Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch

Paperback(Mass Market Paperback - Reprint)

$7.55 $7.99 Save 6% Current price is $7.55, Original price is $7.99. You Save 6%.
View All Available Formats & Editions
Eligible for FREE SHIPPING
  • Want it by Wednesday, September 26?   Order by 12:00 PM Eastern and choose Expedited Shipping at checkout.
    Same Day shipping in Manhattan. 
    See Details

Overview

Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch by Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett

According to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (the world's only completely accurate book of prophecies, written in 1655, before she exploded), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in fact. Just before dinner.

So the armies of Good and Evil are amassing, Atlantis is rising, frogs are falling, tempers are flaring. Everything appears to be going according to Divine Plan. Except a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon—both of whom have lived amongst Earth's mortals since The Beginning and have grown rather fond of the lifestyle—are not actually looking forward to the coming Rapture.

And someone seems to have misplaced the Antichrist . . .

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780060853983
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 11/28/2006
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 432
Sales rank: 878
Product dimensions: 4.19(w) x 6.75(h) x 0.86(d)
Lexile: 830L (what's this?)
Age Range: 14 - 18 Years

About the Author

Neil Gaiman is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of more than twenty books for readers of all ages, and the recipient of numerous literary awards, including the Shirley Jackson Award and the Locus Award for Best Novelette for his story "The Truth Is a Cave in the Black Mountains." Originally from England, he now lives in America.

Terry Pratchett is one of the world's most popular authors. His acclaimed novels are bestsellers in the United States and the United Kingdom, and have sold more than 85 million copies worldwide. In January 2009, Queen Elizabeth II appointed Pratchett a Knight Bachelor in recognition of his services to literature. Sir Terry lives in England.

Hometown:

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Date of Birth:

November 10, 1960

Place of Birth:

Portchester, England

Education:

Attended Ardingly College Junior School, 1970-74, and Whitgift School, 1974-77

Read an Excerpt

Good Omens

The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
By Neil Gaiman

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Copyright © 2006 Neil Gaiman
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0060853964

Chapter One

Current theories on the creation of the Universe state that, if it was created at all and didn't just start, as it were, unoffi cially, it came into being between ten and twenty thousand million years ago. By the same token the earth itself is generally supposed to be about four and a half thousand million years old.

These dates are incorrect.

Medieval Jewish scholars put the date of the Creation at 3760 B.C. Greek Orthodox theologians put Creation as far back as 5508 B.C.

These suggestions are also incorrect.

Archbishop James Usher (1580-1656) published Annales Veteris et Novi Testamenti in 1654, which suggested that the Heaven and the Earth were created in 4004 B.C. One of his aides took the calculation further, and was able to announce triumphantly that the Earth was created on Sunday the 21st of October, 4004 B.C., at exactly 9:00 A.M., because God liked to get work done early in the morning while he was feeling fresh.

This too was incorrect. By almost a quarter of an hour.

The whole business with the fossilized dinosaur skeletons was a joke the paleontologistshaven't seen yet.

This proves two things:

Firstly, that God moves in extremely mysterious, not to say, circuitous ways. God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players,* to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infi nite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

Secondly, the Earth's a Libra.

The astrological prediction for Libra in the "Your Stars Today"

column of the Tadfi eld Advertiser, on the day this history begins, read as follows:

Libra. September 24-October 23.

You may be feeling run down and always in the same old daily round. Home and family matters are highlighted and are hanging fi re. Avoid unnecessary risks. A friend is important to you. Shelve major decisions until the way ahead seems clear. You may be vulnerable to a stomach upset today, so avoid salads. Help could come from an unexpected quarter.

This was perfectly correct on every count except for the bit about the salads.

It wasn't a dark and stormy night.

It should have been, but that's the weather for you. For every mad scientist who's had a convenient thunderstorm just on the night his Great Work is fi nished and lying on the slab, there have been dozens who've sat around aimlessly under the peaceful stars while Igor clocks up the overtime.

But don't let the fog (with rain later, temperatures dropping to around forty-fi ve degrees) give anyone a false sense of security. Just because it's a mild night doesn't mean that dark forces aren't abroad. They're abroad all the time. They're everywhere.

They always are. That's the whole point.

Two of them lurked in the ruined graveyard. Two shadowy figures, one hunched and squat, the other lean and menacing, both of them Olympic-grade lurkers. If Bruce Springsteen had ever recorded "Born to Lurk," these two would have been on the album cover. They had been lurking in the fog for an hour now, but they had been pacing themselves and could lurk for the rest of the night if necessary, with still enough sullen menace left for a final burst of lurking around dawn.

