Dancing in Her Own Full Moonlight: The Ebb and Flow of Being Fully Woman

Dancing in Her Own Full Moonlight: The Ebb and Flow of Being Fully Woman

by Janelle Fletcher

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781504305396
Publisher: Balboa Press Australia
Publication date: 12/09/2016
Pages: 228
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.48(d)

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Dancing in Her Own Full Moonlight

The EBB and Flow of Being Fully Woman


By Janelle Fletcher

Balboa Press

Copyright © 2016 Janelle Fletcher
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5043-0539-6



CHAPTER 1

Dark Moon — Earth — Winter


"In the depth of my darkness, I patiently discovered light as the winter faded."

Graceful Success

Abundant Inadequacy

Lady in Waiting

Let It Go

Homeless and the Homecoming


Day 1

Graceful Success


I don my cloak of mana,
Gifted by a wise woman friend.
Black and red feathers
A symbol,
A promise.

I feel my mana,
My powerful woman presence —
Strength,
Leadership,
And feminine grace —
Reveal itself from under her cloak.
Unknown where the journey is taking me,
But knowing
In all of my knowingness
It is somewhere
Profound.

* How does the world define success?

* What personal values would you prefer to live your life by?

* How can you live more gracefully while trying to succeed in the world?


Day 2

Abundant Inadequacy


Today I awoke
To the prompt of "Honour rest; do nothing."
Interesting
As I am overwhelmed with impending work, family stuff,
And upcoming Christmas,
And a feeling I will miss the boat
If I do not honour my commitment I made just yesterday
To rise early and write,
And finally reveal some of
My words,
My wisdom
To the world.

Reprieve
From my feeling of abundant inadequacy,
But that is what the dark moon
Offers me today.
Time to be more in my darkness
And the warmth of my bed,
And to know that I am truly
Not inadequate.

I just need the rest
To re-energise my spirit
And rebalance society's needs,
Giving to my family, my business, my community,
And my own soul's needs.
Giving the gift
Of time,
Attention,
Rest,
And love
To me.

* In what areas of your life do you feel inadequate?

* What is the cost of constantly giving to others and leaving yourself depleted?

* What are the benefits to you and others for "honouring rest and doing nothing" more regularly?


Day 3

Lady in Waiting


Lady in waiting.
A pregnant woman
Expectant with her unborn child,
Formed to perfection
But not fully developed yet.
I am not yet born,
But am about to be.

Always in waiting,
Broken promises,
Unfulfilled dreams
Shattered before birthed,
Or gifted at the final hour.

I am about to give birth
After many long weeks and trimesters.
False labour pains have prepared me for the birth.
The true labour pains have begun
And are almost strong enough now
For me to push the child into this world
And be relieved of the waiting
And have promises fulfilled.

The push, however, comes not from the midwife or the husband
Who supports me, the groaning woman,
But comes from deep within
As I flow with the ebb and tide of contractions
And push not with will and might,
But only when my body urges me to.

Time has come to give birth
Not to my child,
But to my new self.

* What aspects of your life require you to be more patient at the moment?

* What are you now wanting to birth within yourself? Creativity? Self-love? Adventure? Intimacy?

* How can you allow your natural body rhythms and the timing of Spirit to help birth these things into being?


Day 4

Let It Go


What do I let go of
In my womanly generational umbilical cord,
That continues to bind me and entangle me in
Busyness, responsibility, and self-sacrifice?

What is it within my veins that calls me to action,
Propels me into doing,
And keeps my well of energy depleted?

Women of my line,
I let go today not of you,
But of the lineage of that which keeps us slaves to others,
Sacrificial lambs
And self-care depleted.

Compassion for others flows,
In fact, throbs through our arteries
As a lineage of caring women,
But arteries are bigger than veins.

Where is the venous return
That re-energises our compassion,
Pure compassion
Unadulterated
By the deep desire

To be validated,
Noticed,
Loved?

Let us stay connected as woman of lineage.
But today I choose to
Cut the cord
Of that entanglement,
Tendency,
Vow.

And the angst that I feel
When I notice
My daughters,
My sons
Reacting to my emerging self-care
And my own reaction
To their self-care practices
That break heavily away
From what I have
Fervently
And with purpose
Wanted to pass on to them.

I realise that it pains me
But that pain
Is the cry
For the severing of that vow,
That umbilical cord,
And that tie
To selflessness.

* What disempowering patterns and behaviours do you notice in your generational line?

* What can you do intuitively today to cut that cord and create a different legacy?

* How can cutting that cord impact not just your future generation, but your past?


Day 5

Homeless and the Homecoming


I remember coming home
To my house of childhood,
Key downstairs,
Waiting to be fetched to let ourselves in.

