Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You

by Susan J. Elliott


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A proven plan for overcoming the painful end of any romantic relationship, including divorce, with practical strategies for healing, getting your confidence back, and finding true love

It's over—and it really hurts. But as unbelievable as it may seem when you are in the throes of heartache, you can move past your breakup. Forget about trying to win your ex back. Forget about losing yourself and trying to make this person love you. Starting today, this breakup is the best time to change your life for the better, inside and out. Through her workshops and popular blog, Susan Elliott has helped thousands of people transform their love lives. Now in Getting Past Your Breakup, she'll help you put your energy back where it belongs—on you. Her plan includes:

  • The rules of disengagement: how and why to go "no contact" with your ex
  • How to work through grief, move past fear, and take back your life
  • The secret to breaking the pattern of failed relationships
  • What to do when you can't stop thinking about your ex, texting, calling, checking social networking sites, or driving by the house

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780738213286
Publisher: Hachette Books
Publication date: 05/04/2009
Pages: 272
Sales rank: 58,228
Product dimensions: 8.16(w) x 5.58(h) x 0.57(d)

About the Author

Susan J. Elliott, JD, MEd is the creator of the Getting Past Your Breakup blog and seminar series. A sought-after relationship commentator, motivational speaker, certified grief counselor, and attorney, she has helped thousands of clients and readers transform their love lives. She lives in New York.

