But I Love Him

But I Love Him

by Amanda Grace

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Sometimes at night, I wake up and stare at the heart for hours. I think of how I collected each piece from the beach, how I glued it all together into one big sculpture. I wonder if Connor realizes what it means, that he'll always have a piece of me no matter what happens. Each piece of glass is another piece of myself that I gave to him. It's too bad I didn't keep any pieces for myself. At the beginning of senior year, Ann was a smiling, straight-A student and track star with friends and a future. Then she met a haunted young man named Connor. Only she can heal his emotional scars; only he could make her feel so loved - and needed. Ann can't recall the pivotal moment it all changed, when she surrendered everything to be with him, but by graduation, her life has become a dangerous high wire act. Just one mistake could trigger Connor's rage, a senseless storm of cruel words and violence damaging everything - and everyone - in its path. This evocative slideshow of flashbacks reveals a heartbreaking story of love gone terribly wrong.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780738728520
Publisher: North Star Editions
Publication date: 05/08/2011
Sold by: Barnes & Noble
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 264
Sales rank: 573,847
File size: 347 KB
Age Range: 12 - 17 Years

About the Author

Amanda Grace is an alias for Mandy Hubbard, who is the author of Prada & Prejudice, You Wish, Ripple (all published by Razorbill/Penguin), But I Love Him and In Too Deep (both published by Flux). In Too Deep has been named a Junior Library Guild selection. She is a literary agent for D4EO Literary, where she represents authors of middle grade and teen fiction. Grace is currently living happily ever after with her husband and young daughter in Tacoma, Washington. For more information, visit her online at: AmandaGraceBooks.com.

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But I Love Him 3.9 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 47 reviews.
KDH_Reviews More than 1 year ago
I decided to pick up But I Love Him based solely on the description of the book. I didn't read any reviews before I started the book, but I wish I had. If I did, I probably wouldn't have bothered reading it. While the book wasn't horrible by any means, I really wanted to like it more than I actually did. One thing I did enjoy about But I Love Him was the book was written in reverse chronological order. As the book is merely snippets of Ann and Connor's relationship, I feel like this greatly helped out the book. I don't think it would have held my attention long enough for me to finish it if it was told chronologically. That being said, I didn't really like that the book was only snippets of their relationship. I felt like I was reading Ann's diary rather than reading a book. If that was supposed to be intended, it should have been stated more clearly. Whether it was intended or not, it made the book less enjoyable for me. Overall, I don't feel like the book had the emotional depth it was capable of. It could have been a really good book, but instead it fell flat. That was the biggest letdown for me.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
First of all, the book is great. No, fantastic! Everyone should read it. I couldnt put it down! Great for girls 10+ Second, does anyone ever write short reviews around here? Think about the people that just want "it was great" or "i hated it. Dont buy it" life would be so much easier!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It was a really good book but i got really anxious to find out what happened. it kinda dragged on and i lost some interest but i finished it and liked the last chapter. Good book
Lauren817 More than 1 year ago
Startling, exceptional, and fast-paced, Amanda Grace's But I Love Him offers a fascinating new look into the world of abusive relationships. Prior to meeting Connor, Ann was a girl going places. From a track star, to a loyal friend, to a good student, Ann appeared to be the picture perfect girl. However, everything changes the day Connor walks into her life. Connor is a boy with a bad family history, but all Ann can see is a boy who needs someone, a boy who can be loved even if he does not realize it himself. That is when everything changes for better and worse. At first, Ann and Connor's relationship seems to be fabulous. Sure, it has its bad moments, but everyone's does. Then he hits her, and everything goes askew. Told in reverse chronological order, Ann and Connor's story is quickly revealed from start to finish in short and powerful bursts sure to intrigue nearly any reader, as they ask themselves "When did everything go so wrong?" I always find books about abusive relationships to be interesting, and with Amanda Grace's But I Love Him, this interest level was raised to the highest of levels for several reasons. For one, the idea of reverse chronological order was simply brilliant. I loved that it allowed for not only suspense but for a new level of understanding in abusive relationships for both the victim and the abuser, which leads me to the characters. In most ways, Ann is nearly broken to no repair. She is someone who has been hurt and beaten down to the extreme emotionally and physically, and yet the reader is not able to judge her for not leaving, simply because it is easy to understand her feelings towards Connor: how hard it is for her to walk away and admit failure. Connor, on the other hand, is presented in an interesting way. For the most part, I could not help but dislike him. He was distrusting, rude, and dogmatic, but I could not help but feel a little bit sorry for him, because he was a nice boy under it all, he just did not know how to show it and submerge his anger instead. As briefly mentioned above, the plot in this was fantastic. I loved the suspense because it allowed for some many questions to be constantly running through my head. The twists and turns were also fabulous, and best of all, there truly was not a moment in this story that I felt was unneeded, which is a big thing in my eyes. Grace's writing was decent as well. She presented this story in a complex way in which she showed the best and worst of all the characters and relationships, which left for much thought on my part about abusive relationships. In all, Amanda Grace's But I Love Him not only packs quite the emotional of punches, but also introduces a great new player in the world of gritty contemporary YA. I highly suggest this one! Grade: A+
Tennille on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I did enjoy this book, but i think i went in with to high expectations. I just feel like it was glossed over to quick, I didn't feel how the intensity of their relationship got that far that quick. I did enjoy the book but, I was hoping for more it's a 3-3.5 for me.
