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A Great Fit: My Take on Confidence, Charisma, and the Career that Suits You Best
168Overview
Life, leadership, and career advice from Tom Murry: “Everything I do needs to be like a Calvin Klein suit.”
• “It has to be iconic, legendary, and let its brand speak for itself.
• It has to be impeccably precise and carefully considered.
• It has to be tasteful, timeless, and elegant, with nothing unnecessary getting in the way.
• And most important, it has to make people feel great.”
Tom Murry headed Calvin Klein as CEO for seventeen years during a time of massive growth and success for the company. In his first book, Murry describes his decades of experience as a leader in the world of fashion along with personal advice on how he made it to the top of the profession he was destined to have—and how we can do the same in our careers.
Murry gives us glimpses of well-known fashion personalities, institutions, and events, and in an easy-going, humble narrative, takes us from his childhood in Houston to the most influential runways of the world, including his travels around the globe and a stint on an oil rig as a young man. Equally important are Murry’s takeaways on what qualities he believes it takes to become a good leader and how we can use them to achieve success in any workplace. This is not a how-to, but rather a thoughtful and straightforward look at the talents and grace that allowed Murry to thrive in his chosen career. Everyone, no matter their career or stage in life—or their knowledge of or interest in the fashion world—will find this book a fun, informative, and inspirational gift from an author who wants everyone to enjoy the same success in their career that he has.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781626346574 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Greenleaf Book Group Press |
| Publication date: | 10/01/2019 |
| Pages: | 168 |
| Sales rank: | 1,212,001 |
| Product dimensions: | 5.90(w) x 9.10(h) x 0.80(d) |
About the Author
Tom Murry is the retired CEO of Calvin Klein, where he ran the company for seventeen years and facilitated the brand’s growth from $2.8 billion to $7.7 billion in global retail sales. Prior to that, he spent the majority of his career working for iconic fashion brands (including Tahari and Evan Piccone) and rising through the ranks to the greatest job in the world—working alongside designer extraordinaire Calvin Klein. Now enjoying life out of the C-suite, Tom enjoys traveling and golfing. Still married to his beloved junior-high sweetheart, Lynda Murry, he is still as in love with her today as he was the moment he laid eyes on her. The couple will celebrate forty-five years of marriage in April of 2019, and now reside in Palm Beach, Florida, with their two dogs, Bentley and Shadow.
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Taste and Charisma
"My advice is you need to have a vision. Be confident. Or act as if you are confident as a way to get people to believe in you. Then repetition is reputation. Keep growing, keep changing, but always remain true to yourself and your vision."
— Calvin Klein
You can't teach taste. You're just born with it.
That's one way to look at it. And maybe that's true. But if that's the case, there wouldn't be much point in writing a chapter about it, would there? I do believe that a lot of what we call taste and charisma comes from the inside, but as a former student of psychology, I can't help but wonder about the fundamental questions: Is it nurture or nature that's responsible? Are we born with these traits, or do our families, community, upbringing, and culture help to create them?
Regardless of how we come by taste and charisma, I venture to say that if you want to make it to the top of any profession, you're going to need both. And if you weren't raised with or taught (or born with) a sense of what looks good, sounds good, and feels good, then you're going to need to figure out how to learn these things. My hope in this chapter is to share with you where I got my taste and charisma, and if you struggle with knowing what to wear, what to do, what to say, and how to behave out in the world, maybe my experiences here might help you. (At least that's the goal.)
Calvin: A Charismatic Creative Genius
The story goes that Calvin Klein was a bit of an iconoclast from the beginning. Talk about a person with vision, confidence, taste, and charisma! Growing up in the Bronx, he was surrounded by a rough-and-tumble crowd. But that just wasn't for him. He preferred to go shopping with his mother, Flo. He enjoyed watching her put together stylish outfits. When most boys his age were fighting about who was the best baseball player, Calvin had opinions on fashion.
And if history has taught us anything, his taste and opinions were pretty damn spot on. In 1968, he and his childhood best friend and partner, Barry Schwartz, opened a coat company for women; soon, he branched out and began designing dresses. The rest, as they say, is history. Within a decade, he was a design-world darling. By the mid-1980s, he was a household name — not only in the United States but all over the world. Not bad for a skinny kid from the Bronx who loved to shop with his mom.
