A Mother's Journey Through Her Daughter's Pain contains a collection of poems that takes you on a journey that explores every aspect of emotions, such as joy, pain, sorrow, fear, hope, despair and victory.
A true story revealing the raw emotions of a mother's ups and downs as her daughter battles breast cancer. In A Mother's Journey Through Her Daughter's Pain, you should be able to find hope and encouragement and know that the word "cancer" doesn't always mean death.
|Product dimensions:||6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.20(d)|
Read an Excerpt
A Mother's Journey Through Her Daughter's Pain
By Alexis White Thomas
AuthorHouseCopyright © 2015 Alexis White Thomas
All rights reserved.
The Beginning Of A Battle
A lump was found biopsy done; the results are in no
need to frown. The fear that gripped my heart that
day, I fell to my knees and started to pray.
My beautiful twenty-seven year old daughter cancer
of the left breast, Lord, Lord I cried why this test?
Surgery was scheduled, breast removed, I was stumbling
through the day with the bible as my only tool.
Briefly I forgot about God and His awesome power, minuets
dragged on, dragged on for hours. These profound words
the Dr. said had I not removed the entire breast, in a
short while your child may have very well been dead.
The lump that was identified was not the main
source; a lumpectomy would not have solved the
problem of course. The cancer would have continued
to grow, I thank You, Lord I thank You so.
A little Boy Needing His Mom
With tears in my eyes, I hugged my grandson, crying
out dear God he really needs his mom. He was so
innocent and small, please God hear my call.
Sometimes he would ask, is mom ok is she not
feeling good today? Tears I had to hold back, didn't
want him to be afraid and that's a fact.
He knew there was something wrong, didn't understand
afraid to be alone. His mom, he loved with all of his
heart, I prayed they would never, ever be apart.
I knew one day the nightmare would end, this little boy
would still have his mom and friend. This little boy
really needed his mom; after all he was her only son.
Chemotherapy for Stephanie was rough, she hung in
there, and she hung tough. With each treatment she
appeared so frail, for me she always had a story to tell.
Stephanie had the composure of a queen, understood this
was reality, not a dream. I never openly saw her cry, even
when the treatments made her sick enough to die.
Chemotherapy she didn't fear, I have to try it mom if it will
help keep me here. For weeks' chemotherapy treatments she
underwent, she worked and with her son time she spent.
The last chemotherapy treatment was finally done, on to
radiation therapy, more work to come. Thanking God the
chemotherapy was complete, one more demon left to defeat.
I Am In Control
As my child's hair started to fall out, at night I could hear her
cry. Then one morning she said I know what I can do, I will not
wait and I will defeat you. To the barber shop she went and this
is what she said, "Shave every strand of hair from my head".
No wigs, scarves or hats, just a big smile, earrings
and a lot of confidence. Her bravery was something
to behold, she didn't wait she took control.
She will forever be my hero, without her courage Lord I just
don't know. Thanks for giving her strength beyond measure,
thanks for saving her Lord; she is one of my greatest treasures.
I remember the day her radiation treatments started; I was
so fearful and heavy hearted. The ride there not much
was said, visions continuously playing in my head.
We arrived and she went in, as I waited I talked to Jesus
my best friend. I asked Him for guidance, strength
and faith, for reassurance to run this race.
Out of the room she emerged, saying some of the
craziest things I've ever heard. I wondered if they had
radiated her brain, for she appeared a little insane.
She said "mom it was like a giant microwave", with those
words my sanity was saved. Once again God allowed her to
encourage me that was the beginning of her radiation therapy.
A Birthday Celebration
We are so excited, what a party, first giving honor
to God. Balloons and streamers everywhere, can
somebody say, we're having a party today.
Our whole family gathered around, kids laughing, music playing,
what a happy sound. There was a smile on Stephanie's face,
knowing that her life was spared by God's amazing grace.
There was joy, cake and ice cream; I kept pinching myself
to make sure that it wasn't a dream. From her having been
so ill to this, there could never be a greater wish.
A birthday, one to remember, the party was in July, yet, it felt like
Christmas in December. We give God, all the honor, glory and
praise. Thank God for this birthday, thank You in every way.
