A rallying cry for everyone tired of keyboard commandos and people who use speakerphones in open plan offices, The Jackass Whisperer is your guide to dealing with the worst people on earth. Jackasses are those who make our lives needlessly harder. They drive too slowly in the fast lane and too quickly in the slow lane, reply all, heat up fish in the microwave at work and share way too much information about their cleanse on Facebook. They live in our homes, work in our offices and shop at our stores. Jackasses are among us, and we have some bad news for you: if you can’t spot the Jackass at the (enter literally any place on the planet), then the Jackass is you. After a lifetime of research, Scott and Alison Stratten offer the definitive guide to surviving the Jackassery in your life and making the world a better place, one set of noise-cancelling headphones at a time.
|Publisher:||Page Two Books, Inc.|
|Product dimensions:||5.40(w) x 7.40(h) x 0.60(d)|
|Age Range:||18 Years|
About the Author
Scott and Alison Stratten are Jackass experts, co-authors of five best-selling business books, co-owners of UnMarketing Inc and co-hosts of not only The UnPodcast, but five children, three dogs and one cat. Their books, their company and their show all represent their thoughts on the changing world of business through their experiences of entrepreneurship, two degrees (Alison), not lasting long as an employee (both) and screaming at audiences around the world (Scott; Alison is more polite). They were put on this earth as a reminder that not all Canadians are passive and apologetic. Businesses like PepsiCo, Saks Fifth Avenue, IBM, Cirque du Soleil and Microsoft have been brave enough to want their advice. They now spend their time keynoting around the world, and realizing they rank tenth and eleventh in order of importance in their home.
Read an Excerpt
Intro to The Jackass in Transit.
It was the first day of our sixth Disney Carribean Cruise. We’d gathered for the mandatory safety demonstration; picture the flight attendant safety dance - but with already inflated life jackets, a crowded deck filed with eager kids waiting to get their Mickey on, and a lot of tired, overwhelmed looking parents wondering if they should have saved the money for college/therapy. Once you’ve boarded the ship, this is the only thing everyone has to do. If everyone is on time and reasonably calm for attendance, the whole thing lasts about ten minutes. Of course as you’d imagine, that ten minutes can feel like a lifetime to a hopped up toddler, with only this minutia between him and kid heaven.
We lined up with our kids, all teenagers with years of Disney experience under their belt. There was some minor pushing and shoving, and a lot of teasing about how Alison now had to line up at the front (damn you height based line up). Beside us a young, rookie family with three children all under 5 years old, two overwhelmed looking parents, a stroller, and their nanny.
We’ll call them the Just Barely Keeping It Togethersons.
As they struggled to line up, the dad carried his eldest and pulled out every trick in the Bribing a Kid Handbook. We smiled understandingly and assured them it would be over soon, and there was child care and a spa on the horizon. This too shall pass.
Then, as our friendly Disney wrangler demonstrated the life vest, Mr. Just Barely Keeping It Togetherson dropped his son. Like, full on dropped him on the ground.
The tears began from the child, who wailed loudly. Mom grabbed him up, trying to quiet him and we overheard Dad explain the child had grabbed his sunglasses and stabbed him in the eye with their arm.
Let the Jackassery begin.
Alison the Jackass made sure our kids knew that she’d travelled many times with three kids under 5 and never, ever dropped any of them. Without the help of a partner or nanny. And seriously, who needs a nanny on a cruise anyway?! The adults weren’t even out numbered! A one to one, kid to adult ratio, is like a vacation unto itself! Who can’t keep a kid quiet for a few minutes? People are the worst!!
The whole thing lasted about fifteen minutes. We smiled at the family and wished them good luck, then our kids ran off for food and we went to sit quietly with our books until dinner. Feeling pretty damn good about ourselves and our choices. Maybe if other people didn’t rely on a nanny all the time, their kids would be better behaved. And really, what kind of parent drops their kid?
After dinner that evening, we went to a movie on the ship. And as Scott sat down with his 3D glasses in hand, he slipped and promptly stabbed himself in the eye with the glasses.
Call it Jackass Karma.
He sat through the movie with his one eye watering, tightly closed in his best Pirates of the Caribbean impression. About ten minutes in, he leaned over, clearly in pain and said, “I read this book about self defence and they tell you to go for your attackers eye first. Before his balls. We need to find that family, I totally would have dropped that kid. I would have dropped the most valuable faberge egg in the world. I would have dropped all our kids.”
Table of Contents
2. The Jackass goes to work
3. The Jackass goes to the gym
4. The Jackass has a kid
5. The Jackass in the wild
6. The Jackass goes to school
7. The Jackass goes to the mall
8. The Jackass is online
10. Cosmo Quiz