Calvin's taste and charismatic attitude catapulted him to the top, just as much as his hard work did. I know a lot of hard workers who don't reach the heights Calvin did, and I venture to guess his keen design insights (and knowing almost instinctively what women wanted) as well as his charm had a lot to do with it.
But where did he get these skills? Who made him this way? Many books and articles have sought the answers to these questions, and I am sure Calvin has his own perspective. I wouldn't dare try to speak for him. Also, knowing him the way I do, I think he wouldn't be very interested in looking back on what made him successful. He was and is one of the most forward- looking individuals I have ever met. Still, thinking about Calvin gets me wondering: Where do we get our taste and charisma?
Developing Taste and Charisma
All I can say is I know where my seemingly innate sense of taste came from — it came from my grandmother, my beloved Nana.
When I was only two years old, my father was killed in Korea. I can't even pretend to know how devastating this loss was for my mother and paternal grandmother; all I know is the death of the man I have no memory of changed the trajectory of my life forever. My life would have been very different had I been raised by a war veteran rather than my grandmother, my mother, and the oil executive who married my mother when I was six and moved us to New Mexico and then Oklahoma.
My grandmother, overcome with grief, took great comfort in me, her only grandson, the living embodiment of her lost son. She didn't want to let me go, and she loved to spoil me. Until my mother remarried, she and I lived with my grandmother in Houston, Texas. There, anything I wanted was lavished upon me. I was doted on and adored. My grandmother fawned and fussed over me. She took me shopping at department stores in Houston, and she delighted in showing me off.
She was a beautiful, hearty woman who knew how to pull together an outfit. She wore gorgeous flowing velvets, cut in the style that Marilyn Monroe wore in the movies. Her hair was always perfectly coiffed, and she walked tall with an air of confidence and self-assurance that emanated from her wherever she was.
She also had an abiding appreciation for the finer things in life. Which is to say: She loved nothing more than to blow through every cent my grandfather made each year. Though her husband was a dentist in a thriving practice, she spent every single dime of their money on beautiful clothes, extravagant furniture, and — always — the latest convertible Cadillac. She wouldn't dream of being seen driving anything else.
I watched how my grandmother carried herself. How she greeted and treated people, and even how she got me to love and revere her — through her unconditional, unabashed, and fawning love for me. If I wanted it, she gave it to me. All I had to do to get what I wanted was love her back. You could say my earliest experiences in life were a bit strange for kids of my era. Most kids were punished severely — and regularly — for even the slightest missteps. The 1950s were not exactly the time of "self-esteem building" and "attending to children's needs." Most children were seen and not heard. Parents' problems and their needs superseded all. Most kids learned how to survive rather than thrive during their childhoods. They behaved well, not because they wanted to, but as a way to avoid being spanked. They hid their mistakes from their parents. And they were often shut out from the adult world — parked in front of televisions or thrown outside to play on their own. Ahh, the good old days.
But none of that was my experience. I was told I was loved and worthy of love from the beginning. I was showered with kindness, and I therefore learned only how to be kind. I was taken around town with my grandmother, and instead of being hidden from the adult world, I was actively encouraged to become part of it. My grandmother even took me to work at my grandfather's dentist office, where I sat at the receptionist's desk and greeted patients (and played with pencils and spun in the receptionist's chair).
When I was at home, I had a built-in adult network for friends. My grandmother also hired three women to help raise me, and they were around me at all times attending to my every need. My beloved nannies, Melissa, Carlene, and Atavee, showered me with attention. They told lively stories and doted on me. Like my own mother, they were beautiful and endlessly kind. Atavee, especially. Her radiant skin glowed when she was coming home from dates with her beau (I can still hear the taps from his shoes as he walked her to the door each night). Atavee taught me how to be selfless and gentle. I felt like she spoke to me and respected me not only as a child, but as a friend. I never operated out of fear of being caught or in trouble. I was encouraged at every turn to "be myself" and "to have fun." I felt safe, cared for, and loved.
Confidence + Creative Freedom + Vision = Taste
Growing up surrounded by so much love and attention is what first helped me to understand the power of kindness and love and the impact they could have on a person's creative freedom, vision, confidence, and ability to strive for anything — to take risks, be bold, and be fearless. What could any of us accomplish if we felt we could not fail? If we felt that we wouldn't let anyone down? If we felt empowered to be ourselves and to express ourselves creatively? There is a recipe for developing taste — you need confidence, first and foremost, which will then help you express yourself creatively and freely, and then you need a distinct vision. Add that all up, and you have taste.
