I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women's Lives

by F. Diane Barth

Overview

An expert's rich exploration of the intense, complicated landscape of women's friendships.

“Do I have enough friends?” “Why did my friendship end?” and “What makes a good friendship work?"

These are questions that F. Diane Barth, a psychotherapist widely recognized for her expertise in women’s relationships, fields all the time. In I Know How You Feel, she draws out engaging stories from a lively and diverse cast of women, many of whom speak about feelings they haven't shared before. She explores how life changes affect women's friendships in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Interweaving examples from classic women’s literature to chick flicks, she provides grounded advice on how to manage betrayal and rejection, how to deal with a narcissistic or bossy friend, what to do when your best friend and your family don’t get along, how to let go of a friendship that has stopped working, and much more. A timely, empathetic guide for women in their twenties to their sixties and beyond.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780544870277
Publisher:	HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:	02/06/2018
Pages:	256
Sales rank:	801,745
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 9.20(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

F. DIANE BARTH has worked as a psychotherapist in New York City for more than three decades. Her much-read Psychology Today blog is often on the subject of women’s friendships.

Editorial Reviews

In I Know How You Feel Diane Barth refuses easy assumptions and definitions about women’s friendships. The result is a gorgeous and vital exploration of the landscape of women’s desire, capacity, and essential need for connection with other women.” –Victoria Redel, author of Before Everything    "I Know How You Feel is a smart, perceptive, and complex study of women’s friendships and how they enhance, color in, and shape our lives.” –Susan Shapiro, author of Unhooked and Lighting Up   “Diane Barth’s chapter on loss and rejection is incredibly insightful. I found it especially helpful in thinking about past relationships that didn’t seem to have a proper end.” –Gabourey Sidibe, author of This Is Just My Face   "Diane Barth helps us honor the richness, the joys, the everyday sustenance women's friendships give, as well as the complications and difficulties these intimate friendships can engender. A smart guide for women of all ages.” –Susie Orbach, author of Fat Is a Feminist Issue and co-author of Between Women “Draw[ing] on interviews with diverse women to examine the 'magical, meaningful, and surprisingly difficult connections they make with friends' . . . a friendly, supportive guide for navigating relationships.”–Kirkus Reviews "A lively and compassionate guide that defines what is meant by 'friend' in the 21st century . . . Barth's engaging guide introduces readers to many types of women and ideas and contains timely advice for anyone who wants to befriend a woman."–Library Journal “A compelling look at the ways in which women bond, Barth’s book is eye-opening and essential reading for anyone trying to build—or maintain—a strong social circle.”–BookPage   —

From the Publisher

2017-10-09
A psychotherapist offers advice about how to be, and keep, a friend.Barth (Integrative Clinical Social Work Practice, 2014, etc.), whose Psychology Today blog frequently focuses on women's friendships, draws on interviews with diverse women to examine the "magical, meaningful, and surprisingly difficult" connections they make with friends. Friendships, she writes, "can make us feel simultaneously special and outcast, loved and unlovable, vulnerable and strong, helpful and useless, angry and happy, alone and lonely, supportive and held." From the testimony of her interviewees as well as research, she finds that women's friendships often are characterized by emotional intimacy, trust, respect, and honesty. But friendships take many forms: some women consider friends to be occasional companions rather than confidantes; some want friends to visit often, while others are fine catching up on social media. Some women obsess over not having a large enough number of friends (an obsession exacerbated by Facebook), while others feel happy with just a few. "Research has found that friendships support mental and physical health in a variety of ways," writes the author, but "the number of friends is less important than the role they play in your life." In fact, "so-called superficial links can provide many of the same outcomes as more intense bonds." After an overview of friendships, Barth devotes most of the book to problems, including disillusionment, betrayal, rejection, exclusion, competition, sexual tension, anger, setting boundaries, and loss. Each chapter, filled with vignettes and anecdotes, ends with a section titled "What You Can Do." For anyone lamenting not having enough friends, the author suggests a simple solution: "try to make and stay in some kind of contact with other people." For anyone dealing with sexual tension or a friend who changes gender, "sometimes talking about things is the best solution, even when it feels like the hardest." For those grieving, "research shows that taking care of yourself physically and maintaining connections with your own support system are important tools in the healing process."Nothing groundbreaking, but a friendly, supportive guide for navigating relationships.

Kirkus Reviews

11/15/2017
Psychotherapist and Psychology Today blogger Barth explores women and their friendships in this lively and compassionate guide that defines what is meant by "friend" in the 21st century, highlighting the differences between real-world and social-media acquaintances, answering the question: "How many friends should I have?" Barth describes how a woman's past relationships can affect current ones, including those with female family members. What women claim they want in a friend, and how they can, in turn, be good friends to others is another topic that is detailed. In addition, Barth presents how friendships can become complicated and grow if a sexual component forms. Finally, she discusses negative interactions among women, relating heart-wrenching break-ups and giving advice on how to move on. Her theories are based on the experiences of women she has interviewed, current publications on the topic, and characters from women's literature. VERDICT Barth's engaging guide introduces readers to many types of women and ideas and contains timely advice for anyone who wants to befriend a woman.—Terry Lamperski, Carnegie Lib. of Pittsburgh, PA

Library Journal