marielovesbooks on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
After reading Stay by Deb Caletti I didn't think I was ready to handle another book on abusive relationships so quickly. I didn't think I had the strength to get so emotionally involved in a another intense book. But I picked it up anyway and I devoured it.But I Love Him is told in reverse order (I know everyone's mentioned this in their reviews, but trust me, it's important) and in between certain dates, we get a glimpse of the present, where Ann is laying bleeding and broken on the floor.I'll admit, at first this reverse order stuff confused me. I was constantly flipping back pages just to make sure I wasn't... I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking but let's just leave it as for awhile, I was confused. After the first 50 pages it starts to make sense and everything starts to pick up. I agree that an opening like the one this book has definitely grabs you. You want to know why Ann is broken on the floor. You want to know why she let it get this far and you want to know if she'll get revenge on Conner. No? Was it just me? It couldn't had just me who thought that! As the story unfolds or folds or whatever it's doing, you start to see the insane parts of their relationship first but you also feel the struggle that Ann has to deal with. Why she feels the need to stay when she knows deep down inside Conner can't be saved. But it's not told in an annoying-she's-so-stupid way. You can feel her concern, her panic and her hope for him. The thing that sets this book about this subject apart from all the others is the detail, the detail and being right there with the character. While all the other books based on abusive relationships take place after the relationship, this one pulls you right in there with Ann from the very first page.Amanda Grace stated in an interview in the back of the book that she wanted to show that Conner wasn't a bad guy, just a broken one and I think she achieved that. In the beginning of the book I hated Conner, to witness what was going on was sickening and stupid but towards the end when you start to see the good sides of Conner you can't help but just feel bad for him. He never asked for this life or this responsibility. But it still doesn't give him the right to take it out on Ann. Abusive relationships are like that; full of fun and butterflies and intensity in the beginning then the next thing you know you're spiraling out of control and you don't know when everything started going wrong. I love that there are so many YA titles being released this year based on abusive relationships, I think this is an issue that hasn't been focused on that really needs to be
_Lily_ on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
But I love him by Amanda GraceReviewed by Moirae the fates book reviews.Tonight was so much worse than anything before it. Tonight he didn't stop after the first slap. At the beginning of senior year, Ann was a smiling, straight-A student and track star with friends and a future. Then she met a haunted young man named Connor. Only she can heal his emotional scars; only he could make her feel so loved ¿ and needed. Ann can't recall the pivotal moment it all changed, when she surrendered everything to be with him, but by graduation, her life has become a dangerous high wire act. Just one mistake could trigger Connor's rage, a senseless storm of cruel words and violence damaging everything ¿ and everyone ¿ in its path.This evocative slideshow of flashbacks reveals a heartbreaking story of love gone terribly wrong.(Synopsis provided by goodreads)I wanted to love this book, but I just didn't. It felt like it was missing something crucial. The writing was good and the idea of the story being told backwards was very original.My biggest issue with this book was Anne, she never felt real and I had a hard time sympathizing with her. I give kudos to Grace for the book and for tackling such a hard subject, but I do think there are better books out there.Another issue I had was that I felt that Grace was almost trying to rationalize Connor's behavior saying that his father was abusive. That maybe true for some abusers, but not all.I know a lot of people liked this story, but for me it fell flat.* Paperback: 264 pages* Publisher: Flux (May 8, 2011)* Author: Amanda Grace* Overall rating: *** 3 out of 5 stars* Cover art: The cover art is okay not my favorite.* Obtained: My personal bookshelf.
