Read an Excerpt
Broken Silence
By James R. Dixon
iUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2011 James R. Dixon
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4620-7256-9
Chapter One
Love Side
Fool Of Me Virgin Tainted Love Brokenhearted Love Is Blind Misery Loves Company Frustration Within A Nation Hypnotized Mind The Great Annoyance Wonder Woman Ungrateful Broken Promises Cold December
Fool Of Me
When I look into your eyes
It's hard for me to believe
You don't recognize the signs
I like you and want you to adore me
My sunshine
Turn my fantasy into reality
As you unwind
Visualize a future with me
Or at least this was what I wanted for us
I'm unclear if you wanted this from me
Though this whole time I'm begging love
To stop making a fool of me
When I look at my life
I don't see you with me
I feel lonely inside
In need of your company indeed
My sunshine
Is occupied though I wish was reserved for me
So I explain to you that I visualize
You and me in emotional harmony
Or at least this was what I wanted for us
I'm unclear if you wanted this from me
Though this whole time I'm begging love
To stop making a fool of me
Tainted Love
Recognize
Fantasize
Visualize
Me thinking of you while you think of me
Our thoughts emotionally entwining
While our hearts harmonize
Singing a song deeper than Mary J Blige
Deep penetration inside you to relax after a long day
Champagne on the night stand to take the stress away
Then I heard something I didn't want to believe
Me and another man shared your same intimacy
Your response was "can't we all be free"
The love sounds good to you, but it sounds tainted to me
Recognize
Fantasize
Visualize
Our love experienced on a new plateau
And getting higher; your elevated feelings for me is what I desire
It burns me like fire; when it comes down to the wire
I will do anything to appease you
It comforts me to satisfy and please you
I love you! Please believe my feelings are true
Then I heard something I didn't want to believe
You gave another man the same speech you gave me
Your response was "he like you showed interest in me"
The love sounds good to you, but it sounds tainted to me
Love Is Blind
Till death do us part
That was the commitment I wanted from you
I've invested everything
Even defended you against my own family
Without you my heart suffered
A long summer blight
Followed by a cold winter
Full of many sleepless nights
I would cry in my sleep
Wishing you were there
To replenish a broken heart
Currently in despair
Those in my past polluted my air
But you were a fresh breathe
I'd always panic for my phone
To check for a missed call or a text
The sound of your voice
Helped to relieve my distress
Along with the quiet nights
When I'd rest my head on your chest
Marriage was soon to follow
As this sounded like the perfect picture
Then reality instantly sets it
It was revealed you were only with me to get richer
But look at the big picture
I asked you to be the mother of my kids
When one minute you hated my guts
Then the next you could care less if I lived
Threatening my livelihood
By posting embarrassing pictures of things I did
Threatening to discard birth control pills to sabotage our relationship
Forcing our potential infants to become bastards
By not allowing their father to see his children
The moment I got my publishing deal, you were the first to witness
Assuming we were going to live in sin
In the piece of real estate I purchased
I'm unaware if you've heard this
But I don't condone
You using me as your stepping stone
To get ahead, but you're still worthless
Senryu Intermission
Love is blind and has Impaired my vision In time it will heal for me
Love is blind! The second you let your guard down too far it will take over your mind.
Frustration Within A Nation
Our styles were different
Mine was inspirational
Whereas you wanted someone
Who would let you do what you wanted to do
Screw who you wanted to screw
But I wouldn't let you
Do what you wanted to do
As I felt my way was the best way
And your way others couldn't relate
They couldn't help but to debate
The idiotic methods of your transformation
Which led to undesirable emancipation
Bringing about broken spirits
And shattered dreams
No self respect, low self-esteem
No sense of self worth
As it's been thrown in back of a hearse
Meant to be buried beneath my feet
Oh so depressing
And extremely frustrating
It was to think of you with me
The Great Annoyance
Since the day we split my frustration has erected
Due to my heart being neglected
I was truly disrespected
Rest assured you folded under the pressure
Your insecurities were the worst
As you would play the victim role
When you weren't even hurt
You solely got on my nerves
Arguing with me every chance you had
You wondered why I always got mad
I was tired of you crying when you were sad
And trying to gain sympathy to make me feel bad
Especially when you brought this all on yourself
After all, it was you who threw me on the shelf
I was obviously not what you wanted
Now you're calling me claiming your nights are haunted
By the ghost of me in which you fear to see
But you won't get a tear from me
So I then got the impression you tried to trap me
By claiming you were pregnant and I was the daddy
But the reality is your attitude is jacked up
Yelling like a fire breathing dragon so I backed up
You only made yourself look stupid
As I learned to ignore you and got used to it
I felt like I was walking on egg shells around you
Watching every word I said so you wouldn't claim I hurt you
With everyone else, your mouth was so steek
For someone with a loud bark, your bite was so weak
But when it came to me, you were fierce when confronting me
Yelling, Fussing, Screaming, and Cussing
Finally I found joy in that being all over
And you wanted it to start again, but it was over
Ungrateful
Just when the doubts were out that you would never make it
The show stopper stepped in, picked up the show, and saved it
Before me you were a drunken slob, fully intoxicated
I revamped your lifestyle, but did you ever appreciate it?
I took you from ghetto to class and props you started to take it
I stripped your hands of the alcohol so your life wouldn't get wasted
Your girlfriends were jealous! Seeing us together, they began to hate it
I made you popular, but did you ever appreciate it?