My grandmother let me pick out my own outfits when we went shopping in Houston. She encouraged me to be unashamed by what I picked out and wore. She was my model — she carried herself with such confidence and self-assurance. And it is in that confidence, creative expression, and vision that real taste is born — or, more aptly, uncovered. Most of us know what looks good and what feels good and what we should say and what we should do, but in some ways the world beats it out of us. We become self-conscious, worried about what others will think of us, and then we sacrifice what we prefer to appease others. In the end, our sense of taste suffers. Our confidence suffers and then, ultimately, so does our ability to be charming, self-possessed, and in full command of whatever room we walk into.
If you want to someday be in command of a room, you need to be all of these things and then some. You need to have the confidence in yourself that you can do whatever it is you're doing. You have to believe that the choices you made are good ones and are grounded in reality. You have to be a connoisseur of the world you live in. You have to start paying attention to what is all around you. And ask yourself: What do you find beautiful? What makes you feel good? What inspires you?
Calvin Klein — and my beloved Nana — were students of life. They looked around them and sought out what they loved and then celebrated it without shame or embarrassment. They were proud of themselves, and they carried themselves with that pride of conviction. Those two things made them unstoppable in life. And they will make you unstoppable too.
How You Can Do It
So what do you do if you weren't raised to love yourself, freely express your ideas or opinions, or carry yourself with confidence? Stop looking back. Don't beat yourself up any more. Today is a new day. Start over. If you're serious about finding a great fit, the first and most fundamental thing you need to do is to get your body and mind in shape for the suit you're going to put on someday. You're going to have to start gaining some confidence of your own and exercising your own taste and vision.
Whatever industry you're in, you're going to want to study the greats — the people who have gone before you. Seek them out (or, at the very least, read about them). Start exercising your own opinions and creative thinking. Free your mind. What would you say if you weren't worried about what others thought? What would you do if others wouldn't judge you? You might surprise yourself.
Some of the greatest and most inspired minds in the world have gotten that way because they were free to think what they wanted. They were given permission to try new things. The explored new approaches. They also had a soft place to land.
When I was a little boy, I could climb up on Carlene's lap and rest in her arms. I could feel that unconditional love for a bit, let it support me, and then I could go off and do whatever it was I needed to do. That love stayed with me long after I left my grandmother's house, and it taught me something fundamental. If I wanted others to succeed, if I wanted to help others to be confident, charismatic, or think creatively, I had to be there for them like my grandmother, mother, Carlene, Atavee, and Melissa were there for me. I had to offer them a soft place to land. I had to be someone they could count on and someone who could support their vision and creative expression. I had to give them the encouragement they needed to feel confident in their own skin.
If you want to get to the top, start working on your confidence. Start helping others be confident. Express yourself freely, and help others express themselves. Finally, attach that confidence to a vision — an overarching idea of who you are and what you want to become. Before you know it, you'll be commanding rooms with your taste and charisma, just like I have.
CHAPTER 2What Drives Me: I'm Comfortable, but That's Not What Makes Me Happy
"What we really want to do is what we are really meant to do. When we do what we are meant to do, money comes to us, doors open for us, we feel useful, and the work we do feels like play to us."
— Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way
At a young age, I knew I wanted to be financially secure and I wanted to be successful. Those may seem like odd goals for a kid to have, and I would guess it's quite uncommon. Most kids have dreams of one kind or another related to a specific vocation. But when I was a young child, all I knew was that I wanted to be successful and comfortable.
For most of my early childhood, I longed for security. Although my grandmother was wealthy, she sometimes struggled. She spent way more than she should have — not only on me, but on herself as well — and because of this, she often scrambled to figure out a way to cover her expensive and lavish lifestyle. Something deep inside me knew that even though the luxuries were a nice perk of being her grandchild, they came at too high a cost — her peace of mind and mine as well. I never wanted to have to worry about money like the grown-ups in my life did.
Why? Because I realized that, ultimately, I wanted to be happy. Somehow, maybe it was because of my mother's influence, or maybe it was all the love I received from Melissa, Carlene, and Atavee, I didn't equate money with happiness. I equated doing things I enjoyed with happiness. I equated being around people I really liked with happiness. I equated seeing results from my efforts with happiness. Rarely, if ever, did the things that my grandmother bought me bring me happiness. Quite the opposite was true. Sure, when she bought me suits or let me pick out my clothes, I was happy. But I was happy because I was with her. I was happy because she was paying attention to me and letting me make my own decisions and choices. She didn't have to buy me anything to make me feel those things.
