After the Affair, Third Edition: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful

by Janis A. Spring

Overview

“Full of juicy, concrete advice to heal from an affair.” —Esther Perel, MA, LMFT, New York Times bestselling author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs

From a clinical psychologist who served as a clinical supervisor in the Department of Psychology at Yale University, received the CPA’s award for Distinguished Contribution to the Practice of Psychology, and has treated couples and trained therapists for over four decades, this newly updated, award-winning book provides concrete, proven strategies for those who seek to survive their partner’s infidelity and to rebuild the relationship after an affair.

There is nothing quite like the devastation caused when a partner has been unfaithful. Hurt partners often experience a profound shattering of their familiar and valued sense of self and fall into a depression that can last for years. For the relationship, infidelity is often a death blow.

This new third edition of After the Affair, with more than 600,000 copies sold, helps guide both hurt and unfaithful partners through three stages of healing: normalizing the crisis, deciding whether to recommit to their partner, and rekindling trust and sexual intimacy. It includes a new section in which patients ask questions not addressed in previous editions, and the author provides concrete strategies for earning trust and forgiveness.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780063045293
Publisher:	HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:	08/25/2020
Pages:	368
Sales rank:	48,884
Product dimensions:	5.20(w) x 7.90(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., is a nationally acclaimed expert on issues of trust, intimacy, and forgiveness. In private practice in Westport, Connecticut, she is the author of the award-winning How Can I Forgive You?, The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To, and Life with Pop: Lessons on Caring for an Aging Parent.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments vii

Introduction 1

Stage 1 Reacting to the Affair: "Is What I'm Feeling Normal?"

1 The Hurt Partner's Response: Buried in an Avalanche of Losses 9

2 The Unfaithful Partner's Response: Lost in a Labyrinth of Choices 39

Stage 2 Reviewing Your Options: "Should I Stay or Leave?"

3 Exploring Your Ideas About Love 67

4 Confronting Your Doubts and Fears 86

Stage 3 Recovering from the Affair: "How Do We Rebuild Our Life Together?"

5 Learning from the Affair 115

6 Restoring Trust 157

7 How to Talk About What Happened 179

8 Sex Again 206

9 Learning to Forgive 252

10 Sex, Secrets, and Affairs in Cyberspace: Living with the "New" Infidelity 268

Epilogue-Revealing the Secret: Truth and Consequences 292

After the Affair: What's New? 303

Notes 323

Bibliography 333

Index 343

Editorial Reviews

This new, updated edition of After the Affair is a must for anyone going through an affair, recovering from betrayal, or working with a couple who needs advice. If you want your relationship to book, buy this book. Her wisdom applies to all of us.” — Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., author of When You’re the One Who Cheats

“Dr. Spring possesses a remarkable combination of clarity, wisdom, spirit, and heart. This is an extremely helpful and healing book—a gift to us all.”
— Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger

“The most comprehensive and balanced book I have ever read on the subject. It is” — Dr. Harville Hendrix

“After the Affair is a wonderful guide for couples who want to reconstruct their relationship after one partner has been unfaithful. In clear, sparkling prose, Dr. Spring explains the sources of infidelity and offers sound, sensible guidelines for mending the relationship.” — Aaron Beck, M.D., founder of Cognitive Therapy and author of Love Is Never Enough

“For married or cohabitating couples who want to rebuild their relationship after one partner has had an affair, this tough-minded, insightful manual will be eminently practical…This wise book fills a gap on the self-help shelf.” — Publishers Weekly

From the Publisher

“After the Affair is a wonderful guide for couples who want to reconstruct their relationship after one partner has been unfaithful. In clear, sparkling prose, Dr. Spring explains the sources of infidelity and offers sound, sensible guidelines for mending the relationship.

Aaron Beck

This new, updated edition of After the Affair is a must for anyone going through an affair, recovering from betrayal, or working with a couple who needs advice. If you want your relationship to book, buy this book. Her wisdom applies to all of us.

Tammy Nelson

Dr. Spring possesses a remarkable combination of clarity, wisdom, spirit, and heart. This is an extremely helpful and healing book—a gift to us all.”

Harriet Lerner

The most comprehensive and balanced book I have ever read on the subject. It is

Dr. Harville Hendrix