Bookswithbite on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Domestic abuses is something that is on the rise and not talked about often. People think that when they see someone getting beat up by a spouse, significant other, or a boyfriend/girlfriend, that all you have to do it get out and your done with that person. They are so wrong on so many levels. It is not just about getting out. The emotional stress of the relationship, the devotion to help the person change, its always on the victim. They think it their fault, that there is no way out. It also makes it worse when you have kids. But then, you really have a connection with the abuser for the rest of your life and there is no way of getting out of that.I really enjoyed and connected with the character Ann. She knew this boy Connor and fell for him in the since of not so much pity but she wanted to help him. She had a heart for him and knew that he wouldn't be like his father. That he would be different. The thing is with this, hurt people..hurt people. Victims don't realize that they to will express angry, rage, and even hit because that is what they grew up with. I like that Connor fought himself. He knew what he what he doing was wrong and did what he could. But he did needed help.Ann I adored her. She stayed by his side giving each piece of her to him to help him in what ever way she can. She never left his side, but she herself was drowning in her own anger. I am glad that she had her mom and friends who reached out to her and let her know that whenever she is ready they will be there.For victims, reaching out is hard. As much as you love the person, you have to get away. Ann had such amazing strength throughout the whole story. I am glad that she made the right choice. This book is a great insight on what happens to domestic abuse victims. This shows ever flaw, every bit of hurt, rage, anger that lashes out. I loved how the reader, got a good idea of what not only what Ann was going through but Connor as well. And I don't care what anyone else says, Connor is victim too. He was raised this way, he saw beatings everyday. While I am glad that Ann made her choice, I can only hope that Connor gets help too.
Krissy724 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
But I Love Him is a beautifully written story about a young woman named Ann, and her abusive relationship with Conner. Many girls do not think they could ever be sucked into something like this. They say they would leave before it ever got that bad. Amanda Grace shows us that it isn¿t always that easy to leave. But I Love Him is told in reverse chronological order and I loved that the author decided to tell us this story in that way. I really got to see where Ann¿s ¿voice¿ changed. As we read about earlier in the relationship, we see Ann as a happy, energetic, friendly, young girl. When the book starts (a year being in an abusive relationship), Ann is submissive, lonely, and emotionally drained. She doesn¿t know how her life turned out the way it did.Reading this book was very hard. I felt Ann¿s pain and I wanted to help her. I felt powerless. Just like her friends and family felt. Knowing people who have gone through this makes it that much harder to read. But it is an important story that needs to be told.Ann was in love with Conner and never saw the warning signs until it were too late. She wanted to help Conner heal from the emotional and physical abuse he suffered at the hands of his dad. She thought if she could just help him move on from his pain, then he wouldn¿t be so angry, and things would be ok. They would finally be able to be happy.This book shows us that the abuser is, in many cases, is also a victim. Conner needs a lot of professional help to deal with the scars he carries. This is not an excuse though. Many people suffer a lot worse, and never grow up to hurt another person. Either way, I still felt for Conner. I understood why Ann wanted to help him. He didn¿t deserve the life he was dealt.But I Love Him is a heart breaking novel that shows the codependency of an abusive relationship. I would recommend this to anyone who is interested in those kinds of dynamics. This is not a light read, but it is a story worth reading.
theepicrat on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
But I Love Him breaks my heart. I am left with so much heaviness and uncertainty that it makes me marvel at how much stronger Amanda Grace has become as a writer (compared to her debut Prada & Prejudice). Walking backwards through Ann and Connor¿s tumultuous relationship is a stroke of genius ¿ and the question of how these two got to this pivotal moment burns through my mind as I read onward to the very beginning. The warning signs are there, but the troubling and most heart-wrenching thing about them is how much Ann and Connor wanted to their love to counteract all negativity in their lives ¿ and watching them fail. With a bittersweet ending, But I Love Him will be an unforgettable classic that will make you wish that life¿s lessons did not always come in hindsight.
LauraMoore on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Ann is starting her senior year, she's a track star, and has a great boyfriend and she thinks she has it all together, but Conner is not liked by her friends or by Ann's mother, they think he is bad for her, and with good reason. Conner is possessive and abusive both physically and emotionally. Ann has given Conner all the pieces of her heart, Literally. But what happens when she forgot to save a piece of it for herself?But I love him opened my eyes to a way I once felt about abusive relationships. I always said that if a man every laid a hand on me, I would be gone so fast their heads would spin, and thank God i've never had to go through that situation, but this book made me see why leaving isn't always the easiest thing to do. Conner was very malipulative and made her feel bad for him, he'd break down after the abuse, and say that he'd never do it again, and don't know what came over him, etc. I could see how Ann felt trapped by his love, because when it was good it was really good, but the lows were even worse then the highs.I think every teen/adult should read this book. It was very eye-opening to me, and i'm sure that EVERYONE has been in an abusive relationship or has known someone else that has, and if this book dosen't help you, then maybe it will help you help someone you know that's dealing with this. Amanda Grace's writing style in this book was real, emotional, and pulled at your emotions, and i loved it! The only reason why this book didn't get 5 stars for me is because of the jumping around of the timeline, I know a lot of people enjoyed that but for me I found it took away from the story and was a bit confusing at times.
