Lesbian Crushes and Bulimia: A Diary on How I Acquired my Eating Disorder

Lesbian Crushes and Bulimia: A Diary on How I Acquired my Eating Disorder

by Natasha Holme


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Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781500350505
Publisher: CreateSpace Publishing
Publication date: 07/23/2014
Pages: 228
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.48(d)

About the Author

Probably the most prolific diary writer in the history of the world, I have been obsessively recording my crushes on females since the age of fourteen. I currently clock up half a million words per year, but never let on to the woman I'm dating that I jot down everything she says and does.

I LOVED my all-girls public school. Apart from mercilessly hounding Miss Williams, with whom I fell in love at first sight at the age of twelve, I was a model pupil. In my early twenties I swapped my Latin homework for drug-taking and squatting.

Having sported an 'I LOVE MISS WILLIAMS' tattoo on my left wrist for eleven years, I finally tired of the inane questions it encouraged and got a cover-up in 1999.

I'm a list-writing geek and a drummer. I play table tennis and make my own beer. I am not a stalker anymore.

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Lesbian Crushes and Bulimia: A Diary on How I Acquired my Eating Disorder 4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 5 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is a nice book except of aome isus
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
received free copy courtesy of I haven't read any in memoirs the LGBT category so this is new for me. I enjoyed it. It is fascinating and compelling. It is basically snippets and fragments and is very informal but the author presents it in a way that works. The diary flows easily and you're not lost in the details and everything is coherent and understandable Read more reviews at We Blog About Books
NatashaHolme More than 1 year ago
This is my story. ... In 1989, aged nineteen, I was sporting a tattoo openly on my wrist, which starkly declared my unrequited love for my teacher, Miss Williams. It helped me survive the pain of being torn away from her at the end of my time at school. And it lead to my meeting a young woman my own age, Alex, onto whom I redirected much of my obsessiveness. I remember the day when the verb 'to stalk' arrived in the UK from the US. I was watching the news and was alarmed to learn of the crime that I had been committing for years. At nineteen, I was shouting out my attraction to other women whilst, at the same time, struggling with my sexuality and with coming out as lesbian. Brought up with Christianity, I believed it was wrong to be gay and that I needed to be cultivating a heterosexual identity. This book contains detailed accounts of clueless first sexual encounters with young men, not something I have ever come across in either fiction or non-fiction. Alex was simply beautiful. And I was getting fat. My struggle with my body image, with my self-esteem, and with my sexuality began to find expression in food. Here too the immediacy of this diary bears out all the details, this time of the slide into a bulimic lifestyle. I never acquired the skill of making myself sick, so I needed to devise other means of ridding my body of food. I have received feedback from readers regarding how much the detail in this diary has helped them in the fight for recovery from their own eating disorders. The facts on the pages are a startling mirror. I had another obsession: writing everything down. I did this by hand in a code based on the Greek alphabet. This book is my edited diary, stripped of real life names and places and of much information unrelated to this story, crafted into a coherent whole. The project took many years to complete, yet presents itself as an actual raw, unedited, private diary that the reader happens to have stumbled upon. I was thrilled to learn back then that I have a counterpart who lived two hundred years before me, an obsessive lesbian diarist, Anne Lister, who wrote in a secret code, based on the Greek alphabet. Anne's diaries, deciphered and edited by Helena Whitbread, were published in 1988, just before I was living the events in this book. This is a love story, an eating disorder memoir, and an account of the effects that homophobia can have on relationships and on individuals. In a world without homophobia, internal or external, this story would not have taken place.
FleurGaskin More than 1 year ago
I believe that everyone should read this book, or at the very least anyone who knows someone who has struggled with an eating disorder (which is everyone, whether they know it or not.)  Natasha's diary allows us entry into the mind of a young woman attempting to find herself. The fact that she is a lesbian makes growing up so much harder for her, the person that she is, is not a person that those around her can accept. People judge her for being too gay and for not being gay enough. Confused, unable to express her feelings of love she becomes obsessive.   Natasha's diary is very direct, more a series of facts, no flowery prose here. It takes a little while to get used to but ultimately the writing style makes the story even stronger. The bare bones information, emotions expressed as simple statements makes what we read all the more heartbreaking. So many times I just wanted to grab hold of Natasha and shake her, teach her what a balanced diet is. But I know it wouldn't have helped her, that’s how it is with eating disorders, logic flies out the window and fixation takes control.  Lesbian Crushes and Bulimia: A Diary on How I Acquired My Eating Disorder is an intense read, with a raw honesty, a splattering of romance and hope and an excellent, truly fitting ending.
AVoraciousReadr More than 1 year ago
Not an easy subject This book is the diary of a 19-yr-old struggling with her sexuality and body image. As stated in my blog review guidelines I normally don’t read non-fiction, but Natasha Holme, through a Twitter glitch, tied to be my 1700th follower and I offered to review her book as a prize. Because, you know, I’m broke and don’t really have anything else to offer. I had a hard time deciding on how to rate this book. On one side, the voyeur in me enjoyed reading her diary. On the other side, the teenager is obsessive about her body image and extremely confused about her sexuality and I had a hard time empathizing with her. It’s been a long time since I was a teenager, so I couldn’t wrap my head around her behavior most of the time. In addition, while I have body image issues to this day, I’ve never wanted to indulge in any behavior associated with anorexia or bulimia. I just can’t imagine starving myself and most definitely have never once thought of binging and purging. It was a hard read and at the same time an easy read. Easy because it was broken into small segments. Hard because of the subject matter. Yet it was compelling. I had to keep reading to see if Natasha reached the weight she had set as her goal. And I wanted to see if she figured out anything regarding her sexuality. The ending didn’t really give me any answers though. I’d like to know how she’s doing today. *Many thanks to the author for providing me with a review copy. Please see disclaimer page on my blog.