How Not to Be a Professional Footballer
An anecdote-driven narrative of the classic footballer's ‘DOs and DO NOTs’ from the ever-popular Arsenal legend and football pundit Paul Merson, aka ‘The Merse’.

When it comes to advice on the pitfalls of life as a professional footballer, Paul Merson can pretty much write the manual. In fact, that's exactly what he's done in this hilarious new book which manages to be simultaneously poignant and gloriously funny.

Merson was a prodigiously talented footballer in the 80s and 90s, gracing the upper echelons of the game – and the tabloid front pages – with his breathtakingly skills and larger-than-life off-field persona.

His much-publicised battles with gambling, drug and alcohol addiction are behind him now, and football fans continue to be drawn to his sharp footballing brain and playful antics on SkySports cult results show Soccer Saturday.

The book delights and entertains with a treasure chest of terrific anecdotes from a man who has never lost his love of football and his inimitable joie de vivre through a 25-year association with the Beautiful Game.

The DO NOTs include:
DO NOT adopt 'Champagne' Charlie Nicholas as your mentor
DO NOT share a house with Gazza
DO NOT regularly place £30,000 bets at the bookie's
DO NOT get so drunk that you can't remember the 90 minutes of football you just played in
DO NOT manage Walsall (at any cost)

How Not to be a Professional Footballer is a hugely entertaining, moving and laugh-out-loud funny story.

1100547900
How Not to Be a Professional Footballer
An anecdote-driven narrative of the classic footballer's ‘DOs and DO NOTs’ from the ever-popular Arsenal legend and football pundit Paul Merson, aka ‘The Merse’.

When it comes to advice on the pitfalls of life as a professional footballer, Paul Merson can pretty much write the manual. In fact, that's exactly what he's done in this hilarious new book which manages to be simultaneously poignant and gloriously funny.

Merson was a prodigiously talented footballer in the 80s and 90s, gracing the upper echelons of the game – and the tabloid front pages – with his breathtakingly skills and larger-than-life off-field persona.

His much-publicised battles with gambling, drug and alcohol addiction are behind him now, and football fans continue to be drawn to his sharp footballing brain and playful antics on SkySports cult results show Soccer Saturday.

The book delights and entertains with a treasure chest of terrific anecdotes from a man who has never lost his love of football and his inimitable joie de vivre through a 25-year association with the Beautiful Game.

The DO NOTs include:
DO NOT adopt 'Champagne' Charlie Nicholas as your mentor
DO NOT share a house with Gazza
DO NOT regularly place £30,000 bets at the bookie's
DO NOT get so drunk that you can't remember the 90 minutes of football you just played in
DO NOT manage Walsall (at any cost)

How Not to be a Professional Footballer is a hugely entertaining, moving and laugh-out-loud funny story.

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How Not to Be a Professional Footballer

How Not to Be a Professional Footballer

by Paul Merson
How Not to Be a Professional Footballer

How Not to Be a Professional Footballer

by Paul Merson

Paperback(Reprint)

$13.95 
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Overview

An anecdote-driven narrative of the classic footballer's ‘DOs and DO NOTs’ from the ever-popular Arsenal legend and football pundit Paul Merson, aka ‘The Merse’.

When it comes to advice on the pitfalls of life as a professional footballer, Paul Merson can pretty much write the manual. In fact, that's exactly what he's done in this hilarious new book which manages to be simultaneously poignant and gloriously funny.

Merson was a prodigiously talented footballer in the 80s and 90s, gracing the upper echelons of the game – and the tabloid front pages – with his breathtakingly skills and larger-than-life off-field persona.

His much-publicised battles with gambling, drug and alcohol addiction are behind him now, and football fans continue to be drawn to his sharp footballing brain and playful antics on SkySports cult results show Soccer Saturday.

The book delights and entertains with a treasure chest of terrific anecdotes from a man who has never lost his love of football and his inimitable joie de vivre through a 25-year association with the Beautiful Game.

The DO NOTs include:
DO NOT adopt 'Champagne' Charlie Nicholas as your mentor
DO NOT share a house with Gazza
DO NOT regularly place £30,000 bets at the bookie's
DO NOT get so drunk that you can't remember the 90 minutes of football you just played in
DO NOT manage Walsall (at any cost)

How Not to be a Professional Footballer is a hugely entertaining, moving and laugh-out-loud funny story.


Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780007424979
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 03/01/2012
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 336
Product dimensions: 5.06(w) x 7.81(h) x 0.81(d)

About the Author

Paul Merson was born in Brent, London in 1968. He won two League Championships, an FA Cup trophy and a European Cup-Winner’s Cup medal during his 12 years with Arsenal, before his surprise transfer to First Division Middlesbrough in 1997. He was instrumental in the Boro’ gaining promotion to the Premiership in 1998/99, but left the club less than a month into the new season to join Aston Villa for £6.75 million
During his career he earned 21 full England caps and represented his country at Euro 92 and the 1998 World Cup.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Last Knockings xi

Lesson 1 Do Not Go to Stringfellows with Charlie Nicholas 1

Lesson 2 Do Not Drink 15 Pints and Crash Your Car into a Lamppost 19

Lesson 3 Do Not Cross Gorgeous George 36

Lesson 4 Do Not Shit on David Seaman's Balcony 51

Lesson 5 Do Not Bet on Scotland on Your Wedding Day 67

Lesson 6 Do Not Wax the Dolphin before an England Game 83

Lesson 7 Do Not Go to a Detroit Gay Bar with Paul Ince and John Barnes 98

Lesson 8 Do Not Wander Round Nightclubs Trying to Score Coke 116

Lesson 9 Do Not Get So Paranoid That You Can't Leave the House 134

Lesson 10 Do Not Ask for a Potato Peeler in Rehab 149

Lesson 11 Do Not Miss a Penalty in the UEFA Cup Winners' Cup Semi-Final 156

Lesson 12 Do Not Leave Arsenal with Your William Hill Head On 173

Lesson 13 Do Not Let Gazza Move into Your House 189

Lesson 14 Do Not Ask Eileen Drewery for a Short Back and Sides 207

Lesson 15 Do Not Give Gazza the Keys to the Team Bus 229

Lesson 16 Do Not Tell Harry Redknapp You're Going into Rehab only to Bunk off to Barbados for a Jolly 246

Lesson 17 Do Not Smile at a Sex Addict Called Candy 265

Lesson 18 Do Not Try to Outwit Jeff Stelling 281

Lesson 19 Do Not Admit Defeat (the Day-to-Day Battle) 297

Lesson 20 Do Not Attempt to Pick a Worldy XI (Because It's the Hardest Job in the World) 302

Appendix: Mersonisms - A Soccer Saturday Glossary 317

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

When Saturday Comes“Most football memoirs carefully ration the racy bits as a way of punctuating the otherwise retelling of a career. How Not To Be A Professional Footballer does precisely the opposite.”Zoo“The best read to fall asleep by the pool with.”

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