LauraT81 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Anna knows what buttons send her boyfriend, Conner, into a rage, but as the relationship progresses it becomes harder and harder to say and do the right thing. She's pushed everyone away just to be with Conner- to be needed. But I Love Him begins at the end of the toxic romance and is told in reverse chronological order to the very beginning.This novel from the very first sentence enthralled me: "I lie in pieces on the floor." Anna's voice is so true and unpretentious that I can't help but like her even though I want to shake her. Even Conner, the villain of the story, is undeniably human, but terribly wounded to the point of cruelty. A fast, but engrossing must read for young adults (adults too, of course).
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love this book. I’ve read it about 4 times and I still feel a wave of emotion every time I read this. I would recommend everyone to read it. It teaches you a lot of domestic abuse and that you should really learn more about it before you ever judge a victim for staying.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book broke my heart. I believe it should be ready by every teen and young adult. It is a good lesson on abusive relationships.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
SleepDreamWrite More than 1 year ago
At times I wasn't sure of the dates and of where the story was going. But then the more I read the more I got that it was going backwards, between past and present. I kind of like that actually. Made the book an interesting read. A sad emotional interesting read. The writing I think I liked the most and well that the cover has to do with the story. The kind of writing that makes you want to read the next chapter and wonder what will happen to the characters. This took a little longer than I thought to finish. Mostly because I had taken a break from reading this since well, it was hard to read at times. But then I wanted to go back to the books I had taken a break from. This was one of them and was curious as to how it would end. Then I read where I left off and was like oh okay, makes sense now. I have heard of the author's other books and might read those.
cutiedummy22 More than 1 year ago
This book was so sweet and yet so sad! I loved the connection Conner and Ann had in their relationship. It went from good to bad then back again to good. I praise the fact that Ann finally had the courage to leave Conner even if she loved him so dearly.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It is the coolest book i have ever read. Its amazing how they fell in love and cute but sad that was hapening to her, but what you think is love or is. Can make you do crazy things and believe anything for love. I loved it and i think anyone should read this book.
HannaDe More than 1 year ago
When I first started the book I easily read the first 100 pages, but at any given moment I could have put the book back on the shelf if I wanted. Due to me never wanting to leave a book unfinished, I read till the end. Though the story really showed how a bad past and could effect someone and their future, it was quite slow and boring. I felt that Ann just kept blaming everything on Connor's past and not every really regretting anything. Also, I hated how when Connor's mom was getting abused Connor and Ann are talking about how bad the father is and that Nancy deserves better, but they are in the same problem. The book was the best at the end and truthfully, if the end wasn't as good as it was I would have given the book 1 star instead of 3.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Could someone lend me this book. Im new to this so I don't know how this lend me thing works. But I really want to read this book!! please! :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I rated thus book 5 stars because i was really compelled throughout thw story. I really liked the way the author wrote it inn reverse chronological order. It is a really unique writing style and it made me never want to put the book down so i could see how it all started. I really loved how Amanda Grace made you like Conner. Of course what he did was horrible, but i definitely sympathized with him, especially towards the end of th book. I hated wha he did to Ann, but i liked that the authir made him likabke instead of portraying him as a complete monster.
EllaAngelus More than 1 year ago
"But I Love Him" is a story of great depth, that delivers a lot of character struggle throughout the events that occur. The story is told backwards for us not to meddle in the middle of the plot and say "This is where she should've left". By writing it in this matter, we are forced to read it entirely and only after that, judge or not her actions and decisions. There are multiple ways in which Ann, the main character, is hurt. Connor abuses her not only verbally, but also physically, emotionally and all of it has a significant impact on her. She's not herself anymore, she's afraid of having any friends, she forces herself to a lonely and abusive life. However, her love for him is too great for her to just walk away. So she endures it all, hoping he'll eventually change and that she'll be his saviour: "I wanted to be his life preserver, the thing that would keep him afloat. Instead, he became my anchor. And I’m tired of drowning." So, does she eventually realize she's making a mistake by sticking with him or does she leave? Because of the way everything was told, I somehow fell in love with the ending. It was so, so simple and yet it stayed with me long after I finished reading it. I still remember the words and I don't think the book could've ended better. I strongly recommend it, if you're into these types of books that follow more the character's emotions rather than the story itself.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read the sample and all i have to say is: Its alright. The perspective of annes reminds me of a little girl. I can relate this story to Dreamland by Sarah Dessen but i think that Dreamland is better. Its detailed better and the perspective of Caitilns is much more suffistacated. And caitlins character is only 16. I know i shouldnt judge the book since i havent read all of it but i do think this book is good. If you liked this book then i highly reccomend you read Dreamland by Sarah Dessen. Its a very good book. :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago