Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Love
"When you find someone or something worth your love, you love like your life depends on it!"
LOVE
I have always been such a huge lover of love. The incomparable love of God, the love from people to people, and the love that God intended to be shared between a man and a woman. I think it is important to share each aspect because one develops the other. Falling in love with God is a love that can't be the same for everyone. Each person has their own love story with God for those that love Him. If it wasn't for His love, I wouldn't be the person I am today. There was a period in my late teens when I just went the wrong way. I was dating guys that meant me no good and I was living my life like my tomorrow was promised. Never totally out of control, but I definitely put my faith on the back burner. Coming back to Christ was a season of healing, restoration, and deliverance. A season that saved my life. He snatched me out of an environment that brought nothing but drama to my life, then elevated me on a career path that I have continued to be on since 2008. I accomplished many goals to include three degrees and three job promotions. Blessed indeed!
On that path I also fell in love, fell out of love, got mistreated and recovered. My mother didn't raise a daughter who allowed men to curse at her, cheat on her, have babies outside of the relationship, or accept anything less than what I gave which was always 100%. Let me say this ... with some men you learn quickly that sex in a relationship comes before love. If you say no to sex, they quickly say yes to other women. In my situation, it was aired so publically and really made me get a grip on life. Time invested doesn't mean happy ever after. From there that relationship died and we moved on. Well, let's just say you don't miss your water until your well runs dry!
From that relationship I sparked a flame that I never thought could be sparked. I began dating a friend, someone I trusted and loved platonically. A year of our relationship was spent through visitation and phone calls. He was in prison and had been for nine years. Now I know all the flags go up but this is a person I had known for half my life and trusted myself with. When he was released he officially proposed, the same day. It was exciting and filled with untainted love that quickly turned into inevitable disaster. When two people are broken and become one thinking they are putting the pieces back together for each other, problems arise and stay around for as long as you let them. We got married when I was a little over five months pregnant and we weren't ready. All we knew was that we loved each other and we wanted our child to have a life that neither of us had; two parents, one roof, and a home filled with love. Unfortunately, our home was filled with so many other things besides love. He was unfaithful, I was broken, and we were facing tragedy, family with malicious intent, and the outside world's judgments and opinions. It is never easy dealing with infidelity and as a Christian I knew I could leave my marriage. God's love in me has given me the strength to continue to work on my marriage as we pray for God's understanding and better days. When you really love someone you can see the parts of them that may be hidden for the moment waiting to blossom in the future. It gives you the strength to put in the work in the present. My husband and I have proven to one another that we are not perfect individuals but we are perfect together, put together perfectly under God's love and design! We have fought what some would say are unbeatable battles but guess what, we're still rocking! He is my forever and always and I will remain the same to him!
I often tell people I encounter who are thinking of getting married to really pay attention to their significant other; their values, morals, day to day tendencies, and how they really treat you. Every relationship has problems but you only get one life. Share it with someone who values you and makes you a better man or better woman! My husband and I still share laughs together, we still have talks like the friends we started out being and we still love one another. The point of it all is making sure the person you're loving is worth your love and giving it to you right back because you are worth theirs.
Love is so powerful and it transcends through cultures, genders, backgrounds, and it can even remove hatred. I have found that loving people has to come from within yourself, not necessarily a reason why you should. The love of Christ is without condition and if that loves abides within you, it will exude out. This is how people become selfless, show humility and humbleness, and kindness. Love is the way that things manifest in life. You should ask yourself these questions about your love:
1. When was the last time I showed an act of kindness? What was it and how did it help the other person?
2. Am I loving with the same love I want in return? Why or why not?
3. How is God's love manifested through me?
Love
I welcome you I invite you to dwell in the deepest parts of me I open my heart to you My guard does not exist
The simplicity of breathing air Or embracing the wind on your face Like kissing your child for the first time Or your wedding band being pushed in place
It's a feeling to cherish Moments to last Unconditional and real It does not need an entourage or an audience It is not bribed with ultimatums and deals
Love can restore Make new Rebuild hope again And I welcome it Invite it in to the deepest parts of me My heart is open
Love rest easy ...
