I Hate Myself: Overcome Self-Loathing and Realize Why You're Wrong About You

by Blaise Aguirre, Jewel (Foreword by)

Overview

Learn to understand the unaddressed symptom of mental health

In I Hate Myself: Overcome Self-Hatred and Realize Why You're Wrong About You, internationally known Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School Dr. Blaise Aguirre tackles the pervasive and often ignored issue of self-hatred. This book provides crucial insights into identifying and overcoming this deeply disturbing feeling, explaining why common practices of "self-care" or "self-love" often fall short in cases where self-hatred has become an integral part of a person's identity.

Dr. Aguirre shares compelling first-hand accounts from patients who have battled and conquered self-hatred, revealing the severe impact this feeling has on people from all walks of life and their loved ones. The book delves into the roots of self-hatred, associated mental health disorders, and offers practical strategies for overcoming these challenges.

In the book, you will:

• Learn to identify the origins and signs of self-hatred
• Understand the connection between self-hatred and suicidal behavior as well as to co-occurring disorders like borderline personality disorder and depression
• Discover effective strategies for transforming self-loathing into self-compassion

Perfect for those struggling with self-hatred and their loved ones, as well as mental health professionals, I Hate Myself offers a compassionate and practical approach to achieving self-acceptance. Start your journey towards healing today and embrace the self-worth you deserve.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781394299942
Publisher:	Wiley
Publication date:	02/11/2025
Pages:	304
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

BLAISE AGUIRRE is Assistant Professor in Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School in the Department of Psychiatry. He is a child and adolescent psychiatrist and the founding Medical Director of the 3East dialectical behavior therapy continuum of care at Harvard affiliated McLean Hospital. He is also the author of Coping with BPD, Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder, DBT for Dummies, and Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents.

Table of Contents

Foreword vii

Introduction xi

Structure of the Book xvii

Part 1 Understanding Self-hatred 1

1 What Is Self-Hatred? 3

2 Why Is Overcoming Self-Hatred So Critical? 23

3 Common Signs of Self-Hatred 33

4 The Lived Experience 51

5 What Is the Self That You Are Hating? 65

Part 2 Roots of Self-hatred 75

6 Where Does Self-Hatred Come From? 77

7 Could It Be Temperament or Biology? 99

Part 3 Self-hatred in Mental Health 105

8 Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Self-Hatred 107

9 Other Psychiatric Diagnoses and Self-Hatred 117

10 Other Personality Traits and Self-Hatred 129

Part 4 Treatment and Overcoming Barriers to Treatment 137

11 Targeting Self-Hatred 139

12 Why Is Self-Hatred So Hard to Tackle? 173

13 Reflections of Therapists 187

14 Advice from Those with Lived Experience 197

15 Alternative Treatment Ideas 231

Part 5 Finding Hope and Technology’s Limits 249

16 The Dawn of Hope 251

17 AI’s Take on Self-Hatred 257

Afterword 263

References 265

I Hate Myself 273

Acknowledgments and Gratitude 275

About the Author 277

Index 279

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

"I hope that in exploring Dr. Aguirre's concepts in this book, you will begin to realize that destructive thoughts and opinions and certainties of self-hatred are not only not true but are distracting you from experiencing the journey of a lifetime—discovering who you actually are. And who you are, I promise, is beautiful. Scars and all."
—Jewel, Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter, humanitarian activist, and mental health advocate, from the foreword

"He caught us empty-handed. Blaise Aguirre genuinely captured the essence of a significant gap in the practice of psychotherapy for mental health conditions. While much has been written about distorted thinking and self-criticism in conditions such as borderline personality disorder, OCD, and depression, no one has singled out the concept of self-hatred as a tangible and coherent phenomenon that can be assessed for and treated directly. I thought I knew what self-hatred was, but I only knew how it manifested in other observable symptoms. As a concept of its own, defined equally by the author and by the generous people with lived experience who contributed to this book, self-hatred transcends diagnoses and can be, or rather finally will be, a core treatment target in the alleviation of human suffering."
—Jon Hershfield, MFT, Director of The Center for OCD and Anxiety, Sheppard Pratt Hospital

"Not only is this book beautifully and compassionately written as itself an act of love and inspiration, it shines a light one of the most underlooked topics in mental health and the lives of suffering people who deserve better. It's not just my hope but my belief that this book can bring relief to millions."
—Dr. Chris Willard PsyD, Harvard Medical School faculty and author of How We Grow Through What We Go Through

"In this evocative volume, Blaise Aguirre provides critical information on a deeply painful, yet under-recognized clinical problem: the persistent, unrelenting, and unyielding intense dislike of the self that is self-hatred. In his characteristic straight-talking yet compassionate style, Aguirre not only provides a rich understanding of self-hatred, but the life-saving tools to combat it. This book is essential reading for those who experience self-hatred and the clinicians who support them."
—Carla Sharp, Ph.D., John and Rebecca Moores Professor, University of Houston

"With a questing knight's stalwart heart, a philosopher's sweeping vision, and a poet's relentless pursuit of beauty, Dr. Aguirre approaches a dragon’s lair where many fear to tread and successfully develops an empathic descriptive phenomenology of self-hatred and a full quiver of actionable strategies for both patients and clinicians. His stirring vision of how to understand and target self-hatred got me thinking more deeply about my patients and myself, and it rattled all the chambers of my heart. For all those who suffer the sting and scrape of this particular dragon's claw, with this book Dr. Aguirre may just have landed a javelin toss that pierces the heart of suffering, lets in some light, and recovers what is irrefutably worthy of love."
—Brandon Unruh, MD, Founding Director, Mentalization-Based Treatment Clinic, McLean Hospital, Instructor in Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School

"A long overdue masterful deep dive into the importance of tackling self-hatred head-on, with expert viewpoints from individuals with lived experience and mental health professionals. This is a must-read for those impacted by self-hatred, with insights to overcome this distressing core belief, and for therapists and researchers to take up the challenge of addressing this condition, allowing affected individuals to reclaim their self-worth."
—Lynn Courey, CSW, founder and president of The Sashbear Foundation, helping families with skills and hope

"World-renowned expert on borderline personality disorder, Dr. Blaise Aguirre draws on over 24 years of experience at McLean Hospital and in private practice to delve into the roots of self-hatred. Through his insights, Dr. Aguirre offers a path toward healing for both clinicians and patients, illuminating ways to foster understanding and resilience."
—Neal Mills, MD, Inspiring Children Foundation

"The author’s unparalleled insights into navigating the immense pressures of young adulthood—particularly the college transition—is nothing short of transformative. At a time when both students and parents face overwhelming emotional and psychological challenges, this guide is an essential resource. The author's ability to address the often-overlooked psychological dynamics with parent, child in the high-school to college transition makes this work groundbreaking and truly invaluable for families seeking a path to success during this critical phase. Beyond the book, on a personal note, our foundation has worked very closely with Dr. Aguirre and we have witnessed firsthand the practical ideas outlined in the book."
—Ryan Wolfington, Co-founder of Inspiring Children Foundation; President, Jewel Inc.

"Dr. Blaise Aguirre has led the way on many clinical issues. Here he again breaks new ground on the poorly understood and researched topic of self-loathing. He starts with asking his patients what they have experienced, and confirms with his colleagues that they are not trained to help people with this issue. This practical and ultimately hopeful book will be of use to individuals, families, and therapists alike."
—Ken Duckworth, MD, Chief Medical Officer, NAMI, and author of You Are Not Alone: The NAMI Guide to Navigating Mental Health