My eyes are filled with tears. I don’t even know what to do anymore. His breath warms up my neck. “I guess this is goodbye,” I say. “I guess so,” he responds. I never thought this moment would come. It’s the moment in which we are forced to say goodbye.
“Will you marry me?” he asks. Suddenly I freeze. I feel like everyone’s eyes are now focused on us. The sun shines brighter than ever this time of July. The strong breeze awakes me. “Yes. Yes. A million times yes,” I say sarcastically. I don’t know if I meant it or if I was still in shock, but this is all happening too fast. He takes my hands in his. “I promise I will make you the happiest woman in the world because you have made me the happiest man in the world.” “Uh-huh.” I nod. He gets up and kisses me.
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My American Dream
When I finally touched American soil, I had a dream. A dream my goals and expectations. A dream that one day I can become ever I wanted. I don't ever want to be the kind of person that has an ordinary life and an ordinary family. I want to be someone that inspires people to bring out the best in life and let them know you can defenetly make it in America.
My dream is all about life and part of that is having an education. My dream is to finish high school, go to college, get a degree in criminal justice and go to the army. My dream is to become an FBI agent. I would love to the day master ??? act of American sign language so I can help children in ??? the hobbies I want to design my own clothes and be a cosmoto??? I want to learn how to play the electrig guitar and the piano??? parents play the lottery every week and never ever won ??? single penny so I would love, love, love to win the lottery. Someday, someday, its just a dream, just a dream.
If I win the lottery I'm going to buy a masion, by the with a pool inside. I'd also buy a sport car and a limos??? with my own driver. I want to own a tiger, or a dog ??? a tiger but that won't happen. Then have my phone, I can live without my phone. An important part of my American dream is my country and even though I am a citizen of United States, I'm still Cuban 100%. Although I want to ??? London. The most important part of my dream is my ??? I love my family, they've made me who I am ??? I want to one day become an inspirational writer of poetry. I wrote a book and I'm working on publishing it and I'd have to thank my best friend that lives in New York who defenetly inspired me and took a huge roll in my writting as well as in my life. Three quotes that have inspired me are. "Dreams aren't what they use to be", by Chris Motionless from my favorite band Motionless on white. He has inspired me so much I'd love to one day meet him. An other quote is, "Right after we fail, its easy to realize the things we've lost," - by Woe is me. The last quote is a part of a poem a true friend wrote. "A true hero," a true friend beams "No." She shakes her head. The hero is you" - by Alicia Stowe.
"Dreams are real, but not all come true and this is one of those, that is hard to reach. My American dream may not come to life, but maybe if I give it my all, I can one day accomplish my goal." - Alina Ruz
I'm Coming for You
Paper burns, scissors rust ... Now rock go smash scissors, scissors go cut paper, paper cover rock until it crumbles into dust, you don't have to but you must. Now is the time lord of rock, free the blade that others mock. Sugar sweeten, soft drinks gassed, retrieve the kitten release the past. Flee with broccoli, cheese and meat, don't be blind by what you see. Mashed potatoes, veggie medley, into depth dark and deadly. Pickled fair salad frost, reunite the pair that once was lost. If you're back for some more don't be afraid of what you fight for. Hair of rat eye of cat, wing of dragon don't be braggin. This is your lunch, just eat a bunch. Cast a spell and you'll feel well. Love or hate, friend or mate. You'll be crashed and like trash you'll be smashed. Blood all over the place, mud covering your face. By your friend you'll be stabbed, row tell me if you're mad. Catch butterflies or catch a cold, all the paper you can fold. If you forget and you feel blue just remember I'm coming for you.
