Science Fiction

7 Times Teleportation Ruined Everything

teleportationAs modern science runs amok, achieving things once unimaginable and unlocking the secrets of the universe, writing science fiction gets increasingly difficult. Things once considered the ravings of wild-eyed novelists with rich imaginations are being mass-produced and sold (the iPhone is basically the Hitchhiker’s Guide, people), and the list of truly amazing things you can toss into a speculative novel is getting shorter and shorter.
One technology that doesn’t seem any closer to market is teleportation—perhaps because, if you read SF that features it, you’d rightly conclude that it is almost never a good idea. Outside of Star Trek (and sometimes, even inside of it), teleportation invariably results in death, disfigurement, or invasion by horrifying interdimensional aliens. Speaking of The Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams himself opined that teleportation is, “not quite as fun as a good solid kick to the head.” Need further proof? Here are seven speculative novels that prove teleporting yourself is the worst—and maybe last—decision you’ll ever make.

Here & There: A Novel

Here & There: A Novel

Paperback $14.95

Here & There: A Novel

By Joshua V. Scher

Paperback $14.95

Here and There, by Joshua V. Scher
Scher’s debut novel centers on a disastrous teleportation experiment that appears to kill a scientist, his family, and several high-ranking government officials. What’s really remarkable about this one is the way Scher structures it: the word “experimental” is applied in complete sincerity here, as the whole story is framed as the contents of a mysterious briefcase containing a cover letter and a jumble of documents the reader must sift through. The end result cleverly mimics teleportation itself as you find yourself jumping from bit to bit, and while this is one of those books you’ll have to read a few times to truly “get,” one thing is certain: it does not regard teleportation as a beneficial development.

Here and There, by Joshua V. Scher
Scher’s debut novel centers on a disastrous teleportation experiment that appears to kill a scientist, his family, and several high-ranking government officials. What’s really remarkable about this one is the way Scher structures it: the word “experimental” is applied in complete sincerity here, as the whole story is framed as the contents of a mysterious briefcase containing a cover letter and a jumble of documents the reader must sift through. The end result cleverly mimics teleportation itself as you find yourself jumping from bit to bit, and while this is one of those books you’ll have to read a few times to truly “get,” one thing is certain: it does not regard teleportation as a beneficial development.

The Fold: A Novel

The Fold: A Novel

Hardcover $25.00

The Fold: A Novel

By Peter Clines

Hardcover $25.00

The Fold, by Peter Clines
Clines is a very clever writer, and in The Fold, he pulls off a great trick. At first the novel appears to be the story of a successful teleportation experiment that has produced its first bad result—a scientist on the team appears to go insane after a routine trip through the machine. Mike Erikson, the genius sent to investigate the incident, slowly figures out what’s really going on, and the answer is completely unexpected and very cool. While technically teleportation isn’t causing the problem in this story, the implication that disintegration and reintegration of atoms leaves you vulnerable to, well, spoilers, is still pretty clear.

The Fold, by Peter Clines
Clines is a very clever writer, and in The Fold, he pulls off a great trick. At first the novel appears to be the story of a successful teleportation experiment that has produced its first bad result—a scientist on the team appears to go insane after a routine trip through the machine. Mike Erikson, the genius sent to investigate the incident, slowly figures out what’s really going on, and the answer is completely unexpected and very cool. While technically teleportation isn’t causing the problem in this story, the implication that disintegration and reintegration of atoms leaves you vulnerable to, well, spoilers, is still pretty clear.

Skeleton Crew

Skeleton Crew

Paperback $8.99

Skeleton Crew

By Stephen King

Paperback $8.99

“The Jaunt”, by Stephen King
King takes a slightly different route in this classic short story about a future in which teleportation is common and apparently safe—as long as the travelers are asleep when they do it. The story isn’t concerned with people being split into pieces, or alien horrors wriggling through wormholes; as in the best horror, it imagines the dangers of teleportation in an entirely different way. When a child mischievously avoids being put to sleep before a “jaunt,” he emerges on the other side white-haired and raving, his final words to his father a darkly comedic button or a tale that grows more disturbing the longer you contemplate it.

“The Jaunt”, by Stephen King
King takes a slightly different route in this classic short story about a future in which teleportation is common and apparently safe—as long as the travelers are asleep when they do it. The story isn’t concerned with people being split into pieces, or alien horrors wriggling through wormholes; as in the best horror, it imagines the dangers of teleportation in an entirely different way. When a child mischievously avoids being put to sleep before a “jaunt,” he emerges on the other side white-haired and raving, his final words to his father a darkly comedic button or a tale that grows more disturbing the longer you contemplate it.

The Prestige

The Prestige

Paperback $18.99

The Prestige

By Christopher Priest

In Stock Online

Paperback $18.99

The Prestige, by Christopher Priest
Up until the moment Rupert Angier develops his magic trick known as “In a Flash” (with the assistance of Nikolai Tesla), The Prestige is a fine book about competing magicians without a trace of speculative fiction in it. Driven mad with jealousy at the success of rival Alfred Borden’s “The Transported Man” trick (which involves an entirely different sort of secret), Angier’s trick involves teleportation via the creation of a double, leaving behind an original—which leads to one of the darkest reveals in the history of magic or, indeed, most novels. If you had any doubt that teleportation is a dark business, The Prestige will disabuse you of the notion.

