The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival

by Kathy Labriola, Dossie Easton (Foreword by), Lacey Johnson (Illustrator)

Overview

Polyamory is not always easy. With multiple partners often come more complex relationships to navigate. This practical guide looks at the common causes of polyamorous breakups, identifies strategies to avoid ending relationships, and provides you with the toolkit to survive a breakup. Kathy Labriola uses real life examples and expert insight as a counselor and nurse. From how to handle jealousy to the practicalities of managing money and time with multiple partners, this book includes tips and insights from the polyamory community. It is inevitable that some relationships will end in a breakup. This book helps you maintain friendships and minimize the impact of a breakup on the rest of your polycule and wider community. Unlike traditional breakup guides, Labriola’s book offers insight specific to the polyamory community and addresses the unique challenges that come with multiple partners.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781944934811
Publisher:	Thornapple Press
Publication date:	10/04/2019
Edition description:	None
Pages:	264
Sales rank:	376,950
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Kathy Labriola is a counselor, nurse, and hypnotherapist in private practice in Berkeley, California. She has written two previous books on relationships and has years of professional experience working with polyamorous singles, couples, and groupings on relationship dynamics. Dossie Easton is the co-author of the bestselling The Ethical Slut. She is also a psychotherapist, relationship counselor, and educator. Since 1969, she has lived and worked in sexual minority cultures and is an authority on polyamory.

Table of Contents

Foreword xi

Introduction: Understanding Poly Breakups 1

Breakups Come With the (Poly) Territory 5

Part 1 What Are the Most Common Causes of Poly Breakups? And Can They Be Prevented?

Poly vs. Non-Poly Causes of Breakups

The Usual Suspects or The Big Seven

Chapter 1 Sexual Problems Cause Lots of Monogamous Breakups and Lots of Poly Breakups

Chapter 2 Money Issues That Can Doom Both Monogamous and Open Relationships 27

Chapter 3 Domestic Issues That Can Lead to Breakups 35

Chapter 4 Incompatible Needs for Intimacy and Autonomy 47

Chapter 5 Problems One Partner Brings into the Relationship, Including Addictions, Untreated Mental Health Conditions, and Abuse 52

Chapter 6 Breakups Where Polyamory Plays Some Part, but Is Not the Primary Cause 72

Part 2 Poly Causes For Poly Breakups 87

Chapter 7 The Most Common Cause of Poly Breakups: Picking the Wrong Partners 89

Chapter 8 Different Strokes for Different Folks: When Partners Want Incompatible Models of Open Relationship 98

Chapter 9 When Poor Management of Time and Energy Is the Culprit 115

Chapter 10 When Jealousy Is the Root Cause of a Breakup 138

Part 3 Surviving a Poly Breakup

Why Are Poly Breakups So Excruciatingly Painful? 160

Chapter 11 Self-Care Is the First Step to Surviving a Breakup 163

Chapter 12 Grieve Your Losses and Learn Whatever Lessons You Can from This Relationship 171

Chapter 13 Sustaining Your Other Relationship(s) Throughout the Breakup 195

Chapter 14 Handling the "Public Relations" of a Poly Breakup 195

Chapter 15 Is There a Better Way? 208

Chapter 16 Going Forward 230

Editorial Reviews

"Using a detailed series of real-life examples of polyamory, Kathy Labriola dissects a variety of poly breakups and success stories to provide expert advice on how to navigate troubled times. This work is mandatory reading for those considering an adventure into the world of consensual non-monogamy." —Ken Haslam, MD, founder of the Ken Haslam Polyamory Archives, the Kinsey Institute, Indiana University


"A comprehensive, insightful and very useful book on a topic that receives too little attention. Highly recommended." —Jay Wiseman, author of SM 101: A Realistic Introduction


"There is an enormous need for this resource, and there is no other book like this on the market. I'm excited to be able to recommend this book to both my colleagues and clients." —Faith G. Harper, PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACN


"If you are looking for realistic and compassionate advice from a highly knowledgeable person who has been practicing polyamory and holds decades of experience serving clients in open relationships, The Polyamory Breakup Book is required reading." —Dr Elisabeth Sheff,
author of The Polyamorists Next Door and When Someone You Love is Polyamorous and editor of Stories from the Polycule


"A much-needed how-to guide on navigating breakups in consensual non-monogamy. Kathy Labriola uses personal vignettes to illustrate stages of breakups, and provides deep-dives into incompatibility, jealousy, and survival post-breakup." —Chrissy Holman, President of Open Love NY and Communications Lead, APA Division 44 CNM Task Force


"Get this book for your partner, your partner's partner, your partner's partner's partner, and anybody else who might be involved, to ensure everyone moves in and out of their relationships with the most love and the least amount of hurt." —Zach Beach, Educator and author of The Seven Lessons of Love


"Labriola has crafted a robust road map for breakups, offering a healthy mix of comforting advice and no-nonsense wisdom." —Dedeker Winston, author of The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory


"The Polyamory Breakup Book breaks through the taboo of talking about open relationship endings. It normalizes relationship breakups of all kinds, and offers practical tools for preparing for and understanding breakups when they happen. Kathy Labriola uses her deep expertise to provide guidance and understanding around breakups in polyamorous relationships. She provides the reader with acceptance and practical ideas as they navigate their loss both with themselves, and with their communities." — Rachel Robbins, Psy.D. Licensed Psychologist, Goodreads

From the Publisher