Unusual because my mum was always there,
But in this instance, she wasn't.
She had started working
But would no doubt return soon after
To see part two of her day begin:
The cooking of the family meal.

Home was an open place for friends,
Strangers, young ones, churchgoers,
And others to assemble,
To be fed well,
And to enjoy some hearty times together.

My home too has been a place
That is open
To travellers, wayfarers,
Exchange students,
Women's gatherings,
Friends of kids,
Birthday party attendees,
And most of all my brood of kids.

But has it been open
When those whom I treasured most
Left the nest
Or were sent away
By me
In my stifling need for
Self-preservation,
Self-care and ease?

The martyr does not offer a home for free.
She offers with some conditions
That may or may not be met.

Did I do my children a disfavour
By the way I was mother and offered home?
Was it not cosy enough for them to want to rest a while there,
Knowing it was a comfortable place to stay?

My heart broke into pieces as I watched our second
Wheel out the door and into no woman's land
To live life on her terms
And fend for herself
In what looked like
The darkness.
But there is joy
In seeing what has come to light
For her.

And our first,
We thought, was old and wise enough
To conquer the world on her own,
As well as allow us space
To provide home
To the younger ones,
Who now required the time and attention

That we had for so long offered her.
But pain for a mother whose nest was emptying,
Minus this beautiful soul at home,
And for a daughter whose decision it was not.

And I faced yet again
The pain that came when our third
Quietly left home with her belongings.
Me, unaware.
Me, completely sorrowed.
But she ventured into the world
That she had courageously chosen.
But what had I missed?
What was my lesson?
Was I so awful to be around?
And how could she be mothered by another
In the way that I hoped she would be
Mothered by me?

And if that was not enough,
My son's own choice
To honour his call as a young teen,
To find home within his father's arms
In a far-off land,
Left an even emptier nest.
But a chick knows there is always a nest to return to,
And a mother bird finds pleasure
In seeing her bird fly confidently
In the winds of change.

And as I take a glimpse
At how number five is gypsying
As an emerging woman
To her siblings and friends more often,
It is perhaps the beginning of her own

Emergence into self
And life discovery
And flying the nest.

And as I think of my youngest
And what a solo child might feel one day,
I am saddened
For the quietness,
The loneliness,
And perhaps the boredom and unease
Of living with parent
But not with siblings.
As youngest,
I cry that he has not experienced family
Or home
As I would ever hope
Or dream for my children.

So, where and what is home for me?
I have not returned to my home for years,
And I wonder if
I would have to put on my straitjacket
Of fitting in to be accepted,
Silence my voice
For fear again of being misheard,
Stifle my vitality
For fear of being seen as crazy,
And feel the discomfort
Of conversation being created
For the sake of breaking the deafening silence
Of lack of connection.

I have not been attached to house
Or country,
But in my aloneness
All my life,
Where I have felt invisible,
Unwanted,
A nuisance,
Different,
I have carried
My shell with me,
Perhaps seen by others
That this home is too small
For them to also reside in,
To cohabitate,
Or to be sheltered from the worries
Of the outside world.

Homecoming has been my quest
For both me and for my kids.
They may not have always found that within my walls
Despite my attention,
Affection,
Intention,
But I am loving the return
Of family
When they knock on my door
Or share their own homes now
With me.

One day soon I will don my backpack
And venture forth again
As my own free spirit in the world
Of home
And non-attachment to others,
But in full attention of myself:
My own needs, comforts, pleasures,
And my own peace and ease
In my heart

That feels like
A hearth, a fire,
And the warmth of feeling
Loved,
Seen,
Me.

* What has been your experience of house and home?

* What would it feel like in your body if you were at home with yourself?

* How can you experience that feeling right here and right now?

CHAPTER 2

Waxing Moon — Air — Spring

"As I breathed a new breath, I began to find spring within me."


The Swing in My Step

Out Cold on the Bathroom Floor

Pipped at the Post

Judgement Day

My Truth Unsilenced

Never Alone

The Ink Floweth

Conception Moon

Day 6

The Swing in My Step


Help me get the swing back in my step,
The tango back in my feet,
And the charleston happening in my spirit —
Not the nervous novice on the stage
About to do her impromptu
Or debut,
But someone who knows her competence
Even in the unfamiliar,
Ready to enlighten,
Entertain,
And equally dance with joy.

* What does life feel like today? A graceful ballet step, head-banging mosh, seductive tango, cheeky charleston, or a slow foxtrot?

* Is your body asking for a different dance, intensity, or change of pace?

* How will you honour what your body is telling you?


