Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want

Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want

Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want

Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want


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Taking Sexy Back is going directly on my top list of recommended sexuality readings.”
—Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity and
The State of Affairs

It is time for a new sexual revolution. It’s time to take sexy back.

As women, we’re expected to be sexy, but not sexual. We’re bombarded with conflicting, shame-inducing, and disempowering messages about sex, instead of being encouraged to connect with our true sexual selves. Sexy gets reduced to a performance, leaving us with little to no space to reckon with the complexities of sexuality. In a culture intent on telling you who and how to be, standing in your truth is revolutionary.

From relationship expert Alexandra Solomon—author of Loving BravelyTaking Sexy Back is a groundbreaking guide to deepening your connection to yourself, honoring your desires, and cultivating authentic intimate connections. On these pages, you’ll discover how to deepen your sexual self-awareness, and use that awareness to create experiences that not only pleasure, but elevate, expand, and heal you. You’ll learn to understand your boundaries, communicate what feels good, and bring mindfulness and self-compassion to sex. Most importantly, you’ll embrace your sexuality as an evolving, essential, and beautiful part of your life.

Sex is about more than what your partner enjoys or finds sexy. It’s about more than having an orgasm or finding the “right” positions. It’s about you. It’s time to take your sexy back!

Named one of Cosmopolitan's Best Nonfiction Books of 2020!

2020 Consumer Book Honorable Mention from The Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR)

As featured on The Morning Show—Australia's top-rated morning program


Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781684033461
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Publication date: 02/02/2020
Pages: 248
Sales rank: 617,338
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is on faculty in the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences, and the School of Education and Social Policy at Northwestern University. She is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, and is on faculty at The Omega Institute. Her first book, Loving Bravely, was featured on The Today Show. She writes articles and chapters for leading academic journals and books in the field of marriage and family. She maintains a psychotherapy practice for individual adults and couples, teaches and trains marriage and family therapy graduate students, and teaches the internationally renowned undergraduate course, “Building Loving and Lasting Relationships: Marriage 101.” Solomon is a highly sought-after speaker who works with groups like the United States Military Academy at West Point, Microsoft, and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. She is frequently asked to talk about love, sex, and marriage for media outlets like O, The Oprah Magazine; The Atlantic; Vogue; NPR; and Scientific American. She is an international speaker and teacher whose work has been featured on five continents. She lives in the Greater Chicago Area.

Lori Brotto is executive director of the Women’s Health Research Institute in Vancouver, BC, Canada. Her research focuses on advancing the science of psychological and mindfulness-based interventions for women’s sexual health. She is author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness.

Table of Contents

Foreword vii

Part I Preparing for the Journey

1 From Outside-In to Inside-Out 3

Creating a New Definition of Sexy

2 Relational Self-Awareness 101 15

Understanding Your Relationship to Relationships

3 Of Warts, Bananas, and Birth Videos 29

Recognizing How Sex Ed Let You Down and Becoming a Lifelong Learner

Part II The Journey to Sexual Self-Awareness

4 Living and Loving in a Patriarchy 39

Disentangling Yourself from Played Out Stories about Gender (Sex as Cultural)

5 Your Sexy Is a Glorious and Unfolding Story 59

Making Sexual and Relational Choices That Are Aligned (Sex as Developmental)

6 What You Think Matters 85

Harnessing Your Mind for Great Sexual Experiences (Sex as Mental) 85

7 It's Time to Be Sweet to All of You 103

Ending the War with Your Body…in the Name of Love (Sex as Physical)

8 Your Feelings Are Data 127

Honoring All of What Sex Stirs in You (Sex as Emotional)

9 The Space Between You and Your Partner 141

Cultivating a Happy and Healthy Sexual Environment (Sex as Relational)

10 Sex as Transcendence 161

Connecting Sex with the Biggest Picture of All (Sex as Spiritual)

Part III Your Sexy Is Here to Stay

11 Your Grandma Never Swiped Right 175

Navigating the Challenges and Possibilities for Love and Sex in the Era of Choice

12 Reflections for Men Who Love Women Who Are Taking Sexy Back 193

Inviting Men to the Reclamation

13 Welcome Home, Sexy 205

Taking Sexy Bach Every Day

Acknowledgments 209

Additional Resources for Your Sexy 211

Endnotes 217


Solomon resides in Highland Park, IL (The Greater Chicago Area).

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