Unfinished Business: 8 Steps to Heal Your Trauma, Transcend Your Past, and Transform Your Life

by Melanie Smith

Overview

Melanie Smith knows from experience how complex and immovable grief and trauma can feel. She used that experience to fuel her research into the issues of trauma, loss, and finding happiness, which led to the creation of Unfinished Business—an eight-step, actionable process that will help you overcome heartbreak, emotional wounds, limiting beliefs, old patterns, and unconscious habits, as well as the negative self-talk, self-judgment, overwhelm, and misalignment that have held you back from succeeding in love, relationships, business, finance, and health. 

Grounded in a scientifically supported and solution-based methodology, this system has already transformed people’s lives globally through her one-on-one and group coaching sessions; now Melanie has put it on the page so everyone can access it and change their lives once and for all. With her guidance, you will clear out the heartbreak, trauma, and grief of your past and make space for joy, hope, and possibility—giving you the self-awareness, clarity of vision, and courage to create the purpose-filled life that was meant for you.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781647425159
Publisher:	She Writes Press
Publication date:	08/08/2023
Pages:	288
Sales rank:	347,170
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Melanie Smith has worked in the field of heartbreak, grief, trauma, transition, loss, change, reinvention, and all things Unfinished Business for over two decades and has helped thousands of people change their lives profoundly. She started her career as a platinum-selling international songwriter and award-winning actress, starring and co-starring in shows such as: As the World Turns, Melrose Place, Seinfeld, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Deep Space Nine, and The Division, to name a few. As an entrepreneur, her award-winning lifestyle, wellness, and yoga center was considered to be one of the most well-respected in the country by sources such as Vogue, Yoga Journal, Philadelphia Magazine, and others. Now a powerful motivational speaker, writer, and leader, Melanie has been a contributing writer for many national health and wellness magazines and holds the distinction of being an PCC-level ICF certified coach and an ICI-master-level coach. She is the proud mother of one grown son, Gideon. Born and raised in Scranton, Pennsylvania, she presently splits her time between New Hope, Pennsylvania, and Naples, Florida.

Table of Contents

Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

PART I

Chapter 1: My Personal Journey . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

The First Whisper • 3

Finding the Rainbow • 5

The Life You Were Meant to Live • 8

Chapter 2: Unfinished Business . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11

Breaking the Loop • 14

What Is Unfinished Business? • 15

Chapter 3: Under the Unfinished . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

Unfinished Business Is Universal • 24

What Is Grief and How Is It Connected to UFB? • 25

No t All Grief Is the Same, but

It All Matters the Same • 25

Ho w the Unfinished Business Program

Is Different • 30

Chapter 4: Understanding the Whole . . . . . . . . . 32

Soul • 34

The Conscious Mind • 36

The Unconscious Mind • 37

Th e Three Brains Theory: How Our Body

Communicates • 39

Bioenergetics • 41

The Soma • 42

Bringing It All Together • 43

Chapter 5: Program Overview . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46

