Everyday Narcissism: Yours, Mine, and Ours

Everyday Narcissism: Yours, Mine, and Ours

Everyday Narcissism: Yours, Mine, and Ours

Everyday Narcissism: Yours, Mine, and Ours


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A step-by-step program that shows how to recognize everyday narcissism in ourselves and others and respond in healthy ways.

Narcissism, in all forms, is a belief that the world revolves around us, and that what happens in the world happens because of us. Most of us live with a form of narcissism so deeply embedded that we don't even know we have it. This "everyday narcissism" (EN) comes from a combination of childhood wounds and powerful myths we were taught as children. Everyday Narcissism helps readers understand how EN manifests in their own lives, and teaches them how to heal it. This awareness provides a foundation for creating greater happiness, more fulfilling relationships, less reactivity, and more meaning.

  • An essential purchase for anyone having difficulty in a relationship, with a partner, coworker, family member, or other loved one.
  • This is the first book for the general reader to specifically address everyday narcissism (EN).
  • Features a Foreword by Anne Katherine, best-selling author of Boundaries and Where to Draw the Line.

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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781942094456
Publisher: Central Recovery Press, LLC
Publication date: 09/12/2017
Pages: 192
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.60(d)
Age Range: 18 Years

About the Author

Nancy Van Dyken is a Licensed Psychologist and Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker in Minneapolis, MN. She specializes in counseling individuals, couples, parents, and teens with depression and anxiety, and has helped people heal relationships of all kinds for over thirty years. 
Nancy is also a trainer and speaker at workshops, seminars, and conferences, where she shares her wisdom and passions for healing relationships.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments xiii

Foreword Finding Your Way Back Anne Katherine xv

Chapter 1 The Myths 1

Chapter 2 Everyday Narcissism vs. Clinical Narcissism 11

Chapter 3 How It Begins 15

Chapter 4 Building Boundaries 45

Chapter 5 How Rules Help Us and Harm Us 75

Chapter 6 Lying to Survive 83

Chapter 7 Victim Energy 99

Chapter 8 Shame: The Outcome of Everyday Narcissism 111

Chapter 9 Distracting Ourselves and Each Other 125

Chapter 10 How Everyday Narcissism Diminishes Our Relationships 143

Chapter 11 When Others Touch Our Wounds 147

Chapter 12 Creating a Healing Environment 157

Chapter 13 Everyday Forgiveness 163

Chapter 14 Everyday Healing 171

Recommended Resources 175

The False Principles Behind Everyday Narcissism 176

The Five Myths of Everyday Narcissism 183

Healing Activities

Become Aware of the Five Myths 40

Notice the Five Myths as You Go About Your Day 40

Notice When You Start to Fall Into the Five Myths of EN 41

Pay Attention to Your Body 53

Let Yourself Make Mistakes-and Apologize When Appropriate 54

Listen to and Name Your Feelings 55

Notice and Investigate Your Anger 58

Explore Your Personal Desires 72

Speak Your Truth 91

Clarify Your Truth 94

Step Out of Victim Energy 106

Notice and Let Go of Shame 116

Recognize Your Defenses and Heal Your Shame 118

Love the Child inside You 122

Name Your Distractors 130

Address Your Needs 151

Prepare Your Heart to Forgive 168

Integrate What You Have Learned into Your Life 171

Healing Tools

List of Feelings 177

List of Angry Feelings 180

List of Needs 180

List of Common Distractors 181

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

"Everyday Narcissism gives us a new and very helpful way to look at narcissism. It reminds us of truths we already knew or suspected but have discounted or forgotten. An easy read, filled with help, good will, and hope. I am wildly enthusiastic about the book!”—Jean Illsley Clark, bestselling author of Self-Esteem: A Family Affair, How Much Is Too Much?

Everyday Narcissism unfolds a way to understand why we are the way we are and do what we do in relationships, even if it’s not good for us. Nancy Van Dyken exposes five erroneous myths about a common perception that our needs will be met if we meet the needs of others first. She helps us understand what gives rise to these myths and offers lots of ways to address them, much to our benefit.”—Connie Dawson, coauthor of Growing Up Again

Everyday Narcissism is a spirited book that’s filled with useful insights and self-help suggestions. Nancy Van Dyken turns the growing problem of narcissism around by helping us look at ourselves, rather than judging everyone else. Her Five Myths, Feelings Lists, Needs List, and many easy activities focus the reader on practical steps anyone can take. By making it simple, Van Dyken helps us nurture ourselves while also paying better attention to our relationships.”—Bill Eddy, c coauthor of Splitting

“This little book offers its readers a BIG liberation! Wisely and sensitively crafted, Nancy Van Dyken examines EN—everyday narcissism—in an informed, honest, and nonjudgmental voice. This is a hopeful, positive gem of a book that I could not put down. I, for one, benefitted from its insights and am putting into practice its many lessons.”—Scherrie A. Foster, Professor of Communication, Fond du Lac Tribal and Community College

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