Smart Parenting for Smart Kids: Nurturing Your Child's True Potential

by Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Mark S. Lowenthal

Overview

WINNER! Mom's Choice Gold Award for parenting books — Mom's Choice Awards: The best in family-friendly media

"My kid is smart, but..."

It takes more than school smarts to create a fulfilling life. In fact, many bright children face special challenges:

• Some are driven by perfectionism;
• Some are afraid of effort, because they're used to instant success;
• Some routinely butt heads with authority figures;
• Some struggle to get along with their peers;
• Some are outwardly successful but just don't feel good about themselves.

This practical and compassionate book explains the reasons behind these struggles and offers parents do-able strategies to help children cope with feelings, embrace learning, and build satisfying relationships. Drawing from research as well as the authors’ clinical experience, it focuses on the essential skills children need to make the most of their abilities and become capable, confident, and caring people.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780470640050
Publisher:	Wiley
Publication date:	03/01/2011
Pages:	320
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

The Authors

Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD, is a child and family clinical psychologist in Princeton, New Jersey. She is the author or coauthor of several books on children's feelings and friendships.

Mark S. Lowenthal, PsyD, has helped many children, teens, and their families during his twenty-two years as a clinical psychologist. His private practice is in Maplewood, New Jersey.

Table of Contents

Note to the Reader ix

Acknowledgments xi

Introduction: Rethinking Potential 1

1 Tempering Perfectionism: What Is “Good Enough”? 10

Michael: Focusing on flaws 13

Kirsten: Deflecting blame 20

Sam: Avoiding activities at which he doesn’t excel 30

Angela: Feeling inadequate 33

2 Building Connection: How Does Your Child Reach Out to Others? 43

Andrew: Seeking an audience rather than a friend 48

Clay: Avoiding joining the group 55

Amalia: Feeling rejected by peers 63

3 Managing Sensitivity: How Does Your Child Handle Criticism, Conflict, and Disappointment? 80

Mario: Perceiving betrayal 83

Jessica: Balking at constructive feedback 90

Samir: Chafing at a change of plans 97

Collin: Shouldering the world’s woes 109

4 Handling Cooperation and Competition: How Does Your Child Fit in a Group? 118

Steven: Insisting on his way 121

Anita: Being a sore loser 130

Misha: Fearing competition 138

Craig: Dealing with competition in the family 146

5 Dealing with Authority: How Does Your Child Respond to Those in Charge? 161

Lisa: Being blind to authority 164

Nicholas: Making everything an argument 177

Stephanie: Fretting about adults’ anger 192

6 Developing Motivation: What Matters to Your Child? 200

Ethan: Avoiding schoolwork 203

Jared: Complaining that schoolwork is boring 208

Diane: Not applying herself in school 221

7 Finding Joy: What Makes Your Child Feel Happy? 238

Monica: Finding fault instead of fun 242

Conner: Searching for personal meaning 251

Conclusion: The Pressure to Perform Versus the Power to Grow 272

Selected References and Recommended Reading 277

About the Authors 291

Index 293

What People are Saying About This

Wendy Mogul PhD

“A smart, deeply perceptive and important book.”
—Wendy Mogel, PhD, author, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee

Vicki Abeles

“Filled with vignettes and strategies for raising smart kids to become healthy, happy and contributing adults.”
—Vicki Abeles, Producer, Race to Nowhere

Roberta Michnick Golinkoff PhD

“This book helps parents see how to encourage their children to develop as whole people with feelings, ideas, and the ability to cope with the occasional disappointment too.”
—Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, PhD, author of Einstein Never Used Flash Cards

Stephen R. Covey

“This book is a literal Godsend. Parents will find great wisdom in its pages.”
—Stephen R. Covey, author, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Editorial Reviews

This book is a literal Godsend. Parents will find great wisdom in its pages.”
– Stephen R. Covey, author, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

“A smart, deeply perceptive and important book.” 
– Wendy Mogel, PhD, author, The Blessing of a Skinned Knee

"This book helps parents see how to encourage their children to develop as whole people with feelings, ideas, and the ability to cope with the occasional disappointment too."
– Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, PhD, author of Einstein Never Used Flash Cards

“Filled with vignettes and strategies for raising smart kids to become healthy, happy and contributing adults.”
– Vicki Abeles, Producer, Race to Nowhere

From the Publisher

Two psychologists offer a perceptive guide to help smart children succeed academically and socially. Kennedy-Moore (The Unwritten Rules of Friendship, 2003, etc.) and Lowenthal evaluate the roadblocks that frequently arise for smart children between the ages of 6 and 12. The authors identify "seven fundamental challenges" faced by smart children--and, of course, their parents. They use those challenges to look at how parents can help intelligent children succeed not just in school, but in life, too. Each chapter is devoted to analyzing a challenge: tempering perfectionism, building connection, managing sensitivity, handling cooperation and competition, dealing with authority, developing motivation and finding joy. The authors discuss why each is important for children's development, aided by vignettes drawn from exhaustive research and their psychology practices. The result is a treasure trove of strategies parents can use to help their children interact with peers, teachers and family members. They also address how children can combat their insecurities in a way that will generate "inner strength and outward compassion." The authors suggest conversations parents can have with their kids, activities they can engage in together, and songs parents can sing to help lead their children to new intellectual and emotional growth. Near the end of each chapter are suggestions for how parents can model healthy behaviors for their kids; the well-structured chapters then close with a short summary. The authors are also attuned to the nuances that can affect children's relationships, even noting how the "increase in technology-related play" has altered children's social lives. Charts and graphs help make the authors' approach truly "solution-focused," and the vignettes will be achingly familiar for most parents. Although the book targets the parents of bright children, the lessons herein will be relevant to any parent. This forgiving, intelligent look at raising smart children will help parents teach their kids that there's more to life than academic achievement.

Kirkus Reviews