Words Can Change Your Brain: 12 Conversation Strategies to Build Trust, Resolve Conflict, and Increase Intimacy

Words Can Change Your Brain: 12 Conversation Strategies to Build Trust, Resolve Conflict, and Increase Intimacy


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In our default state, our brains constantly get in the way of effective communication. They are lazy, angry, immature, and distracted. They can make a difficult conversation impossible. But Andrew Newberg, M.D., and Mark Waldman have discovered a powerful strategy called Compassionate Communication that allows two brains to work together as one. Using brainscans as well as data collected from workshops given to MBA students at Loyola Marymount University, and clinical data from both couples in therapy and organizations helping caregivers cope with patient suffering, Newberg and Waldman have seen that Compassionate Communication can reposition a difficult conversation to lead to a satisfying conclusion. Whether you are negotiating with your boss or your spouse, the brain works the same way and responds to the same cues. The truth, though, is that you don't have to understand how Compassionate Communication works. You just have to do it. Some of the simple and effective takeaways in this book include: • Make sure you are relaxed; yawning several times before (not during) the meeting will do the trick • Never speak for more than 20-30 seconds at a time. After that they other person's window of attention closes. • Use positive speech; you will need at least three positives to overcome the effect of every negative used • Speak slowly; pause between words. This is critical, but really hard to do. • Respond to the other person; do not shift the conversation. • Remember that the brain can only hold onto about four ideas at one time Highly effective across a wide range of settings, Compassionate Communication is an excellent tool for conflict resolution but also for simply getting your point across or delivering difficult news.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780142196779
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date: 07/30/2013
Pages: 272
Sales rank: 159,413
Product dimensions: 7.90(w) x 5.70(h) x 0.60(d)
Age Range: 18 Years

About the Author

ANDREW NEWBERG, M.D., is the director of research at the Myrna Brind Center of Integrative Medicine at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital. He lives in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania.

MARK ROBERT WALDMAN is adjunct faculty at Loyola Mar ymount University. He lives in Los Angeles.

Table of Contents

Authors Note vii

Part 1 The Evidence: The Neuroscience of Communication, Consciousness, Cooperation, and Trust

Chapter 1 A New Way to Converse 3

Chapter 2 The Power of Words 23

Chapter 3 The Many Languages of the Brain 39

Chapter 4 The Language of Consciousness 53

Chapter 5 The Language of Cooperation 77

Chapter 6 The Language of Trust 87

Part 2 The Strategies: Developing New Communication Skills

Chapter 7 Inner Values: The Foundation of Conscious Living 103

Chapter 8 Twelve Steps to Intimacy, Cooperation, and Trust 121

Chapter 9 Compassionate Communication: Retraining Your Social Brain 147

Part 3 The Application: Practicing Effective Communication with Others

Chapter 10 Compassionate Communication with Loved Ones 165

Chapter 11 Compassionate Communication in the Workplace 183

Chapter 12 Compassionate Communication with Kids 197

Acknowledgments 209

Appendix A Compassionate Communication Training: CDs, Mp3s, Workbooks, Webinars, and Workshops 211

Appendix B Compassionate Communication Training Protocol for Couples 213

Appendix C Compassionate Communication Research Study 217

Notes 219

Index 253

What People are Saying About This

Herbert Benson

In their noteworthy new book, Newberg and Waldman show you how to listen and speak more effectively in a fashion that will actually change your brain. As a result, you will communicate and get along better with others. Thank you! (Herbert Benson, M.D, Associate Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School and Author of The Relaxation Response)

Chris Manning

Every business person in America should read this book. The bottom line: profitability and loyalty increases as the quality of your relationships improve. (Chris Manning, PhD, Professor of Finance and Real Estate, Loyola Marymount University, Los Angeles)

Stephen E. Roulac

When the principles of Compassionate Communication are applied to business management, hiring, recruiting, or selling, superior results are invariably realized. (Stephen E. Roulac, Ph.D., Professor of Global Property Strategy, University of Ulster)

Daniel G. Amen

A rare book! It teaches the reader, in a matter of minutes, how to speak well and listen well. The authors show why everyday communication doesn't work, and how to change the unconscious inner dialogues that stop us from honestly interacting with others. Best of all, it's supported by the most recent advances in brain-and-communication research. (Daniel G. Amen, MD, author of Use Your Brain to Change Your Age)

John Assaraf

One of the best personal development books of the decade! (John Assaraf, author of The Answer)

Michael Bernard Beckwith

Combines years of neuroscientific research on the power of our spoken word, facial expressions and body language with twelve real-world practices. Equally applicable in the boardroom and the bedroom, it is a must-read for those who want to better understand and communicate who they are in all forms and aspects of relationship. (Michael Bernard Beckwith, author of Life Visioning)

Srinivasan Pillay

Bringing together insights from neuroscience, psychology, and spiritual development, Waldman and Newberg offer a profoundly simple and effective way to turn ordinary conversations into extraordinary events.. (Srinivasan Pillay, M.D., Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School)

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Words Can Change Your Brain: 12 Conversation Strategies to Build Trust, Resolve Conflict, and Increase Intimacy 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 1 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Pause 30 seconds after each sentence of this review... Research based mindfulness technique. I use it successfully with friends and my mentally ill clients. Two or three sentences and we both feel appreciated and cherished. This is because the extraordinarily simple method puts you in the heart of this moment with the other person. The rest of the books supports what you learned by providing analysis of research explaining why we need it; why it works. Use it and improve every area of your life...activate those frontal lobes.