto an enormous floating island of plastic debris and garbage, on which he is conveyed to Taiwan. Sea travel via floating island of garbage may not be the ideal way to see the world—but it will make you appreciate a cramped airline bathroom.

Howl’s Moving Castle in Howl’s Moving Castle, by Diana Wynne Jones
When it comes to travel, some people love it, and some people consider it disruptive, chaotic, and unnerving. If only your entire home could  just up and moved wherever you need it to. The wizard Howl works hard to keep up a deadly reputation in an effort to avoid unwanted visitors and distractions, and his magical castle is constantly on the move—which made us wonder, if house boats are a thing, why not house zeppelins? Or house balloons? Come on, science. It can’t be that hard.
Leave it to these SF/F masters to show us new, exciting, occasionally deadly ways to get around. What have we missed?