Carolyn's Corner: You Are the Summation of Your Experiences

Carolyn's Corner: You Are the Summation of Your Experiences

by Carolyn C. Vanhinkle

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781490736297
Publisher: Trafford Publishing
Publication date: 06/30/2014
Pages: 176
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.41(d)

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Carolyn's Corner

You are the summation of your experiences


By Carolyn C. VanHinkle

Trafford Publishing

Copyright © 2014 Carolyn C. VanHinkle
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4907-3629-7



CHAPTER 1

A Bloom In Time

* * *
A bloom in time is who I am
The Black Rose that grows by the hour
Showered with the gifts of experience

A bloom in time is who I am
Gathering wisdom as I grow
Helping to show the way by what I know

A bloom in time is who I am
The Black Rose that grows by the hour
Blessings are upon he that listens.


The Mate

* * *

All my life I have been looking for, waiting on, or seeking out my mate. This is not un-common (I know). Very few find their mates early in life, even fewer than that finds their mates for life at all. Most of us travel through life in search of a mate hoping that at each stop that this is it. At last you have found one another.

A mate is not just a person that you have hooked up with. A mate is someone who is willing without reservation to share his/her time, space, thoughts, feelings, love and whatever else they might have with you for life. A mate is someone that you are completely in sync with.

I miss having someone to care about me; but I never had someone to care about me that wasn't selfish, jealous, abusive, and always right. I miss having someone to care about me but, I don't miss being controlled. Life is to be enjoyed not endured. Therefore, I am alone.

I miss having someone to care about me. In the beginning there was no fear and then I was introduced to the world of feelings and I have known fear ever since. What is there to fear one might ask?

Well it's the fear of yet another mistake, more lost time, and the fear of never finding him or him finding me. I miss having someone to care about me but I take comfort in the knowledge that I have been blessed. I know what loving and caring are all about. I know what it takes to complete me and I know the type of man that can make me want to love him forever. Therefore, the search continues and I will settle for nothing less than he who is the mate for me. Thereby begins my saga!


State of Being

* * *

Thinking back into time, past many memories, past time before the beginning of awareness I was one who was without another.

Life without a companion is a bottomless pit; it's a darkroom without walls, and a pain without origin.

Emptiness, loneliness, and heartache describe my state of being.


Where We Are Here and Now

* * *

I think we are all exactly where we are supposed to be in this time and space and because of this we move in motion unbeknown to self to a predetermined destination. The question why it is happening says it all, and reveals the fact that all things prior to and in around this time created this here and now. This is my here and now. I cannot waste another moment of GOD's blessing of life waiting for you to find me nor can I keep my feelings and zest for life on hold for fear that I might lose control and waste myself yet again on a relationship that goes nowhere. This is my here and now I must forego my fears and stop for a drink of what makes my life worth being alive for. Caring, sharing, helping, togetherness, oneness, and loving are the completing factors. So, I stop, I step out of the safety zone, and there he was. My heart seeks him but my mind knows that this in only a stop. But this time I understand why. I know the kind of man for me. It was disavow the moment we kissed. Stranger than fiction, we have met before. "A rose by any other name is still a rose." I prayed for control but my heart still reacts at the sound of his voice. I tremble just being near him and those eyes, those sensuous eyes are embedded in my mind.

I tried not to think of him but my life before him. Something has changed. This is my here and now and his too. We must drink up in this time and space that was created just for us at this time.


Analysis

* * *

I am an advocate of communication thereby conversation is paramount. One must exchange points of view, this is how you become aware of whom and what's around you. I am also, a listener and a reader of the non-verbal. You know that thing that's not being said, that facial, eye and body language that tells the true story. Yet, sometimes still, I find that my reaction time in some cases is premature, too quick. Haste can lead to mistakes. One must always think before speaking or reacting. I'm sure we all have been guilty of this behavior at some time or another. The down side to this of course, is the lack of control. Because control isn't always manageable, readily accessible, doable, or even thought of in a lot of instances, especially when it comes to the affairs of the heart.

Face to Face

You were dressed in black
it was stunning, majestic as a stallion.
Your head piece was white Stetson
it crowned you in glory.
The mood was awkward,
our eyes met, and we lingered briefly.
From deep inside I stirred. Sieged by
familiarity, embarrassed by curiosity
I turned and smiled.


One Night Stand

A one night stand is never forgotten.
Be it good, bad or your worst nightmare.
It could even be the one episode in your life that you will
always be trying to duplicate.
But, a one night stand will haunt your thoughts
time into time to come throughout your life.

A one night stand has an energy level of its own.
Derived from raw intense excitement that has the power
to alter
your regular or normal behavior, your views on life, love,
sex, love making,
lust and the value you place on your actions.

