Beyond Tears: Living After Losing a Child

Beyond Tears: Living After Losing a Child

by Ellen Mitchell

Paperback(Second Edition, Revised)

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780312545192
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Publication date: 03/03/2009
Series: Revised
Edition description: Second Edition, Revised
Pages: 208
Sales rank: 130,259
Product dimensions: 5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

The book was written by Ellen Mitchell, who has a regular weekend column in Newsday, together with a group of nine mothers who each have lost a child: Carol Barkin, Audrey Cohen, Lorenza Colletti, Barbara Eisenberg, Barbara Goldstein, Madelaine Perri Kasden, Phyllis Levine, Ariella Long, and Rita Volpe.

Read an Excerpt

We are the closest of friends. We share the deepest intimacies of our lives. We wish we had never met.

In the weeks and months following the deaths of our children even as we were totally shrouded in grief, we somehow came to realize that if we were going to continue living…and some of us were not at all sure we wanted to continue living…we would need help.

Lorenza “When you lose a child you need someone who understands your pain, someone who has been there and knows you will never be the same.”

—from Beyond Tears

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction 1

1 The Mourning After: The First Year 9

2 We Are Not Alone 28

3 Intimacy 44

4 Redefining Our Existence 63

5 How We Cope 87

6 Holidays, Birthdays, Anniversaries 105

7 Love, Laughter, and Gratitude 123

8 Until We Meet Again 136

9 The Fathers Speak 152

10 The Siblings Speak 173

Where We Are Now 185

Author's Note 187

Customer Reviews

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Beyond Tears: Living After Losing a Child 3.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 11 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Since my son was killed in an auto accident I read every book I could looking for help. I got more help from this book than any other...It was a like a lifeline. After reading it I bought an additional copy which I actually cut up and left parts around my home for reassurance and comfort. When someone asks me what can they do for a friend who has lost a child, I recommend this book. Since it is written by nine mothers (and nine fathers) who each have a different perspective and different way their child died, this is a book for every bereaved parent, but it is also a book that should be read by everyone. This new edition also has a chapter written by siblings. The loss of a child is a loss like no other and this book is a guide for family, friends and professionals offering insight and understanding and an inside unobstructed view into the real world of the bereaved parent.
LRH More than 1 year ago
I thought this was a good book. It was however, a bit depressing. Having lost my son only a few months ago, I was saddened to read how hard of a time I have ahead of me. As a side note which I did not realize when I purchased the book - the children in this book are all teenagers/young adults. It was nice to read the book because I could relate many of my feelings of anger/irritation with people and realize I was not a terrible person and that others thought it was not fair for someone to live to old age when our children were taken away so young. I also would reiterate one comment several of the ladies made in that the best decision they made was to go back to work. I agree 100%. It was very very hard for me to go back to work; however I feel I would be nowhere near the functioning level I am if I had stayed home. Unfortunately you have to live after this happens and that requires going out and being out in public. It is very hard at first, but does get easier. Flipping of the Easter bunny was one of my favorite parts ---- oh how I can relate to that!
Guest More than 1 year ago
Read this book. Send this book to those you care about, those who might be hurting in a similar fashion, or even those who have been touched by others they care about who have undergone the horror of losing a child. Unfolding within these scant 174 pages, nine mothers, with simple eloquence and brave generosity share with us their individual journeys into the unfathomable; a journey all parents often give thought to and quickly push from their minds - 'a parent's worst nightmare.' These are bold warriors who have put into words their common experiences before and after, and their methods of coping with and defying their pain, honoring their children and teaching others how to do the same. It may be hard to believe but I maintain that while the subject matter may be sad, this is not a sad book, but a book filled with love, hope and rememberrance. A book of instructions on how to help yourself and those family and friends who share your life. One would be remiss if they did not give credit to collaborator Ellen mitchell who presents the stories in such a page turning readable fashion that the book is very hard to put down, and last, but not least, to the fathers who get to 'speak' to us, albeit briefly in Chapter Nine, but with just as much of a powerful punch.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is a must have for any parent who has lost a child, anyone who knows someone who has lost a child and anyone in the mental health field who may come in contact with bereaved parents. Each of the nine authors gives an open and painfully honest account of her loss and journey through the grieving process. There are also sections in each chapter that explain what a bereaved parent may experience as well as what supports these authors found helpful and therapeutic. I especially liked the parts in each chapter where the women are sharing their feelings with one another because it helps to illustrate the importance of critical supports and how these women helped each other to get through the most painful loss any mother could experience. The poems these mothers wrote for their lost children moved me to tears. There is also a chapter in the book where the fathers openly share their feelings and grief with each other as well. I found this book to be extremely well written and, in spite of the difficult subject matter, I had a hard time putting it down.
Mare1214 More than 1 year ago
As a parent of a child who passed away six years ago at the age of 27 after battling cancer for four years, this book was so relatable. My husband who has never picked up a book regarding the death of child, is actually reading this book after I begged him. He has not put it down. It is helping him to understand me better. My support group moms are my friends for life... just as described by the moms in this book. This book is especially helpful for a grieving parent who's child has passed away several years ago because so many people think that after time you go on with your life as you did before the tragedy. I found this book in the library, but plan on purchasing it so that I can always refer to it.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This is such a beautiful, heartwarming book and must be read by any parent who has lost a child, as well as anyone who knows someone who has lost one. It is so admirable that these women and their spouses have given so much of themselves to dedicate a book to help others. I have the utmost admiration for these brave individuals who have gone through one of life's most unthinkable experiences - the loss of a child.
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