Finally, after another twenty minutes, one of them said: "Bugger this for a lark. He should of been here hours ago."

The speaker's name was Hastur. He was a Duke of Hell.

Many Phenomena -- wars, plagues, sudden audits -- have been advanced as evidence for the hidden hand of Satan in the affairs of Man, but whenever students of demonology get together the M25 London orbital motorway is generally agreed to be among the top contenders for Exhibit A.

Where they go wrong, of course, is in assuming that the wretched road is evil simply because of the incredible carnage and frustration it engenders every day.

In fact, very few people on the face of the planet know that the very shape of the M25 forms the sigil odegra in the language of the Black Priesthood of Ancient Mu, and means "Hail the Great Beast, Devourer of Worlds." The thousands of motorists who daily fume their way around its serpentine lengths have the same effect as water on a prayer wheel, grinding out an endless fog of low-grade evil to pollute the metaphysical atmosphere for scores of miles around.

It was one of Crowley's better achievements. It had taken years to achieve, and had involved three computer hacks, two break-ins, one minor bribery and, on one wet night when all else had failed, two hours in a squelchy fi eld shifting the marker pegs a few but occultly incredibly signifi cant meters. When Crowley had watched the fi rst thirty-mile-long tailback he'd experienced the lovely warm feeling of a bad job well done.

It had earned him a commendation.

Crowley was currently doing 110 mph somewhere east of Slough. Nothing about him looked particularly demonic, at least by classical standards. No horns, no wings. Admittedly he was listening to a Best of Queen tape, but no conclusions should be drawn from this because all tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums. No particularly demonic thoughts were going through his head. In fact, he was currently wondering vaguely who Moey and Chandon were.

Crowley had dark hair and good cheekbones and he was wearing snakeskin shoes, or at least presumably he was wearing shoes, and he could do really weird things with his tongue. And, whenever he forgot himself, he had a tendency to hiss.

He also didn't blink much.

The car he was driving was a 1926 black Bentley, one owner from new, and that owner had been Crowley. He'd looked after it.

Continues...


Excerpted from Good Omens by Neil Gaiman Copyright © 2006 by Neil Gaiman. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

What People are Saying About This

Poul Anderson

“An utter delight—fresh, exciting, uproariously funny.”

Clive Barker

“The Apocalypse has never been funnier.”

James Morrow

“A slapstick Apocalypse, a grinning grimoire, a comic Necronomicon, a hitchhiker’s guide to the netherworld.”

Gene Wolf

One Hell of a funny book.

Gene Wolfe

“One Hell of a funny book.”