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Getting Past Your Breakup 4.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 45 reviews.
JCarmu More than 1 year ago
There are a lot of self-help breakup books but finally there is one that really helps. The advice is to work through your grief while building a new life. Working out the bad while working in the good the book says. The book is meant to be read and re-read and used as a guidebook through the process of moving on. There are great stories from real people, exercises and very pithy helpful advice. The author's "voice" is very personal and you feel as if she's speaking right to you. The book was very easy to read. I found myself more than half way through it in one sitting. There is so much to be learned from this book. Highly recommend.
TangoLola More than 1 year ago
I found Susan Elliot's website ( a couple of years ago and read everything on it. I found wisdom and ideas I had NEVER heard anywhere else. I posted my own questions and got a lot of great advice, including from Susan herself. I did what she suggested, and I healed. The pain has gone. Things are new, a bit scary, exciting, and I'm not always sure where I'm going, but I created my own WHOLE NEW LIFE. And it rocks. And I spot the kind of guy who used to destroy my world - a mile off. And I know just what to do. My life works and my relationships work. The book is like a distilled version of the website - use both and see your life turn around. It's like having your own online cheer squad. Susan is funny, honest and wise - and her ideas WORK. Read this book.
Beatrice_fromtheblog More than 1 year ago
Susan Elliott has written a gem. As a long time reader and major fan of her blog (Getting Past Your Past - GPYP), I was so thrilled to find all the key pieces of her programme in this book. Susan tells it like it is - no nonsense, to the point and completely honest, yet with a huge dose of caring and love. I credit Susan and her programme with still being here and being sane! After being left multiple times by the 'love of my life' (or so I thought), and being utterly broken-hearted, following Susan's advice has allowed me to recover, get through the pain and out the other side, and develop a much better life. This book tells you exactly how to go about getting past your break-up (though it can be used for lots of other losses too) - follow her advice and you WILL get there and, indeed, will find that you are much better off than you were before. Not only is her writing informed by years of study and practice as a therapist and grief counsellor, she has also been through - and come through - so much in her own personal life in the past. I think I have read just about every break-up and personal development book on the planet. But there is only one I keep by my bed. And this is it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I had a devastating breakup with a person that I had a devastating relationship with. And Susan Elliot's blog and this book truly made the difference in my healing. I appreciated that Elliot shares her own personal experience of the demise of her first marriage. She never minimizes how truly hurtful and devastating a breakup can be. But she does advocate personal responsibility and taking care of oneself. She also suggests practical activities a suffering person can do to alleviate pain and eventually become a stronger person who picks better people to be in relationships with--romantic or otherwise. I love this book. And even now, after reading it twice, I will reread certain sections for comfort and direction.
xenali More than 1 year ago
After reading the blog for several years I was hesitant about buying the book figuring, well, haven't I read this already. But, the layout of the book as well as having everything in your hands, at your fingertips, proved to be more than useful for me. I have been going through a break up for what seems like years and having what is going on inside my head and my heart explained in a rational, this is what you need to do way, has been a godsend. I am so thankful there is someone out there who gets how painful and crazy breakups can be and how you can put a stop to the crazy making by sorting through your own stuff. This book really guides you to putting your life back on track.
GRoses More than 1 year ago
This book complements Susan Elliotts blog in a superb way ( It is a practical, down to earth approach, and very easy to read. Other than common breakup literature, this one gives you concrete material to work with (like the inventories, which are elaborated procedures that are recommended to use when dealing with a breakup situation). This is not just a theoretical book, it is designed to be read and applied. What I also find remarkable is that she highlights the subjects from various perspectives and suggests multiple methods (like writing inventories, using affirmations etc). To me, the book is about so much more than just dealing with a breakup: it is about life itself! Since I also know her blog (and am delighted to know it), I highly recommend both the blog as well as this book. It is a safe place to go when one faces a difficult loss (particularly a breakup), and it's a fun community also!
JBMahoney More than 1 year ago
Susan J. Elliott's "Getting Past Your Breakup" is a perfect book for the newly brokenhearted. When you think your world has been turned upside down, Elliott's personal story and actively engaging support has just the answers you need - yes, there are real answers included in the book! An expert in grief recovery, she has heard every unfair story there is. This is an easy to read book that makes you feel like you are having a cup of coffee with a trusted friend. I would recommend the book to anyone who has been handed a relationship pink slip or even active in the dating world. The silver lining with this book is that it will not only help you move forward today, but it will set the foundation for you to have healthier relationships for the rest of your life. It's a book you will flag pages and return to often. Bonus: Elliott also doesn't say good luck and bye-bye on the last page either. Getting Past Your Past, a daily blog, is the ideal follow-up to keep you on track toward your new life.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I recently went through a devastating break up and even after reading lots of online advice, have not been able to start healing properly. I bought this book one day ago, read most of it last night, and have already started on my road map to healing. I feel good for the first time in two months and it is directly related to the exercises that I started. I highly recommend this to anyone who is grieving a relationship and wants to learn how to avoid bad choices in the future.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is hard to read at times, not because the writing is difficult but because when you read it you know what she's saying makes sense. Some parts of the book, the parts that aren't applicable, i.e. kids, were skipped but overall I think this book is extremely helpful -even if you don't take the time to complete the exercises. Really puts things into perspective at a time when you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have given it to three friends going through breakups.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Of all the break-up books on the market, this is by far the most helpful!
KFIowa More than 1 year ago
This is a very practical, comforting and empowering book. Elliot's writing style is really enjoyable and accessible. She puts her heart and soul into this book and into helping others heal. She is so smart and no-nonsense--you will be comforted and also challenged by her. She lets you know that she's been where you are and then she shows you the way out of the pain. If you want help healing from your loss, this is definitely the book!
Seeif More than 1 year ago
This is no ordinary break-up book. Yes, it will help you move through the longing, the desire to reconnect with an ex. Yes, it gives you step-by-step advice on how to take care of yourself as you grieve the loss. Yes, it will give you practical, daily tools, for getting through each day after the break up. But what this book will do which no other break up book can do is: understand what grief is! It will teach you how important working through the grief of this loss is in revitalizing your life. You will learn how grieving your break-up, as well as past losses, is fundamental to creating a life of fulfilled dreams and new love. New love for your yourself, and for the next other. Through the exercises and Susan Elliott's advice you will get to know yourself, your previous partners, and plan for your next partners. GPYB's action plan -- be prepared to write and take lots of action on your behalf -- will make you the chief designer of the most wonderful life you can ever imagine. Its a results-oriented book, and program, for surviving a break up. Then it's a results-oriented program for thriving. This book is about hope, and keeps you moving along with endless "possibility. "
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book does exactly what it says; helps you to move through the grief into a place of healing and then onto a better you! This is not just a book, it is a program that the reader can work through, learn from, and use to move toward better choices in the future regarding relationships. As I work through this book I have stumbled upon many 'A-Ha' moments that I now realize I needed to fix to have better relationships in all areas of my life. Highly recommend this book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is a wonderfully helpful book written in easy and clear language. Anyone wanting to learn from their mistakes and do better the next time will benefit from reading and doing the written exercises. I have recommended this book to many of my patients.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Susan's approach to recovery is cut and dry. She doesn't mince words and knows what works because she's lived it. I can honestly say if it wasn't for her words of inspiration and support, her kick in the butt approach, I don't know that I'd be here to share how amazing this book is.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
If you are struggling to get over someone, this is the book for you! Her follow up book, Getting Back Out There is also essential when you are ready to move on with someone new.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I ended up getting two copies of this book as the first heavily thumbed copy was 'taken' by a friend who had also had a break up. Over the space of a few months it went from being a lifeline that I clung on in a confusing and difficult time, to becoming a much-appreciated hand-book to work through step by step, in making some major changes for the better in my life. Susan Elliott's book and programme is based on the science of how people attach and break up, and is very much focused on a "no contact" approach. She advises on how to restructure one's life with one's own needs and wants at the centre, and to never, never again go chasing after Mr. or Miss Totally Emotionally Unattainable, or other timewasters. The book is equally useful for men as for women going through a painful breakup.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book truly gives you a road map on how to survive and eventual thrive after a major breakup. I looked at several other breakup and grief book. This one gives you clear and straightf orward truths and wisdom from someone who has been through it. This one . Buy this one.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is an encouraging, endorsing, positive book that reminds you that the first happy person you need in your life is You! Too often we imagine that without the love of another, we are nothing. In fact, without self-love, all other loves with be as nothing.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
After a (somewhat) painful break-up I decided that I should go about healing in the best possible way. This book helped me forgive and move on.
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