One day in the month of April 1998, the news that we heard
was marvelous, simply great. Something that I never expected
to hear, tears fell from my eyes and I cried oh dear.
She simply said I am going to have a child, that didn't
register, didn't sink in for a while. She repeated the news,
then I knew that it was true. I remember asking, who you?
She said mom don't look so shocked, when God is for
you nothing can be blocked. Sleepless nights, chemo
and radiation, a new life what a sensation.
New Life The Birth Of A Child
In our wildest dream, we would never have believed,
that a child Stephanie could conceive. On that day
January 19 1999, a star was born and she did shine.
A pretty little girl, her name is Alexis Pearl. A
head full of hair, beautiful curls. She is truly a gift
from God; we love her with all of our heart.
New life, a new beginning, cancer free, yes, we're
winning. Thank God for favor and grace, thanks
for this little girl with such a beautiful face.
Stephanie continued to be healthy and well, working, going
to school, she excelled. She spent time with her daughter
and son, loving and giving, just being a great mom.
One day a big move she decided to make, not just to another
city, but clean out of the state. Stephanie moved half way
around the world, just she and that precious little girl.
Her life was good I must admit, always looking ahead,
she wouldn't quit. The move she made with no regret,
a happy move in my heart I felt she's all set.
Stephanie and Alexis, my husband and I would often
visit; everything was great as a matter of fact it was
exquisite. We would tour the city and do fun things,
happiness to our hearts the visits did bring.
We would eat chicken and waffles, attend church, these are the
things that we loved so much. Happiness within us glowed,
not knowing there was another story that hadn't been told.
To the malls we would often go, this made me happy too, I
never spent much money, looking is what I would do. We all
were very happy then, just living life and trying to win.
I sat watching television with pleasant thoughts on my mind;
the telephone rang, it was my baby girl. Her speech was slow,
words deliberate, tone frightening. I quickly asked what's wrong
and these words she said, "I've got some bad news" Stephanie's
cancer is back, at that moment my whole world changed.
First I screamed and then the tears, this was one
of my greatest fears. How could it be was all that I
could say, as I felt my sanity slipping away.
To the news Stephanie didn't adjust too well, now
that's another story to tell. In a short while I was on an
airplane, traveling in an entirely different lane.
I must admit that I was very sad; at times I was even
mad. I still put my trust in God, even though I felt
as if a knife had ripped through my heart.
A Devastating Blow
Fourteen years cancer free, this day on the mammogram
a lump they did see. A biopsy was done there was
trouble, she couldn't hide, nor could she run.
My child was overwhelmed with fear I was so
far away, I wasn't near She did things that didn't
make sense a lot of wasted energy she spent.
She was lost and so confused she really didn't know
what to do Stephanie had been down this road before
a place that she never again wanted to go.
She was plagued by sleepless nights again she knew
that she had to fight, Slowly the strength started to
come then she looked up and there was mom.
I arrived in Phoenix Arizona, anxiety filled,
still couldn't believe that it was real.
Wondering how to my daughter I would respond,
knowing in my heart that the will of God would be done.
I stepped off the plane with a smile on my face,
my darling daughter, I did embrace.
To me she looked exactly the same,
I hugged, kissed and called her by name.
On to her apartment we went,
a wonderful time before the surgery we spent.
We cherished each moment and each day,
I settled in and prepared to stay.
As I sit in this room and wait, knowing not my
daughter's fate. The devil is trying to creep in,
whispering you know that God is not your friend.
It caused tears to fall from my eyes, again forgetting
that God is on my side. My heart racing beating so
fast, wishing, hoping this day had already passed.
Looking at the people passing by, every now and
then I ask why? A thought so bold entered my mind,
Jesus is the good Shepherd and I'm His child.
I closed my eyes and started to pray, be with me Lord as
you are every day. Guide the surgeons hands, make the
cut precise. I know God everything will be alright.
I am feeling better the tension is gone, God you have never
left me alone. You've been there for me in good times
and bad, I feel your presence Lord and I'm so glad.