3/16
I travel hours to see your face To once again feel your embrace if only for a short while I long for the moment when boundaries won't exist But till we reach the peak, I love with distance
I enter to wait and be called Shake down my imagination of when it will all end Reality check, I'm here Lift, spread, open, and pull up Wish the experience on no one
But for you I've gone and will go Through hoops and bounds Because in you I've found what most take a lifetime Real love
Now is the moment that I've been trying to reach I see you waiting patiently for me The clutch of your arms is like no other I've yearned for the moment To look in your eyes To feel your face To touch the love that is mine
As the time winds down We know the moment is to come We dread the hour We dread the opposite of our hello
But the things that keeps me going Is knowing that one day We'll leave together Never to return To begin a new beginning of forever
Guarded
Who knows what love is?
Truth is I think I am immune to the feeling The emotion The actions that follow the words
I was supposed to be happy In love
But all I got out of it was me Gave it what I had and it wasn't enough I figure I came out even
I learned I loved I left
Now I watch From a far
Far enough Not to get hurt
I Can't, I Will
I can't imagine how the stress and frustration may build up at times I can't tell you I know how you feel I can't promise you that the road will be easy I can't take away all the obstacles that we may face
I can't pretend that I'm not overly concerned about you I can't count the prayers that I've prayed I can't express in words alone how much I love you I can't fathom living this life without your love in my heart
But ...
I will be there to be a calming place for you when the stress and frustration builds up I will always listen and give comfort when you need to express how you feel I will continue to stand by your side through the rough and hard times I will help you cross anything that stands in your way
Plain and simple, I will always worry about you but that's what your woman is supposed to do I will always pray for you and us as a whole because God responds to prayer I will remind you every day how much I love you so that you will always know And I will never jeopardize what we have because a love like ours is rare Something you should never let go
I Lost Love
My body feels so disregarded I need something that may be not reachable There are so many things I can say I have But you are simply one that I could never seem to keep
Every time I think I have you You leave Or you were impersonated I followed you But like magic
Poof ... and you were gone
I wished for you I prayed for you But you haven't come back
How long will it take for you to find me?
Love, where did you go?
Living Life Out Loud
It Could Have Been Love
So cliché to say I saw you watching me Cause the fact of the matter is I wanted you to do more than watch But I kindly spoke and kept walking Talking to myself like, "He was fine ... you should have stopped!"
See a simple conversation could have led to me giving you the number Me waiting for the second day cause nobody really calls on the first day But you do because you know what you want and not in to the games Lames wait to play by the rules while real men make their own
And you owned the conversation Intellect, nothing suspect about you Heart says you're genuine My mind says don't give in so easily
You ask for a date Dates aint nothing but bait to get closer to what you want I accept We ate, talked about our lives Past and future I told you I wasn't interested in dating to date You reassured me that you had no time to waste
Your lips tasted like soft sweet mint with a hint of henne I had a glass of wine, you had a shot on the rocks Then straight up like you had been since you saw me exiting the store My core shook at the grip of your hands around my hips That elevated to the small of my back Kisses like crack Coming back over and over and over again You win
Dating turned into a relationship Few months in you say you love me and I believe you
So I sit back and I think back to the day I saw you in the store And I wish I would have stopped I could be in love by now ...
No Love Letters
He tells me ...
I won't write you love letters Cause you know how I feel I won't write you love letters Because words don't make it real
It's not that I can't make or take the time It's not like I don't tell you I love you every day The fact that I know you're mine The fact that beside you every night is where I will lay Ain't that enough?
I won't write you love letters I show you all the attention you need I won't write you love letters It's only your personal wishes that I'll feed
So I say ...
I can't not answer the phone when you call because I yearn to hear your voice I can't not see you because in your presence is where I need to be the most All I am is wrapped in loving you so I express it in every way fathomable Am I wrong for wanting you on every reachable level?
