"I can't live this way anymore."
"I've given up trying to change him."
"I can't ever be good enough."
"He won't listen to me anyway."
As a clinical psychologist, Dr. Ron Welch has heard many women in controlling marriages pour out their hearts. They feel trapped, helpless, stuck in a situation with no solution and no way out.
In this candid book, Welch offers real hope. He shows women how controlling husbands develop, why wives allow themselves to be controlled, and strategies to help both husband and wife change. Welch struggled as a controlling husband for years but found help and healing in his relationship with his wife. He uses that experience, as well as examples from the lives of the couples he's worked with, to show women that just because "he's always been this way" doesn't mean their marriage must be that way forever. He teaches women valuable practical skills for coping with the challenges they face and transforming the power and control issues in their marriages.
For wives of controlling husbands, along with the friends and family members who love and are concerned about them, this is an essential resource. Counselors will also find it helpful as they work with hurting couples.
|Publisher:||Baker Publishing Group|
|Product dimensions:||5.50(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.70(d)|
About the Author
Dr. Ron Welch (PsyD, Central Michigan University) serves on the faculty of Denver Seminary. Welch has over twenty years of experience in clinical psychology and has extensive experience working with couples and with men with narcissistic and antisocial personality styles. He has developed the Transformational Marriage™ approach, which helps couples through counseling, seminars, and publications. He and his wife, Jan, have walked the road of a controlling marriage personally and live in Colorado.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
I was very pleased with the insightful information in this book. For those in a controlling relationship or maybe wondering if they could be in a controlling relationship this book has a ton of great information. Dr Welch speaks from experience after years of being a controlling husband. He gives the reasons behind "why they act that way". He also gives some insight on the "why we let them get away with it" for those women who are in such relationships and keep on allowing it to continue in-spite of the fact that they do not like the behavioral pattern. He also gives tips on how to help your spouse change their behavior, pending of course they are interested in change. He claims not all men even realize how controlling they are. Two main reasons men tend to be controlling stem from fear and insecurity. The methods they use to control can range from physical or verbal abuse to manipulation, pouting, or silent treatments. Many men really love their wives and would change but are either not aware of how their behavior affects their wives; or possibly do not know how to change since this is the only pattern of behavior they know. He also addresses the fact, that many wives learn a helplessness or enabling pattern of behavior and need to address that, so they can help their spouses deal with the control issues. Over time, when a husband tends to be controlling, the wife may begin to feel powerless, or maybe she is non-confrontational so prefers to just go along with him, since speaking her mind does not seem to do any good. Eventually, this simply leads to a learned state of helplessness, and enables him to continue controlling her and the marriage while she may become bitter, entrapped, and resentful. She no longer feels free to give an opinion, or speak her mind about any situations that come up and simply does what he wants feeding his power boost. A major matter of confusion among many Christian is the idea of Headship and Submission between husband and wife as talked about in various Scripture. The author addresses these concepts from a Biblical point of view and what Paul meant when he said - the husband is the head as Christ is the head of the church and the wife is supposed to submit to her husband as to the Lord. Many times these ideas get taken out of context and used to the advantage of the controlling spouse in a negative light. Dr Welch gives sound advice that when heeded, will bring about change. Some ideas he suggests may not be easy. He also recommends professional counseling depending on the situation or circumstances in your relationship. If this pattern has been practiced for a multiple number of years, it may not be easily or quickly changed. I was blessed by the Revell with a copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion. No other compensation was given.
The insights found in this book have a wide-ranging audience. Dr. Welch clearly identifies warning signs to be cognizant of when in a dating relationship as well as provides practical steps to take for those who have been married for a while and have poor patterns well established. I appreciate how he makes the distinction early on in his book, that not every controlling spouse is the “husband,” yet frankly speaks from his personal perspective of being the controlling spouse in his own marriage. His description is very helpful in understanding the rationale behind this type of behavior without being dismissive or excusing it. For a subject as sensitive as this one, it is quite refreshing to see the specific ways in which Dr. Welch models ownership of his controlling behavior. Throughout the book, he consistently displays gratefulness to his wife for her honesty and feedback, encouraging the development of her voice in the marriage. In doing so, readers will gain great hope of change for both the controlling partner and spouse. His writing has a very approachable voice and conversational ease, making this a very quick read. I highly recommend this book!
Dr. Welch has written a candid and first hand account of his experience in being a controlling husband, the reasons he became this way, and the harm that was done to his wife and their marriage. He clearly articulates strategies for husbands or wives who are seeking to change their controlling behaviors in order to have happier, balanced, and healthier marriages. Dr. Welch explains how lives and relationships can be transformed, no matter how long you've been married, or why you've been a controlling person. Read this ground breaking book and transform your life.