Day 7

Out Cold on the Bathroom Floor


Last night I slew the dragon.
I fainted on the bathroom floor.
Memories of childbirth
And the atrocities I have witnessed
In my many lives,
Having cut the umbilical cord this week
To mothering as I have known it,
To the generational lineage of
Service and sacrificial lamb,
And to the sucking of energy
That occurs when I
Connect and care for people.
It feels apt that
I died to my old life,
Waking up on the bathroom floor
Not knowing where I was,
In unfamiliar territory
And feeling a little worse for wear.

* What is your body and energy level telling you today?

* What is dying within you? How can you, in ritual, allow that death to occur?

* What new life is pining within you to have expression? How can you breathe life into that?


Day 8

Pipped at the Post


My puberty memories
Showed me always lagging in the race
To fully become woman.
Always pipped at the post
For the prize
Of first bleed,
First breast buds,
First boyfriend,
First kiss,
First sexual encounter,
First being pleasured
And seen as desirable.

There was always some other
Femme fatale
Who would ruin my race,
Wear the medal,
Claim the bragging rights,
Squeal with delight,
Or proudly fashion her tightest of jeans,
Most buxom of bras,
Or something that looked anything different
From my more asexual-looking attire,
Uniform, or sports clothes.

I did, however, attract the attention
Of older men
Who saw the more internal me,
The talent, strength, intelligence,
And feist within my spirit.

Is that why
I ventured headstrong into academia?
To hide from my feelings
Of not being woman,
Not being desirable,
Or not even being allowed
To show my face of femalehood
In a largely ordered
And religious world
In which I had
To live
To conform,
And which allowed me
To hide my hurt feelings?

Is that why I chose to venture
To the other side of the world?
To escape
And attempt to give
Expression to my feelings,
Find sensuality in my soul and
Freedom in my movement,
And womanliness
In my veins,
In my heart,
Sexual self,
And in my Being?

It was only through life
And what she gifted me
In the pain of anorexia and bulimia,
Deep darkness,
The hotel room,
Infertility,
Loss of child,
Taking on babes as my own,
Pregnancy,
Birthing,
Motherhood,
And the countless woman whom I have helped
Come through their own
Womanly transitions,
Changes,
Uncertainty,
Self-doubt,
Body disconnection.

All of this has gifted me the way
To my womanhood:
The beauty of it,
The pain,
The pleasure,
And the mundane,
But mostly the joy of loving
My body,
Myself,
My ebb and my flow,
And comfort within my skin —
The freedom and joy
Of being fully woman.

There is no better prize than that,
And I happily run
That race every day,
Knowing there is
No winner,
No pipping at the post,
But a journey of other women
Simply finding themselves.
Each learning to embrace life
As a gorgeous, gifted,
Hot, powerful,
Emotional, and content woman,
Happy to be in the skin she's in
And loving the joys
Of being female.

* How did your experience of puberty shape your life as a woman and your respect or disrespect for your body?

* What body changes, transitions, or losses have left you feeling powerless? How have they also empowered you?

* What simple act of kindness can you do today that will show new respect for your body?


Day 9

Judgement Day


To be seen
For who I am
Has paid its toll
Within the ranks.
The judgement:
Unfair,
Unjustified,
Wrong.
Not guilty
Of prostitute,
Negligent mother,
Hopeless businesswoman,
Depressive,
Failed wife,
Controlling,
Heartless.

The gavel falls.

* How are you one of your biggest judges? What has judgement and criticism stopped you from doing or being?

* Whose opinions of you do you let rule your life?

* What would it take to be strong enough to listen to your own inner truth of good-enough-ness?


Day 10

My Truth Unsilenced


What truth would I reveal
If I dared voice what has been hidden,
Ignored,
Or denied a listening ear?

The medical system let me down.
It was uncaring and insensitive
And left me disempowered,
But equally detoured me to the path of more
Enlightened,
Body-connected
Ways of enjoying health
And empowerment.

I was born into religion,
But this squashed me
Into something I wasn't.
Spirituality is allowing me
To be more the real, expansive me
Without being chastised,
Judged,
Or condemned.
Herein lies
Freedom.

Betrayal, when it happens
Within one's circle of women,
Is damaging to one's spirit.
Women equally hold the power, however,
To be the most loving beings
And change the world positively
When they believe in
And support each other.

Motherhood is a blessing,
But is also a great means of learning the lessons
Of loving unconditionally
Without any return of favour.
The more one values motherhood,
The more she may be disappointed
If she seeks validation
Outside of herself.

Busyness
Is not what it's made out to be.
External measures of success are fleeting
When compared to success from the inside of
Self-love,
Connectedness,
Contribution,
Peace,
Love.

