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Hushed Up! A Mystery of London based on 0 ratings. 1 reviews.
I'm tired of so many things. People, lies, forgiving, putting my trust in people, promises, hurting, feeling useless and used, betrayed, suicidal, losing people l love— Lots'a things l'm sick of. But the main one? Living. Living is what caused all of these things for me. Half the time, l try to think that l'm just a walking thing of water, because we practically are. But, then again, we're not. We're more complex. We feel. We see. We breathe. We taste. We love. We break. We bend. We cry. We hurt.. we do a lot of things. Every time l try and seek help, they leave. I'm impossible. I'm starting to block myself off from people. It hurts too much.. lt does. It really does. Ever since l started rp'ing, l thought it was an escape. But it's only made things worse for me. From my parents beating me, to dchool, to just... me... lt hurts everywhere. Everything hurts. I want to leave. I need the end to set me free. I'm sicm of rp and what it does to m. But it is addicting. I'm sick of feeling suicidal, sick of cutting myself, sick of the bullying and the lazy-ass adults and students doing nothing. I'm sick of myself. Living has gotten too hard for me. I just don't see the point anymore. I keep getting fortune cookies that day l'll have a good life and move back to the east. In fact, l just had one, and it says: Pack your bags! You're going to move to the east! And l was just like, yeah, l know. England. Duh. Like, what? ._. I'm sorry to all those people l'vebhurt. But l hirr. And nobody understands it. At all. I am a xompletely different person than you. I hate hiding ky feelings and masking most of it through music. I hate being a bit<3>ch and locking everybody out, but l'm so afraid they'll leave... l hate it... l hate myself. I hate ky family. I hate the world. I hate America. I hate the laws and the lies and the truth and choice.. all these poison devils. Y'know what l'm sick of? Forgiving people and promising things. My promises are always broken, becaude people l 'trust' don't mnow how to keep their mouths shut. Wow. I was just at 2000 characters left. Now l'm at 1,400. Heh. Oh wll. I'ma keep going. Forgiving has gotten to be a chore. Because once l put trust back in somebody, it is always broken again. Like they thing they can just keep doing it. No. I hate you. I do. I'm just too nice to admit it, as sad as that seems. ._. Another thing l'm sick of is when people tell me ro stop cutting and self harming. I do other things than cut, so telling me to stip cuttinf is pointless. Seriously. I do burn myself. Burn the cuts. I starve myself half the time. I overdose, and all it does is make my cheat burn. There are other methods of self harm, butcutting is just too put out there. They tell me l shouldn't hurt myself ven when l am hurt. Really? Okay. Suuuure. You know, it feels good. It doesn't hurt most of the time. I cry. It releases stress and stuff. I love blood and pain, but only self-inflicted pain. It feels good. What realm does hurting myself when l'm hurting anyway make sense in? Mine. Augh. Hate you all. I want to yake the gun out of the safe and shoot kyself in the head. Multiple times. And bleed out and die and let them find my body. Heh, hell, l'm more afraid of dying in the shower and my parents finding me naked than somebody setting me aflame. Oh well. I'm running out of charcters. And l need my medicine. Anyways. That was my really short, pontless rt. But it made me feel better. So. You know. Thanks, nook, for always being there.