The Prestige, by Christopher Priest
Up until the moment Rupert Angier develops his magic trick known as “In a Flash” (with the assistance of Nikolai Tesla), The Prestige is a fine book about competing magicians without a trace of speculative fiction in it. Driven mad with jealousy at the success of rival Alfred Borden’s “The Transported Man” trick (which involves an entirely different sort of secret), Angier’s trick involves teleportation via the creation of a double, leaving behind an original—which leads to one of the darkest reveals in the history of magic or, indeed, most novels. If you had any doubt that teleportation is a dark business, The Prestige will disabuse you of the notion.

Harry Potter Paperback Boxed Set, Books 1-7

Harry Potter Paperback Boxed Set, Books 1-7

Paperback $100.00

Harry Potter Paperback Boxed Set, Books 1-7

By J. K. Rowling

In Stock Online

Paperback $100.00

The Harry Potter series, by J.K. Rowling
A series of books about magicians would almost invariably involve teleportation at some point, and Rowling doesn’t disappoint, revealing various ways it can be achieved in the wizarding world. The problem is, the most effective methods—Apparation and Disapparation—are also a bit dangerous, as unskilled practitioners can suffer “splinching,” leaving part of themselves behind, resulting in often gruesome disfigurements. While the effects of splinching are reversible, it’s interesting that Rowling acknowledges the dark side of teleportation, with many wizards choosing safer but less effective means of instantaneous travel, like Floo Powder and flying Ford Anglias.

The Harry Potter series, by J.K. Rowling
A series of books about magicians would almost invariably involve teleportation at some point, and Rowling doesn’t disappoint, revealing various ways it can be achieved in the wizarding world. The problem is, the most effective methods—Apparation and Disapparation—are also a bit dangerous, as unskilled practitioners can suffer “splinching,” leaving part of themselves behind, resulting in often gruesome disfigurements. While the effects of splinching are reversible, it’s interesting that Rowling acknowledges the dark side of teleportation, with many wizards choosing safer but less effective means of instantaneous travel, like Floo Powder and flying Ford Anglias.

Timeline: A Novel

Timeline: A Novel

Paperback $9.99

Timeline: A Novel

By Michael Crichton

In Stock Online

Paperback $9.99

Timeline, by Michael Crichton
Leave it to Crichton to take a more clinical approach to a fantastic concept. His 1999 novel Timeline is about time travel to the 14th century, except it’s really about quantum teleportation that zips people to an alternate universe where the 14th century is the present. Either way, teleportation is once again proven dangerous, as repeated trips result in subtle misalignments of the body, which can physically manifest as “fault lines” in the skin or bones—or even in death, as one unfortunate traveler discovers when, on the return trip, he dies due to misaligned blood vessels.

Timeline, by Michael Crichton
Leave it to Crichton to take a more clinical approach to a fantastic concept. His 1999 novel Timeline is about time travel to the 14th century, except it’s really about quantum teleportation that zips people to an alternate universe where the 14th century is the present. Either way, teleportation is once again proven dangerous, as repeated trips result in subtle misalignments of the body, which can physically manifest as “fault lines” in the skin or bones—or even in death, as one unfortunate traveler discovers when, on the return trip, he dies due to misaligned blood vessels.

Black Science, Volume 1: How to Fall Forever

Black Science, Volume 1: How to Fall Forever

Paperback $9.99

Black Science, Volume 1: How to Fall Forever

By Rick Remender
Artist Dean White , Matteo Scalera

In Stock Online

Paperback $9.99

Black Science, Vol. 1: How to Fall Forever, by Rick Remender, Matteo Scalera, and Dean White
As real world scientists look for solutions to solve our energy crisis, SF reminds them to stick to our own dimension. In writer Rick Rememder’s gonzo graphic novel series, a team of scientists builds a machine that can “punch through the walls of reality,” a device they ostensibly hope to use “for the betterment of mankind,” but we all know how that goes. Clashing egos and industrial espionage soon result in Grant McKay, his team, and his two young children jumping uncontrollably from dimension to dimension, following the whims of a sabotaged transporter and hoping to eventually wind up back home—or at least someplace that isn’t filled with hostile swamp monsters bent on killing them all.
The lesson here is simple: when they invent teleportation, avoid it like the plague. As Douglas Adams wrote: “I teleported home one night with Ron and Sid and Meg, Ron stole Meggie’s heart away, and I got Sidney’s leg.”

Black Science, Vol. 1: How to Fall Forever, by Rick Remender, Matteo Scalera, and Dean White
As real world scientists look for solutions to solve our energy crisis, SF reminds them to stick to our own dimension. In writer Rick Rememder’s gonzo graphic novel series, a team of scientists builds a machine that can “punch through the walls of reality,” a device they ostensibly hope to use “for the betterment of mankind,” but we all know how that goes. Clashing egos and industrial espionage soon result in Grant McKay, his team, and his two young children jumping uncontrollably from dimension to dimension, following the whims of a sabotaged transporter and hoping to eventually wind up back home—or at least someplace that isn’t filled with hostile swamp monsters bent on killing them all.
The lesson here is simple: when they invent teleportation, avoid it like the plague. As Douglas Adams wrote: “I teleported home one night with Ron and Sid and Meg, Ron stole Meggie’s heart away, and I got Sidney’s leg.”