In reality, I saw that having a lot of money — and then spending it all — didn't seem to bring my grandmother much lasting happiness at all. Yes, it seemed to be fine for a little while, but as soon as the money dwindled in her bank account, she was depressed, anxious, and worried again. She seemed to be caught in an endless spiral — have money, spend it, stress out, make it back, spend it, and stress out all over again. Whether or not I was conscious of it at the time, my subconscious was definitely taking note: Having a lot of money didn't make someone happy. Instead, as you often hear, I somehow learned (or just knew) that happiness truly does come from within. It really is a choice.
So as crazy and simplistic as this sounds, I made a choice at a young age to be happy. I knew that no matter what amount I made in life, I would be happy — because I would decide to be. And I believe this mindset is one of the reasons why I ultimately became so successful. Instead of buying things to make me happy, I did things that I enjoyed and that made me happy. And one of those things that I have always enjoyed and loved to do was work.
Discovering What Drove Me
Through high school and college, I always maintained two jobs. Even when I was very young (in grade school), I had several early entrepreneurial endeavors. In fact, my first foray into business was selling Christmas wreaths. Yes, at the tender age of six years old, I had an inspired idea. I saw that many doors in the neighborhood were still in need of Christmas wreaths. I thought to myself: Now that's something I can do! So I gathered pine from around the neighborhood, and then I designed and made the pine wreaths, all on my own. When I was all done with my creations, I loaded up a wagon and pulled it through the neighborhood and sold them door-to-door. I had so much fun. And as you do when you're having fun and filling a need — you make money.
During the summer months, I engaged in another entrepreneurial pursuit. I ran a lemonade stand — without lemonade. I thought: Why do what everyone else was doing? I knew that in order to compete in the cutthroat neighborhood-kid business world, I had to stand out. If I couldn't be better, I had to be different. That's just Marketing and Business 101. So while other kids were selling lemonade, I sold candy bars and other kid-friendly items. I am not sure how much money I made, but I do know that those were some of the happiest days of my childhood. There was nothing I would have rather been doing than planning my business ventures and going out and executing them.
The success I experienced then was what you might call addictive. I wanted more of it. I wanted more of feeling useful. I wanted more of contributing in a real way that seemed to make a difference. Little did I know back then that by doing what I enjoyed — finding a need, filling it, and making money along the way — that I was learning what I would eventually do for the rest of my life.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "A Great Fit"
by .
Copyright © 2019 Tom Murry.
Excerpted by permission of Greenleaf Book Group Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Foreword Terry Lundgren, Retired Chairman and CEO, Macy's, Inc vii
Acknowledgments x
Introduction: A Great Fit 1
1 Taste and Charisma 7
2 What Drives Me: I'm Comfortable, but That's Not What Makes Me Happy 13
3 Tom, Tom the Atom Bomb-Be Tough or Self-Disciplined? 19
4 "Teach the Kid a Lesson, but Don't Kill Him" 25
5 I'm as Smart as I Need to Be 31
6 Fraternities and Other Pitfalls of College 37
7 Sink, Swim, or Swim Away 43
8 The Right Partner 49
9 Let Them Come to You (It's Who You Know) 55
10 Working with Difficult People 59
11 Working with Calvin and Other Creative Geniuses 65
12 When Anna Wintour Asks, You Say Yes 69
13 Not All Pros Can Teach; Not All Students Are Ready to Learn 75
14 Take Nothing Personally 79
15 Fundamentals to Business Success-Execution 83
16 No Means No 87
17 Have a Clear Vision 95
18 You May HAVE Talent, but You NEED to Be a Team Player 101
19 It's All About Winning; Otherwise, You're Wasting Your Time (at Work) 107
20 Keep Them Laughing 113
21 Keep the Door Open 117
22 Move On, Let Go, and Let It Happen (No Regrets) 121
23 More to Gain than Lose 125
24 I Did What I Had to Do 129
25 No Talking Business on the Golf Course 131
26 What's Next? 135
My Search to Find a Great Fit 137
Tom's Takeaways for Finding a Great Fit 139
Index 149
About the Author 157
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