Once upon a time there was a this boy,
Darkness at My Sight
There I was looking at the roof, staring at the light as the music plays infront of me. It was so amazing as I pictured the colors in my head that could match the tone of the music and of course my mind flies to him. I bite my lips to keep in my tears, they sting like acid in my broken eyes, the strong smile, smile I bravely hold on my face cuts like a blade on my rosely cheeks. I look to my left and see darkness then look to my right and see the girl that has been there for me since the first day. Then my mind flies back to him. I begin to play his voice in my head when he talked so sweetly about her before, that stabs my heart, and I wonder if he is doing the same to me as he did to her? I ask myself so many questions, that only he can answer. The music wakes me from my day dream nightmare, and snaps me back to reality which is no different. Then I realize the music has stopped. I stand up and yet I still can't get him out of my mind. All the questions I have make my head spin like a windmill. She taps me on the shoulder but I'm still wonding in the fantasy that he created. Everyone could see what he was doing, everyone except me. I finally realize that I'm holding up the line and move. I walk silently back to school. That same day in the school library I wait for him to tell him my decision, to tell him that I've chosen my friendship over him. I see him and call him over and tell him everything, including my feeling for him and yet when I end it he just gives me a silent okay. I think to myself and know I did the right thing. I walk out to try and forget about him, to try and forget what just happened, to try and forget his feeling less face, but instead I give a second thought to my decision and without thinking, without knowing what I'm doing I send him a text asking for forgiveness asking for him, but I snap and ask myself whats wrong with me? I push the door and walk out of the school with tears running down my face that burn like paper on fire, the flames in my eyes don't let me see where I walk so I trip and fall, but I get right up. I run as fast as I can as if I was trying to run away from my miserable life. When I get home all I can do is think and listen to the songs that remind me of what we use to have. As I step in, the vapor makes my body numb, and the blisting water stings my flesh as my mind races with questions and no answers. No matter how long I stand under the stinging water, I simply can't wash away my pain and the feeling of regret and remorse that I feel knowing he is no longer mine. I walk down the halls of my school with my head up high trying to black out the world. Walking down the halls of fame smiling, laughing walking past you, shifting my gaze so my eyes won't meet yours. Pictures that remind me of what I use to not have when I was little no worries, no love, nothing to cry about. My heart can no longer break because, there's nothing left in the whole where it use to belong. Now I have no feelings, no remorse, no love left to give. I black out the world from my thoughts, empty inside because, I now know you never cared. I sink deep on my bed with regrets as I close my eyes for a minute and fall into a long sleep with darkness at my sight.
Across My Chest
I wear my heart across my chest,
The only light was given from the full moon that was shinning dully in the darkening sky. All the emotions I carry on my shoulders bring me down, falling like a shooting star. So many thoughts flash before me as life goes on. I try to let myself go but, those walls that keep happiness and laughter away from me are built stronger than ever. I try to knock them down but, its no use, I have no faith. My heart on fire, my head pounding, seeing red because, all I want is happiness. When I think of him my heart skips a million beats, but I wake up from my fantasy and I find myself staring into someone's eyes. I look deeper into her eyes to try and find out her story. Her voice stings my ears as she screams for me to come back to earth. My arms are locked in her hands, flying in the air to try and get me to dance, but I stand there like a lost child in the middle of the woods. I move with the music as my heart pumps blood through my body that feels like boiling water running through my veins. I get a glimpse of him every once in a while and begin to question if I was wrong, he looks happy, but I can see right through him. I think no more of it and keep moving to the beat with a fake smile on my face to hide every possibility of any emotions escaping. I'm dancing like crazy, but tired as hell, tho I never want to stop. I don't let anything else distract me and focus on moving my hips. I'll have to admit that, this is the fur I never had.
Step by step I walk down the stairs of the plain. I push the door open letting my mom, brother, and stepfather in behind me. I rush through the airport almost running until a security guard stops me, I forgot I have to register. I can't wait any longer knowing that my family is waiting behind those huge none see through doors. I finally walk out and everyone's eyes are filled with tears exect mines because, I try not to cry. My tears pound my eyes telling me they want to run down my face. We all hug and kiss each other's cheeks as we walk to the car. Two days after we go to the beach. The long dirt path I walk on now, shows no hope of happiness. I think of turing around and changing my fate, but now the hour is much too late. The waves hit me as I traule in deeper. I see the sand slipping through my toes, tripping on stones, getting up every time I fall, but with less hope. I swim down and sink in, and swim up again, but this time there's no one around. With my eyes wide open. I stare at the beauty of nature under water tho this time, I don't swim up, I can't, some thing's pulling me down. I fight back, but its no use, my life fades to black.
Have you ever loved someone? It hurts.