Degrading your body by wearing low cut tops to show your D-Cups
You went from dressing slutty to a classy senorita
Due to my improvements on you everyone was desperate to meet us
I gave you your self-respect, but did you ever appreciate it?
I put you in school and finally got you out of the clubs
I introduced you to classy men rather than dating thugs
Before me you made it rain; because of me you now make it flood
I provided you with diamonds instead of studs, but did you ever appreciate it?
I got you to believe the day you met me was pure fate
I got you off the cheeseburgers and now you're losing weight
At first you couldn't buy a man, but now you have dates
Your life was depressing until I made it great, but did you ever appreciate it?
I got you thinking positive by pulling you out of that evil mind state
With your new attitude people won't be tempted to slap you in your face
You were once gay until I converted you straight
I gave you a new life, but did you ever appreciate it?
All I ever wanted was a thank you! You're so ungrateful!
Cold December
Brace yourself for a Cold December
Tell me if you remember
Brace yourself for a Cold December
As you will be spending it alone this winter
You pushed me out of your life; I hope you remembered
The times we had and things I've done since September
Of the year before as it won't happen anymore
Your childish antics and temper tantrums
Should be non-existent; you're twenty-eight
It's sad you still live life this way
Brace yourself for a Cold December
Tell me if you remember
Tell me if you remember
Your jealous ways and underhanded display
Of a mature woman; it was all just a cover
Like your positive attitude and words you spoke to my mother
As they were all lies which meant you put up a front
Like an Oscar nominated actress telling all the lies you want
As time passed I began to see right through you
You're a boozer! You're not confident and strong! You're a loser!
Brace yourself for a Cold December!
Senryu Intermission
I once felt lucky To have you Now I feel lucky To have you gone
I poured my heart and soul to you only to get ignored. Then you taunted me for lacking emotional forbearance. You annoyed me with your constant blaming, crying, and complaining. You annoyed me by humming the tune of your same old song.
Virgin
When the sun fades, rain shall restore
As my love for you exist no more
I used to spend my nights thinking about how we fought
You were the forefront of my mind, now you're an after thought
Soon to be forgotten due to your lack of gratitude
The bitter judgments you pass provoke your attitude
The hell I've experienced wasn't worth the price of keeping you
As the calamitous words you spoke became true
You met your match with me and weren't ready for this
All the while I waited for you to admit, you weren't ready to commit
You lost your composure and strength; you became an emotional wreck
You don't have the mental capabilities to handle a relationship
I wouldn't dare ask you to come back because I wanted you to leave
To make my life worth living and become stress free
You brought pain to me and ignorance; you see
I'm better off without you and my conscience is free
Brokenhearted
You are coldhearted; I am brokenhearted
You physically corrupted me; I emotionally trusted you
You are ruthless and condescending
I was foolish to believe
That you and me would last for eternity
I am brokenhearted that you're so coldhearted
I fully loved you; you took advantage of me
You are selfish and disrespecting
I was foolish to believe
That you and me would last for eternity
Resentment is all over my face from not letting you go away
The first time you chose to leave I shouldn't have retrieved
Now you're withdrawn for good and I can finally be free
From your ruthless, condescending, selfish, and disrespecting deeds
Senryu Intermission
Patience is a virtue In which you didn't Possess any with me
Your insane actions that were caused by inebriation are the reasons you need anger management. I'm curious to know how you can look yourself in the mirror without vomiting.
Misery Loves Company
Third time is said to be a charm, but turned out that it wasn't
So what do I make of dating you as I felt my time was a waste
Good times were minimal, but then it becomes clear
You were brought here to teach me a lesson
About karma as they say what goes around comes around
I've been around with you on more than one occasion
There was no coronation
I would constantly hit the ground
Many said I would rue the day that I met you
The thought of it made me cry as I would deny
Somehow I was in love and was morally blind
My feelings for you left faster than they came in my sights
From being disgusted in your behavior
Despicable you who bowed to alcohol as your savior
Only to become a raging drunk
More than what you already was
It should've been nothing more than lust
How the hell did I fall in love?
Maybe I was drunk, or hurting in my heart
So you capitalized at the expense of my vulnerability
But rather than continue
You get a thank you from me
Because being around you
Helped me realize what I don't want to be
Pathetic, weak, a loser, and a dead beat!
You're dead to me; you no longer exist!
Hypnotized Mind
Every time I spoke to you
You sounded like you were in a trance
You never got the reaction you wanted
Simultaneously you ignored my advance
So now I understand; I get it
I'm a visionary; you're a witness
I'm a witness to your lack of vision
Prosperity for you died and has no longer risen
That explains why you wanted me back
Questioning my involvement with another woman
Raising hell in my face; causing drama behind my back
Giving me flack about every woman I contact
Then everything you bought you asked for it back
I'm on an emotional rollercoaster
I'm dying to get off
Make up your mind because you're running out of time
One minute you say you love me
The next you want me out of your life
Constantly screaming and cussing
Making yourself out to be the victim in every fight
I consider you dead weight
There's no way I can prosper with you around
Just when I thought I was ahead you'd stack the deck
Consider psychiatric help; you're an emotional wreck
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Broken Silence by James R. Dixon Copyright © 2011 by James R. Dixon. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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