Embracing Your Big Fat Ass: An Owner's Manual

by Laura Banks, Janette Barber, Rosie O'Donnell (Foreword by)

Overview

Life is short — too short to spend most of it worrying about what you look like from behind. That fact hasn't stopped women everywhere from obsessing over their weight — specifically, that portion of it resting on their asses. In this gleefully frank new book, Janette Barber and Laura Banks lampoon society's obsession with the gluteus maximus while offering solidarity, support, and inspiring advice to fellow B-FABs (Big Fat Ass Babes). Embracing Your Big Fat Ass encourages readers to accept and love every inch of themselves — including the lumpier parts.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781416542797
Publisher:	Atria Books
Publication date:	06/03/2008
Edition description:	Original
Pages:	272
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.30(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Laura Banks is an an actress and the bestselling author of Embracing Your Big Fat Ass, an Owner's Manual. Laura got her first big break in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. She has also starred in Wheels of Fire, Demon of Paradise, and Retreads. She also wrote, starred in, and served as executive producer for the 2002 documentary The Manhattan Dating Project. After, she appeared on talk shows and news programs including Gooday LA, Gooday NY, and ABC World News, and released her novels Love Online and Breaking the Rules.

Rosie O'Donnell is the founder of Rosie's For All Kids Foundation, which supports early childhood care and education programs, as well as Rosie's Broadway Kids, a program that brings musical theater to New York City public school children. An Emmy Award–winner, she is also a New York Times bestselling author and mother of four.

Read an Excerpt

What's in a Word?

LB: Co-Founding Member Confessional

If the name of this book offends you in any way, Janette and I are not sorry. We are writing this book to make friends, to meet many of you, and have some great tailgate parties on the road, but there is simply no other title that would work for this book. "Embracing Your Big Fat Behind?" "Embracing Your Big Fat Bottom?" Maybe in reviews of this book in magazines and on TV our title will look like this: Embracing Your Big Fat A**. Maybe they'll try to bleep us when we use the word on the local news in Tallahassee. Janette loves the word ass, among other more descriptive terms. By using a profanity — granted, on the lower end of the profanity spectrum, in our opinion — we give the book the "bite" it needs. That's why the word works. It has a bit of snarl to it.

There was an actual event that led to this title. It came about in the summer of 2002. A friend of mine, Carol, came storming into my apartment, slammed my front door, and walked into my kitchen. Carol is a beautiful woman, very turned out with gorgeous designer clothes, a luxury sports car, and a fancy Fifth Avenue job in New York City as an executive secretary. She even has a secretary. She's a secretary with a secretary. Anyway, Carol goes to the gym at least five days per week and has a great body to show for it. Her apartment overlooks the Hudson River with mirrors on the entire wall in the living room reflecting magnificent water views. It's breathtakingly gorgeous. Bottom line: she's a perfectionist in many areas of her life so it couldn't have been easy for her when she finally broke down, looked me square in the eyes, and after a brilliantly crafted pause said, "I give up. I just have to accept the fact that I have a fat ass." I laughed so hard I thought I would pass out. I felt like I had been hit in the ass by a bolt of lightning.

Another factor in the equation was that when Carol zapped me with this declaration of resignation and acceptance of her ass, I was reading the book Embraced by the Light, by Betty Eadie. The book is about Betty almost dying and what she experienced while moving toward "the light," being lifted above mortal concerns into a safe place of peace, understanding, and acceptance. That's when I got it; having a fat ass is like having a near-death experience. You just have to keep breathing and move toward the light, only in this case it's the light coming from the refrigerator.

Fast-forward to 2006 and I still hadn't done anything with this title. I finally worked up the courage to call Janette, fearful that she would think I was crazy to want to write an entire book about my rear end. But she was perfect for the project because she's a hysterically funny writer, and I also knew she had wrestled with her ass in the past. No one would be more capable than Janette to wax poetic on this very weighty subject. When I called her on the phone and told her the title, I had never heard her laugh so hard in my life. I thought that was a good sign.

We're attacking one of life's biggest jokes, one of its deepest injustices — that constant pain in our hearts about not being pretty enough on the outside to find love for ourselves on the inside. Janette and I are not anthropologists. We hold no degrees in science or nutrition. We hold our own self-proclaimed Doctorate in Self-Loathing with a Minor in Using Food for Emotional Control. We've graduated. This is our thesis. It's more than jokes. This is the story of our asses. We've included our real-life confessionals so that you can see how we became who we are.

It's our mission to spread the word: Love your asses. Love yourself. There is no reason to be unhappy anymore. Life should be lived as if it were a near-death experience every day, 'cause if it were, would you really be that concerned about your ass?

Copyright © 2008 by Laura Banks and Janette Barber

Table of Contents

Foreword

Section I The Birth of the B-FABs (Big Fat Ass Babes)

What's in a Word?
Embracing Your Big Fat Ass
Born to Be a B-FAB
Self-Image — A Snapshot from Behind
It's All My Mother's Fault
Big Beautiful Fat Ass Babe Society

Section II Your Life as a Basket Case

Your Family, a Heavy Matter
The Annoying Little Voice Inside Your Head
The Local Fix
Addictions and Compulsions of a B-FLAB (Big Flabby Ass Babe)
Checking Out

Section III Romance and Your Big Fat Ass

Romantic Moods and Moves
That Asshole Todd
Your Backside in the Bedroom
The D-List Boyfriend

Section IV Clothing, Friendship, Shopping, and Other Distractions

Fashion — Not Just for Skinny Babes
Counter Intelligence
Bonding with Your Fellow B-FABs
The Secrets of a Fat Ass Date

Section V A Working Woman with a Waddle

Your Job with a Bouncing BFA
How My Big Fat Ass Paid the Bills
Working for Food

Section VI Attempted Health and Weight Loss Projects

Dieting Sucks Because Baby's Got Back
My Life in Diets
Exercising Your Big Fat Ass

Section VII Leaving It All Behind

Managing Fat Ass Sprawl on Trips of Any Kind
Getting Frisked at the Airport
Pooling Around at the Holiday Inn
Happy Holidass
Christmas Eve Chronicle

In Conclusion The Art of Masstery

The Asstrological Reader
Acknowledgments

Editorial Reviews

"Why would anyone want to be a Skinny Bitch when she could be Embracing her Big Fat Ass instead? Laura and Janette have written a laugh-out-loud, daring, and generous book that challenges body drama in a fearless way. It focused my attention right where it needs to be: smack on my big fat mind. I'm proud to be a B-FAB." — Wendy Shanker, author of The Fat Girl's Guide to Life

"A rare combination of sidesplitting humor and a deeply thoughtful look at the very serious issue of self-esteem. Buy this book and your life will be changed forever." — Bob Burg, coauthor of The Go-Giver

"Embracing Your Big Fat Ass offers a positive twist on the inner female dialogue. It is surprisingly rich in content, with depth well beyond its title." — Susan Winter, coauthor of Older Women, Younger Men

From the Publisher