The Surgery (3 in 24 hours)
The surgery seemed to have taken forever, but finally it was done.
When the Dr. spoke with us, he said everything went well hon.
Off to the recovery room she went, there the
allotted time she spent. Finally in a room she was
placed, there was a happy smile on my face.
It seemed as if all was right with the world, then
something went wrong. Stephanie was losing blood at an
alarming rate, I cried oh God what will be her fate?
I heard her say over and over again, I am dying,
scary words to hear. The surgery team was called
back, to surgery my child went again.
The routine repeated itself, back to recovery and guess what
else? A couple of hours passed, once again the joy didn't last.
It's Saturday morning, the surgery team is called back, this
time I am scared out of my mind and that's a fact. Her third
surgery in (24) hours, God we need Your healing power.
A Young Girl Beautiful And Smart
This little girl had lots of love for her mom, courageous and brave
with no fear of the unknown. Her own breakfast and lunch she
would prepare, she even chose the clothes that she would wear.
My granddaughter was gentle and kind, the sweetest
eleven year old that you could ever find. Her understanding
was superb, a smart and brilliant young girl.
If she worried about her mom, I couldn't tell,
she handled everything so well. God don't take
her mom away, was my prayer every day.
Have you ever found it hard to smile, has everything seemed
not worthwhile? Your days are endless, your nights are too,
and you wonder how you are going to make it through.
You see the sun, it doesn't appear bright, and you cringe inside
at the daylight. Your world appears scrambled and nothing
makes sense, who in the hell am I trying to convince?
Fighting so hard not to be depressed, turn off my
mind so that I can rest. I say my prayers and I do
believe, why can't this minor thing I achieve?
I am trying to do it on my own, God I can't do
it alone. Help me please to win this battle, right
now that's the only thing that matters.
The sadness that I feel inside, sometimes it's more than I can
take. Sometimes I want to run and hide, as my heart just breaks.
I see a mirror, a reflection, a trace of a smile, Sadness,
fear and desperation, nothing worthwhile. Frustrations
bound by limitations, is there no way out?
My soul feels only humiliation; I have nothing to shout
about. I hang my head for my heart won't let me believe,
with each day I am disappointed and there is just no need.
As I sit here and wait for her treatment to begin, with tears
streaming down my face. I keep looking around, this is an
unfamiliar place, and I know that God is in control.
Don't tell me not to cry, let me express what I feel, maybe
then I can heal. Let me embrace the sadness, so that I can feel
the joy, let me acknowledge fear, so that it I can conquer.
Let these thoughts race through my mind, so that in the
end peace I will be able to find. Let me shout and let me
scream, so that someday soon I will be able to dream.
Do you understand that she is my child, yet I attempt
to smile? God make this for her as painless as can be,
and when it is all over may she be cancer free.
A Bedside Chat
The surgery done, we are looking ahead; the thought of
chemotherapy caused some dread. I watched my child as her
strength returned, from her so many lessons I've learned.
On her bed sometimes I would sit, she would tell me about
that and a little about this. Never during a bedside chat
fear did she express, her attitude was simply the best.
Sometimes I would just watch her sleep; she always looked
as if she was at peace. My granddaughter at times would join
in the chat, and also sitting on the bed was Shyla the cat.
The devil even got in the cat; Shyla ran away and
never came back. We saw her at times roaming the
neighborhood, I prayed for her return, it did no good.
Her leaving made Lex and Stephanie sad, for they loved
Shyla even though she was bad. She left when things were
not right, she would appear at times to taunt them at night.
Lex would attempt to catch her; Shyla would just run
sealing her fate, having fun. Surviving out there on her
own as, if no one loved her and she had no home.
One more thing to add to the pile, another hurt for my child. See
you Shyla around the pool, stay out of the sun and keep cool.
Late at night when the house is quiet, no noise can be heard inside.
I wipe the tears from my eyes; once again I've started to cry.
No need to put on a happy face and smile, at this moment I don't
have to be strong for my child. I can embrace self-pity and be
afraid; I can let these negative thoughts run through my head.
