A Theory of Everything Else: Essays

by Laura Pedersen

Overview

That elusive Holy Grail of modern physics, A Theory of Everything (ToE), would explain the universe in a single set of equations. Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking tackled the problem during their lifetimes and the quest continues today in laboratories around the world.

Leaving string theory, galaxy clusters, and supersymmetry to the Quantum Computer and Hadron Collider crowd, Pedersen has taken up the rest—that is, A Theory of Everything Else (ToEE), based on her own groundbreaking experiences as a dog walker, camp counselor, and Bingo caller. Pedersen’s essays are a series of colorful helium balloons that entertain as well as affirm and uplift. Why, she ponders in one essay, are thousands perishing as a result of assault weapons, carbon emissions, forest fires, pesticides, and processed foods—and yet how lawn darts were banned in the 1980s after two people died? In A Theory of Everything Else, Pedersen vividly demonstrates how life can appear to grind us down while it’s actually polishing us up—and why everyone wants to live a long time but no one wants to grow old.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781631527371
Publisher:	She Writes Press
Publication date:	09/01/2020
Pages:	320
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.40(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Laura Pedersen is a former New York Times columnist and the author of sixteen books and four plays. She has appeared on national shows including Oprah, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today, Primetime, Late Show with David Letterman, and many others. Her book Life in New York won the Seven Sisters Book Award for best nonfiction. Laura writes for several well-known comedians. She currently resides in New York City, and more information can be found at www.laurapedersenbooks.com.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Quadrupeds

Can Dogs Tell Time? 7

Dog Is My Copilot 11

Lying Down with Dogs 17

The Circle of Life 24

Making the Purr feet Match 29

Dognition 36

And a Dog Shall Lead Them 42

Häagen-Dazs Retriever 47

The Tell-Tale Meow 51

Having Pets on Five Cents a Day 62

Bipeds

Stayin' Alive 73

Leave it to Jesus 78

Religious Olympics 85

Church of the Free Refill 89

Blue Collar Blues 99

Speedy Delivery 104

Hurly-Burly 113

Tips for Rebel Girls 118

Omnibibulous 124

Come Hell or High Heels 128

Smokey John's 137

The Tin Man 143

The Big Apple Blossom 148

The Chicken Dance 158

Senior Central 163

All Dads Go to Heaven 171

Estrogen-Americans

Working Girl 183

The Pen Is Mightier Than the Broom 188

A Woman's Right to Joke 197

Lady Scientists 202

Does God Have a Woman Problem? 207

Human Kind

9/11 223

Is Art Necessary? 231

What's Your Story? 241

The Good Life 250

If Truth Be Told 261

Enough Is Enough 271

Is God Watching? 282

We Will All Go Together 294

About the Author 307

Editorial Reviews

08/24/2020

Pedersen (Wanda’s Better Way), a playwright and children’s author, serves up a spirited and observant collection of musings on her past and on modern American culture. Taking her tongue-in-cheek title from physics’ elusive “theory of everything,” she opens with a section entitled “Quadrupeds,” a curious selection of pet-centric essays whose appeal will depend on the reader’s tolerance for doggie humor. But as the book moves onto “Bipeds,” Pedersen addresses more serious subjects, particularly her Catholic upbringing in working-class Buffalo, N.Y., with a touch of irreverent humor (for today’s kids, “a cell phone is like a parole ankle bracelet”). Pedersen hits her stride when she moves to women, or “Estrogen-Americans” (a biological framing of gender some readers will object to), and the collection grows ever stronger from there. Religion, which plays a significant role throughout, is considered here in terms of the role women play in church life and whether there “are advantages to thinking God is watching.” In the last section, “Human Kind,” standouts include a perceptive essay on the “tsunami of choice” of modern consumer culture, a moving piece on 9/11, and musings on cooperating for the common good. Both thoughtful and irreverent, Pedersen’s writings shine an illuminating light on the complexities of human (and animal) nature. (Self-published)

Publishers Weekly

Thurber Prize for American Humor Semifinalist 

“Both thoughtful and irreverent, Pedersen’s writings shine an illuminating light on the complexities of human (and animal) nature.” 
 —Publishers Weekly 

 “The prolific author and playwright parcels her stream of consciousness into wily and witty essays in Life in New York.” —The New York Times

“A pleasing combination of cheer, diversion, and incisiveness.”

—Kirkus Reviews

From the Publisher

2020-06-16
A comic writer offers a collection of merriment.

Former New York Times columnist, essayist, comedian, and writer for the Joan Rivers Show, Pedersen gathers a series of short essays, some autobiographical, some cultural commentary, some philosophical, and all entertaining. In a section on “Quadrupeds,” she expounds on the vagaries of dogs (and occasionally cats); “Bipeds” recalls growing up in Buffalo, New York, in the 1970s; “Estrogen-Americans” considers the plight and power of women (“Does God Have a Woman Problem?” she slyly asks); “Human Kind” takes on overarching questions about art, lying, morality, and the good life. Although Pedersen grew up in a region where “Catholicism seeped into the warp and woof of everyone’s daily life,” she and her family were Unitarian Universalists, which she characterizes as not quite a religion: “we celebrate the two big Christian holidays along with hosting a Passover Seder,” she explains. “The Easter sermon tends to view the resurrection more through the lens of spring and battling greenhouse gasses.” Among a list of very funny Unitarian haiku is this one: “What is the question / to which war is the answer? / Make bumper stickers.” When the author lived in Manhattan (“I spent a number of years on Wall Street valuing things,” she writes about working on the Stock Exchange), she noted that subway delays were so prevalent “that straphangers now share a credo with Unitarian Universalists: Your guess is as good as mine.” Besides skewering consumerism (“Enough Is Enough”), discrimination against women in fields from science to comedy writing, and pretension in general, Pedersen offers a lovely homage to her father, who “possessed a magic power to make humans happy,” and some insightful reflections on community, responsibility, and art. Art’s message, she writes, “is no different from that of a good religion, that lives other than our own have value.”

A pleasing combination of cheer, diversion, and incisiveness.

Kirkus Reviews