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See All Customer Reviews

Good Omens 4.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 600 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I would be wasting your valuable time if I were less than direct. Good Omens is one of the funniest and most engaging books I have ever read. Now take the time you've saved by my brevity and use it to start reading this book that much sooner.
lysie More than 1 year ago
This is a great book seamlessly written by 2 authors in a way that you are unable to tell who has written what. The characters are interestingand fun, and the details are compelling and entertaining. I love this book so much that I have purchased 4 copies of it over the years and have had to repurchase because someone has borrowed it and has not returned it. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants to read an offbeat book that does not talk down to the reader.
Danibelle More than 1 year ago
This is one of the funniest books I've ever read. It's one of those books that has you laughing so hard people start to stare at you. Gaiman and Pratchett together are unstopable! One word of advice: Don't skip the footnotes!
Blue-Angel More than 1 year ago
I first read this book when I was 13, much too young to appreciate every reference, and I liked it then. Every re-read has made me like it more. The fate of the world is at stake, and still I laugh at the humor, the absurdity, the *humanity* that shines through. It's not a simple book - the language is smart and the plot has several lines that do tie together nicely. But it's enjoyable to read, not snooty or dense. The characters are fabulous and unique. I've given this book as a gift for a huge range of people - my mom, my husband, my minister, my best friend's new girlfriend. They adored it. You should know, though, that any humorous book that takes on the anti-Christ, witches, the four horsemen of the apocalypse, angels, demons, and Armageddon is not going to appeal to everyone. Especially not those who have an extremely literal take on Biblical matters and an underdeveloped sense of humor. For everyone else, this is highly recommended.
saradippity More than 1 year ago
I keep having to buy it again and again because it's so good I keep loaning it to my friends and I never get it back. They refuse to let it go! But now it gets to stay with me and be mine forever :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Quite possibly my favorite book. I've read it three times and pick up on new things with each read. Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett have created something truly exceptional and wonderfully witty.
Ashes524 More than 1 year ago
I had heard about this book and thought i might try it out, and thank goodness i did! Its a wonderfully funny storyline and dramatic at the same time. And as some reviews say, "The Apocalypse couldnt be any funnier!" Heck, who wouldnt want the end of the world to be funny? Its fun, and a must read! I know that i'm going to have to buy more copies since i read it so much! *wink*
KittyGliter More than 1 year ago
If it weren't for both authors' further writings and illustrious careers this would be a "one hit wonder" showing a "flash of brilliance." Alas, they went on to write copiously and sell obscenely (not vice versa!) so it is just a damn good start to a fine vocational pathway. Lucky us, the readers. There are pithy theological jests, and protracted post-modern diatribes that delight those who are comfortable challenging religious fundamentalism. Oh...and we finally get the answer to "how many angels can dance on the head of a pin." Brilliant and deceptively challenging while highly entertaining.
bookends74 More than 1 year ago
I really enjoyed reading this book. I love books that take place in England, it's such a charming country. Plus the story put a funny spin on the Apocalpse. I would recommend this book to anyone who enjoys fantasy novels or a good comedy.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I stumbled upon this left of center book while browsing in the clearance bin. Little did I know I was picking up what would easily become my favorite read. I've lost count of how many times I've read it and every time, I find myself laughing out loud. I bought an extra copy just for lending; I wasn't about to risk my original! If you like clever, British humor, you have to read this book!
Ca_dave57 More than 1 year ago
A truly entertaining book that is so funny. If you have never read Gaiman or Pratchett take the plunge you will be glad you did. I am a HUGE Discworld fan but this is one of my favorites, I too have had to buy several copies because no one wants to give them back.
IrisBlue More than 1 year ago
One of my favorite books. Humorous, thought-provoking, and intelligent.
HookdNMac More than 1 year ago
This is a very funny book that will literally have you laughing out loud. It has hard to describe it without giving too much away.. but I wish they would make it into a movie because it would be just so much fun to watch. Every needs a good laugh!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I'm a avid reader and have read plenty of books in my day but this one continues to be my favorite. Thos book not only makes you think but makes you laugh at nearly every page. The characters are just too likeable and this is book portrays a wonderful view of Armaggedon. If you don't believe me just look online and I guarentee you will find millions of people raving about this awesome book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Great book, high energy, fun read.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Written in the style of douglas adams
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Folk will think you slipped your rocker as you sit there giggling as you read this book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
a classic
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
U dont get it cuz u dont know half of the stuff written in the bloody book. And it is funny u just need to know what the whole thing means.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Wonderfully funny, drole, clever and extremely well written. Fun to read aloud.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is my all time favorite book. I wore out the paperback version!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
One of the best books i have ever read. Its hilarous and incredibly well written. I can' t recomend this book enough
Thecelticdragon More than 1 year ago
One of the funniest takes on the apocalypse there is! Hysterical premise, funny and quirky characters, uplifting message, and just too funny to miss. A must for every bookcase! Gaiman and Pratchett at their best!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
One of the few books I read over and over again!
FocoProject More than 1 year ago
You will never hear me complain about Neil Gaiman¿s imagination or creativity. I would not know much about Terry Pratchett, author of Discworld, because I have never really been interested in reading his stuff, but I simply had to give this book a try, based entirely on the irony of its subject.

For all intents and purposes, this book is an apocalyptic one, albeit shot up with a good amount of humor, where a satanic nun accidentally hands the antichrist to the wrong family and the kid ends up growing up as¿just a normal kid. The four riders of apocalypse are actually four motorcyclists (Hell¿s Angels), and a not always competent angels and demon are handed the task of keeping good and evil in balance until the end of days. With witches, witch finders, celestial and hellish creatures cut loose, this book counts down to the day that will end it all in a big war for which both Heaven and Hell have long been preparing for.

There is no question that this was a very fun read, the humor in it more than laugh out loud at points, however, it lacked the depth that Neil Gaiman¿s other books have had. Perhaps it is the fact that so many characters enter the story, from the Metatron (the voice of God) to Newt, a young man who thinks he is enlisting for the army, only to find out he has enlisted for an army of witchfinders composed of no more than two people¿and that is including himself. The characters are very colorful, but at the same time not very deep. The potential for greater exploration is there, but instead this book is kept light, meant to be much more comical than serious about its subject and that is not necessarily a bad thing, simply something you need to be aware of.

All in all, it was a fun read and would recommend it to anybody just looking for a good laugh and something to pass time with. But not to anybody looking for a serious read about the end of days.