I borrowed this book.
Borderline Personality Disorder is a complex, difficult to deal with and highly undiagnosed mental disease. While the idea of the unstable girlfriend or boyfriend is common enough to be a comedy (and horror) stereotype, this book explores a very real disorder that might be behind the actions. And unlike many books on the topic, it focuses on the supporters, caretakers, or those who have been scarred by the actions of a BPD person.
This book is very clear, easy to read and includes a ton of resources for those struggling to handle the seemingly manipulative and contradictory (and sometimes outright dangerous) behavior of a BPD-afflicted person. Referrals to other books or related topics, online communities and loaded with anecdotes this book is a support itself, and practically screams "We understand. You are not alone." (Which those struggling sometimes need desperately to hear.)
It's not perfect, as it focuses more on identifying and explaining behaviors and the anecdotes mostly center on displaying situational BPD behavior, not on the coping side of the book. But it is a handy, comprehensive addition to mental health libraries or a useful guide for those trying to handle the effects of BPD. In fact this is an excellent place to start in a quest to both understand and recover from the damages that this emotionally crippling disease can cause.
6 out of 6 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted March 13, 2008
My BP daughter has spent 10 years in therapy, misdiagnosed and mis-medicated. It's not the doctors' fault, this condition is sneaky and age has a part. After so many failed attempts at med-therapy, worsening symptoms, substance abuse and her resistance to behavior therapy, we tested further and found BPD, still with several comorid's. I didn't totally believe it. Since there was no childhood abuse, I found many of the hallmarks not quite fitting. I wondered if we really had the right diagnosis this time. Then I read this book. If I had to rely only on the clinical points, I would say she fit 50-60% but when you read the feelings of people with BP and their families, you see the real deal. I am confident now that our diagnosis is correct and that my mother also has this condition. I have walked on eggshells all my life trying to keep peace and be logical. I am only a few chapters into this book but I can't wait to finish it and get a clue. I even sent a copy of it to another family member so they will understand as well. This has been so enlightening, and appreciated.
5 out of 7 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.55andrea
Posted February 21, 2010
Good basic book on BPD, and provides a foundation to understand the various manifestations of this condition.
3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted August 24, 2000
My relationship with my mother has tormented me for many years. This book has opened up so many doors of knowledge and understanding for me. I have never been able to understand my mother's behavior, because it is usually so illogical. At times she seems perfectly normal and charming, other times she does the most bizarre things that don't even make any sense. She would continually contradict me and even herself! Sometimes I felt that I was losing my mind because I couldn't remember some of the conversations she said we'd had. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has someone in their life who makes them feel this way. There is an explanation!! Better yet, you can learn skills to better deal with this disorder. My relationship with my mother has slowly improved since I read this book.
3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted October 15, 2003
This is a must read. I am Anthony Walker, author of The Siren's Dance : My Marriage to a Borderline: A Case Study, a personal memoir of living with someone with BPD. Throughout my relationship I fumbled in a psychological darkness looking for answers in dealing with the difficult behaviors and situations. All the texts available at the time were heavy duty clinical texts and dealt with the condition itself. The book to help the loved ones and partners of the BPD person had not been written. This book is it. It sets out specific easy to understand guidelines, and is particularly strong with regard setting boundaries. Treatment requires not only treatment for the BPD but help for those who love them as well. Well done Mason et al. A. Walker, MD
2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted February 8, 2001
This book has saved the lives of myself and many of my good friends. This book allows NonBPs (those in relationships with someone with borderline personality disorder) to make informed decisions about the future of their relationship with the person having the disorder. No less than three online communities of Nons exist primarily because of this book. These communities consist of hundreds of Nons who have benefited from this work and from interacting with each other. If you know someone who might have borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder, you must read this book and join one of our online communities!
2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted April 13, 2009
I haven't finished this book yet, but so far it is very informative. It explains the many mood swings, etc. that I have been living with for so many years. It has made me realize that the person with BPD has the issues, not me. I can't wait to finish the book!
