From a clinical psychologist who served as a clinical supervisor in the Department of Psychology at Yale University, received the CPA’s award for Distinguished Contribution to the Practice of Psychology, and has treated couples and trained therapists for over four decades, this newly updated, award-winning book provides concrete, proven strategies for those who seek to survive their partner’s infidelity and to rebuild the relationship after an affair.
There is nothing quite like the devastation caused when a partner has been unfaithful. Hurt partners often experience a profound shattering of their familiar and valued sense of self and fall into a depression that can last for years. For the relationship, infidelity is often a death blow.
This new third edition of After the Affair, with more than 600,000 copies sold, helps guide both hurt and unfaithful partners through three stages of healing: normalizing the crisis, deciding whether to recommit to their partner, and rekindling trust and sexual intimacy. It includes a new section in which patients ask questions not addressed in previous editions, and the author provides concrete strategies for earning trust and forgiveness.
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About the Author
Table of Contents
Stage 1 Reacting to the Affair: "Is What I'm Feeling Normal?"
1 The Hurt Partner's Response: Buried in an Avalanche of Losses 9
2 The Unfaithful Partner's Response: Lost in a Labyrinth of Choices 39
Stage 2 Reviewing Your Options: "Should I Stay or Leave?"
3 Exploring Your Ideas About Love 67
4 Confronting Your Doubts and Fears 86
Stage 3 Recovering from the Affair: "How Do We Rebuild Our Life Together?"
5 Learning from the Affair 115
6 Restoring Trust 157
7 How to Talk About What Happened 179
8 Sex Again 206
9 Learning to Forgive 252
10 Sex, Secrets, and Affairs in Cyberspace: Living with the "New" Infidelity 268
Epilogue-Revealing the Secret: Truth and Consequences 292
After the Affair: What's New? 303