A one night stand is never forgotten.
You want to forget it, you can't stop thinking about it, and
you wish it had never happened.
Why did you go so far, and where is he, the man, my man
that will always sex me like this?
You want to see him again and you know you can't.
First time a one night stand, second time a kind of
mutual understanding, exactly what you don't know but
something has been understood between the two, and
the third time well that's a relationship.
A one night stand in never forgotten.
The first rule of a one night stand, there are no rules.
I'm so stupid no one falls for a one night stand!


The Encounter—(Epilogue)

* * *
Touch me, touch me
Touch me here, touch me there.
Yes! Ohhhhhhhh yes!
This is the feeling.
But how can one talk about the pleasure without talking
about the origin of that pleasure;
That which has made this state of being possible.
Do that again,
More please,
I like that,
Yes right there.
Ummmmmmm Ummmmmmm.
Something in the way he knows.
How did he know to do that?
Oh, yes, oh yes
Shock wave,
After shock,
Star light star bright,
Twinkle, twinkle little star
I'm up here where you are.
Moments of splendor are always remembered.

Romance is only one of my passions that has been left unattended for too long.

The Encounter (Act I)

* * *
Hello, old friend
I remember you well
You have triggered memories buried so deep
They were almost forgotten.

Hello, old friend
I remember, I remember.
My senses, my inner being has been aroused
my body is alive and tingling with excitement.
Something in the way my heart races.
I remember, I remember.
The feel, the smell, the touch and in the air, the thrill of the
unexpected.

Hello, old friend
I'm day dreaming, I'm impatient
and my hands are shaking.
It has begun the first step has been taken, may I have this
dance?

Hello, old friend
Please remember and take care
When there is a chance encounter in the air.

He said, and I asked,
what are the rules to this game?
There is only one, just be fair.
We're both straight up and it's in our face this is what we
have, it must be embraced.

Romance, my old friend
Let's give it ago; you have been left unattended too long
and each passing moment awakens another portal that
has been closed.
Hello, old friend
I remember, I remember
Now is our forever, to be enjoyed never more.


The Encounter (Act II)

* * *
What is it about sex?
The real good love making
that makes your whole body come alive?
Keying in on senses that you are not usually aware of,
depths of emotion that blows your mind.
Man has been trying to put into words
an appropriate description of the sensation
since the beginning of time.
I am no different than all those before me,
all the ones that will come after me,
nor any different than all the ones that are trying now
as I now try,
to attempt to capture the essence of fulfillment.


The Encounter (Act III)

* * *
I've been feeling your presence for days now and as I write
I realize that at least for now I don't want to stop
reliving every moment of the time we spent together.
I can still feel you.
The touch of your lips, your tongue as we joined to kiss.
Your arms around me, the strength and the gentleness of
your embrace.
Your hands as they open and close on mine, and the sound
of your passion
that begins low within and builds up to this sensual voice
that speaks to the desire within me.
I've been feeling your presence for days now,
understanding that
any moment in time, any moment in time that creates a
desire that reaches out like this,
that moment should not be forgotten.


Days End

* * *
Where do I begin for at day's end
you and I were only friends?
A new day unfolds, so many thoughts left unspoken,
so many dreams left untold.
Morning passes through quickly making way for the noon
day chimes
and words of love that rhyme.
Loving words that flow on the air
all my days are yours to share.
On into the night filled with more delights heart stopping
it is.
Where do I begin for at day's end
you and I were just friends?
Still another day arises filling the air with new surprises.
My heart sings with laughter for this is the day after
days end when we were only just friends.


The Awakening

* * *
ALL I CAN SEE IS DARKNESS
AND ALL THAT I FEEL IS COLDNESS.
THERE IS A VOICE IN MY HEAD
THAT CALLS TO ME
TELLING ME TO REMEMBER.
SOMETHING HAS TOUCHED ME,
I AM AFFRAID.

When I think of you and reflect,
I think of the light in your eyes
or when a mischievous thought comes to mind
the way you lower your head and smile.
The way your cologne makes only you smell
or the feel of your touch.
I am aware of a variety of emotions that being near you
arouses.
The newness of our relationship excites me and already
I'm writing in rhymes.
I have indeed been awakened to a new but familiar feeling
and because of this my heart sings.


The Voice of My Lover

* * *
Music in my ears, baritone, deep and sounding,
echoing on a breeze that has no end,
returning every now and again bringing with it one way
desire.
I know that was then and this is now
and there was never to be more.
Yet, I still hear my lover's voice intense and demanding,
so sweet the sounds of love, and so long
is the emptiness that has taken his place.
Just a brief interlude is all it was supposed to be;
instead it's become a haunting memory
that replays itself in my day dreams.