What to Expect • 49

Things to Keep in Mind • 51

PART II

Chapter 6: Rethink . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55

Prework: Tilling the Soil • 58

Homework Follow-Up • 63

Higher Self-Talk • 63

Chapter 7: Lesson 1 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65

Why We Are the Way We Are • 67

Models, Mantras, and Beliefs • 68

Le sson 1 Homework: Identifying Your Models,

Mantras, and Beliefs • 74

Homework Follow-Up • 78

Higher Self-Talk • 78

Chapter 8: Lesson 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 80

The AACTs of Life • 82

Where Our AACTs Come From • 84

Belonging and Shame • 86

Le sson 2 Homework: Naming Our AACTs and

Taking Responsibility • 91

Cr itical Notes Before You Do Your Homework

for This Chapter • 101

Homework Follow-Up • 102

Higher Self-Talk • 103

Chapter 9: Lesson 3 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 105

What Is Charge? • 109

What Is Incomplete Charge? • 110

How Charge Shows Up • 113

Why Charge Matters • 114

Charge Changers vs. Charge Choices • 117

How Charge Starts Getting Blocked • 119

The Hunt for Charge Changers • 121

Short-Term Gains, Long-Term Losses • 123

Overcharged vs. Undercharged • 125

Common Charge Changers • 126

Taking Total Responsibility: Revisited • 132

Le sson 3 Homework: Understanding and

Diagnosing Charge • 133

Tips for How to Process Charge • 140

Moving into Charge Choices • 141

Homework Follow-Up • 142

Higher Self-Talk • 123

Chapter 10: Lesson 4 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 144

Acute vs. Chronic Trauma • 147

Putting Words to Feelings • 154

The Four Rs • 157

Le sson 4 Homework: Completing the

Puzzle of You • 159

Homework Follow-Up • 170

Higher Self-Talk • 171

PART III

Chapter 11: Recap . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 175

Chapter 12: Lesson 5 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 177

Who Is Taking Up the Most Room? • 179

Gone but Not Forgotten • 182

Complete or Repeat • 183

Le sson 5 Homework: Taking Responsibility

and Letting Go • 184

Homework Follow-Up • 195

Higher Self-Talk • 196

Chapter 13: Lesson 6 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 197

Recharge to Discharge • 200

Saying Goodbye • 202

Lesson 6 Homework: Release Through Writing • 203

Homework Follow-Up • 207

Higher Self-Talk • 209

Chapter 14: Lesson 7 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 210

The Happier Ending • 212

Lesson 7 Homework: Your Happier Ending • 215

Homework Follow-Up • 221

Higher Self-Talk • 223

Chapter 15: Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 225

APPENDIX 1: Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale . . . . . . . 229

APPENDIX 2: Stress Indicators Continued . . . . . . . . . 234

AP PENDIX 3: Identifying Your Heartbreak

Category and Type . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 236

APPENDIX 4: Terms Overview . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 238

Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 243

Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 246

About the Author . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 253

Editorial Reviews

06/26/2023

This inspiring guide from author and actress Smith has been crafted to guide readers in facing unhealed trauma and taking steps to heal, let go, and move on toward a happier, freer perspective on life. "This work is deep, meaningful, and life-changing," Smith writes, emphasizing that the eight-step process here—which includes recognizing coping mechanisms, unpacking triggers, and unblocking one’s “charge”—is indeed work. She draws on her own experience of that effort, of going “deep enough to find ways through the difficult pain and disappointment life can expose us to,” in this inviting, action-oriented resource, she encourages readers who are ready to start the process of reflection and release, of identifying past traumas, patterns, and beliefs that may have long steered you, and installing instead “a new and clear GPS that will guide you to the places in life you’ve always dreamed of.”

Smith’s process calls for exploring journaling, creating daily mantras, and knowing one's AACTS (Acceptance and Approval Create Tricks), which will help reveal the “gap between the real, connected self and the artificial, created one.” Each chapter begins with a revealing personal anecdote (about forgiving oneself; about crafting a “happier ending” story for your life) from Smith or one of her clients, leading readers into each new lesson, which builds smartly upon the previous. Writing with empathy and clarity, Smith explores how loss can cause individuals to become stuck or stagnant in grief, and how that grief can become a self-defeating catalyst affecting decision-making, even leading to the creation of a risk-averse life built to avoid pain.

Unfinished Business asks for deep self assessment, but Smith continually offers words of encouragement and affirmations, especially in recurring "Higher Self-talk" sections. This is a heartening, straight-talking resource for readers looking to start the work that it takes to (as Smith puts it) “weed” their gardens and re-plant in “clean and clear” soil. Smith makes the work look approachable and nourishing.

Takeaway: Vital, practical guide to healing and creating a happier life.

Comparable Titles: Chelsea Hanson’s The Sudden Loss Survival Guide, Pamela D. Blair and Bradie McCabe Hansen’s The Long Grief Journey.

Production grades Cover: A Design and typography: A Illustrations: N/A Editing: A Marketing copy: A

BookLife Reviews

Unfinished Business a prescriptive, compassionate, user-friendly guidebook for the heart, infused with hard-won wisdom and true concern for the emotional health and authentic well-being of us all. Both science-based and deeply personal, the work in this book helps us to understand our challenging life events from an entirely different perspective and offers us an invitation to lovingly face ourselves, our fears, and our heartbreaks, so we can finally heal from the past and move on. By using her own difficult losses and past traumas Melanie encourages us to organize our complicated histories and take inventory of what was lost so we can enthusiastically grab hold of all that is yet to come. It’s an eye-opener. I loved every page.”
—Cindy Crawford, International SuperModel, Entrepreneur, TV Personality, New York Times best-selling author, Mom 

“Unfinished Business is a beautifully written survival guide for anyone with a past, a present and a future. An inspiring roadmap for those of us who have ever had doubts about our place in the world. I’ve used it myself and found it phenomenally helpful. This one is a must read!”
—Dr. Beverly Kaye, Wall Street Journal best-selling author of Love Em or Lose Em, Up is Not the Only Way, Hello, Goodbye, and Help Them Grow or Watch Them Go

“Honestly taken aback by the process Melanie so eloquently writes the reader through. Her ability to help us understand our emotional history as well as how to set it free is a kind of superpower for those of us determined to heal and reach our greatest potential. Engaging. Insightful and a life changer for me. Grateful to have read it! It's that good.”
—Eric Yavebaum New York Times best-selling author of 7 books including Leadership Secrets of the World’s Most Successful CEOs

“In Unfinished Business, Melanie Smith explores the powerful force that can hold us back from fulfilling our potential for success, health, and happiness. The accessible, evidence-based steps in this book can help us put our unfinished business behind us so that we can become the best version of ourselves and flourish. Beautifully written and a necessary read in these disorienting times.”
—Tal Ben-Shahar New York Times best-selling author of Happier, Being Happy and creator of the most popular course in Harvard University’s history

“Melanie Smith’s Unfinished Business is required reading for anyone feeling stuck in the past or in unhealthy patterns, yet instinctively knows that there is so much more they are capable of becoming. Most people are unaware of the deep pain of their past, and how it is holding them back. Many more have resigned themselves to their suffering, and think it is permanent and impossible to ever be 'finished.' But Unfinished Business provides hope, tools, and skills that create lasting change and healing once and for all. If you are looking to transform your relationships, professional life, and most importantly, yourself, Melanie’s scientifically supported and proven work changes you on a cellular and energetic level so that you can live fully, abundantly, joyfully and claim the life you knew deep down was possible all along.”
—Mary Curran Hackett, best-selling author of Proof of Heaven and Proof of Angels

“Throughout our thirty-plus-year friendship, Melanie’s constant desire has been to help people heal and live authentically. Unfinished Business distills all of her knowledge, tools, and wisdom into a practical, step by step guide that is a must-have resource to help us all navigate our painful pasts and ever-changing, complex lives. From the very first page you know that you are in amazing hands as you learn, grow, and heal from Melanie's hard-earned strength, compassion, honesty, and insights. This book is a true work of heart.”
—Nancy McKeon Actress, Writer, Producer, Director, Mom

“This is a heartening, straight-talking resource for readers looking to start the work that it takes to (as Smith puts it) ‘weed’ their gardens and re-plant in ‘clean and clear’ soil. Smith makes the work look approachable and nourishing.”
—Publishers Weekly BookLife

“Smith offers a self-help book for survivors of trauma… The author aims to help readers heal and transform despite difficult pasts…useful guidance here for people recovering from loss.”
—Kirkus Reviews

From the Publisher

2023-06-09
Smith offers a self-help book for survivors of trauma.

The author aims to help readers heal and transform despite difficult pasts. An actress best known for her starring role on As the World Turns, Smith draws on her experiences of overcoming childhood illness, the devastating death of her mother due to a rare form of cancer, the sudden death of her sister, a divorce, and the loss of her dream home in this narrative of trauma and recovery. The series of losses motivated her to answer the question, “Who would I be, could I be, if nothing or no one had ever gotten in my way?” Unfinished business, or UFB, Smith asserts, can prevent people from becoming who they were meant to be. Unattended, she cautions, it can result in an “emotional hairball.” Once the UFB is identified, readers are instructed to work on releasing the past. Next, the author directs readers to identify and relinquish falsehoods that have guided their journeys thus far so they can embark on new ones. Throughout the narrative, the author incorporates anecdotes and success stories from her coaching clients. There is useful guidance here for people recovering from loss. However, when Smith makes assertions such as “Hardship is not a handicap; it is an opportunity for growth. It is a doorway to deep wisdom,” it sets the bar rather high for survivors who may not be as optimistic about the utility of their traumatic experiences. The lead-up to taking action is unnecessarily long; the program does not begin until Chapter 6, a full 55 pages in. The author also includes superfluous sections on the definitions of the soul, the conscious mind, and the unconscious mind, concepts with which most self-help readers will already be familiar. Finally, the constant interruptions by inspirational quotes inserted into the middle of the text are distracting.

A slow burn of a self-help book offering familiar advice.

Kirkus Reviews