Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can--and Should--be Saved

by Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi

Overview

From the bestselling author of Why Does He Do That? comes a relationship book that will help you make the decision of whether or not your troubled relationship is worth saving.

Every relationship has problems, but you can’t figure out if yours is beyond hope. How bad is too bad—and can your partner really change? Now, in this warm, supportive, and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft and women’s advocate JAC Patrissi offer a way for you to practically and realistically take stock of your relationship and move forward.
 
If you’re involved in a chronically frustrating or unfulfilling relationship, the advice and exercises in this book will help you learn to:
 
• Tell the difference between a healthy—yet difficult—relationship and one that is really not working
• Recognize the signs that your partner has serious problems
• Stop waiting to see what will happen—and make your own growth the top priority
• Design a clear plan of action for you and your partner
• Navigate the waters of a relationship that’s improving
• Prepare for life without your partner, even as you keep trying to make life work with them

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780425238899
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	11/01/2011
Pages:	432
Sales rank:	59,897
Product dimensions:	8.94(w) x 5.98(h) x 0.92(d)
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

Lundy Bancroft has over twenty-five years of experience in the fields of abuse, trauma, and recovery. He has published five books, including the bestseller Why Does He Do That?, Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?, When Dad Hurts Mom, The Batterer as Parent, and Should I Stay of Should I Go?. Lundy has worked with over 1000 abusive men in his counseling groups. He has also served extensively as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness, and has presented to 350 audiences across the U.S. and abroad.

JAC Patrissi is the founder and former director of the Vermont Victim Assistance Academy. She facilitates the Growing a New Heart Retreat series for women healing from destructive relationships.

Editorial Reviews

Theoretically, ending a painful relationship should be decisive, but many of us anguish back and forth, never quite resolving our feelings about people we once loved for who don't seem to care about us. This new book by two communication specialists is designed to address specifically the differences between a healthy, yet difficult relationship and one that is beyond repair. Should I Stay or Should I Go? not only answers its title question; it offers valuable pointers about the positive steps you can to avoid rebounding back to ex. Life-changing counsel for women and men on the ropes.

Relationships usually reach the point where one partner must decide whether to leave or keep trying to make it work. This decision becomes more difficult as women (the book's target audience) negotiate relationships with partners who are abusive, mentally ill, addicted to drugs or alcohol, or seriously immature. This comprehensive book helps women learn how to establish boundaries, recognize the signs of these behaviors, decide how much they want to support their partners through their personal growth and finally, if they decide to leave, how to do so safely and effectively. Bancroft (Why Does He Do That?) and women's advocate Patrissi provide checklists that highlight behavioral differences between unhealthy relationships and those with normal communication and negotiation patterns. Though they briefly touch on the possibility that the woman is the problematic half, the book focuses on men with demonstrable issues. Women needing to check in objectively on their relationship's health will find this book quite useful, but those looking to improve an otherwise decent relationship will find scant details. (Nov.)

Publishers Weekly

Praise for Why Does He Do That?

“Bancroft has opened a window into the thinking of abusive men, and his book helps open a door out of abusive relationships.”—Gavin de Becker, New York Times bestselling author of The Gift of Fear and Fear Less

“This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men.”—Jay G. Silverman, PhD, director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health

“Jargon-free analysis is frequently broken up by interesting first-person accounts and boxes that distill in-depth information into simple checklists. Bancroft’s book promises to be a beacon of calm for many storm-tossed families.”—Publishers Weekly

“Bancroft boldly asks—and brilliantly answers—the most important questions of all: Why do so many men abuse women? What can be done about it? This book is desperately needed and long overdue.”—Jackson Katz, creator of the award-winning video Tough Guise: Violence, Media and the Crisis in Masculinity

“This is essential reading for those in the helping professions and highly recommended.”—Library Journal

“At last—the straight scoop on men who abuse women. This is a book not just for abused women and domestic violence professionals, but for everyone who wonders why there’s so much violence in America. Read it.”—Ann Jones, author ofWhen Love Goes Wrong and Next Time, She’ll Be Dead

“Bancroft helps women who feel trapped in unhealthy relationships make sense out of what is happening.”—Sarah Buel, JD, codirector, Domestic Violence Clinic, and lecturer, University of Texas Law School

“A compelling read about a tough topic. What you read here will come back to you long after you put the book down.”—Angela Browne, author of When Battered Women Kill

“An informative and necessary read.”—Susan Weitzman, PhD, author of Not to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages

From the Publisher

Writing with the abused woman in mind, domestic violence specialists Bancroft (Why Does He Do That?) and Patrissi (founder, Vermont Victim Assistance Acad.) have written a comprehensive book that readers in troubled relationships can use to assess whether to stay or leave and steps for getting out. The authors help readers analyze the root issues—immaturity, addiction, mental health—and determine the gravity of the problem. They then guide them through setting rules for changing a salvageable relationship and even prepare them for what to expect when the relationship improves. The last section of the book details how to begin a new period of freedom, choose a new partner, and create a new relationship. Excellent guidance from respectable sources.

Library Journal