The Longings of a Woman

* * *
As I set thinking of you once again,
I can't help but wish for the youth so long past,
as if being younger would make me more attractive for
you,
more desirable for you.
The mind is a powerful thing. But never once did I dare to
think of you with emotion.
While you were already living in a dream
created by your imagination and the woman in your
thoughts was me.
Wow! You turned my head!
I had to stop
and now I'm asking myself
what must I do to stop thinking about you?
Oh man!
I can't control my thoughts
and I know I know that I'm here by myself (in what I feel).
I know I'm not in love, but I am in something,
and there is unfinished business between us, I can feel it.
Oh man!
There is something about your voice that makes my heart
race.
When I visualize you before me
my hands are gently caressing every inch of your body,
there is a warm feeling that runs from the top of my head
to the moist area between my thighs.
My body is jumping off the hook,
Throbbing and longing for your attention.
It's in the mind you know.
And, my mind has me aching for you.
Make a stop I said, have a taste I said, he wants this too I
said,
Who's going to be hurt? Not us, I said.
It can only take the edge off for me and satisfy his
curiosity, I said.
I should have known that my hunger was too great to
be tasting.


Lover it's So Easy

* * *
Lover it's so easy
I know the play
And it's ok.
Straight up, remember is our way.
Lover it's so easy,
Yet sometimes I wonder what makes these feeling
of love, passion, and desire so unpredictable.
It's like a roller coaster ride of spontaneous emotions;
It's like the fireworks on the 4th of July exploding
thunderously while producing spectacular sights and
sounds.
Lover it's so easy,
You didn't just blow my mind; you thrilled me.
Lover it's so easy,
You need not play, I gave you your out,
Remember, it was you who decided that I had to stay.
Lover it's so easy,
No regrets do I find; where is your mind.
The real world is what I offer you.
Take advantage of my gift of romance and diversion.
Lover it's so easy,
And if the end of the beginning
has arrived and the cycle has completed itself.
No love will be lost and no harm will have been done.
Because, lover it's so easy,
Not to play straight up is the way
And it's ok.


(Continues...)

Excerpted from Carolyn's Corner by Carolyn C. VanHinkle. Copyright © 2014 Carolyn C. VanHinkle. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Contents

Observation, ix,
Dedication, xi,
Presents, xiii,
A ONE NIGHT STAND,
A Bloom In Time, 3,
The Mate, 4,
State of Being, 6,
Where We Are Here and Now, 7,
Analysis, 9,
Face to Face, 10,
One Night Stand, 11,
The Encounter—(Epilogue), 13,
The Encounter (Act I), 14,
The Encounter (Act II), 16,
The Encounter (Act III), 17,
Days End, 18,
The Awakening, 19,
The Voice of My Lover, 20,
The Longings of a Woman, 21,
Lover it's So Easy, 23,
Real Talk, 25,
What Is It, 26,
The Charade, 28,
There Is a Player in the Woods, 31,
The Wild Winds of Desire, 33,
Status, 35,
He Plays Me So Well, 37,
Stranger than Fiction, 39,
What Am I to Do With This Love, 40,
Together in Feelings, 42,
The Ending Song, 43,
The Summation, 45,
I Can Not, 46,
UPDATE, 48,
The Lesson, 49,
State of Affairs, 50,
LOVE LETTERS,
Today the Smile Faded, 54,
I'm Not Just Here, 56,
Waiting, 58,
Soon, 59,
Out of the Night He Comes, 61,
Passing of Time, 63,
Dear Heart, 65,
Please Don't Wake Me from This Dream, 66,
Praise Be, 67,
Come to Me My Love, 69,
No Climax, 71,
What Color is My Love, 73,
Is This Fate or Was I Just Dreaming, 75,
Easy Does It, 77,
Nothing Was Said—Said it All, 78,
Left to Assume, 79,
A New Beginning, 81,
Stepping Off, 83,
The Joining, 85,
INSPIRATION CORNER,
I Am Here, 88,
Music In The Rain, 91,
Soul Food: The Comfort Food/More, 93,
Thanks For Being You, 95,
The Gift, 96,
The Passage, 98,
My Lord How I Love Thee, 100,
I Just Want To Thank God, 103,
The Traveler, 107,
This Is Just The Beginning, 108,
And So I Cry, 109,
Farewell To Mommy, 110,
I Will Always Be With You, 112,
Facing One's Fears, 114,
Jesus For Our Sake, 116,
Are You Sure, 118,
SOMETHING TO PONDER ON,
I Am But A Pawn, 122,
Thoughts In/On Time, 123,
Inevitability/Fate/Destiny, 124,
Realization Of Self, 126,
Inner Self, 128,
This Is Not A Joke, 130,
They Came Upon Us With Out Warning, 131,
Retribution, 133,
We All Cry, 136,
The Rain, 138,
Primal Rhythm, 140,
The Triangle, 142,
Life, 144,
I Am Thee, 145,
The Mind Steps Out, 146,
To Those of You Like Me, 147,
In and Out of Love—The Break Up, 149,
Prologue, 151,
WDAS You Are The Best, 153,
I Am Woman, 156,
Autobiography, 159,

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