It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand
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Paperback
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$14.41
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781622039074 |
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| Publisher: | Sounds True, Incorporated |
| Publication date: | 10/01/2017 |
| Pages: | 280 |
| Sales rank: | 8,864 |
| Product dimensions: | 7.90(w) x 5.20(h) x 0.80(d) |
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It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand
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3 reviews.
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Unlike countless books flooding the market on how to “get over,” “get through,” or “get beyond” the most profound thing that will happen to you, it’s important to have someone telling you that loss isn’t something that needs to be “fixed.” Meghan Devine is that person and her book, "It’s OK That You’re Not OK" is your permission to grieve and feel like life sucks in whatever way your life’s been impacted in losing someone.
When she tells readers that “out-of-order death or a life-altering event enters your life, everything changes,” she’s spot-on. I know this firsthand.
In 2017, my only son was walking across America when he was hit and killed in Florida's Panhandle region. As a poet and activist, he had begun a cross-country walk in the fall to raise awareness about the effects of climate change. This was his second cross-country walk—his first one he completed in 2010 in 81 days!.
His death has been devastating to me and my wife. We have been living with the fall-out from losing an only son, which was the gut-punch that thrust us into a place we never imagined we would be.
There are a few great books that deal with grief and loss realistically—both of Joan Didion’s books are amazing. I’ve read a couple of others that are good in terms of honesty about the impact that comes when a tragic death occurs. There are also a myriad of self-help books with syrupy bromides about how to "get over" your feelings of loss and feeling adrift.
Megan’s book takes a reality-based approach in detailing the kind of loss I’ve been living with for more than a year. I am grateful to her for writing it and validating many things I’ve been feeling since January, 2017, but often felt that maybe being angry, or bitter, or not wanting people’s “prayers” made me abnormal, whatever the hell that means during a time like this.
Detailing the inability of others to approach the grieving, thinking that the best approach is for them to put it all behind you. If you love someone more than life itself, do you want to put that person and all the memories you have of them behind you? And losing an adult child (or a parent, a partner/spouse, or best friend) means you have a flood of memories. To be asked to “get over it” feels like yet another violation, as if you are being forced to abandon the person you loved who is no longer here.
I wish I’d found this book sooner—like a month after my son was killed. While I had trouble reading the first few weeks afterwards, by four weeks, I was craving books that could help me, not make me feel worse.
This is a book I’m now recommending to others. I’ve bought extra copies so I can give them to people right after the floor of their life falls away when someone close to them dies or is killed. I’d suggest you do the same.
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Megan Devine hits the proverbial nail on the head when it comes to grief. "The way we deal with grief in our culture is broken," she writes. And so begins her book, It's OK That You're Not OK. As a mental health practitioner and someone who has recently experienced a major loss, this book spoke to me on many levels. Megan begins by describing the history of grief and models used to explain it. She then delves into what to expect in the early stages of grief, and how to cope with different types of loss. The book is easily accessible in that you can skip to any chapter that is relevant to you. The language is clear and easy to understand, as is the message. Grief is something that may be a universal experience, but is not easily spoken about universally. Grief is like the dusty old skeletons we have hiding in our dark closets, and Megan Devine encourages us to take them out, clean them up, and sit with them in the light. Because as much as we would like to try anything to escape grief, we can't, if we want to remain an emotionally healthy human being. And we shouldn't, because, grief isn't something to be ashamed of, but rather something to be acknowledged. Megan's book convinced me that I am not going "crazy." that I am not alone, and that I have every right to feel what I am feeling. Not only does she provide advice for the grieving, but she also suggests tips for those who are friends or loved ones. This book is one that should be read by everyone. especially those who are lost and feel like there is something wrong with them. You are grieving. There is nothing wrong with you. It's OK that you're not OK. Grief is not something that can be fixed, only carried, and Megan's words have helped me to carry it.
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I thankfully found Megan through a HuffPo article she wrote about why the stages of grief don’t work. I found her website and immediately was drawn to her authenticity and poetry. This book is a must for everyone, because we will all be affected by profound loss.
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