I never lost hope, I never lost faith, I never stopped believing and I never stopped loving, loving you of course. But today, I've lost everything I love, all the things I dearly wish for can never fly to me. The sun is rising, the dark is fading, the flowers are awaking from a long sleep. With birds in the sky and butterflies in my stomach I say goodbye but know, this isn't a break up its just a goodbye ... for now, I'll say hello again soon, I promise. Wiping my tears and making my fears go away with just a tender kiss. I want to freeze in this moment right here, right now for the rest of my life. Just you and I. The day is here, the last day I'll see you till the snow falls and the birds migrate once again. Rumors say we can't make, though love says we can. Truely I don't know but, I wish, I hope I want it to last. Hand to hand, palm to palm, our hearts lock together and our souls fly where ever we go. My heart breaks into a million pieces knowing that today is the day we say goodbye. From 6 to 10 to 13 there isn't much space, those are the days I'll never forget. The hardest thing I've done is saying goodbye. Sad to know this is the day we say goodbye.
I need someone who would love me,
I sit in class by myself, all the way in the back where no one could see me even if I'm in front of them, they seem to have gone blind. No one ever notices me, no one ever knows when I'm hurt. I'm so see through that not even the teachers know I'm there. I'm fading fast by the second, slowly I completely fade away and not until something terrible happens I'm noticed and yet I'm still see through. Laughs in my ears, blank stares of the living dead, the voices in my head screaming for attention kill me inside. Beat by beat I go down, beat by beat we all go down. The tragic feeling of always knowing that nobody's around to save me. Their bright souls illuminate the darkness inside. This isn't enough to satisfimy greed for love but it'll have to do. Everytime I close my eyes I see nothing, every time I freeze is because, I just want to collapse and have him catch me in his arms. The sun comes up, the sun goes down and there he is on his knees begging for forgiveness begging for me just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry ... I'm never coming back.
Just Say Yes
We've been together for a long time,
The Picnic Day
It was at night when it happened.
It was raining, we'd gone to have a nice picnic. It was a beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky and then it started pouring. Guess we stayed too late. Me, my mom and my dad. My little sister Cati. We were on a curve, all of a sudden, this truck comes around the side of the cliff. It's halfway in our lane and fishtailing on account of the slick road. My dad slams on the brakes and swerves right. We smash into a stone fence and bounce off it. The hood of our car slides under the truck. I see it all again in slow motion, the detail never goes away. They all died, my mom, my dad, my little sister. I was the lucky one. I remember the flares and lots of swirling, and flashing lights. I kept asking where my sister was. I was flat on my back, and the raindrops kept falling straight down at me. "Where's Cati?" I kept asking. Then, "She didn't make it." Thats when I blacked out. I don't remember anything else, except the rain, it kept falling into my eyes washing away my tears.
Excerpted from "Entering the Darkness of Pain and Lies"
Copyright © 2017 Ali.
Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
To my lovely girl: Alina, xi,
My American Dream, 1,
I'm Coming for You, 3,
Darkness at My Sight, 7,
Across My Chest, 9,
Tripping Stones, 13,
Saying Goodbye, 17,
Love Greed, 21,
Just Say Yes, 23,
The Picnic Day, 25,
What You Don't Know Can Hurt You, 27,
Far Away, 31,
The Creeper, 33,
What is Left of Me, 35,
Such a Fool, 37,
Game Over, 41,
The Sin of Our Love, 45,
The Only Reason, 49,
Thirsty At Six, 51,
Game Over (continuation), 53,
The Day Death Takes Control, 55,
Since Always, Until Today, 57,
What Is A Hero?, 59,
Its Time, 61,
Waiting for Superman, 63,
Lying To Myself, 65,
Secret Kiss, 67,
Red and Yellow, 69,
Behind Emotional Bars, 71,
Time & Faith, 73,
The Path of Two, 75,
My Heart Was the Witness, 77,
Turning Point, 79,
Lets Trade Shoes, 81,
The Scars Left Behind, 83,
Fading Away, 85,
Tunel of Life, 87,
Perfect Doll, 89,
Deadly Poker, 93,
Playing Cards, 95,
Red Rose Petals and White Sheets, 97,
My Life Comes in Flashbacks, 99,
The Enemy, 101,
Death Note, 103,
London in Terror, 107,
Wild Fire, 109,
I Sit Over There,, 111,