The Parent's Guide to Birdnesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce

by Ann Gold Buscho

Overview

Take coparenting to the next level and provide a stable environment for your children as you and your spouse begin tackling your separation or divorce.

For parents who are separating and want to put their children first, birdnesting could be the interim custody solution you’ve been looking for. Instead of the children splitting their time being shuttled between mom and dad’s separate homes, birdnesting allows the children to stay in the “nest” and instead, requires mom and dad to swap, allowing each parent to stay elsewhere when not with the children.

Initially popularized by celebrities, this method of coparenting is now becoming more mainstream as a way to help ease children into a new family dynamic. Birdnesting takes work and commitment but with Dr. Ann Gold Buscho’s guidance, you’ll learn everything you need to know about this revolutionary method. In The Parent’s Guide to Birdnesting, you will discover the pros and cons, the financial and interpersonal considerations, and if it’s the right decision for you and your family.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781507214091
Publisher:	Adams Media
Publication date:	09/01/2020
Pages:	256
Sales rank:	672,326
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Ann Gold Buscho, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in family issues and issues related to divorce, parenting, parenting planning, and coparenting counseling. She has professional and personal experience in nesting, coparenting, stepparenting, and single-parenting issues. She has presented widely at state and national conferences for attorneys, mental health professionals, and financial professionals on collaborative divorce, forgiveness practices, nesting during divorce, and consensual dispute resolution.

Table of Contents

Introduction 8

Part 1 Getting Started 11

Chapter 1 What Is Nesting? 13

Nesting, Explained 13

What Does Nesting Look Like in Real Life? 17

The Goals of Nesting 19

The Benefits of Nesting 20

Key Points to Remember 23

Chapter 2 Is Nesting Right for Your Family? 25

Assessing Your Ability to Co-Parent Questionnaire 26

Issues to Consider Before Nesting 30

Your Home Away from Home: Potential Living Arrangements 39

Financial Factors 44

Dating and New Relationships 46

How Long Should Nesting Last? 48

Nesting Deal Breakers 49

Making a Decision 55

Key Points to Remember 55

Chapter 3 Developing a Co-Parenting Plan 57

Managing Different Co-Parenting Styles 58

The Mission Statement 61

Scheduling Time with the Children 63

Logistics Related to Your Children's Care 68

New Relationships 72

How to Handle Disagreements That Arise 75

Parenting Plan Worksheet 76

Key Points to Remember 99

Chapter 4 Nesting and Finances 101

Honesty and Full Disclosure 101

Getting Up to Speed with Your Finances 102

Why Budgets Are Important 104

How to Make a Budget 104

Sample Budgets 105

Budgeting Template 115

Getting by with Less 125

Determining Your Nesting Housing Situation Using Your Budget 127

Incorporating Your Budget Into Your Nesting Agreement 128

Review Your Financial Situation Periodically 130

Future Expenses 132

Key Points to Remember 132

Chapter 5 Creating a Nesting Agreement That Works 133

Using Your Co-Parenting Plan As a Foundation for Nesting 133

Little Details Can Make a Big Difference 134

Be Patient with Each Other 137

Making Nesting Successful via Trust 140

Focus On What Matters to Each of You 142

Create Your Personalized Nesting Agreement 143

The Ready-to-Nest Pledge 147

Key Points to Remember 148

Part 2 Implementing Your Nesting Plan 149

Chapter 6 Talking to Your Kids (and Others) about Nesting 151

Use Reassuring Language 152

Talk First with Your Children 153

Talking with Extended Family and Friends 159

Key Points to Remember 162

Chapter 7 Sharing Information While Nesting 163

Practice Active Listening 163

Why It's So Important to Communicate with Your Spouse 164

Remember to Practice "Good-Enough Communication" 167

Sharing Information about Your Children 171

Using Technology to Stay In Touch 173

Check In to Assess Nesting 177

Off-Duty Communication with Your Children 177

Sharing Information with Others 179

Key Points to Remember 180

Part 3 Moving Into the Future 181

Chapter 8 Coping with Your Feelings 183

It's Normal to Feel Overwhelmed by Life's Changes 184

Both Parties Are in Pain 186

Boosting Your Emotional Vocabulary 188

Let Go of Your Anger 194

Key Points to Remember 196

Chapter 9 Taking Care of Yourself 197

The Importance of Self-Care 198

Self-Care and Health During Nesting 199

Emotional Days of the Early Stages of Separation 201

What Is Self-Care? 202

Mental Self-Care Ideas 203

Emotional Self-Care Ideas 205

Physical Self-Care Ideas 207

Spiritual Self-Care Ideas 210

Key Points to Remember 212

Chapter 10 What Comes after Nesting? 213

Preparing for Your Next Steps While You Nest 213

When Should You End Nesting? 214

The Decision-Making Process 217

Things to Consider Before Divorcing 218

Specific Steps to Divorce 222

Issues to Think about Before Reconciling 224

Your Next Steps to Reconciliation 226

Tips for Helping Your Children Transition Away from Nesting 228

Key Points to Remember 230

Appendix: One Family's Story 231

Afterword 240

Additional Resources 241

Further Reading 244

Index 250

Editorial Reviews

Incredibly useful.”

—Psychology Today

From the Publisher

2021-07-13
A practical introduction to nesting, aimed at parents on the verge of living apart.

For couples considering separation or divorce, it can be difficult to calmly discuss future co-parenting plans. As licensed clinical psychologist Buscho explains in this well-structured debut, nesting is a way for such couples to reduce conflict while providing a consistent home for their children. The author defines it as “an arrangement where the children stay in the family home, and the parents rotate in and out for their scheduled parenting time.” When not on duty, the other parent lives either in a shared off-site residence, a different home, or in a separate area of the family residence. Buscho recognizes that only parents with considerable financial means can engage in nesting and that the arrangement is inappropriate for families suffering from problems involving substance abuse or domestic violence. But for certain families, she notes, the benefits of temporarily nesting during a turbulent time can be substantial. For example, it can allow the parent who has traditionally had less parenting time during the marriage to “develop closer ties with the children while ‘coming up to speed’ as a solo parent.” Buscho convincingly describes the potential benefits and shortcomings of this parenting method and addresses questions regarding budgeting, communication, and parents’ future romantic relationships. She also gives detailed instructions for creating a successful, personalized nesting agreement as well as valuable templates and worksheets that couples may use as they evolve into co-parents. Buscho also provides suggestions for self-care, which occasionally feel a bit simplistic. However, the author’s compassion and wisdom are evident throughout—in part because the author went through the nesting process herself when she and her husband divorced. “Case in Point” vignettes throughout feature specific families’ stories, allowing Buscho to include perspectives from different cultures and family structures.

A perceptive and essential guide to an uncommon family arrangement.

Kirkus Reviews