I tell you I love you so that you'll fall deeper every time I send my heart postal and coastal so that it doesn't get lost through distance Resistant to all and anything that comes against it My love don't you get it?
If I ask for a love letter It's not to bore you or take you out of your comfort It's because I desire you in all forms that love can be shown, seen,
I've dealt with everything that is and is not And I think I've done good in thinking that my every other week love letter is not asking a lot By all means I am not saying that I doubt your love or you However, it should be shown in everything you do
I believe every word to be true which is why the foundation is laid But baby, I'm simply asking that you love me enough to relay your love to a page ...
Too much?
Paging Dr. Rog
So much to say in such a small space So much life lived in such a small time And oh did time play a trick on us
I would often say when I see you Or next birthday or holiday I was so unprepared for the next time to have expiration
You were the funniest dude We found laughter is the most stupid things We loved the laughter in each other And in some way that was just destined Found a piece of ourselves in each other
You were my friend My brother My call in the midnight hour Who came running to my side whenever needed
You were there So many times If something wasn't fair or right You reminded me that better was coming Paging Dr. Rog
Every emergency I had Whether another break up or just to bring me some chicken alfredo You were at the door To celebrate all of my accomplishments And to cheer me on for more Paging Dr. Rog You little over achiever
I mean you became a real life doctor for pete's sake But so humble Reminded me every time I called for medical reasons
I've been calling for my friend To show up as you always did Never in all of your accomplishments did you ever forget to celebrate me But that's just a reminder of the caliber of man you are
With everything you did or saw and all the places you had been You still had so much farther to reach TV star break out singer and a doctor With still so many dreams
Paging Dr. Rog Bran Da Man My best friend My Ace From kids to reconnecting in middle school It was like we lost no time And for a time we were simply inseparable
My heart aint been so heavy Losing people aint never easy But I just thought we had a lifetime to go Missing you is an understatement The ultimate title is a Child of God
Where no hospitals are needed Where you can rest in knowing you helping others only yielded to crowns to be reaped
And where singing to His glory can really be your life's story Sing on my brother Paging Dr. Rog
I've been calling for my friend I hear you whispering
BRANDON DARNELL ROGERS
October 30, 1987 – June 11, 2017
This Love Thing
This love thing has captured me with all of its magic and splendor I was a bit hesitant, but eventually I welcomed it With open arms and more I put up a fight but what can I say,
I LOVE, LOVE
Enough to allow it to consume me My thoughts My actions Enough to allow it to change my perception of my future
Big house Two car garage Babies and more babies As many as our love consummates Family vacations Everything in the state of mind of
US
WE
TOGETHER
TEAM
COUPLE
FAMILY
This love thing has captured me with all its magic and splendor Cupid was meticulous in shooting his arrows Love potion #9 went down with ease Drunk it till I was drunk And I am definitely intoxicated by this love
Every day I yearn for it Search for something new This love is courageous; it beats all odds Love is an emotion best expressed when it is reciprocated So I will always shower it with all my love
Your Loss
You said you were moving on Nothing made a difference because your mind was made up So I let the pieces fall where they may It was around May when I think you realized that a little more thought was what you needed It was December when the pieces began to fall
It was February when I moved on too Nothing you had going on shifted my steps He had my nose wide open And open was my heart to receive this new love and to give it all I got All that you didn't take
The word mistake never parted your lips But your actions showed your recourse And actions have always spoken louder than words Soon more words were being spoken Oh how the tables turn
The same words I once spoke to her She wanted to revert them back to me Her eyes were not blinded, she saw what she needed to see How was his love shared when she gave so much of herself?
It's easy ...
Moral of the story ...
Just a Suggestion
If you get something new Make sure it's better than what you had before
The grass looks a little tarnished on the other side
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Living Life Out Loud"
by .
Copyright © 2018 Jac'Quail M. Jones.
Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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