I've made a choice to wipe away the tears, and not let the devil
instill in me fear. I will say my prayers and go to sleep, in the
morning I need to be strong when the devil and I meet.
The devil is not allowed to win, for in God I have a
mighty friend. Even though the outcome I can't see. I
know that in the end Stephanie will be cancer free.
Tears I'm So Sad
Today I must return home, I have to leave my
child alone. My heart is breaking, I am afraid,
have you heard anything that I have said?
Tears are falling, I am so sad, one of the worst feelings that I've
ever had. If only I had been born rich, I wouldn't have to do this.
Her son is coming to stay for a while, but, I'm
her mom, she's my child. I have to leave, I really
must go, and just how I really don't know.
Chemotherapy #2 is today, and God I am so far away. Leaning
and depending on You Lord, trusting in Your holy word.
Take care of her God as she sits in that chair, control the
circumstances don't let her despair. Let good thoughts run through
her mind, someday no cancer cells in her body will they find.
Even though this is only treatment #2, I know that you are
working it out Lord, because that is what You do. Wrap her in the
cradle of your love, for I know that You know she's my little girl.
Take good care of her please, guide her and take
care of her needs. Hold her close and keep her calm,
let her know there is no need for alarm.
A Bad Day
I just can't cry another tear, don't touch me and please
don't call me dear. I just woke up from a nightmare,
I was in hell and of course the devil was there.
Everything that I saw was total chaos, my daughter
is ill the cat is lost. Not enough money to pay my
bills, not enough strength to climb the hill.
In hell it was so dark and black; I hope that I never
ever go back. I'm so confused, what must I do, I can't
shake this feeling, and I am so damn blue.
My family is falling apart, why must life be so hard? When
will this drama end, how much longer do I have to pretend?
I feel myself sinking into despair, I keep looking up,
and I can't see anything there. I can't think, unable to
process, how in the hell did I get in this mess?
Excerpted from A Mother's Journey Through Her Daughter's Pain by Alexis White Thomas. Copyright © 2015 Alexis White Thomas. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Meaning of Key Words, xiii,
The Gift of Expression, xv,
The Beginning Of A Battle, 3,
A little Boy Needing His Mom, 4,
I Am In Control, 6,
A Birthday Celebration, 8,
Amazing News, 9,
New Life The Birth Of A Child, 10,
The Move, 11,
The News, 15,
A Devastating Blow, 16,
My Arrival, 17,
The Wait, 18,
The Surgery (3 in 24 hours), 19,
A Young Girl Beautiful And Smart, 20,
Fighting Depression, 21,
Chemotherapy #1, 23,
A Bedside Chat, 24,
The Choice, 26,
Tears I'm So Sad, 27,
Chemotherapy #2, 28,
A Bad Day, 29,
No One Knows, 30,
Chemotherapy #3(A Mother's Prayer), 31,
Is Anything To Hard For God, 32,
Where Is The Sun, 33,
Chemotherapy #4, 34,
A Request, 35,
A Troubled Talk With God, 37,
Yet Another Test, 38,
The Struggle, 40,
Chemotherapy #5, 41,
Chemotherapy #6, 44,
An Amazing Woman, 46,
The Death Of Shyla The Cat, 49,
Poems Of Encouragement,
God's Peace, 53,
I Can't Stop Praising His Name, 55,
Keep Smiling, 56,
Never Give Up, 57,
Beauty In Each Sunrise, 58,
Don't Be Discouraged, 59,
Keep Looking Up, 61,
Lord I Thank You, 62,
He's Worthy To Be Praised, 63,
Try Jesus, 64,
God Is Good, 66,
If It Wasn't For The Lord, 67,
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Fantastic book, very well written, very inspiring. A must read. May God bless Alexis the author.
I read some of the poets from the publisher, "Author House" and each poem was an uplifting spirit. I personally experience someone with cancer and know if I read this book it would have lesson my daily hurtful feelings. I will continue to pray for the author, Alexis White Thomas, that she will continue to write such inspiring words. God is smiling on you Alexis. I recommend this book not only to people going through cancer, but any unnatural thing that you have encountered.