Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy after Loss

Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy after Loss

by Alexis Marie Chute


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Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy after Loss by Alexis Marie Chute

After her son, Zachary, dies in her arms at birth, visual artist and author Alexis Marie Chute disappears into her “Year of Distraction.” She cannot paint or write or tap into the heart of who she used to be, mourning not only for Zachary, but also for the future they might have had together. It is only when Chute learns she is pregnant again that she sets out to find healing and rediscover her identity—just in time, she hopes, to welcome her next child.

In the forty weeks of her pregnancy, Chute grapples with her strained marriage, shaken faith, and medical diagnosis, with profound results. Glowing with riveting and gorgeous prose, Expecting Sunshine chronicles the anticipation and anxiety of expecting a baby while still grieving for the child that came before—enveloping readers with insightful observations on grief and healing, life and death, and the incredible power of a mother’s love.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781631521744
Publisher: She Writes Press
Publication date: 04/18/2017
Pages: 224
Sales rank: 510,846
Product dimensions: 5.40(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Alexis Marie Chute is an award-winning artist, writer, and filmmaker. She received her Bachelor of Fine Arts in painting and photography from the University of Alberta, and her Masters of Fine Arts in creative writing from Lesley University in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Chute is a highly regarded public speaker and has traveled around the world presenting on art, writing, and the healing capacities of creativity. She is widely published in anthologies and magazines, and her artwork has been exhibited internationally. She lives in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada with her husband and their three living children.

Table of Contents

Conception 1

Part 1 First Trimester

Week 1 Baby Shower 6

Week 2 Seasons 10

Week 3 Mourning Together 16

Week 4 Planting and Building 24

Week 5 Camaraderie 29

Week 6 Get Me Out of Here 34

Week 7 Waiting Rooms 38

Week 8 Gummy Bear 44

Week 9 Birthday Party 47

Week 10 Baby's Cry 49

Week 11 Painting 53

Week 12 The Elephant 57

Part 2 Second Trimester

Week 13 See Zachy 65

Week 14 X-Mas 69

Week 15 Resolutions 76

Week 16 Anxiety 78

Week 17 Painters White 79

Week 18 Studying 83

Week 19 Gender 84

Week 20 Horse with Blue Eyes 89

Week 21 The Name 93

Week 22 Magnetism 97

Week 23 The Business of Happiness 102

Week 24 Abstractions 107

Week 25 Lifting the Curtain 112

Week 26 Photographs 118

Part 3 Third Trimester

Week 27 Snow in the Desert 123

Week 28 Sex 129

Week 29 Laura 134

Week 30 Baby Before Birth 140

Week 31 Silver Urn 146

Week 32 Meditation 150

Week 33 Failure to Repeat 153

Week 34 Mugo Pines 157

Week 35 Auntie Ruth 162

Week 36 Worth It All 169

Week 37 What Happens Here? 173

Week 38 Touch 178

Week 39 Ready Set, Go! 183

Week 40 Living Fire 187

Week 41 Enlarged Heart 195

Acknowledgments 197

Resources 199

About the Author 201

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Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy after Loss 5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 2 reviews.
Reader_Views More than 1 year ago
Reviewed by Christine Watson for Reader Views (1/18) “Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy After Loss” by Alexis Marie Chute is an honest look at the myriad of emotions this author experienced through pregnancy, loss and pregnancy again. The raw details of her life are put on display in this book, which can bring healing for her, and hope for others in a similar situation. The author brings to life her year of distraction in haunting detail as she relives in her mind all the pain, fear and sadness she experienced when her once happy pregnancy turned dark. Towards the end of her pregnancy with her soon-to-be second child, Zachary, it was discovered that he had a genetic disorder and that he would not survive from past birth. Clinging to a sliver of hope that a miracle would occur, Ms. Chute, with her husband, had daily trips to the doctor until Zachary was born. Not long after his birth, he passed on, leaving the hearts of Mr. and Mrs. Chute empty. This book focuses on the heartbreak and healing that takes place after Zachary’s birth. About a year after losing Zachary, Ms. Chute gets pregnant again. The fears and anxiety she experiences mirrors the intensity of a PTSD victim. While the reader is drawn into her pain, her honesty about her feelings provides a sense of comfort as well. She faces those feelings head on, and even offers help to another who is experiencing a similar loss. I highly recommend “Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy After Loss” by Alexis Marie Chute to anyone who has suffered the loss of a child, or any loss that leaves a hole so large, it seems impossible to ever feel whole again. While I don’t have any children, I could feel the author’s pain and celebrate her successes. This book will provide immense support and healing for those in similar situations. Ms. Chute’s writing is beautiful and she reminds us all that hope is alive!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I was afraid to read this book. I'm not sure why, though I have my suspicions. I'm not sure why I decided to read it after all, but I'm so glad I did. So beautifully written, it was a real page turner. The author conveyed her emotions and the rhythm of her life through her third pregnancy brilliantly. I felt with her, her fears, anger, frustration and grief. And I finished the book feeling at peace. It felt perfect.