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted May 6, 2007
For who ever reads this, this is one of the best books i have ever read. it helped me understand how my mother is and how she acts by reading this book i could relate and feel the same things. i could say Hey that happened with me and my mother and could actually relate i could feel the feeling that the writers were writing. please get this book it is well written.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted March 6, 2007
I had never heard the term Borderline Personality Disorder before I was referred to this book, but in the first few pages I found a frighteningly accurate description of my wife and her mother, and many of the symptoms rang true for others in my life as well, including my own mother. This book helped me understand the sudden rages, bizarre outbursts and baseless accusations that I was facing on a daily basis. Better yet, several effective strategies are provided that helped me regain control over my own life and (to a lesser degree) our household. If you think you are involved with, or related to, someone who suffers from this under-diagnosed disorder, this book is a must-read.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted November 12, 2001
This book is a must for non-BPD, especially if you have no clue about BPD. A friend who was a long term best friend of my BPD recommended this book to me and I will be eternally grateful. I am free (other than having to co-parent with)from my BPD. This book helped me realize that setting MY boundries, being firm, and consistent was the key. How my BPD responded was not my problem. The book is clear, easy to understand and full ofr help, at least it was for me.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted December 4, 2000
I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently involved with someone who has or is suspected to have borderline personality disorder. I did not discover this book until my relationship deteriorated beyond repair. This book helped me thru the emotional roller coaster, and self doubt I was experiencing. It also explained alot of unanswered questions about the behavior of my now ex fiance. I so wish I would have known about this book and this disease. So much pain could have been prevented.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted March 8, 2013
Easy read. A very helpful book.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted December 28, 2012
A book that finally got my husband to see what he's really like, and that it just wasn't me. This book saved our marriage.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted December 10, 2012
I am so emotional, so relieved to learn there is hope and help for me in dealing with my BP partner. Already, by applying the principles in the book, life has been calmer, and my boundaries are holding. I have a sense about how to handle the next crisis, which I know will come. I have begun to ask myself tough questions and listen to my honest answers. Will I stay or will I go? I don't know, but whatever I decide to do, this book has given me the information I need to do it as peacefully as possible. I am eternally grateful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted May 7, 2012
Kits and queens den
0 out of 3 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted February 7, 2012
I still haven't made it through the whole book yet - I keep going back and forth in it reviewing and re-reviewing parts of the book for guidance and understanding.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted April 12, 2010
It was like they had lived my life the past 5 1/2 years
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.SarahKR
Posted July 5, 2009
As a stepmother trying to support my husband in effectively addressing the co-tangled state of his relationship with his teenage daughter and ex-wife (who has bpd), I was deeply moved, energized, and encouraged by the "dead on" information contained within "Walking on Eggshells".
My husband and I have become more educated through some of the extremely accurate (and scary)insights and projections of how dependent children may/will be negatively affected by a mother who has bpd presented in this text. Some of this medically-based data will help in court cases when the non-bpd parent appeals to a family court judge to remove a child from the custody of the bpd parent.
For anyone who has a dependent child within the clasps of a bdp parent, this is a MUST read to learn more about the bpd's MO and harmful behaviors towards the child, some useful techniques on how to help the child cope, but, as importantly, the crucial imperative to physically remove the child from the bpd's control and influence.
I highly recommend this book to parents, teenage children and older, and anyone who has a bpd in their life.
Anonymous
Posted March 31, 2008
My sister-in-law recommended this book. She was also reading it. Because my husband her brother' has BP. Took me years to actually know what was going on with him, i was tired of walking on eggshells for years. By reading this book it has helped me to help him thru what he is going thru. I highly recommend it.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted February 22, 2006
I highly recommend this book as means to understanding the behavior of those with borderline personality disorders. I always knew my husband's behavior and angry outbursts were different but couldn't put a name to it or what triggered them. This book enabled me to have a better understanding of the disorder and how to not to 'buy into' the behavior.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
More About This Textbook
Overview
Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel you are "walking on eggshells" to avoid the next confrontation?
