Obsessive, Intrusive, Magical Thinking

by Marianne Eloise

Overview

'I FELT RECOGNISED ON EVERY PAGE, LEARNT SO MANY NEW THINGS, AND LAUGHED SO HARD I CHOKED ON MY WATER. READ THIS!!!' NAOISE DOLAN, AUTHOR OF EXCITING TIMES

'CANDID, WITTY ... A BRAVE BOOK THAT PUTS VULNERABILITY FULLY ON SHOW' INDEPENDENT

Obsessive was, still is, my natural state, and I never wondered why. I didn't mind, didn't know that other people could feel at peace. I always felt like a raw nerve, but then, I thought that everyone did.

Writer and journalist Marianne Eloise was born obsessive. What that means changes day to day, depending on what her brain latches onto: fixations with certain topics, intrusive violent thoughts, looping phrases. Some obsessions have lasted a lifetime, while others will be intense but only last a week or two.

Obsessive, Intrusive, Magical Thinking is a culmination of a life spend obsessing, offering a glimpse into Marianne's brain, but also an insight into the lives of others like her. From death to Medusa, to Disneyland to fire, to LA to her dog, the essays explore the intersection of neurodivergence, fixation and disorder, telling the story of one life underpinned and ultimately made whole by obsession.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781785789632
Publisher:	Amberley Publishing
Publication date:	04/06/2023
Pages:	288
Product dimensions:	5.08(w) x 7.80(h) x 0.51(d)

About the Author

Marianne Eloise is a writer and journalist. She covers topics like TV, film, digital culture, neurodiversity, wellness and alternative music, for outlets including The Cut, the New York Times, Courier, Vulture, i-D, Guardian and more.

Table of Contents

Introduction ix

Obsessive

I Am Old Now, But I Wasn't Then 3

Drown Me in the Green, Violent Ocean 23

Grown-ups Don't Have Nightmares 45

Yesterday, Tomorrow and Fantasy 63

City of Angels 83

Intrusive

Everything is on Fire 109

Too Much Memento Mori 129

Does the Dog Die? 151

Long Live the New Flesh 169

Magical

Do I Believe in Magic? Sort of 189

Zoltar Speaks, and So Too Do the Stars 207

Help! The Gorgon Medusa Lives Behind My Fish Tank 225

Driving Towards the End of the World 241

Afterword: The World is Quiet Here 257

Acknowledgements 267

About the Author 269

Permissions 270

Editorial Reviews

05/16/2022

In this incandescent debut, journalist Eloise explores the nuances of being neurodivergent through a captivating mix of personal essays and cultural criticism. Eloise was diagnosed with OCD in her teens and later ADHD, autism, and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a connective tissue disorder that causes chronic pain. Starting with her childhood in the U.K., she revisits the fixations that “destroyed and sustained” her—from journaling in the 2000s as a young girl “to make time more elastic” to shoplifting in her teens and romanticizing Los Angeles, where she moved as an adult to pursue a writing career. As she lithely moves through time, she conveys her passion for art, nature, and pop culture: finding refuge from the “constraints” of her body and mind in the “weightlessness” of water, and begrudgingly accepting her love of Disneyland in “Yesterday, Tomorrow and Fantasy” (“against all logic... I have become the thing I feared: a Disney Adult”). In “I Am Old Now, But I Wasn’t Then” a discussion about her obsession with mortality occasions a sharp analysis of the history of witchcraft to unpack cultural anxieties about death. Throughout, Eloise’s wit and grace cast her differences in a dazzling light: “Understanding that... my brain is wired differently, has been key to not only knowing myself but also liking her a little bit, too.” The result is a rewarding navigation through the corridors of a relentlessly curious mind. (July)

Publishers Weekly

Obsessive Impulsive Magical Thinking is a collection of thoughts and experiences from someone with a lot of things going on in her brain. It's fantastic for anyone who wants to understand how being autistic or having ADHD and/or OCD can affect a person, from the big life stuff to little daily interactions.

I will always be grateful to Marianne Eloise for helping me figure out why I am unable to convince myself I didn't leave the coffee pot or oven on, even if I didn't use the stupid appliances that day. She writes with an honesty that is not ashamed of how her brain works; she doesn't demonize every aspect of her conditions, nor does she try to be pointlessly uplifting with what she goes through. There was a humor and frankness in her writing that made me feel seen and understood. I was deeply affected by her stories in a way that will help me be more gracious to myself. She also gave me a bunch of new fun facts about Walt Disney to pull out at get-togethers to either entertain or confuse everyone else, much to my delight.

Marianne Eloise joins Jenny Lawson as a writer who shows readers they can laugh and enjoy who they are while also doing the serious work of dealing with mental health issues. – Cat Neely, Schuler Books

From the Publisher