Women are born beautiful.
Women are beautiful.
Women will always be beautiful.
We are curvaceous beings,
Ebbing and flowing
With imperfections and perfections,
Giftedness and grottiness,
Smiles and huge sobs of tears,
Aspirations and lack of follow-through,
A desire to be equal
But equally desiring to be princesses.

We are not straight lines.
Neither do we succeed more by
Hiding our curvaceous nature
Behind a veil of success,
Accomplishment,
And getting shit done.

It is ironic that
Women have been silenced
And made into driving and striving machines
By their own choice
Or outside forces,
But have the power
Within their truth
To ignite a revolution
To alter humankind's actions
And to change the world
For good.

For this, however,
We need to allow women to be beautiful women
And bring the feminine —
Still,
Sacred,
And soulful —
Into the everyday living of
Their daily lives.

* What is your truth that you have kept silenced for too long?

* What effect has dampening your truth had on your body, health, and relationships?

* What positive impact could giving a voice to your truth have on you and others?


Day 11

Never Alone


Too many people go it alone
And miss the knowing
That they are not alone,
Not unseen,
Not unsupported.

Within us and around us
Is the abundance of things unseen,
But definitely felt
And recognised
From deep within
When connected to that source of abundance.

Our connection
To spirit,
To nature,
To love
Gives us our day-to-day,
Practical guideposts
Without the angst
Of working it out.

It gifts us
The support crew
Who will hold us
When things get tough,
And who will also whisper
Or even shout to us,
"Keep going!"

We need not fear death,
Our own or others,
Because you and they are not gone.
They are forever connected,
Accessible,
Available,
And on tap
To draw courage,
Strength,
And insight from.

* Who is your support crew (family, friends, God, angels...) from whom you can draw support, strength, and sustenance?

* What signs show you that your support crew is present and helping you now?

* What leap of faith would you take today if you knew you were not alone?


Day 12

The Ink Floweth


The pen in hand,
But no ink.
The mechanics of writing,
Sure, I know how,
But I'm still not taking action
Because I can only see
A word or two ahead,
And not the final lay of the land.

This holds me in sentences.
Now and then comes a paragraph,
Sometimes even a blog post
Whizzed out in the eleventh hour.
But it's disjointed,
Not a whole,
Complete,
Flowing
Book.

What would it take
To allow the ink to flow
As it may?

What would it take
To have crystal-clear clarity,
Or at least feel a degree of comfort
In the way it emerges?

What would it take
To trust that the technical things
Can be easily sorted?

These are just mere details,
Yet my message
In its entirety
Is still kept invisible
Because of such
Distruct,
Lack of clarity,
Lack of focus.


(Continues...)

Excerpted from Dancing in Her Own Full Moonlight by Janelle Fletcher. Copyright © 2016 Janelle Fletcher. Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Contents

Praise, xi,
Preface – The Beautiful Moon, xiii,
Introduction – Invitation to Love, xv,
Dark Moon — Earth — Winter, 1,
Day 1: Graceful Success, 3,
Day 2: Abundant Inadequacy, 7,
Day 3: Lady in Waiting, 12,
Day 4: Let It Go, 17,
Day 5: Homeless and the Homecoming, 22,
Waxing Moon — Air — Spring, 31,
Day 6: The Swing in My Step, 33,
Day 7: Out Cold on the Bathroom Floor, 37,
Day 8: Pipped at the Post, 41,
Day 9: Judgement Day, 48,
Day 10: My Truth Unsilenced, 52,
Day 11: Never Alone, 58,
Day 12: The Ink Floweth, 63,
Day 13: Conception Moon, 69,
Full Moon — Fire — Summer, 75,
Day 14: The Creation Moon at Her Fullest, 77,
Day 15: Burning Flame of Desire, 83,
Day 16: Tarred and Feathered, 91,
Day 17: Uncaged Life Story, 97,
Day 18: My Chosen Kindred Mamas, 106,
Day 19: Mothering the Child Within, 114,
Day 20: The Silent Space, 120,
Day 21: Voice of the Inner Critic, 124,
Waning Moon — Water — Autumn, 133,
Day 22: Not-Good-Enoughness Seeks Companion, 135,
Day 23: Comfy Shoes and High Heels, 141,
Day 24: The Bomb or the Bonfire, 148,
Day 25: The Return, 153,
Day 26: The Peacemaker and the Justice Fighter, 159,
Day 27: Shape Shifting into Self, 166,
Day 28: The Perfect Bloom, 173,
Dark Moon Return — Earth — Winter, 181,
Day 29: Step into My Pause, 183,
Day 30: Love Letter to Self – Je t'aime, 187,
Coming Home – Jahmaya, 195,
Conclusion – Curvaceous Moon, 197,
Acknowledgements, 201,
Resources, 203,
About the Author, 205,

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