Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy after Loss

Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing, and Pregnancy after Loss

by Alexis Marie Chute




“An amazingly moving and emotional story that any woman―or any parent―can easily relate to.”

―Jennifer Hamilton, Editor, Canadian Family magazine

Expecting Sunshine is a multi-award-winning memoir and a Kirkus Review BEST INDIE BOOK of 2017

Anyone who has experienced—or knows someone who has experienced—miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, or other forms of pregnancy and baby loss should read Expecting Sunshine, including those considering or already pregnant again.

After her son, Zachary, dies in her arms at birth, visual artist and author Alexis Marie Chute disappears into her “Year of Distraction.” She cannot paint or write or tap into the heart of who she used to be, mourning not only for Zachary, but also for the future they might have had together. It is only when Chute learns she is pregnant again that she sets out to find healing and rediscover her identity—just in time, she hopes, to welcome her next child.

In the forty weeks of her pregnancy, Chute grapples with her strained marriage, shaken faith, and medical diagnosis, with profound results.

Glowing with riveting and gorgeous prose, Expecting Sunshine chronicles the anticipation and anxiety of expecting a baby while still grieving for the child that came before—enveloping readers with insightful observations on grief and healing, life and death, and the incredible power of a mother’s love.

Letter from a reader:

I just finished your beautiful book Expecting Sunshine and felt compelled to reach out and say thank you.

A few days after I found out I miscarried, a few days before my D&C, I went to Barnes & Noble in hopes of finding a guidebook or self-help book of how to heal and cope with miscarriage or loss of a child. I searched every feasible location: self-help, psychology, family planning, childcare.

With tears in my eyes I was too embarrassed to ask anyone at the counter for help. There I was already utterly heartbroken and feeling more alone than ever. Not a single book for me to turn to. I pulled out my phone, googled “books about miscarriage” and found your book and ordered it on the spot.

It must not have been easy for you and your family to share your story, but I hope you know what an impact you’ve had on me and likely so many other women.

You’ve given me so much hope for my year ahead.

—Katie Rhodes, Oakland, California


Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781631521744
Publisher: She Writes Press
Publication date: 04/18/2017
Pages: 224
Product dimensions: 5.40(w) x 8.40(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Alexis Marie Chute is an award-winning artist, writer, and filmmaker. She received her Bachelor of Fine Arts in painting and photography from the University of Alberta, and her Masters of Fine Arts in creative writing from Lesley University in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Chute is a highly regarded public speaker and has traveled around the world presenting on art, writing, and the healing capacities of creativity. She is widely published in anthologies and magazines, and her artwork has been exhibited internationally. She lives in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada with her husband and their three living children.

Table of Contents

Conception 1

Part 1 First Trimester

Week 1 Baby Shower 6

Week 2 Seasons 10

Week 3 Mourning Together 16

Week 4 Planting and Building 24

Week 5 Camaraderie 29

Week 6 Get Me Out of Here 34

Week 7 Waiting Rooms 38

Week 8 Gummy Bear 44

Week 9 Birthday Party 47

Week 10 Baby's Cry 49

Week 11 Painting 53

Week 12 The Elephant 57

Part 2 Second Trimester

Week 13 See Zachy 65

Week 14 X-Mas 69

Week 15 Resolutions 76

Week 16 Anxiety 78

Week 17 Painters White 79

Week 18 Studying 83

Week 19 Gender 84

Week 20 Horse with Blue Eyes 89

Week 21 The Name 93

Week 22 Magnetism 97

Week 23 The Business of Happiness 102

Week 24 Abstractions 107

Week 25 Lifting the Curtain 112

Week 26 Photographs 118

Part 3 Third Trimester

Week 27 Snow in the Desert 123

Week 28 Sex 129

Week 29 Laura 134

Week 30 Baby Before Birth 140

Week 31 Silver Urn 146

Week 32 Meditation 150

Week 33 Failure to Repeat 153

Week 34 Mugo Pines 157

Week 35 Auntie Ruth 162

Week 36 Worth It All 169

Week 37 What Happens Here? 173

Week 38 Touch 178

Week 39 Ready Set, Go! 183

Week 40 Living Fire 187

Week 41 Enlarged Heart 195

Acknowledgments 197

Resources 199

About the Author 201

Customer Reviews