If the answer is "yes," someone you care about may have borderline personality disorder (BPD). Stop Walking on Eggshells has already helped nearly half a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this destructive disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ones stop relying on dangerous BPD behaviors. This fully revised edition has been updated with the very latest BPD research and includes coping and communication skills you can use to stabilize your relationship with the BPD sufferer in your life.
This compassionate guide will enable you to:
Editorial Reviews
From the Publisher
"Stop Walking on Eggshells makes good on its promise to restore the lives of people in close relationships with someone diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). It is a rich guide to understanding and coping with the reactions aroused in others by troubling BPD behaviors that negatively impact relationships. Readers will find this book very useful and beneficial."
—Nina W. Brown, EdD, professor and Eminent Scholar at Old Dominion University in Norfolk, VA, author of Children of the Self-Absorbed
"This book is the absolute go-to guide for my clients who are dealing with a loved one with borderline personality disorder. Readable and thorough, it strikes a perfect balance of practical advice and emotional sensitivity. This book has helped so many people break through their sense of confusion and isolation by helping them to name, understand, and respond to the difficulties of this complex and misunderstood disorder."
—Daniel E. Mattila, M.Div., LCSW
"This book is urgently needed now that a National Institutes of Health study shows that 6 percent of the general population has borderline personality disorder (BPD). I constantly get requests from families needing resources on BPD, and I recommend Stop Walking On Eggshells almost every time. This second edition is really easy to read and packed with even more useful tips for family members in distress."
—Bill Eddy, LCSW, attorney, mediator, clinical social worker, and author of High Conflict People in Legal Disputes and Splitting
"Amazingly, Stop Walking On Eggshells not only teaches readers how to recognize the signs of borderline personality disorder, it also shows how they can make life and relationship decisions based on what they want and need instead of decisions controlled by the illness."
—Julie A. Fast, author of Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder
Product Details
Related Subjects
Meet the Author
Paul T. Mason, MS, is vice president of clinical services at Wheaton Franciscan Healthcare in Racine, WI. Under his leadership, the mental health and addiction care service line has expanded the number of inpatient services and outpatient programs it provides for patients, family members, and loved ones affected by borderline personality disorder (BPD). His research on BPD has been published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology and his written work has appeared in the news and print media.
Randi Kreger has brought the concerns of family members who have a loved one with BPD to an international forefront through her website, www.bpdcentral.com, and the Welcome to Oz online support community. Through Eggshells Press, she offers family members a wide variety of more specialized booklets and other materials. She was also instrumental in the formation of the Personality Disorders Awareness Network (PDAN), a not-for-profit organization. Kreger is author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and The Essential Family Member Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. She speaks and gives workshops about BPD internationally.
Table of Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Prologue xiii
Introduction: Intimate Strangers: How This Book Came to Be 1
Part 1 Understanding BPD Behavior
Chapter 1 Walking on Eggshells: Does Someone You Care About Have BPD? 9
Chapter 2 The Inner World of the Borderline: Defining BPD 21
Chapter 3 Making Sense of Chaos: Understanding BPD Behavior 49
Chapter 4 Living in a Pressure Cooker: How BPD Behavior Affects Non-BPs 67
Part 2 Tacking Back Control of Your Life
Chapter 5 Making Changes within Yourself 83
Chapter 6 Understanding Your Situation: Setting Boundaries and Honing Skills 107
Chapter 7 Asserting Your Needs with Confidence and Clarity 135
Chapter 8 Creating a Safety Plan 159
Chapter 9 Protecting Children from BPD Behavior 177
Part 3 Resolving Special Issues
Chapter 10 Waiting for the Next Shoe to Drop: Your Borderline Child 199
Chapter 11 Lies, Rumors, and Accusations: Distortion Campaigns 213
Chapter 12 What Now? Making Decisions about Your Relationship 225
Appendix A Causes and Treatment of BPD 237
Appendix B Practicing Mindfulness 243
Appendix C Reading List and Resources 257
References 257